It was hard to tell who was panicking more, Sam or Frodo. Sam was running around like an idiot screaming. The rape wraiths had not even touched him, he was more concerned for Frodo, as he obviously still had feelings for him.

Aragorn had been giving Frodo a piggy back ride, which was a problem as it was making him quite horny. Merry and Pippin seemed to busy seeing whether every part of them had survived the attack to notice that Frodo was in life threatening danger.

"Put your pants back on and let's go," Aragorn said as he picked Frodo up once more. Frodo grunted in what almost seemed to be pleasure. Sam noticed it to and gave Frodo a kick in the ass.

"Ow," he moaned. Aragorn gave Sam a sharp look.

Just when Sam thought they had lost Frodo, a beautiful elvish princess rode up and a tall elegant grey horse. She and Aragorn began talking in elvish and Sam wondered what they were saying. It looked like she was going to be taking Frodo to Rivendell.

As Aragorn put Frodo in front of her in the saddle, Sam got nervous. The thought of Frodo alone on a horse with a beautiful elf gave Sam the chills. But then he remembered that Frodo was totally gay, there was no way he would try anything with Arwen.

He was about to say something to Arwen, so she didn't try anything, but Aragorn aimed a kick at his knees and ended up hitting a little north of there, so Sam was doubled over in pain.

Arwen had never seen a hobbit before. At first she had thought that they were small children, but Aragorn said they weren't. She was also consumed with jealousy because she could tell that he definitely had a thing for the one that she was carrying. She considered dropping him off a cliff or something, but then she decided that Middle Earth was not worth it.

It wasn't long before the rape wraiths caught on and began to follow them. At first they had been after just Frodo, but then they saw the gorgeous elf that carried him. Instant boner. The ring wraiths immediately forgot their orders from Sauron and went after their horny urges. They charged after her and she urged her horse into a run. Arwen didn't need to be raped to get some.

They kept running, Frodo whining the whole time. Arwen was just about to let the rape wraiths have Frodo when they came to the river. They were over it and the rape wraiths could not get across.

"Ha!" Arwen said. As their horses tried to step into the water, Arwen called on a bit of magic that she knew causing the river to rise and wash them away.

Frodo fainted. The excitement was too much for him in his weakened state.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Frodo woke up to find someone sitting on him in the large bed that he was in.

"Ahhhh! Get off me!" Frodo screamed.

"Fine I will," a deep voice said, sounding hurt.

"Oh Gandalf, it's you! I thought you were Sam. No, you don't have to get off. But you are kind of squishing me," Frodo said.

Gandalf smiled in that crooked way that he did when he was fantasizing. But he did get off.

Someone that Frodo had thought that he had seen before came into the room. He was an elf with long, dark hair, and a humungous forehead. He was wearing what seemed to be a girly tiara. Frodo found that alone very disturbing.

"Frodo, this is my friend, Elrond," Gandalf said. Frodo was very disturbed by the way Gandalf said friend.

Sam ran into the room. "Frodo! You're finally awake!" Frodo sighed, and no one was quite sure whether it was out of pain or annoyance. Gandalf and Elrond left the room then, and Frodo would have had a nice long cry if Sam hadn't climbed into the big bed with him.

"This is a nice bed, isn't it Frodo? We could really have some fun," Sam said mischievously.

"I don't feel like it Sam. I still don't feel back to perfect health."

Sam scowled but he left the room. Frodo cried his little hobbit eyes out over the prospect of losing Gandalf to that big-headed elf.