Star Cheese: Star War's Evil Cousin
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DISCLAIMER: This is Tori's version of Star Wars, inspired by and for the Dark Writers. Most of it is Tori's work, but does use some elements from Rica and Michaela's version of Lord of the Rings. You can look up Rica's fanfiction.net ID by finding the author Frodo Princess of Darkness or going to my favorite authors and Michaela's ID is Anoriel. Oh yeah, and I don't own Star Wars. I wish, though.
******
Soon the Millennium Falcon was pulled all the way into the Death Star. Storm Troopers were lined up, ready to fire their egg beaters at any sudden movement. Nothing happened. When nobody came out, a couple of the armored idiots were ordered to go inside the ship.
"Come out Rebels! Come out, come out wherever you are!" they shouted, which would not encourage anyone in their right minds to come out. "Aww . . . come out, please, we'll give you a bag of dirt!" A sound was heard, then "shh" noises, then all was silent. "We're not standing by the entrance of the ship to brutally murder you when you come out, so it's safe!" Still silence. This really irked the Storm Troopers, so they yelled, "We know you're in there!"
"No we're not!" someone shouted, probably Luke.
"Darn, and I really thought we heard somebody!" one Storm Trooper exclaimed sadly as he and his partner left the ship and reported to their commander that the ship was empty. They still had to watch the entrance of the ship, though unbeknownst to them was the frying pan and rolling pin above their heads while they were playing their innocent game of Scrabble. Luke and Han bonked them on the heads and stole their clothes.
When they got to a safe room, Luke said out of the blue, "Does this suit make me look fat?"
Everyone gives him looks as if he's out of his mind, "How should I know?!" Han shrugged. "You probably should see a doctor about that, you know Luke."
"About my weight?" Luke asked, tilting his head inquisitively.
"No, your mind!" Han yelled.
"Now, now, stop it both of you; we don't need anymore arguing," Ben warned.
"Master Obi-Wan is right! That odd foreign blonde short dude might have followed us. Could you imagine the disaster that may strike! Oh dear, how that lad frightens me!" C-3P0 exclaimed.
"Ok, I'll take care of everything. You guys stay put," Obi-Wan headed to the door.
"What are doing, leaving us in here with Goldenrod?" Han asked angrily jutting his thumb in C-3P0's direction.
"How rude, may I express my lack of taste for that comment?" C-3P0 said disdainfully.
"Shut up!!" everyone shouted.
"Oh dear," C-3P0 squeaked, shrinking back to a corner.
"I won't be gone long, so just stay here," Ben assured them. He left and then said "Yes!" triumphantly once he was out. No more listening to C-3P0!
Back in the room, Luke had found out some terrible news! The Princess, his crush from the DVD player, was going to be killed!
"We've got to do something!" Luke ran this way and that, stressfully pulling out his hair.
"Whhhy?" Han asked, stretching the word out annoyingly.
"She's really cute!" Luke drooled, but still in a state of panic.
"Whhhy?" Han repeated.
"I dunno, maybe because she's rich and powerful and can buy every cosmetic product on the market!" Luke exclaimed.
"Whhhy?" Han still repeated.
"Because she's a princess *and* a senator!" Luke yelled.
"Whhhy?" Han continued.
Now Luke was getting frustrated, "Can't you say anything else?!"
"Huh? Oh yeah," Han pretended to go to sleep.
"She'll probably give you dirt if you rescue her, but I know that you couldn't possibly be interested -"
"Dirt?! Ok, I'm in," Han got up quickly with alertness.
So they decided to go rescue her from her prison, and having Chewie pretend to be a prisoner.
When they got to the prisoner block, they were immediately met with," Where are you going with that thing? In fact, what is that thing?"
"Oh, he's Chewie," Luke said.
"Chewy? He looks hairy to me," the Imperial guy replied.
"No, he's Chewie!" Luke exclaimed insistently.
"Eww . . ." all of the Imperials gagged.
Chewie then escaped from his bonds and tried to strangle the Imperial that looked like he was in charge.
"Watch out, I think he's rabid!" Luke warned.
This caused scattering of the Imperials.
