Star Cheese
The Empire Goes on Strike
Chapter 7: Yum, yum, yum! (and this chapter does make me hungry!)
******
Once out of Hoth, the crew of the Millenium Falcon realised a something very important . . . their coffe maker wasn't working. Other than that, though, their hyperdrive wasn't working either, which was kind of important considering they were trying to out rum a fleet of BOW-TIE fighters and a trio of large Star Destroyers.
More bad news came as they entered a field of miscellaneous Easter candy. An Easter colored Runt smacked into the Falcon causing really heavy objects (such as anvils) to fall on Han. Chewie snickered at the circling duckies around his head.
When Han regains consciousness, he began to pilot the Millenium Falcon right into the field of candy.
Feeling that his brains had been knocked out, Leia hit him with a frying pan. "Dummy! Don't go in there, we might get bagged!"
"Not if I can help it," Han said with a new set of geese circling his head.
Han decided that in order to fly the ship, that they should land in one of the candies to avoid being smashed into a crispy rice bunny or to be shot down by their enemys who were still behind them (!!). They went into a big hole inside a large chocolater Easter egg.
MEANWHILE, LUKE IS . . .
Luke and R2-D2 crash landed on Dagobah. The planet had swamps of green, rotten cheese. Luke managed to climb ashore, but R2-D2 had to struggle in the thick dairy product. All of hte sudden, R2-D2 was dragged down into the cheese.
Out of the cheese rose a black horror that Luke knew all too well, with all its red polkadot and silver skull and crossboned glory!
"I'm Ricky the Ridiculous Octopus, I want to eat your brains! La la la la la la!" Ricky sang as he swung R2-D2 around and around.
R2-D2 used his little saw thingie to cut Ricky's tentacle. Ricky began to cry and ran away back down into his cheezy depths, "You meanies! I'll make you pay someday!"
R2-D2 quickly high-tailed it to shore and helped Luke sat up camp.
BACK ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
Heavy objects are thrown as Han and Leia continue to fight. Poor Chewie has to do all the work while C-3P0 is watching in horror at the fight, "This is horried, simply horrid! This is dreadfully unsuitable for a PG-rated movie! The blood, the blood! The kisses, the kisses! What odd human behavior!"
BACK ON DAGOBAH
A short little green dude jumped out of the bushs and scared the daylights out of Luke.
Luke pulled out his grapefruit spoon and pointed it at the green dude. "He followed us R2!" He cried.
R2-D2 whistled.
"You're right R2, he may be short and foreign looking, but he's definately not blonde . . . unless he's the short blonde foreign dude in disguise and he just wants to explode again!!" Luke gripped his grapefruit spoon harder and tried to keep his hand steady as he pointed it at the green dude.
"Away put your spoon! Explode I will not!" the short dude cowered.
"Hey, he doesn't sound British or New Zealandish or whatever . . . he sounds Chinese!" Luke cried out happily. "I won't shoot you; guns are bad and fortune cookies are good!"
However, the dude had disappeared already to Luke's knapsack. The dude picked up Luke's issues of National Geographic and Highlights, "Yech! How you get so healthy, reading education of this kind?"
"What do you mean? My Aunt Beru said that they were the only magazines that I would be able to enjoy without getting confused. Plus I find their articles very interesting; plenty of pretty pictures," Luke sniffed.
"Bah, interesting that is not. Read this you must. Pretty pictures their are. Only hope for you it is," the green dude said, handing Luke a magazine.
The magazine and its "pretty pictures" burned Luke's eyes and blood squirted relentlessly out of his nose. "This magazine is scary! All of these girls hardly have any clothes on! Doesn't your mommy tell you not to read this filthy trash?"
"Filthy? Trash? My hobbie that is!" the green dude cried out indignantly.
"Look," said Luke. "Han told me not to talk to strangers, and you are, uh, strange, so I really must stop talking to you and go find the Jedi Master I'm supposed to seek."
"Jedi Master?! Yoda, you seek! Bring you to him I will!" the green dude said as he scuttled off happily humming, "Give you food and nice magazines I will, too!"
"Stay here and watch camp, R2," Luke advised R2-D2. He ran up to the dude. "What are we going to eat, sweet and sour pork? Ramen? Egg Foo Yung? I eat Chinese carry-out often!" Luke exclaimed cheerfully.
"Today, kitty we eat!" the green dude gave a big smile as Luke looked as if he was going to pass out.
BACK ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
Han and Leia are now in a big fight. They draw their weapons.
