A/N: So Chapter 5 huh? WHY R U STILL READING THIS?!?! LOL!! Well thanx 4 reading it anyway! I have 29 reviews so far YEAH 4 ME!!! I love the reviews you people are soooo nice it's almost frightening!?! Lol anyway so this is Chapter 5 and I dedicate it to all the lovely people who reviewed! So I said it last chapter but I'll say it again Monica was fat BOTH Thanksgivings okay and she didn't go to college with them but Rachel did so for like a year R/R/C hung out a LOT! Oh and Chandler was REALLY geeky! Okay, now on with the show .........

Disclaimer: Don't encourage them! They only do it for attention!! {translation from 'idiot'} I don't own them!!

Title: Don't Ask.......Don't Tell

Chapter FIVE: Testing? One... two... three! Testing?

"Oh right him." She tried to smile for her brother's sake but in the back of her mind she was hoping this was a dream. She had hated that guy so much and not to mention the other thing. Oh how was she going to get out of this?...........................................

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chandler sat at the table of the restaurant twirling his Silverware fork on the starch white table cloth in front of him. He was completely bored and had arrived 20 minutes early not to mention Ross was 20 minutes late. That's funny he didn't remember Ross EVER not being exactly on time. Just as he was contemplating this Ross walked up from behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. The sudden movement set off Chandler's reflex's and be fore his mind caught up he had Ross' right arm (which had touched his shoulder) twisted 10 degrees from breaking point. He quickly recovered and played it off as a joke.

"Ross, you know you can't sneak up on anyone remember?" he said sarcastically

"Chandler. Long time no see. Nice to know you greet an old friend by breaking their arm!" Ross added calmly. He knew Chandler had always looked for the joke. Although it almost seemed like it was reflexes not calculated. Huh he wondered why Chandler would react to someone tapping his shoulder.

Chandler couldn't help but feel guilty if he had been paying attention instead of letting his mind wonder it would have never happened! He was just caught up in the case he hadn't realized what had happened! Crap he couldn't let that happen again it had never happened before! Why now? That was all he needed to lose his cool on one of his biggest cases! Great job Chandler!

"So I thought your friends where coming?" he questioned.

"Oh yeah they'll be here any minute" Ross answered distractedly Chandler's question having stirred him from thought.

As Ross sat down the others entered looked for the table they stood to help the search and when all had reached the table Ross smiled and started the greetings.

"Chandler this is Joey and Phoebe." He stated pointing to both in turn. Chandler shook Joey's hand and kissed Phoebe's causing her to giggle.

"I like your shoes I've never seen anything like them before! They're so original!" he said compliments flowed easily out of his mouth.

"OH thanks, I make them myself!" Phoebe cooed

"And Joey are you the same Joey Tribbiani as the one on that T.V. show "Days Of Our Lives? My ex-girlfriend loved that show! Ya know she used to schedule her hours so she could watch that show!" he complimented knowing exactly what they wanted to here.

"Really?" Joey asked excitedly, Chandler nodding in response.

"You remember Rachel right?" Ross asked.

"Sure Rachel! Nice to see you again. You ever get into fashion? I remember you always having a knack for that! I remember that time when you set my friend Darcy up with a whole new wardrobe at college. And she looked so much better than before in the colors you picked out and stuff" Chandler answered while Rachel pulled him into a friendly hug.

"Oh and Monica. Where's Mon? Guys?" Ross questioned.

"Oh she's in the bathroom" Rachel reminded.

"Oh alright so what's good here?" Joey asked.



A few minutes later Monica emerged and found the table. As she approached Ross stood and beckoned her over, followed by the rest of the gang. Chandler stood and looked where everyone had been, he didn't see anyone he knew? Why were they trying to get that women's attention?

"Mon, there you are!" Ross sighed and walked over to his sister giving her a hug. She looked over to the man who was also standing but turned the other way.

"Mon you remember Chandler?"

'That's Chandler?' she thought as he turned. 'The geeky kid in sweater vests was now standing in front of her definitely NOT geeky anymore!! I mean what happened he's. he's. he's almost cute! Stop that Monica you hate him remember?'

