In the steamy, hot jungle of Yavin 4, the rebel base bustled with activity. The Millennium Falcon landed outside it.

"Oh Leia! We were so worried about you!" a bunch of Leia's preppy princess friends ran towards her. They noticed Han and Luke. "Aww..." you never told us that you had a boyfriend or two!" They totally disregarded Chewie and the droids.

Leia blushed, "It's not like that, they are just some guys I met on the Death Star. They're not all that bright, either, if you know what I mean."

"We can hear you, you know!" Han yelled through gritted teeth.

Leia and her friends broke into annoying high-pitched "sophisticated" laughs (e.g. titter titter tee hee!!).

They went inside and Luke went to the central briefing room to talk turkey, or um, to talk about blowing up the Death Star.

"We have to shoot a two meter target going at maximum speed?! That's impossible!" a dude next to Luke cried out incredulously.

"It's not impossible! I used to bullseye wombats with spitballs whilst driving my beat-up Ferrari at max speed back home," Luke commented.

"Well, were there a zillion other wombats firing egg beaters at you?" the dude said sarcastically.

Luke gave a hurt expression and scowled. "Meanie," he muttered under his breath.

When the meeting was over, Luke met Han and Chewie packing up to leave with their bags of dirt.

"You're leaving?" Luke cringed.

'Yup,' Han said heaving a box up to Chewie and Chewie placed it on a baggage cart. On the baggage cart, it read "Property of American Airlines." (The Rebels steal more than just Imperial junk!) Chewie dropped a package on his toe and yelped in pain.

"Smooth move, Butterpaws. Hurry up or I'll make you watch those boring C- 3P0 and R2-D2 cartoons that you hate so much (the Ewoks cartoons are cool, but the droid cartoons were booooring!)," Han threatened.

Chewie grunted disapprovingly and slammed the package on the cart.

"Hey, don't get mad at me, it's your own fault!" Han shouted. Soon there was a huge ninja match using fishing poles instead of sticks.

Luke stuck his nose in the air and left them. "Meanies," he muttered under his breath for the second time that day. Then he shouted out loud, "Is everybody a meanie today?!" Suddenly he spotted a ship with R2-D2 being lowered into it.

"Is that *my* ship?!" he exclaimed, rushing up to it with sparkling eyes. He gave it a big hug and rubbed his cheek lovingly upon it.

"Uh...yeah, it most certainly is," Leia said while she and the pit dudes gave Luke disturbed looks.

"SO HAPPY!" Luke cried out and kissed the X-wing. Now the whole crowd of people in the place was looking at him.

Now it was time for the pilots to leave Yavin 4. "Gentlemen.and, uh.gentleladies, start your engines!" The voice of one of the leaders rang out. A huge stop light appeared, dangled on a string by a man dressed in a turtle suit (not the guy from Master of Disguise; it's supposed to be Lakitu the Koopa from Mario Kart). Red...Yellow...Green! All of the X-Wings and Y-Wings and Z-Wings and the rest of the alphabet flew into space to challenge the near Death Star, which didn't look like a star at all. In fact, it was an ugly gray. Or perhaps that's why it's called the *Death* Star. But that's enough philosophy...space was soon becoming a bowl of Alphabets Cereal...with marshmallows (wherever they came from).

Then an otherworldly force took hold of them. The sound, "Mommy, this part's booooring!" was a moaning boom that rattled their tiny ships. Then Mommy pushed the almighty Fast Forward button stopping it on the part where Darth Vader is trying to fire a red turtle shell at Luke.

"I've got you now my pretty! Hee hee hee hee!" cackled Darth Vader.

Han comes and fires a spiked blue turtle shell at Vader; Vader spins off cursing. "I took care of the bloody Black Baron kid, now blow this thing so we can go back home!" Han shouted.

"But I don't wanna!" Luke moaned over the ship's radio communicator thingie.

"Yes you do! It's the mission you've wasted the whole movie trying to complete!" Han told him.

"Is not," Luke pouted.

"Is too," the spirit of Ben argued.

"Is not!"

"Is too!" both Han and Ben shouted together.

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

The short blonde foreign dude just happened to be standing next to the hole in which shooting grapefruit spoons into would blow up the Death Star. "Both of you shut up before I explode!!"

"Is not!" Luke cried out, sticking out his tongue at the Millennium Falcon while going past his target. Of course, dear reader, you know that this will have very little effect on the outcome of the story.

ON BOARD THE DEATH STAR

"The Death Star is unblowupable! Just like the Titanic is unsinkable!" Tarkin bellowed. "Bwahahaha!"

BACK TO THE SPACE BATTLE

The short dude trembled violently. "BOOOOOOM!"

Chunks of the Death Star flew everywhere as the huge mushroom cloud rises over where the Death Star used to be. Luckily the sonic draft took Luke's X- Wing, the Millennium Falcon, and all of the other ships back to the safety of Yavin 4 because too many boo-boo's had been made already that day.

Everyone at the Rebel Base had a pizza party and Leia awarded Luke, Han, and Chewie with cheap fireman chief and policemen badge stickers. C-3P0 and R2-D2 had a luxurious bath in petroleum. The party ends with Leia, Han, Chewie, and Luke giving goofy smiles to each other as if they are trapped in little boxes just like the Brady Bunch.

Then the opening music starts and the introduction: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away; Star Cheese Episode IV: A New Soap; blah blah blah, rolls across the screen.

C-3P0 gets annoyed, "Wouldn't that have been a whole lot better to be shown at the beginning of the story?" But then he interrupted from his complaining and the screen goes black.

Then a bar of soap appears and just stays on the screen for about 5-10 minutes. Just floating there. Brand new bar of soap. Oh yeah.

********

What do you mean I left out a couple of "la"'s in Ricky's song? How would you know?! This is *my* story, so I can put as many "la"'s as I want! Why would anyone bring that up?! I mean, what kind of review is that?! Anyway, I'm sorry this chapter took so long to update; it's just that I couldn't find the time to type it out! As always, I intend on putting up the rest of the story as soon as I can! I promise! Next is Star Cheese Episode V: The Umpire Strikes Out!