"I want only one of your nine lives, Tybalt, fiery prince on cats!" Han cried out.
Chewie tries to stop Han, so Leia's frying pan drives into the skull of the distracted Han. "A plague of both your houses!" he cried and dropped motionless.
Chewie uses his toaster to avenge Han.
C-3P0 drinks pop and falls down.
Chewie poisons himself with chocolate milk (which like dogs, is poison to Wookies).
C-3P0 wakes up and sees Chewie poisoned, so he thrusts a highlighter into his hard drive heart.
Han gets up and shouted, "Ok, everybody, no more Romeo and Juliet references.
Everybody agreed, but Han and Leia seemed to start it again in a corrider of the ship, reciting the horror for English students who have to memorize it, the horrid . . . balcony speech! Whilst kissing each other! C-3P0's going to have an overload soon because of his parental controls!
BACK ON DAGOBAH
"I'm not hungry! I don't want to eat this poor kitty!" Luke complained. "I want to see Yoda NOW!"
"Teach him I cannot of the ways of Force and kung fu, spoiled brat he is with respect for his elders he has none of," the short, green dude screamed at the ceiling, pulling his few strands of fake Muppet hair.
The spirit of Ben then appeared. "Chill out, man. I thought we already discussed this."
"But crybaby he is! Potty-trained he is not!"
"You . . . are Yoda?!" Luke cried out weakly, almost fainting. He regained himself, "I am to potty-trained! I just have midnight accidents!"
"Whatever, bedwetter you are," Yoda said sharply. Back to Obi-Wan he said, "Too old he is."
"But that like totally contradicts what you just said about him!" Obi-Wan pointed in an arguing tone.
"What is so creepy about it that is!" Yoda exclaimed.
"Please, Mr. Yoda, sir! I'll be a good boy!" Luke begged at Yoda's claw- like feet.
"Pathetic you are," Yoda's eyes narrowed.
"I'll sort your magazines!" Luke cried.
"Ok!" agreed Yoda, smiling as he patted Luke on the head.
ON DARTH VADER'S STAR DESTROYER
"What is thy bidding my master?" Vader bowed.
The Emperor, a scizophrenic dude in a devil costume and cape, said manically, "I have felt a presence in the Force! Skywalker! He must die! Die, I tell you!"
'But Luke is only a boy, a mere bedwetter. I suppose that when he matures, he may become a threat, but why don't we turn him to our side, the Goth side?" Vader suggested.
"You're right! Totally right! But if he doesn't turn, he must die! Die, I tell you!" the Emperor exclaimed hyperly. "Now how has your kareoke been going, Vader?"
Vader plugged in the kareoke machine and began singing, "I love rock and roll ..."
"Nice, quite nice," the Emperor snored. "Hey, it looks like my best friend, Sherrie is here! Hi Sherrie, this is Vader! Vader, meet Sherrie!"
Vader did not see anyone.
"I should go now! Now! The pizza is here! Sherrie loves pizza!" the Emperor ending the transmission.
Vader sighed. It is too bad that he is afraid of asking a psychiatrist to have a look at his Emperor.
BACK ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
"Aaaaggghhh!" Leia screamed as she saw a spaghetti noodle attach itself to the front of the Millenium Falcon.
Han, Leia, and Chewie went outside to blast it off, but they were attacked by the Spaghetti-O man! They hurried back inside and left the inside of the chocolate Easter egg. Instead they found that they had really gone into a worm that was inside a caramel apple! Luckily, they escaped.
BACK ON DAGOBAH
Luke had learns lots about the Force and kung fu. Now he had to lift his ship out of the swamp. Luke sat down and meditated.
"Do or do not, there is no try!" Yoda declared.
"Be quiet, I'm trying to concentrate."
"Do or do not, there is no try!"
"I told you to be quiet!"
"Do or do not--"
"Shut up!"
"Do--"
"Fine then, I quit," Luke sulked.
"On you shame is, fail this is why," Yoda scolded, but snickered silently.
ON THE STAR DESTROYER
Bounty hunters (and huntresses) receive orders to find the Millenium Falcon, the reward being a day's worth of playing Vader's holo-video games: like on the Ree-box, GameOval, and Battle Station 5 (no comment on the abbreviation!)!
ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
The coffee maker still wasn't working! Neither was the hyperdrive when they finally got out of the Easter candy field! So Han gets an idea ... he swoops down close to the bridge of the Star Destroyer and attached it to the hull of the ship next to the trash dumpster, where it stinks REALLY BAD!