Han stunned the Imperials with the eggbeater that came with the suit.
Luke went to go rescue Princess Leia.
"Go away shorty," Leia turned away.
Luke took off his mask, "Hey! What a mean thing to say to the guy who came to rescue you!"
The Romeo and Juliet Overture plays.
"Oh Leia!" Luke shouted.
"Oh . . . what's what your name," Leia trailed.
"Luke," Like said.
"Oh, Luke!" Leia shouted.
They embraced each other
The music stops when Chewie's roar interrupts it.
"Ok . . . you kids can save that for sometime else," Han said, raising an eyebrow at them.
Then they are attack by Storm Troopers firing egg beaters. So Han, Luke, Chewie, and Leia are forced to go down the garbage chute, down to the garbage compactor below.
"Eww . . ." Princess Leia held her nose.
Han sniffed, "Hey, it smells like cheese!"
Chewie roared in agreement.
They looked down where they were up to their ankles in Cheddar with garbage floating around in it.
Then a huge black thing rose from the cheese! A black thing with red polka dots and silver skull and crossbones.
"I'm Ricky the Ridiculous Octopus, I want to eat your brains! La la la la la la!"
"He picks up Luke by the foot, then plunges under.
Han tried to shoot Ricky, so Ricky decided to back off.
"Meanies! I'll go to some place more friendlier . . . like the comode!"
He disappeared and a sound was heard. Jenny Craig appeared on a huge TV on the top of the roof. "The trash is about to be compacted, if any body is stupid and icky enough to be in here right now, then now would be a good time to leave. If by some cruel chance you are trapped in here, oh my! Then you'd better lose as much weight as you can fast, so you will be able to survive longer. Good thing I'm a weight specialist, huh?" she winked and began an annoying exercise training video. "And remember, don't eat the cheese!"
Han eyed her angrily, "Who would eat cheese at a time like this?!"
Luke began shoveling the cheesy trash into his mouth.
"Forget I asked," Han moaned.
Luke finally tries paging C-3P0, who is playing Old Maid with R2-D2.
Some Storm Troopers burst in and ask dumbly, "Which way did they go George, which way they go?"
C-3P0 pointed right, R2-D2 used his claw arm to point left.
"Thanks!' the Storm Troopers exclaimed happily and left through the south exit of the room.
C-3P0 shrugged and turned on his communicator and gets Luke's distress call. He panicked, but R2-D2 manages to save them.
Leia and Han fight and everything and they escape the dumb Storm Troopers.
Then they came across Ben and Darth Vader.
"So we meet again, Obi-Wan. But this time is different; this time I am the Iron Chef!" Darth Vader boomed.
"We'll see about that," Ben grinned. Soon, everything a chef could need was pulled up. When Darth Vader and Ben finished, Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie were to test the food . . . mashed potatoes!
"Darth Vader's food is too spicy," Luke complained.
"Ben's potatoes are too creamy, it's sick," Leia complained.
"Hey, this tastes just right!" Han yelled out. Chewie roared in agreement.
"Those are the condiments, idiot!" Leia smacked him.
"So we tie," Ben observed.
"No! I never want to tie with you!" Vader cried and cleaved Ben in half.
"Ben!!!!" Luke screamed.
However, Storm Troopers with their evil eggbeaters have arrived and start firing at Luke, Han, Leia, and Chewie.
They drag Luke onto the ship, "Yay! The old hippie actually did it; he got rid of the tractor beam!" Han shouted with relief.
They sped away from the battle station, blew up some BOW TIE Fighters that were chasing them. Sure they had a tracking device stuck on Han's ship, but Han was a dummy and didn't do anything. Just argue. He and Luke talked about Leia and how they thought she was a cute, violent tomboy (seems familiar to anyone who watches Ranma 1/2?). When they were closer to the Rebel base, Han decided to turn on the radio, and sixties hippie music blared from the speakers.
"No! The old hippie messed with my radio!" He turned it back to 80's rock and relaxed.
Soon they were on the rebel base on Yavin.
******
Wow! This was the funniest yet! Please give me more feedback so I can be encouragedfuls into writing more!
