Han, Leia, Chewie, and C-3P0 try to find a parking spae in Crowd City. This, however, seems to be near impossible.

"Why does it have to be a Saturday? Why?!" Han yelled, while yelling, uhh, stuff at people who took the parking places he was trying to get.

Soon his shouts had the police, whose car looked like two Gobstoppers stuck together ... more yum!, after him. He explained over the comlink that he was looking for Lando and he magically got a private parking place! Han joyfully parked on the large reserved space.

Lando met them as they got out of the Millenium Falcon. The first thing they noticed was that he was dressed like Superman, cape and everything. He kept giving Han the evil eye.

"What?!" Han spazed out.

"Meanie," Land said stiffly. "Why did you come back? I thought we were never going to see each other ever again because you broke my Atari!"

"Dude, that was when we were 10! Can't we kind of forget that and be pals again? I really need you to fix the hyperdrive on the Millenium Falcon, please?" Han pleaded.

"Now you broke my ship! Villain!" Lando gritted his teeth.

"Your ship?! I won that ship fair and square!" Han exclaimed.

"You cheated!"

"Did not!"

"Whatever." Then Lando's eyes fell upon Princess Leia and his heart nearly burst out of his chest. He took her hand, "Welcome to the crowds, madmoiselle."

He delicately kissed her hand and Han broke into a jealousy fueled fume. "I saw her first! Get your own girl!"

Lando raised an eyebrow, "You've always been breaking my stuff every since I met you! This charming lady more that makes up for it."

Leia stuck her tongue out at Han and walked hand in hand with Landa to her room. Han followed, looking like he was going to strangle Lando. Chewie followed, snickering, while C-3P0 began talking to his imaginary friends, "Hi I am C-3P0, human-cyborg relations ... now I will sing a song. This land is my land, this land is your land, from California ..."

However, when walking through Crowd City, Porky Pig jumped out from behind a trash can.

"H-h-h-hey y-y-y-y-you!" Porky whispered.

"Why, it's a talking pi--" C-3P0 was about to exclaim.

"Y-y-yeah. J-just b-b-b-be quiet and f-f-f-f-f-follow me."

"Where are we going?"

"U-u-u-hh, it's a s-s-s-s-surprise!"

"Oh, my! That certainly strikes my fancy! How wonderful! Is it oil?"

Chewie realised C-3P0 was missing, though, and bravely made porkchops out of Porky Pig. He brought C-3P0 back to the apartment room to fix the dismembered C-3P0 (evil Porky Pig!), but then it was time to eat lunch or dinner, or whatever.

As soon as the dining hall door opened, Han, Leia, and Chewie (C-3P0 was in Chewie's backpack) saw the gothic horror of Darth Vader in the host's chair and Bozo Fat beside him.

"Oh great, now I've lost my appetite!" Han moaned.

"Too bad, I'm starving. I went through all the trouble of making this meal, so you better eat it and enjoy it!" Vader boomed.

Then the Storm Troopers seated Han, Leia, and Chewie in their chairs in proper gentlemanly fashion.

As soon as they began to eat their meal, Vader stood up. He made an odd stance and began to sing in his deep voice:

"Day O ... Me say Day-ay-ay O ... Daylight come and me wanna go home ..."

Han, Leia, Chewie, Fat, and Lando fell a strong force lift them out of their chairs and serve as chorus for Darth Vader.

"Come Mr. Tallyman tally me banana Daylight come and me wanna go home Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch Daylight come and me wanna go home Six foot, seven foot, of ripe banana! Daylight come and me wanna go home ..."

A gothic girl rushes into the room and cries out, "Jar Jar Binks, Jar Jar Binks, Jar Jar Binks!"

Jar Jar appears out of nowhere and says, "Okee Day!"

Darth Vader growls, "How dare you ruin my beautiful dinner! Now you shall die!" Jar Jar chokes and falls down and vanishes. The ghostly voice of Ben is heard, "Nooo! You're not a Jedi, go away, man!" Lydia rushes out of the room in fear.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to torture you since my dinner's been ruined," Vader dismissed the table absently. Storm Troopers carry Han, Leia, and Chewie off to be tortured.

