Notes: Thanks to Sheree for betaing several versions of this story ^__^. And to Kuonji, whose vigorous defense of characterization keeps me on my toes.

Terms:

fuseki: The opening moves of the game where influence and territory outlines are formed.

seiza: the position where you sit on your knees. (The usual go sitting position, as well as the usual sitting position for tea ceremonies.)

Chapter 5

Yose: End game.

I was staring at the ceiling in the dim morning light when I heard Shindou getting up. I closed my eyes, and counted the seconds. The door clicked shut ten minutes later. It was 6:00 am.

When I came back that night the light was off. From the doorway I could see Shindou lying on his futon. As quietly as I could, I walked to the go board and sat down. In the darkness, I could almost see father's form sitting on the other side staring intently at the board.

I didn't know how long I had sat there, but at some point I realized that the room was too quiet. Shindou never slept without making a mad rush of shuffles of the blankets with every toss and turn. But now Shindou was lying perfectly still.

Breathing in deeply, I left the go table between us, and went to my own futon. I only managed to shrug off my jacket and take off my tie before I allowed myself to collapse on the futon still half dressed.

The next day, I left for my go convention before Shindou got up. When I came home at night, he still had not returned. Rummaging the kitchen, I found ten more packs of instant ramen. Shindou must have restocked.

I tore open a package of instant ramen, and ate dinner alone. It was already ten when I realized that there was a message on the phone. Shindou had called before I came back to let me know that he was staying over at Morishita-sensei's.

I turned off the light, and sat down at the go table again before going to sleep.

I had begun to wonder how long we were going to continue to avoid each other when I saw him at the Go Institute the next day after my study session. He was watching an informal match between Isumi 6-dan and Waya 7-dan. He did not see me coming in to the hall; all of his attention was focused on the go board. I could not see the go board from where I was, but I saw Shindou's mouth drop open slightly.

I glanced at Isumi's face. Isumi's expression was tight in concentration, but whatever Shindou saw, Isumi did not.

"I resign," Waya said.

"Thank you for the game." Isumi bowed his head.

"Thank you for the game."

Shindou's eyes had not left the board.

"Shindou, you idiot, you're not going to find your damn answers staring at our board!" Waya said.

Shindou looked up at the sound of his name and saw me. "Touya." He stood up.

Waya swung around and glared at me before he got on his feet and stepped between Shindou and me, blocking us from each other's view. I couldn't see Waya's or Shindou's face, but Isumi was watching them. I saw Isumi pale.

"You, come with me." Waya said to Shindou finally. He grabbed Shindou by the collar, and started to drag him out of the room.

"Yoshitaka!" Isumi shot up. "What are you doing?"

"I'll tell you later." Waya did not stop moving; he had already stalked out of the room by the time he finished talking.

"Yoshitaka!" Isumi called out again, but Waya and Shindou were out of sight.

Isumi turned to me. He smiled, but I saw the effort behind it. "Good afternoon, Touya-san."

"Good afternoon, Isumi-san. Could I look at your game before you put it away?" I asked.

Isumi looked at me quickly. "Of course."

"Thank you." We sat down together.

Judging by the playing style, Isumi must have been white.

He would have won by one moku.

Black had made a strong offense in the left corner, but white held it off, and cut off the black in the middle… It was a good game, but there was nothing especially remarkable about it. Both Isumi and Waya had played at their level.

"Do you know why Shindou was watching your game?" I did not look up at Isumi's expression.

A still moment passed. "I'm not sure," said Isumi.

"Waya and Shindou had a fight the other day outside of Shindou's apartment." As when I played him, I kept my eyes on the board. "Waya came over and saw that I was staying with Shindou. Waya started to say something and Shindou yelled 'I'm not like you' to Waya. Do you know what Shindou meant?"

A sharp intake of breath.

"Shindou said that?" Isumi whispered.

"What did he mean?"

Isumi took another breath, slow and drawn out. "I don't know."

In the silence that followed, I finally looked up at him, but Isumi was avoiding my eyes, and his hands were fisted together. Slowly, he said, "You will have to ask Shindou himself."

As though Shindou had heard the question, his voice resonated from the next room. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!"

"KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN YOU IDIOT!"

"Would you like to play a game?" Isumi started to clear the board.

I nodded, and collected the black stones.

We were just beginning to enter yose when Shindou marched back into the room with Waya following him close behind.

"I resign," Isumi said as soon as they came to our table.

Isumi was losing by three moku, but he could have still turned the game around.

"You really are too nice, Isumi-san," I said. Isumi did not meet my eyes.

"Thank you for the game," Isumi said.

"Thank you for the game."

"Do you want to play against me, Touya? Let's play a game," Shindou said.

I got up and nodded. He immediately turned around, walked past several unoccupied go tables, and left the match hall. I said quick goodbyes to Waya and Isumi, and followed him out.

Behind me I heard Waya's voice. "I guess they are going to have this showdown in private."

I fell a few steps behind him Shindou.

He kept his eyes straight forward.

He purchased my ticket for me at the train station, and shoved it at me before we passed the station's gates. A 230 yen ticket… we were not going to the Go Salon; we were going to play at his apartment.

When we arrived there, Shindou kicked off his shoes so fast he tripped. Instinctively, I reached out and caught him.

"Thanks." He struggled free from my hold, and crawled away to the go table.

While taking off my shoes, I asked, "Are you going to play to the best of your abilities, Shindou?"

Shindou stared past me, and said, "I always try to do that."

I walked over and sat across from him.

"I will be black," he said.

"All right."

Shindou placed down the stone before I had the chance to lift the lid to my stones. As soon as I laid down my stone, he had placed the next one. But the speed did not continue past fuseki.

I had realized that I was going to lose by two moku when I noticed that I could no longer distinguish the stones' colors. We were playing in almost complete darkness. Shindou didn't seem to have noticed either. He didn't even look up from the board when I got up to turn on the light. He flinched in surprise when the fluorescent bulb flickered on, then went back to looking at the board straightaway.

I resigned when I came back to the table.

"Do you want to play again?" Shindou asked immediately.

"Mn." I nodded without looking at him. We cleared up the board and started again.

I was trying to decipher Shindou's attack on my left corner, when I heard him get up and use the bathroom. I glanced at the clock by my futon. It read 3:23 in large red block numbers.

I lost by six moku in the second game.

"Do you want to play again?" Shindou asked.

"Yes." My mouth was very dry.

We were halfway through the third game when I realized that he was successfully forcing a draw.

"Is this to show how much better you've become?" I asked. When I started to collect my stones, I saw that my hands were shaking.

"Do you want to play again?" He did not look at me.

"No, I have my answer," I said.

In the silence that fell between us, sunlight filtered slowly into the room.

"I'm going for a walk." I started to rise, but my legs were so numb it took me two attempts to get up. I can't recall ever becoming numb while sitting in seiza.

When I was finally on my feet, I stumbled toward the door.

Putting on my shoes, I looked back at Shindou. He was still sitting in front of the go table, his eyes transfixed on the board.

I opened the door and left without saying goodbye.

~TBC

Endnotes:

This story is finished. The last chapter is even already betaed. I just need to do some last bits of polishing before I post it. Thank you everyone for your kind reviews!