Bespectacled Buffy

Disclaimer: Does Joss have glasses anyway? No really. Does he? Well he sure has the Buffy characters.

A/N: Buffy won't be killed because this is a HUMOR story. At least I hope it SOUNDS like one :\ and of course, reviews are nice, like sugar and spice, but not slugs or puppy dog tails . . .o_o

Buffy walked into the Magic Box with a very haggard looking Giles. They looked over the shop and spotted Xander with his nose in his book. Literally. They picked his sleeping head up off it so he wouldn't suffocate.

'A typical Xander predicament' Giles noted.

They searched around for holo-Willow. "You know Willow, it would've been MUCH easier if you'd just come here yourself." Buffy grumbled. "But now, with your new glasses, you can help me now!" Giles remarked enthusiastically. "Sure. Fun. Stupid glasses." And Buffy stalked off to find holo-Willow.

"Found her!"

Giles rushed over to Buffy. "She's doing a floaty thing here." Giles remembered that holo-Willow could not touch anything, so here she is. Sleeping horizontally. In the air.

"Remarkable. Utterly astounding." He said as he looked at her up and down. Or side to side in this case. He passed his hand through it and wiggled his fingers, touching nothing but air. "Tickle tickle goo goo." He watched the holo-Willow giggle a bit and turn on its side.

"Giles! What in the hell are you doing?" Buffy said wide-eyed. "Er. . . nothing. I was just fascinated by the work used in this. I must ask the girl to help me catalog all my books into the computer!" Buffy remembered the wall-to-wall collection of books Giles had at the library. At hearing this, holo-Willow immediately shot up. "WHAT?!"

She apparently remembered too.

Xander lazily started waking up, and catching Buffy off guard taunted, "GEEK! AHAHAHA! FULL-BLOWN GEEK!" Buffy glared at him through her thick lenses and black, horn-rimmed frames. "Sorry, I always wanted to say that."

"Listen, I didn't get to pick the stupid frames, ok?" Buffy complained. "But you spent 3 hours looking at the same two!" Giles wailed. "Well. None of them suited my complexion." Giles sighed. "I still couldn't see why I couldn't have gotten contacts," Buffy grumbled and left for home.

"ROAR!" Roared a demon (sue me, it's an onomatopoeia.). It punched Buffy in the face, cracking her glasses in half at the nosepiece. "You're paying for that. . .with your life! Those were designer Armani glasses! Ok, actually they're this unknown brand of glasses, but they were still very expensive! HEEYAH! HAH!" Buffy delivered a mind-blowing spin-kick to the already black-and-blue demon that was amazingly flabby (contrasting to the normal 6-pack demons she usually encountered. Meanwhile, she had one hand holding up the remains of her glasses on her face.

"Ha ha. Now you're in a pickle, aren't you? Pickle? Grr. . . stupid annoying old-timer cliché thingies." But she did start laughing as it was too enveloped in its loose skin (like Clem) that it couldn't get up. She leapt on it and staked it through the heart. At least through the demon's skin folds she THOUGHT it was its heart.

"Nobody can escape the wrath of Buffy! New and improved!" 'Not on the looks side though. Thank goodness that demon couldn't see me through his overhanging forehead skin' she thought.

Buffy grabbed the remains of her glasses and stuffed them in her pocket. "Whoa!" Buffy yelled, as she toppled over. . .who else (at least who else would I MAKE her topple over, hee hee)? "BLOODY HELL SLAYER!" Spike took one look at her, then the parts of her glasses sticking out of her pocket.

"The slayer's . . . got glasses?" He burst into a sudden laughter.

"I don't understand what's so funny Spike! Considering the fact you used to have glasses and all."

Ooh, this dealt a great blow to the blond vamp's ego. He growled, "Whatever Slayer. I'll get the better of you lot yet." And with a last flip of his duster collar, disappeared into the dark. "Hee hee, William Wordsworth." Then she left, with a graceful 'thump' of her body as she collided with a street lamp.

"Willow! You're in full color now!" Buffy said joyfully as she clambered across the floor to embrace her friend. "OOF!" She cried as she, again, fell to the floor. "A little. . . help please?" Buffy called out meekly.

A hand gripped her, but it wasn't Willow. "Giles, do ya really think that I look like Willow?" Xander asked.

"Let's see, a little red hair here, a little eye shadow there. . .no you don't." Xander rolled his eyes. "Ha ha. What if I said you looked like. . .Buffy?"

"HEY! I'm still here. On the floor? Anybody remember Buffy?" Xander lifted her up and exclaimed, "BUFFY? YOUR NERD GLASSES!" He snickered and was received by a hard punch on the arm.

"Oww. Remember you're a slayer? Slayer equals slayer strength? Great googlie mooglies." He slunk off to. . .somewhere. "Did you and Willow find anything, Xander?" Giles called.

"Yeah yeah. Woman. Old. Young. Branded. Restores youth with youth of somebody else." Xander replied. "That sounds strangely like that Inca Mummy girl." Xander made a weird noise at that name and said, "Oh yea, um, the brand contains poison that goes to the mind and accelerates the aging of the body, or something like that."

"Very . . . informative Xander."

"Well, it's a lot better than what see-through girl here did."

"Willow, get your flesh and blood butt over here. This," Buffy pointed at the hologram, "is getting very annoying." "Why?" Willow asked, discouraged. "Because I need WILLOW! Good ol' able-to-handle-and-touch- things Willow." She replied. "B-but, Xander was doing just fine!" Xander was beaming at this compliment, but quickly cleared his throat and returned to his normal face, which was still funny looking as he was still glowing on the inside.

''S funny what one single compliment can do to Xander. A real easy to please guy.' Willow thought and snickered. "All right already! I'm coming!" With that, the hologram disappeared.

A few minutes later Willow arrived. "Hey gang!" Giles poked her. Willow looked at him weirdly.

"Uh, just checking."

"Buffy! Why aren't you wearing your glasses?" Willow noticed. "Er. . . uh. . ." Buffy looked uneasy. She didn't want to wear those ugly passé things again. Giles whisked out the frames from her pocket. "HEY! You're rummaging through my private property!" She shooed his hands away, but he still had hold of the glasses, those dreadful glasses.

"Oh, I've seen cases of this before. I'll fix it right away!" And Giles went over to the counter.

'Oh no. Please no. Don't do what I think you're about to do' Buffy anxiously thought.

He pulled open the drawer filled with a stapler, stapler-remover, whiteout, pens, and. . . 'No. . . NO. . . NO!'

Buffy watched in horror as he cut a piece of masking tape and wound it around the nose part of the glasses.

He handed them back to her and merely replied, "Good as sodding new, by golly!" Xander looked at him weirdly. Giles looked at him right back the same way.

Buffy took the frames out of Giles' hand with a shaking arm. "Go ahead! Try them on!" Giles said, obviously pleased with his "handiwork". She haltingly put them onto place.

"Hee hee, mini-Giles!" Willow whispered to Xander. But with her Slayer hearing, Buffy shot a worried glance at Willow, and Willow furtively glanced back with a 'I'm sorry, the joke was setup so why not! Face.'

'I don't look that bad, do I?' Buffy contemplated.

She wandered to the bathroom mirror and screamed.

'It wasn't THAT bad.' Willow thought as she plugged her ears.