BACK ON DAGOBAH

Luke had sensed his friends pain ... and jeez it hurt. Advil didn't work, so Luke came to the bright conclusion to stop the feeling of his friend's pain was to rescue them, so he readied his ship (which Yoda reluctantly stopped watched his naughty movies to rescue from the swamp). Before leaving, he was given lectures.

"Luke, avoid the Goth side! You may impressionistic with all your greif when you fight Vader, but don't take that easy path! The Emperor just wants you to sing heavy metal with Vader to improve their band!"

Luke nodded, "I won't fail you, besides, I don't like heavy metal. I like soft rock. Bye bye, I'll come back to finish my training and sort your magazines, I promise!" Luke took off through the atmosphere is Dagobah and into space.

"That boy is our only hope, man," Ben muttered to Yoda.

"No, another is there," Yoda waddled back to his hut to finish watching his movies. Ben followed.

BACK ON CROWD CITY

Lando walks into Han, Leia, and Chewie's cell after they've been tortured. Han makes a kung fu stance and almost falls over ... Lando nonetheless gets a convenient call on his cell phone to come over to the freezer room. Lando goes to the freezer room, where Vader is preparing a huge vat of yogurt.

"What are you going to do with all that yogurt? It doesn't look like you're going to eat it," Lando then looks at Bozo Fat (who is really fat) and looks like he's going to say something on second hand, but Vader speaks first.

"I'm going to freeze Luke in yogurt to deliver him in a tasty prize for my master," Vader boomed.

Lando rolled his eyes, "Ok then ..."

"Are you doubting my methods?"

"No, it's just wei--"

"I'll show you it is superior to all other capture methods; bring Captain Solo!"

Lando fetches Solo, and has to bring Leia and Chewie with him as they cling like magnets to him. Solo is prepared to be dunked in the thick and creamy yogurt, and Chewie roars and Leia, well, knocks out people with her frying pan. Romantic music is played while Han and Leia share a last kiss (for this movie) and she admits, "I love bashing in your head, you're a stud when you're unconsious!"

And Han just nodded without really thinking, "I know." He was dunked into the yogurt, froze, and pulled up again, his expression in extreme horror as he likes his fruit on the bottom of his yogurt instead of all scattered in it like it was now.

Leia cried because she wanted the strawberries, Chewie roared because he was just plain hungry. Vader ordered for the yogurt freezer to be reset for Luke and for Leia and Chewie to sent to his ship. Han was given to Bozo Fat, who probably shouldn't have been trusted with a man encased in a ton of frozen yogurt, but oh well, that's how sci-fi life is.

As Leia and Chewie were being taken away, Leia spotted Luke down the hall, "Luke, you big dummy! Go away, it's a trap!" This drew attension to Luke, though, and he was shot at. He opened a door and a huge tentacle slithered out. He slammed it. He opened another door, but it had a smurfette dressing inside. He slammed that door, too. The he hesitantly opened door number three ... and since nothing tried to attack him or scream at him, he walked it. The door slammed shut behind him. "Nooo!" he collapsed and pawed at the closed door. Then he smelled ... yogurt! (Perhaps this chapter should've been called Yum, yum, yum II) He crawled over to the yogurt, when all his force and kung fu training had paid off. He had sensed something. "Hello! Anybody there? I need to know where the bathroom is!"

Vader stepped out of the shadows, "So, you made it without wetting your pants ... barely. (Short Foreign Dude: Cut it with the pee references before I explode!!) Vader sighed and continued, "But you are not a Jedi yet."

Luke got up and whimpered. Vader made a blow to Luke's side, Luke parried it. Luke made a blow towards Vader's head, Vader parried it. This battle goes on like this for a few moves, until Luke is pushed into the yogurt.

"Aaahhh! Strawberries! I'm allergic to strawberries! They burn! Ow ow ow ow ow ow!" Luke cried as he skyrocketed out of the vat of yogurt.

"Impressive!" Vader laughed. Vader reached into the yogurt and threw a strawberrie at Luke and Luke dodged it in slow motion like on the Matrix. "Most impressive!" A food fight had begun.

