Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars or "The Weakest Link". SW is the property of George Lucas and TWL is the property of NBC. For a really good Star Wars: The Weakest Link, head over to Anakin McFly's corner of Fanfiction.net. Make use of that nice little search function the site has. It's right up there. *points up to the bar, where it says "[Find]"*

(Cue funky TWL theme. A young, 20-something-looking woman steps from the shadows. She has waist-length brown hair, brown eyes behind gold oval-framed glasses, and is wearing blue jeans, a t-shirt with a unicorn on it, and a silver ankh necklace on a chain dangles from her neck. And, oh yeah, she has a pair of yellow-gold wings growing from her shoulder blades. A red jacket is tied to her waist. This is Alien Lisa (AL), your hostess with the mostess.)

AL: Hello, everyone, and welcome to my Star Wars edition of "The Weakest Link"!

(The audience applauds.)

AL: Thanks! Before I introduce the contestants, I want to introduce our special guest announcer! Someone very near and dear to both myself and my real life alter ego: Charlie!

(The camera pans up to the announcing booth where a handsome guy, aged somewhere between the mid 20s to mid 30s, with short black hair and lovely brown eyes sits. He waves to everyone and blows a kiss to AL.)

Charlie: Hello! Thanks for inviting me, Lisa!

AL: (giggling) No problem! (to the cameraman) Um, over here?

(The camera pans back to our lovely hostess.)

AL: (grinning) Good. (to the audience) Doesn't Charlie have the sweetest voice? (giggles again) Anyway, let's get started! In today's game, just like in the Earth American version, eight members of my Star Wars universe will answer questions, playing for half a million non-republic credits. That's 500,000. Let's introduce the contestants! (makes gesture to cameraman to pan to said contestants)

(The camera pans to the first contestant: Luke Skywalker, dressed in a black Jedi tunic. He smiles lovingly at Lisa.)

Luke: I am Luke Skywalker from the planet Tatooine. I'm a Jedi. And I'm playing so I can use the money to take Lisa out on a date.

AL: (squeals in delight)

(The audience covers their ears until she's done.)

AL: (clears throat) Heh, moving on…

(The camera pans to the second contestant: Han Solo, dressed in his usual outfit. He smiles his lopsided grin.)

Han: Hiya. Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon. I'm not playing for anything because everyone knows Luke will win.

(The audience murmurs.)

Luke: (chuckles sheepishly and scratches his head)

AL: (shoots Han a look) Shaddup, Han. You're getting a free meal out of this, aren't you?

Han: (mutters)

AL: Moving on…

(The camera pans to contestant number three: Chewbacca the Wookiee, nicely groomed for his network television appearance.)

Chewie: Grraoooorrarooorrr.

AL: Thanks, Chewie. Okay, next –

Charlie: Um, Lisa?

(The camera cuts to Lisa.)

AL: (looking towards the announcing booth) Yes?

Charlie: We can't understand him.

AL: (confused) You can't? (slaps head) Oh, right! Duh. I forgot. Only Han and I can.

Han: I could translate.

AL: That's been done. Someone go get C3PO, will you?

(The audience makes noises of disapproval.)

AL: Hey, I know he's a pain, but maybe he'll make this thing funnier. Everyone knows my alter ego can't write humor for beans.

(A voice sounding a lot like Lisa's comes filtering down on the set. It's the author of this tale: Real Lisa/Lisa Fagan.)

RL: I heard that! Watch what you say or I'll make Luke lose.

Luke: Hey!

AL: (fumes) Someone go get the droid!

(A really, really tall guy in the audience jumps up, making the cameraman cut to him.)

Guy: I'll do it! (dashes off)

(Camera cuts to Luke.)

Luke: Who was that?

(Camera cuts to Lisa.)

AL: Well…there's only one person I know that's that tall. It's Ben.

Everyone: Who?!

AL: (rubs forehead) Well, you can look at it two ways. Either he's my alter ego's fiancé, or he's the thorn in my side that I end up getting together with in the future.

(Luke looks hurt.)

AL: (meeps) Way, way after you and I, baby. (smiles reassuringly)

Luke: Oh, okay.

AL: Well, while we're waiting for him, let's continue the introductions. Chewie said, "I'm Chewbacca the Wookiee, copilot of the Falcon." Who's next?

(The camera cuts to contestant four: Lando Calrissian, all decked out in regal tunic and cape.)

Lando: Hello, what have we here? I'm Lando Calrissian. I ran Bespin.

AL: Right…next!

(Camera pans to contestant five: Yoda, who is sitting on a special chair so he's even with all the other players.)

Yoda: Why I am here, I know not.

AL: Because I asked you to. Next!

(Pan to contestant six: Obi-Wan Kenobi, in Tatooine robe and tunic.)

Obi-Wan: You brought me back for a game show?

AL: Yep! Where's Ben, anyway? My Ben, not you, Kenobi. Next!

(Pan to contestant seven: Wedge Antilles, looking rather dashing.)

Wedge: Hi, everyone! Very happy to be here!

AL: Good! At least someone is. Last…oh, her. Well, whoever said "save the best for last" doesn't know this show. (crosses arms over chest)

(Pan to the last and final contestant: Leia Organa Solo, dressed in aflight suit?)

Leia: Someone broke into my dressing room and stole all my good dresses. The only thing left was this from Bespin. Do you have any idea who it could've been? (looks pointedly at Lisa)

AL: (whistles innocently) Oh, look, Ben's back.

(The tall guy, now easier to see as the camera cuts to him – he's got green eyes, brown hair, glasses, and dressed in blue jeans and a regular t-shirt – enters with a golden protocol droid at his heels.)

Ben: Sorry. He's hard to find.

C3PO: (confused) Why am I here?

AL: I need someone to translate for Chewbacca and Han doing so has been done already.

Ben: So has a Star Wars edition of "The Weakest Link".

AL: (annoyed) Go back to your seat.

(Ben and Luke exchange glares, and Ben returns to his place in the audience.)

AL: Okay. Now, for the rules of the game! We're gonna do things a little differently than the Earth version. There's a timer, but instead of counting down the seconds, it'll play the End-of-Round music when I give the last question. (looks up) Charlie?

Charlie: Yes, Lisa?

AL: Would you mind doubling as Timer Guy? There's a button right in your booth.

Charlie: (brief pause) Ah, there it is! Sure, Lisa.

AL: Thanks! (blows kiss announcer's-booth-ward, then turns to contestants) Anyways, I'm gonna ask each of you three questions. Each right answer will win you 20,000 credits. Each wrong answer empties your bank. The person who answers the most questions right is the strongest link, the person who answers the most questions wrong is the weakest link. There's no banking, so don't even try it. What you win is what you win and if you lose it all, that's the way the lightsaber slashes.

(Everyone mutters in confusion.)

AL: It's an expression. Never mind.  Any money won will be yours, so at least some of you will be getting something more than free food. At the end of each round, you all will vote off who you think is the weakest link. When there're 2 players left, we will go into sudden death, where the best out of five questions wins the money. (claps hands) All right! We'll take a break, then we'll start with round one!

(Lisa runs off the set.)

(Camera cuts to a two-shot of Luke and Han.)

Luke: Where's she going?

Han: Dunno. (glances up) Hey, Charlie?! Where'd Lisa go?

(There's no answer.)

Han: And where'd he go?

Cameraman: She's doing another game show, so I assume she went to there.

Luke: I thought she was doing three.

Cameraman: She won't be doing Star Wars "The Match Game" until "The Weakest Link" is done. And she can't do the other "The Weakest Link"-s until you guys are off the set.

Luke: Oh.

End part one.