Gandlaf walked in on Merry and Pippin in their room in Rivendell right before they were leaving. He was wondering why Elrond had been dumb enough to say that they could go along with the Fellowship and had half a mind to tell Elrond how much fun hobbits were.

"You two are always going at it! Don't you ever stop?" Gandalf yelled at them, causing them to jump.

"No, not really," Pippin said.

"Well, good that you two love each other, bad when you do it in public. We're leaving," Gandalf said, and there was a rush to put clothes back on, which ended up in the hobbits wearing the other's clothes.

Gandalf could only roll his eyes and hope that he Frodo never ended up like that. Btu Gandalf certainly wasn't as young as he had been and that made it highly unlikely anyways.

"Can't you two ever go a whole hour?" Gandalf grumbled as they walked out to meet the others.

"Nope, don't think so," Pippin said.

"Fine, I'll bet you. I heard how much you two like threesomes so if you can go a whole hour, you get Sam for the night. He needs some cheering up, and he is hobbit anyways. If you don't make it an hour, you get Boromir, who has been feeling very lonely ever since he left Gondor," Gandalf said.

Merry and Pippin looked at each other and agreed to the bet. After all, they thought, how hard could it be to go an hour?

They found it a lot harder than they thought. Since they were on the road and it wasn't just Sam, Frodo, and them anymore, it would have been very hard to find a bush to jump into anyways, but they were growing desperate.

Finally, after going 57 minutes, they could take it no more, and went behind a rock. Gandalf almost wanted to laugh since they had almost won the bet.

They were taking a rest and Merry and Pippin were watching Legolas, the tall and graceful elf.

"Look at his hair. You can totally see his roots. And those braids! They are so girly! And no man should ever be that elegant and graceful. Is he prancing around in front of Aragorn?" Merry said.

Pippin didn't say anything back, he only nodded agreement. He was quite intrigued by the beauty of the elf, but he didn't dare say so. Pippin was listening to what Aragorn and Legolas were saying. They were talking about their previous occupations before they were asked to go on this quest. Legolas was saying that he had worked in a male elf strip joint where most of the guests had been othe rmale elves. Aragorn told him in a hushed voice that he had been a champion mud wrestler.

Boromir invited Merry and Pippin to come fence with him. Pippin found himself actually enjoying it, especially when all three of them ended up rolling around on the ground. They were going to have a very fun night.

The next day, they headed for the Caradhras. The snow was high enough that Frodo almost got lost and Merry and Pippin suggested that they all have sex to keep warm. Gandalf turned down the idea, saying that they needed to get to the Gap of Rohan before it closed. Legolas asked if he could shop when they were there and Gandalf told him to stop being such a gay little idiot.

They were all frozen enough when Saruman decided that it would be really funny if he dumped snow on them. They were all pretty pissed off (not to mention cold) after that, but it also meant that they were going to have to find a different way.

Gimli suggested going through the mines of Moria. Frodo agreed, his feet were already about to fall off from the cold, and Aragorn was carrying him, with pleasure.