"Dummy!" Leia beats Han on the head with her frying pan whilst holding her nose.
ON THE STAR DESTROYER
Captain Needa acts like a foolish idiot and tattle on himself for losing the Millenium Falcon (they were right under his ship, Jeez!). Vader, sick with Needa's goody goody two shoes act of nobility (because it made him look bad), destroyed him with a blender. How ... terrible? Not.
ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
The Imperials dump their trash, so the Millenium Falcon blends in by tumbling away with the trash as the Star Destroyer leaveas into hyperspace. They resolves after many for frying pan beating to go to Crowd City, unaware of the evil ship of Bozo Fat that folled them.
ON DAGOBAH
"Luke, bad boy you've been, drawing clothes on girls in my magazine you should not," Yoda scolded. "Now into cave you must go."
"But I don't wanna! It's dark and scary in there!" Luke cried, but Yoda pushed him in.
"Need you lifesaver, uhh, lightsaber you do not."
Luke stuck his tongue out at Yoda and went into the cave. There he saw Vader and began to cry. However, he mustered up courage and remembered watching Highlander one time. It was scary, but he remembered the heads being cut off very clearly. So he swung his lightsaber as if he was McCloud and cut Vader's head clear off his shoulders. Then the helmet broke apart and under it was ... Luke's face, with a big pimple on him nose!"
"No!" Luke moaned. Needless to say, he never defaced Yoda's magazines every again, except on Thursdays. Yoda was pleased that he had taught Luke a valuable lesson.
******
Yay! We met Yoda this time! Next we will meet Lando! And it will the last Empire Goes on Strike chapter! I changed the name because one of my reviewers informed me that the Umpire Strikes Out already has been used by Mad magazine. I want to be original! Thank you! As always, I will continue to write until I'm finished with this spoof. It's taking me awhile to post my chapters because I can't type fast and there were some other stuff I was doing on the Internet. Now it is summertime, so I should be to post quicker! Yay! Please e-mail me if you have any comments, I like hearing what you have to say about my stories! And if you just want to chat, that's fine, too ^_^ Wait, did I mention I changed my pen name and my e-mail address? Hope I didn't confuse anyone. The next chapter for Star Cheese should be ready in at the most, a few days, so check back often!
******
Once out of Hoth, the crew of the Millenium Falcon realised a something very important . . . their coffe maker wasn't working. Other than that, though, their hyperdrive wasn't working either, which was kind of important considering they were trying to out rum a fleet of BOW-TIE fighters and a trio of large Star Destroyers.
More bad news came as they entered a field of miscellaneous Easter candy. An Easter colored Runt smacked into the Falcon causing really heavy objects (such as anvils) to fall on Han. Chewie snickered at the circling duckies around his head.
When Han regains consciousness, he began to pilot the Millenium Falcon right into the field of candy.
Feeling that his brains had been knocked out, Leia hit him with a frying pan. "Dummy! Don't go in there, we might get bagged!"
"Not if I can help it," Han said with a new set of geese circling his head.
Han decided that in order to fly the ship, that they should land in one of the candies to avoid being smashed into a crispy rice bunny or to be shot down by their enemys who were still behind them (!!). They went into a big hole inside a large chocolater Easter egg.
MEANWHILE, LUKE IS . . .
Luke and R2-D2 crash landed on Dagobah. The planet had swamps of green, rotten cheese. Luke managed to climb ashore, but R2-D2 had to struggle in the thick dairy product. All of hte sudden, R2-D2 was dragged down into the cheese.
Out of the cheese rose a black horror that Luke knew all too well, with all its red polkadot and silver skull and crossboned glory!
"I'm Ricky the Ridiculous Octopus, I want to eat your brains! La la la la la la!" Ricky sang as he swung R2-D2 around and around.
R2-D2 used his little saw thingie to cut Ricky's tentacle. Ricky began to cry and ran away back down into his cheezy depths, "You meanies! I'll make you pay someday!"
R2-D2 quickly high-tailed it to shore and helped Luke sat up camp.
BACK ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
Heavy objects are thrown as Han and Leia continue to fight. Poor Chewie has to do all the work while C-3P0 is watching in horror at the fight, "This is horried, simply horrid! This is dreadfully unsuitable for a PG-rated movie! The blood, the blood! The kisses, the kisses! What odd human behavior!"
BACK ON DAGOBAH
A short little green dude jumped out of the bushs and scared the daylights out of Luke.