******
DISCLAIMER: This is Tori's version of Star Wars, inspired by and for the Dark Writers. Most of it is Tori's work, but does use some elements from Rica and Michaela's version of Lord of the Rings. You can look up Rica's fanfiction.net ID by finding the author Frodo Princess of Darkness or going to my favorite authors and Michaela's ID is Anoriel. Oh yeah, and I don't own Star Wars. I wish, though.
******
Soon the Millennium Falcon was pulled all the way into the Death Star. Storm Troopers were lined up, ready to fire their egg beaters at any sudden movement. Nothing happened. When nobody came out, a couple of the armored idiots were ordered to go inside the ship.
"Come out Rebels! Come out, come out wherever you are!" they shouted, which would not encourage anyone in their right minds to come out. "Aww . . . come out, please, we'll give you a bag of dirt!" A sound was heard, then "shh" noises, then all was silent. "We're not standing by the entrance of the ship to brutally murder you when you come out, so it's safe!" Still silence. This really irked the Storm Troopers, so they yelled, "We know you're in there!"
"No we're not!" someone shouted, probably Luke.
"Darn, and I really thought we heard somebody!" one Storm Trooper exclaimed sadly as he and his partner left the ship and reported to their commander that the ship was empty. They still had to watch the entrance of the ship, though unbeknownst to them was the frying pan and rolling pin above their heads while they were playing their innocent game of Scrabble. Luke and Han bonked them on the heads and stole their clothes.
When they got to a safe room, Luke said out of the blue, "Does this suit make me look fat?"
Everyone gives him looks as if he's out of his mind, "How should I know?!" Han shrugged. "You probably should see a doctor about that, you know Luke."
"About my weight?" Luke asked, tilting his head inquisitively.
"No, your mind!" Han yelled.
"Now, now, stop it both of you; we don't need anymore arguing," Ben warned.
"Master Obi-Wan is right! That odd foreign blonde short dude might have followed us. Could you imagine the disaster that may strike! Oh dear, how that lad frightens me!" C-3P0 exclaimed.
"Ok, I'll take care of everything. You guys stay put," Obi-Wan headed to the door.
"What are doing, leaving us in here with Goldenrod?" Han asked angrily jutting his thumb in C-3P0's direction.
"How rude, may I express my lack of taste for that comment?" C-3P0 said disdainfully.
"Shut up!!" everyone shouted.
"Oh dear," C-3P0 squeaked, shrinking back to a corner.
"I won't be gone long, so just stay here," Ben assured them. He left and then said "Yes!" triumphantly once he was out. No more listening to C-3P0!
Back in the room, Luke had found out some terrible news! The Princess, his crush from the DVD player, was going to be killed!
"We've got to do something!" Luke ran this way and that, stressfully pulling out his hair.
"Whhhy?" Han asked, stretching the word out annoyingly.
"She's really cute!" Luke drooled, but still in a state of panic.
"Whhhy?" Han repeated.
"I dunno, maybe because she's rich and powerful and can buy every cosmetic product on the market!" Luke exclaimed.
"Whhhy?" Han still repeated.
"Because she's a princess *and* a senator!" Luke yelled.
"Whhhy?" Han continued.
Now Luke was getting frustrated, "Can't you say anything else?!"
"Huh? Oh yeah," Han pretended to go to sleep.
"She'll probably give you dirt if you rescue her, but I know that you couldn't possibly be interested -"
"Dirt?! Ok, I'm in," Han got up quickly with alertness.
So they decided to go rescue her from her prison, and having Chewie pretend to be a prisoner.
When they got to the prisoner block, they were immediately met with," Where are you going with that thing? In fact, what is that thing?"
"Oh, he's Chewie," Luke said.
"Chewy? He looks hairy to me," the Imperial guy replied.
"No, he's Chewie!" Luke exclaimed insistently.
"Eww . . ." all of the Imperials gagged.
Chewie then escaped from his bonds and tried to strangle the Imperial that looked like he was in charge.
"Watch out, I think he's rabid!" Luke warned.
This caused scattering of the Imperials.