BACK TO LEIA, CHEWIE, AND LANDO

"You did not break my stuff, so I will set you free! Free the little breadsticks!" Lando called out. Leia and Chewie looked around nervously, wondering what that was supposed to mean. Then the whole Mafia came and used their Rambo-like skills with a machine sifters to dispose of the Storm Troopers. Then he began to pass around guns, "Here's one for you and you and you and y--"

Chewie choked him. Lando tried to say something. Chewie shook him, "Rrooaara!", which means "What did you say?" Lando didn't say anything as he was being choked and shook and the combination of lack of oxygen and lack of consciousness wasn't allowing him to speak.

Leia finished off Lando's punishment by taking out her handy dandy frying pan and whapping him on the head with it. Lando's consiousness went on and off with each whap, and the whapping finally stopped when he was unconsious, which made him consious if that makes any sense. Geese flew around his head, "There ... is ... still a ... chance ... to save ... Han!! At the ... East ... platform!!" he moaned.

However, by the time they reached the East platform, the Slave I was already airborne and some dudes were already setting up hot dog stands. After fits of despair and funny warped faces, they began to run to the platform where the Millenium Falcon was parked.

BACK TO LUKE

"Luke, you must use your anger if you wish to defeat me!" Vader advised, wiping the spattered yogurt off his cape. "You must stop this childish nonsense!"

Luke was on top of one of the ceiling beams throwing yogurt down on top of Vader and laughing manically, "Nevaa! Mwahahaha!"

Vader uses the Force to push Luke off of the beam and chased him down to a bridge just outside the room. Vader swung at Luke and cleaved off his hand!

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oo(::SHUT UP BEFORE I EXPLODE!::)ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(::BOOOOOOM!!!!!!::)ooooooooooo oooooooo!" Luke cried out. Then he pulled down his sleeve and saw his hand still there. He sighed out of releif and said, "Oh."

"Luke," Vader stretched out his han to Luke. "Luke, join me! Join the Goth side!"

"No, I'll never join you! You almost poisoned me with strawberries and you nearly dismembered my hand!" Luke whined.

"Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father," Vader said mysteriously.

"He told me enough ... he told me you locked him up in a psychiatric ward!" Luke pouted.

"No, I am your father!"

This took a few moments to sink in for Luke. Luke brightened, "So they let you out?"

"No!" Vader slapped his forehelmet. "Obi-Wan just lied to you because he's a Goth-hater. He doesn't appreciate the beauty of the Goth and thinks we're just crazy. Luke, you are powerful! You can destroy the Emperor! Now there's a REAL nut as REAL as Californian cheese! Together we can rule the galaxy together, as father and son!"

Luke seemed to consider, looking down and gulping. Then he ...

I N T E R M I S S I O N

reached out his hand to Vader and called out, "Daddy!!!!!!" but he tripped and fell down the hole. Luke go down the hole. He slid down tubes and landed on a weather vane. On the weather vane, he sucked his thumb while moaning, "Daddy ... Daddy ... Ben ... Ben ... Leia!"

BACK TO LEIA, LANDO, AND CHEWIE

By this time they were already on their ship heading out of Crowd City. Leia heard Luke's whining and turned the Millenium Falcon around to go rescue Luke. Lando began to protest, but Leia exclaimed, "If he doesn't get rescued, he'll just keep whining there and give me a headache! Then I'll have to pan myself!"

They rescued Luke and got away with the hyperdrive, which actually worked this time! They also enjoyed a nice cup of coffee, too!

ON VADER'S SHIP

"I thought you took care of their ship!" Vader boomed to his officers.

All the Imperials lift picket signs and one brave leader say, "Well, we went on strike!" while the other officers circle Vader while chanting, "Strike, strike, strike, strike, strike, strike ..."

BACK TO THE REBELS

Lando and Chewie go chase after Bozo Fat to rescue Han while Leia and Luke stare at space. Space. Space with no soap. No soap! Soap no with space! Aiyaiyaiyaiyaiyai!

******

*pants* Finally done with "The Empire Goes on Strike". I love all of you reveiwer peoples! ^_^ You can also send your comments to me via e-mail. Now until "Return of the Red Eye" is posted, I shall amuse myself by repeatedly pressing the down arrow in Word Pad to hear that nifty *ding* *ding* sound. I wonder if I can find it on the Internet somewhere and burn it on a CD ... Taco Bell!