~A Once and Again Series~
The Way We Are
Chapter 22//Fields of Innocence
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"Will you get to see the baby?" Jessie asked excitedly as Rick and Lily were heading towards the door.
"No, not yet, honey," Rick answered, "The baby's too small for an ultrasound."
Jessie grinned, "I can't believe I'm getting a sister!"
"It could be a boy," Zoe piped up from where she sat at the kitchen table.
Jessie shrugged, "I guess, but I already have a brother!"
"You already have a sister too... me and Grace," Zoe reminded her with an annoyed frown.
"You kids be good now," Lily said quickly, before an argument could escalate. "Jessie, your mom will be by later to pick up you."
"Just me?" Jessie asked, confused, "What about Eli?"
Rick gave a tense shrug, "Eli has band practice or something..."
[[Rick - I'm still not sure what to make of the idea of my son... becoming a musician. I always pictured both of my kids going to college, and becoming doctors or lawyers... *frowns* But, I guess that's just not the way things are going to happen.]]
Lily gently tugged on Rick's shoulder, "We better get to our appointment."
"Right, right," Rick said, following Lily out of the house.
Jessie and Zoe turned to each in the silence, and then both took off in different directions to do different things. Zoe went into the living room, to talk to her friends on the computer, and Jessie went to change her clothes. She was still in her pajamas... and Katie would be coming over soon.
Jessie smiled as she skipped up the stairs. She loved the weekends.
* * *
Grace exited out of her bedroom, just as Jessie was passing by, on her way to her room. Grace was just as happy as Jessie was this Saturday morning. She still couldn't believe her mother was letting her go... it was amazing!
[[Grace - *smiles* This is going to be the best summer ever. Eli and I traveling around the country, just us. Together, without my bratty sister, or my hovering mother. It will be amazing.]]
Grace entered the kitchen just as Eli was. She grinned across the room at him. 'Hey' She mouthed. 'Hey' Eli mouthed back. Then Eli moved to the fridge and Grace pretended to be studying the newspaper as Zoe entered the kitchen.
Zoe looked at the two of them with a smile and an eyeroll. "You don't have to pretend," She said.
"Hmm?" Eli asked, as he poured milk into his cereal.
"I know you're back together," Zoe stated.
Grace looked nervous.
"But I don't really care," Zoe said with a shrug, "I mean if you're together or not. I'm not going to tell. I just don't want to think you have to pretend in front of me or anything." She grabbed an apple off the island and added, "Just, no kissing in front of me, okay?"
Grace smiled, loving her sister more than ever at that moment, "Okay."
Zoe took a few steps back towards the living room and stopped, "And if... you told mom you would like a dog, that would be cool, too."
Grace grinned as her sister disappeared. Trust Zoe to stick a bribe of a sort in there, just to make sure Zoe milked it for all it was worth.
Eli shrugged, "A dog wouldn't be so bad. And it's not like we're going to be here this summer to have to deal with its potty-training stages."
Grace moved closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder, "That's true. I guess a dog would be fine."
Eli looked down at her, kissing her forehead. "I love you."
"I know," Grace said teasingly. She looked up at him, her nose crinkled up.
"Well?" Eli said, letting his hand fall to rest on her hip.
"I love you, too," Grace said with a tinkling laugh.
"Mmm," Eli mumbled, his words becoming just a jumbled sound as Grace kissed him. Her fingers locked into his hair, which had gotten a bit long. He needed a haircut. Both of Eli's hands now rested on the small of her back. They seemed to fit perfectly there. Like her body was made for his. They were a perfect match.
Grace pulled back, her brown eyes eagerly searching his hazel ones. She seemed to be thinking over something, but what... Eli wasn't sure. "I love you," She said again.
"I know," Eli said, a bit confused.
Grace moved a bit closer, her body lingering against his. She held her gaze into his eyes, into his soul. Eli took a deep breath, his hands finding the warm bare skin of her back, underneath her t-shirt. Their hearts beat faster, in a joined rhythm. Eli could feel her stomach rising and falling against his. Grace closed her eyes, a wide smile coming across her face. She leaned her head forwards until their foreheads touched.