Han stunned the Imperials with the eggbeater that came with the suit.
Luke went to go rescue Princess Leia.
"Go away shorty," Leia turned away.
Luke took off his mask, "Hey! What a mean thing to say to the guy who came to rescue you!"
The Romeo and Juliet Overture plays.
"Oh Leia!" Luke shouted.
"Oh . . . what's what your name," Leia trailed.
"Luke," Like said.
"Oh, Luke!" Leia shouted.
They embraced each other
The music stops when Chewie's roar interrupts it.
"Ok . . . you kids can save that for sometime else," Han said, raising an eyebrow at them.
Then they are attack by Storm Troopers firing egg beaters. So Han, Luke, Chewie, and Leia are forced to go down the garbage chute, down to the garbage compactor below.
"Eww . . ." Princess Leia held her nose.
Han sniffed, "Hey, it smells like cheese!"
Chewie roared in agreement.
They looked down where they were up to their ankles in Cheddar with garbage floating around in it.
Then a huge black thing rose from the cheese! A black thing with red polka dots and silver skull and crossbones.
"I'm Ricky the Ridiculous Octopus, I want to eat your brains! La la la la la la!"
"He picks up Luke by the foot, then plunges under.
Han tried to shoot Ricky, so Ricky decided to back off.
"Meanies! I'll go to some place more friendlier . . . like the comode!"
He disappeared and a sound was heard. Jenny Craig appeared on a huge TV on the top of the roof. "The trash is about to be compacted, if any body is stupid and icky enough to be in here right now, then now would be a good time to leave. If by some cruel chance you are trapped in here, oh my! Then you'd better lose as much weight as you can fast, so you will be able to survive longer. Good thing I'm a weight specialist, huh?" she winked and began an annoying exercise training video. "And remember, don't eat the cheese!"
Han eyed her angrily, "Who would eat cheese at a time like this?!"
Luke began shoveling the cheesy trash into his mouth.
"Forget I asked," Han moaned.
Luke finally tries paging C-3P0, who is playing Old Maid with R2-D2.
Some Storm Troopers burst in and ask dumbly, "Which way did they go George, which way they go?"
C-3P0 pointed right, R2-D2 used his claw arm to point left.
"Thanks!' the Storm Troopers exclaimed happily and left through the south exit of the room.
C-3P0 shrugged and turned on his communicator and gets Luke's distress call. He panicked, but R2-D2 manages to save them.
Leia and Han fight and everything and they escape the dumb Storm Troopers.
Then they came across Ben and Darth Vader.
"So we meet again, Obi-Wan. But this time is different; this time I am the Iron Chef!" Darth Vader boomed.
"We'll see about that," Ben grinned. Soon, everything a chef could need was pulled up. When Darth Vader and Ben finished, Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewie were to test the food . . . mashed potatoes!
"Darth Vader's food is too spicy," Luke complained.
"Ben's potatoes are too creamy, it's sick," Leia complained.
"Hey, this tastes just right!" Han yelled out. Chewie roared in agreement.
"Those are the condiments, idiot!" Leia smacked him.
"So we tie," Ben observed.
"No! I never want to tie with you!" Vader cried and cleaved Ben in half.
"Ben!!!!" Luke screamed.
However, Storm Troopers with their evil eggbeaters have arrived and start firing at Luke, Han, Leia, and Chewie.
They drag Luke onto the ship, "Yay! The old hippie actually did it; he got rid of the tractor beam!" Han shouted with relief.
They sped away from the battle station, blew up some BOW TIE Fighters that were chasing them. Sure they had a tracking device stuck on Han's ship, but Han was a dummy and didn't do anything. Just argue. He and Luke talked about Leia and how they thought she was a cute, violent tomboy (seems familiar to anyone who watches Ranma 1/2?). When they were closer to the Rebel base, Han decided to turn on the radio, and sixties hippie music blared from the speakers.
"No! The old hippie messed with my radio!" He turned it back to 80's rock and relaxed.
Soon they were on the rebel base on Yavin.
******
Wow! This was the funniest yet! Please give me more feedback so I can be encouragedfuls into writing more!
