It was my birthday less than a week ago. I turned eighteen, officially an
adult (minus the privileges of gambling and drinking, which I do anyways.)
in the eyes of the law. But the most significant change, there was no
package from Logan. At first I thought he mailed it late but five days have
passed and there has been not a thing. It makes me so mad I want to spit,
but really I want to cry. Did he forget about me or did something happen to
him? It's the question that has been keeping me up every night for the past
6 days worrying. I look like sh*t I feel like sh*t. And it's just been a
sh*tty week all around. But I don't care that, that fur ball forgot me! I
don't give a flying f*ck! Yeah and if anyone including myself believed that
then I'm Madonna!
Because I do care, I care so much. When he left it was like someone had cut out a piece of my heart and just left me with this emptiness. And I had to fill it some how or I wouldn't have been able to go on. So fill it I did, with chores and activities and a heap of denial. It ain't just a river in Egypt. And when that didn't work, well, I would just have to remember the promises he made to me. I never doubted him or his word for one second. So sure that he would always be there for me and that he was going to return. I never doubted him until now. Now doubts are all I have. And it's driving me stark ravin' mad.
The little sleep I've gotten the past couple of nights, I've had the same dream over and over again. I see him in this cold institutional building, searching for something, but what I do not know nor do I think does he. For some odd reason I know that he is in Canada though I never see the outside of this place. And for some reason I also know that it is in the middle of nowhere, so few know it exist. These things I know by intuition. But it what always comes next in the dream that gets me. I see him on Scott's motorcycle (which looks the worse for wear) driving down an unknown highway. All of a sudden things begin to look familiar and he's driving down this street, engine roaring so loud you can hear him even here in the main building. He turns in to the gate and roars up the driveway. I race to the window in an effort to see him; the engine is so loud now that my ears are ringing. He's home! At last! I stretch out my hands to open the window and- I wake up. Ears still ringing from the bike that exist only inside me head. It's gotten so bad that I have begun to hear the sound of that bike even when I'm awake. Hell I can hear it now even as I write this entry. Funny but it sounds different this time.
***** Short, sweet, and to the point. How do you like? Thanks to those who have reviewed you make my day, week, other misc. time frames. This is dedicated to you guys. Your encouragement means a lot.
Because I do care, I care so much. When he left it was like someone had cut out a piece of my heart and just left me with this emptiness. And I had to fill it some how or I wouldn't have been able to go on. So fill it I did, with chores and activities and a heap of denial. It ain't just a river in Egypt. And when that didn't work, well, I would just have to remember the promises he made to me. I never doubted him or his word for one second. So sure that he would always be there for me and that he was going to return. I never doubted him until now. Now doubts are all I have. And it's driving me stark ravin' mad.
The little sleep I've gotten the past couple of nights, I've had the same dream over and over again. I see him in this cold institutional building, searching for something, but what I do not know nor do I think does he. For some odd reason I know that he is in Canada though I never see the outside of this place. And for some reason I also know that it is in the middle of nowhere, so few know it exist. These things I know by intuition. But it what always comes next in the dream that gets me. I see him on Scott's motorcycle (which looks the worse for wear) driving down an unknown highway. All of a sudden things begin to look familiar and he's driving down this street, engine roaring so loud you can hear him even here in the main building. He turns in to the gate and roars up the driveway. I race to the window in an effort to see him; the engine is so loud now that my ears are ringing. He's home! At last! I stretch out my hands to open the window and- I wake up. Ears still ringing from the bike that exist only inside me head. It's gotten so bad that I have begun to hear the sound of that bike even when I'm awake. Hell I can hear it now even as I write this entry. Funny but it sounds different this time.
***** Short, sweet, and to the point. How do you like? Thanks to those who have reviewed you make my day, week, other misc. time frames. This is dedicated to you guys. Your encouragement means a lot.