While Monica was admiring the change in Chandler, he was doing the same to her. That couldn't be Monica right? Not fat, annoying, Ross' little sister Monica? Nooo but. then again she did have the same eyes and smile. Wow talk about change! Ross looked pretty much the same maybe he had lost some of the, ahem, geekiness to his outfits but not like that! And Rachel she might have grown into her looks a little more, she was definitely gorgeous but Monica, well Monica was AMAZING compared to her before! But he couldn't dwell on that a compliment would suffice.

"So Monica you look great, amazing. You have defiantly changed since the last time I saw you. Ross must have had the national Guard watch over you the past few years" He said sarcastically. So humor was his defense of the mind? At least he calmed down. He had regained his cool and would be fine.

"Thank you, so do you though. I mean you're a far cry from that geeky kid Chandler right?" she joked back. That's right Mon even if you completely hate his guts you can be civil right? Right.



After a period of awkward silence Joey had broken the ice. Which reminded Ross why he had brought him not to mention morale support for Mon. He wasn't exactly sure why but she didn't want to be there. He was pretty sure it was because he'd called her fat but other than that it was a blank.

Monica however hated him for more than one reason. Ohhh yes she hated him maybe not for the first minute she had known him but after that it was a sealed deal, period, end of sentence, done, over, out of the park, case closed!

"So Chandler what brings you to New York after so long" Joey asked. Phoebe and Rachel had made him memorize a few lines to break the tension between Monica and Chandler. They hadn't really gotten along when they were together as in the same room or a ten mile radius of each other!

"Oh well.After I left the college we went to -as in Ross, Rachel and I- I went to another college in Boston. Then when I graduated I moved to California. There I met some old college buddies who were looking for an advertising assistant. I was in between jobs so I took it. Since then I've been rising in the company and now they've asked me to head up their brand new N.Y. branch." He finished smiling to himself. He loved this game...

"But enough about me what about you guys?" he switched the topic carefully; questions were easy to get around but not always fun.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"By the time they had finished the main course learned the basics of everyone's life since he left or in Phoebe and Joey's case their whole life. It was his job to act like this was all new to him even though he knew everything about them down to the way they took their coffee to what laundry detergent they preferred. But he smiled and nodded picking up any personal details the surveillance team couldn't offer. He figured out that Ross was still madly in love with Rachel and she was totally oblivious to it. The team had been wrong they weren't dating Ross was just Ross. He was in love with her just as much if not more than he had been in college. He wasn't sure how it had managed to stay hidden so long. Someone should have slipped by now he had almost slipped a few times at college but Rachel hadn't picked up on it thankfully.

Joey has seven sisters and he was the only boy. His family lived in Queens and he was an out-of-work actor who had just been fired off of Days Of Our Lives. Phoebe was an interesting specimen if he'd ever seen one. She was a twin, her mother had killed herself when she was 14 not to mention her step- dad was in jail again, (apparently her real father had run out on her mom, sister and her) then she lived on the streets and found aromatherapy which she had said saved her and was now a masseuse. Ross actually stuck with his major and became a paleontologist and was now working at the New York department of the Museum of Natural History. He had married Carol who was his girlfriend in college, but she turned out to be a lesbian and was now pregnant with his child. Wow that was a confusing sentence. Oh Rachel's a waitress at that coffee place they go to all the time Central Perk and she **flip** is currently off the market. She recently left an orthodontist she was dating in college Barry Farber and that's pretty much it."

"What about Monica?"

"Uhhh, he didn't say."

"He didn't say!!!!! Well that's not good enough find out! Or it will be you they find in a ditch!"

"I'm working on it! I listened to the tapes a million times and she didn't say one word to him! I'm not sure they got along that well."

"I don't care what you do! Hack into their system..."

"It's not possible..."

"Then make it possible! Get out of my site you disgust me!"