Luke pulled out his grapefruit spoon and pointed it at the green dude. "He followed us R2!" He cried.
R2-D2 whistled.
"You're right R2, he may be short and foreign looking, but he's definately not blonde . . . unless he's the short blonde foreign dude in disguise and he just wants to explode again!!" Luke gripped his grapefruit spoon harder and tried to keep his hand steady as he pointed it at the green dude.
"Away put your spoon! Explode I will not!" the short dude cowered.
"Hey, he doesn't sound British or New Zealandish or whatever . . . he sounds Chinese!" Luke cried out happily. "I won't shoot you; guns are bad and fortune cookies are good!"
However, the dude had disappeared already to Luke's knapsack. The dude picked up Luke's issues of National Geographic and Highlights, "Yech! How you get so healthy, reading education of this kind?"
"What do you mean? My Aunt Beru said that they were the only magazines that I would be able to enjoy without getting confused. Plus I find their articles very interesting; plenty of pretty pictures," Luke sniffed.
"Bah, interesting that is not. Read this you must. Pretty pictures their are. Only hope for you it is," the green dude said, handing Luke a magazine.
The magazine and its "pretty pictures" burned Luke's eyes and blood squirted relentlessly out of his nose. "This magazine is scary! All of these girls hardly have any clothes on! Doesn't your mommy tell you not to read this filthy trash?"
"Filthy? Trash? My hobbie that is!" the green dude cried out indignantly.
"Look," said Luke. "Han told me not to talk to strangers, and you are, uh, strange, so I really must stop talking to you and go find the Jedi Master I'm supposed to seek."
"Jedi Master?! Yoda, you seek! Bring you to him I will!" the green dude said as he scuttled off happily humming, "Give you food and nice magazines I will, too!"
"Stay here and watch camp, R2," Luke advised R2-D2. He ran up to the dude. "What are we going to eat, sweet and sour pork? Ramen? Egg Foo Yung? I eat Chinese carry-out often!" Luke exclaimed cheerfully.
"Today, kitty we eat!" the green dude gave a big smile as Luke looked as if he was going to pass out.
BACK ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
Han and Leia are now in a big fight. They draw their weapons.
"I want only one of your nine lives, Tybalt, fiery prince on cats!" Han cried out.
Chewie tries to stop Han, so Leia's frying pan drives into the skull of the distracted Han. "A plague of both your houses!" he cried and dropped motionless.
Chewie uses his toaster to avenge Han.
C-3P0 drinks pop and falls down.
Chewie poisons himself with chocolate milk (which like dogs, is poison to Wookies).
C-3P0 wakes up and sees Chewie poisoned, so he thrusts a highlighter into his hard drive heart.
Han gets up and shouted, "Ok, everybody, no more Romeo and Juliet references.
Everybody agreed, but Han and Leia seemed to start it again in a corrider of the ship, reciting the horror for English students who have to memorize it, the horrid . . . balcony speech! Whilst kissing each other! C-3P0's going to have an overload soon because of his parental controls!
BACK ON DAGOBAH
"I'm not hungry! I don't want to eat this poor kitty!" Luke complained. "I want to see Yoda NOW!"
"Teach him I cannot of the ways of Force and kung fu, spoiled brat he is with respect for his elders he has none of," the short, green dude screamed at the ceiling, pulling his few strands of fake Muppet hair.
The spirit of Ben then appeared. "Chill out, man. I thought we already discussed this."
"But crybaby he is! Potty-trained he is not!"
"You . . . are Yoda?!" Luke cried out weakly, almost fainting. He regained himself, "I am to potty-trained! I just have midnight accidents!"
"Whatever, bedwetter you are," Yoda said sharply. Back to Obi-Wan he said, "Too old he is."
"But that like totally contradicts what you just said about him!" Obi-Wan pointed in an arguing tone.
"What is so creepy about it that is!" Yoda exclaimed.
"Please, Mr. Yoda, sir! I'll be a good boy!" Luke begged at Yoda's claw- like feet.
"Pathetic you are," Yoda's eyes narrowed.
"I'll sort your magazines!" Luke cried.
"Ok!" agreed Yoda, smiling as he patted Luke on the head.
ON DARTH VADER'S STAR DESTROYER
"What is thy bidding my master?" Vader bowed.
The Emperor, a scizophrenic dude in a devil costume and cape, said manically, "I have felt a presence in the Force! Skywalker! He must die! Die, I tell you!"
'But Luke is only a boy, a mere bedwetter. I suppose that when he matures, he may become a threat, but why don't we turn him to our side, the Goth side?" Vader suggested.
"You're right! Totally right! But if he doesn't turn, he must die! Die, I tell you!" the Emperor exclaimed hyperly. "Now how has your kareoke been going, Vader?"
Vader plugged in the kareoke machine and began singing, "I love rock and roll ..."
"Nice, quite nice," the Emperor snored. "Hey, it looks like my best friend, Sherrie is here! Hi Sherrie, this is Vader! Vader, meet Sherrie!"
Vader did not see anyone.
"I should go now! Now! The pizza is here! Sherrie loves pizza!" the Emperor ending the transmission.
Vader sighed. It is too bad that he is afraid of asking a psychiatrist to have a look at his Emperor.
BACK ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
"Aaaaggghhh!" Leia screamed as she saw a spaghetti noodle attach itself to the front of the Millenium Falcon.
Han, Leia, and Chewie went outside to blast it off, but they were attacked by the Spaghetti-O man! They hurried back inside and left the inside of the chocolate Easter egg. Instead they found that they had really gone into a worm that was inside a caramel apple! Luckily, they escaped.
BACK ON DAGOBAH
Luke had learns lots about the Force and kung fu. Now he had to lift his ship out of the swamp. Luke sat down and meditated.
"Do or do not, there is no try!" Yoda declared.
"Be quiet, I'm trying to concentrate."
"Do or do not, there is no try!"
"I told you to be quiet!"
"Do or do not--"
"Shut up!"
"Do--"
"Fine then, I quit," Luke sulked.
"On you shame is, fail this is why," Yoda scolded, but snickered silently.
ON THE STAR DESTROYER
Bounty hunters (and huntresses) receive orders to find the Millenium Falcon, the reward being a day's worth of playing Vader's holo-video games: like on the Ree-box, GameOval, and Battle Station 5 (no comment on the abbreviation!)!
ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
The coffee maker still wasn't working! Neither was the hyperdrive when they finally got out of the Easter candy field! So Han gets an idea ... he swoops down close to the bridge of the Star Destroyer and attached it to the hull of the ship next to the trash dumpster, where it stinks REALLY BAD!
"Dummy!" Leia beats Han on the head with her frying pan whilst holding her nose.
ON THE STAR DESTROYER
Captain Needa acts like a foolish idiot and tattle on himself for losing the Millenium Falcon (they were right under his ship, Jeez!). Vader, sick with Needa's goody goody two shoes act of nobility (because it made him look bad), destroyed him with a blender. How ... terrible? Not.
ON THE MILLENIUM FALCON
The Imperials dump their trash, so the Millenium Falcon blends in by tumbling away with the trash as the Star Destroyer leaveas into hyperspace. They resolves after many for frying pan beating to go to Crowd City, unaware of the evil ship of Bozo Fat that folled them.
ON DAGOBAH
"Luke, bad boy you've been, drawing clothes on girls in my magazine you should not," Yoda scolded. "Now into cave you must go."
"But I don't wanna! It's dark and scary in there!" Luke cried, but Yoda pushed him in.
"Need you lifesaver, uhh, lightsaber you do not."
Luke stuck his tongue out at Yoda and went into the cave. There he saw Vader and began to cry. However, he mustered up courage and remembered watching Highlander one time. It was scary, but he remembered the heads being cut off very clearly. So he swung his lightsaber as if he was McCloud and cut Vader's head clear off his shoulders. Then the helmet broke apart and under it was ... Luke's face, with a big pimple on him nose!"
"No!" Luke moaned. Needless to say, he never defaced Yoda's magazines every again, except on Thursdays. Yoda was pleased that he had taught Luke a valuable lesson.
******
Yay! We met Yoda this time! Next we will meet Lando! And it will the last Empire Goes on Strike chapter! I changed the name because one of my reviewers informed me that the Umpire Strikes Out already has been used by Mad magazine. I want to be original! Thank you! As always, I will continue to write until I'm finished with this spoof. It's taking me awhile to post my chapters because I can't type fast and there were some other stuff I was doing on the Internet. Now it is summertime, so I should be to post quicker! Yay! Please e-mail me if you have any comments, I like hearing what you have to say about my stories! And if you just want to chat, that's fine, too ^_^ Wait, did I mention I changed my pen name and my e-mail address? Hope I didn't confuse anyone. The next chapter for Star Cheese should be ready in at the most, a few days, so check back often!