****slam***

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Chandler sighed and entered his apartment loosening his tie. He dropped his keys on the pool table and headed for the kitchen grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and falling onto the couch. He had been happy to see Ross and Rachel at dinner, even Joey and Phoebe were fun to talk to but god, was Monica annoying! He remembered how much he had hated her, during the course of the meal and wished she wasn't the mark! He had no problem getting close to people who had the power to evaporate the United States but he COULD NOT STAND HER! Everything about her bothered him the way she sat, the way she did her hair, the way she smelt so good, the way she smiled, the way she laughed.. ugh she was SO horrible! He stood and thudded up the stairs. He needed to release some tension..



Monica and Rachel entered the apartment in completely opposite moods. Rachel was excited and happy no to mention chattering constantly. While Monica just sighed and nodded along feeling like she could punch the next person she talked to JUST for saying something. She remembered hating him but not hating him that much! He irked her so much! He was just uuuuuuuuhhhhhh! He just got under her skin and everything he did or said made her want to scream! He always had a joke and he was constantly being HIM! She knew why she had hated him a few years ago but now that didn't come into play and he still rubbed her the wrong way! When they had met even though he was SUCH a geek but he managed to still have a ton of friends and everyone liked him! He just could do no wrong! He managed to keep everyone 10,000 feet away from the brick wall he surrounded himself and still have friends. She didn't get it! Why?!?! Rachel sensing Monica's attitude decided to see what was up.

"Mon? What's going on?" she inquired.

"Nothing it just...." She moved her hands in circular motions but didn't finish her sentence.

"What honey? This isn't about Chandler is it?" Rachel questioned with a knowing sigh.

"Well...yeah" Monica sighed for the millionth time that night and sat on the couch.

"Mooohuhuonnn!" Rachel whined loudly sitting down next to her best friend "Come on! Your 23 years old him calling you fat shouldn't bother you still" she whined.

"It's not that. It's just..." She trailed off again "It's just.. Like tonight at dinner when that waitress wanted you to pay for that order the sent you even though it was wrong because it was the restaurant policy?"

Yeeeaaah" Rachel replied not following.

"Well did you pay for it?" Monica asked.

"No because....ooohhhhohohohohoooooowah?" Rachel caught on.

"Right because Chandler took her aside talked to her for like two seconds and she came back and comp-ed the entire meal?!?" Monica almost yelled.

"What you still hate him because he's great with people?" her friend asked confused.

"No, I still hate him because he always" (she really emphasized 'always') "always gets his way! He just" her jaw tensed "bothers me sooohohoho much!" Monica finished.



Chandler rounded the corner and stopped to catch his breath while checking his watch. He decided to go for a run so he didn't put his fist through a wall. He had already hit the button on the stop watch so now it blinked at 5: 45. Five minutes and forty-five seconds. well she may make him want to punch a wall but she helped improve his mile-run! He thought laughing to himself. Normally if he hadn't been so deep in thought about Monica he would have noticed him....

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: I decided to keep the original note for the beginning of the chapter before I got anymore reviews. I really wanna thank "A Mature Friend" and "Miss Indignant" after reading your reviews I got over my case of writers block and just wrote. So um I'm sorry 2 Becca if you see this because I didn't want to make this a big thing I just used that chapter to make sure your friend saw what I said. And to the other people who reviewed as in "angry aiken" or "Not Involved" it was a misunderstanding sorta but I'm not deleting ANY reviews because people who read the reviews deserve to see what was said about the writer good or bad. I wasn't 'attacking' Becca so there's no reason to "step off" But anyway I really wanna apologize to Becca again for this being SUCH a big deal I didn't want it to be! So I will delete the chapter when I have time but I have to be on a plane in ohhh about 7 hours so I gotta pack but I wanted to post this before I left! I will continue to post hopefully while I'm away but it might be like every week or every other week so SORRY!

PS sorry 'bout the Maggie Wheeler mix-up I'll try and change the name maybe if I can! And sorry for this chapter being SOOOOOOOOO short they'll get longer but I wanted to post before I left so I gotta leave plane to catch literally lol bye 4 now thanx again!