Eli closed his own eyes, just enjoying in his other senses. The sense of touch, smell... taste. Eli kissed her cheek, then trailed down to kiss her neck. Grace's hands tightened around the back of his neck as she leaned into him.
*Ding-Dong*
They jumped apart from each other, surprised by the sound of the front doorbell. Grace caught her breath, and went into the living room. She was answering the door just as Jessie was coming downstairs.
"Oh, hi Katie," Grace said. She turned and saw Jessie, "Katie's here."
"Hey!" Jessie said happily. She let Katie in, and guided her upstairs to her attic room.
Grace watched the two of them, something triggering in the back of her head, but she just couldn't quite put her finger on whatever it was. So, she pushed it out of her head, and headed back towards the kitchen, towards Eli.
* * *
"These are my latest CDs," Jessie said, holding out the CDs to Katie.
Katie took them, and smiled. "I like this band," She said, holding up the Evanescence CD. Jessie smiled, pleased that they liked the same thing, and she took the CD and put it in her CD player.
Katie relaxed on Jessie's bed, listening to the music. Jessie watched Katie as she sang along to the lyrics. Katie turned, and grinned as she caught Jessie watching her.
Jessie surprised herself, by opening her mouth, and singing. She knew she had a good (a very good) voice, but somehow that usually made her even more reluctant to sing when people other than her family were around. She just got embarrassed, she guessed. But, here she was, singing along with "My Immortal"...
"I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone..."
Katie had stopped her own singing, and looked at Jessie with a look of pure awe and wonder. She sat up on the bed, and faced opposite Jessie as she continued singing with her angelic voice.
"These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase..."
Katie reached forward, her hand landing on Jessie's. Jessie looked down as their hands linked, but she didn't stop singing.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me..."
Katie's hand tightened on Jessie's. Jessie forced herself to look up... to look at Katie's face. Jessie did, and her singing stopped, as she looked at Katie through a haze of bewilderment.
[[Jessie - I never thought I could be... gay. But... I really like Katie. *gets embarrassed* And maybe it is as more than just a friend... *looks away*]]
"You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me..."
The CD played on now, but the girls were silent. Their eyes were searching each other's.
* * *
Grace linked her hand with Eli's as she joined him on his bed. She stared down into his eyes, unsure.
[[Grace - I never thought we'd get so far so fast. I never ever thought I'd be ready for... sex. Or even that I'd want to have sex, but when I'm with Eli... I just want to be so close to him. And... *trails off, thoughtful*]]
Eli looked at Grace, his eyes hungry as she lay next to him. He put one hand on her belly, and turned on his side, so he could kiss her. But, Grace's face was turned away.
"Grace...?" Eli sat up a bit, resting on his elbow, so he could read her face. Grace looked, well, terrified... "What's wrong?"
[[Grace - But I'm still scared... So, I guess that means that I'm just not... ready for sex. Not yet.]]
Grace turned her head, looking straight at him, "I'm sorry... E, I'm just... not ready."
Eli realized what she meant and relaxed, "Grace, I'm not asking you for that."
Grace sat up, her shoulders trembling as she started to cry. "But you're a guy!"
"Yeah..." Eli wrapped his arms around her. "So?"
"And you're 18!"
Eli brushed her face away from her slick face. "So?" He asked again.
"And... don't you want...?" Grace asked, looking at him through the veil of her tears.
Eli kissed her forehead, "I don't want anything you don't want."
Grace rolled her eyes, "No one ever means that, though, right?"
"I mean it," Eli said, emphasizing each word. And it was the truth. No matter how much he loved Grace, and how much he was attracted to her, he wasn't going to push something when she wasn't ready for it. He could wait.
"I just thought... that, since we're going away on the tour together, that you'd expect..." Grace said, trailing off. She brushed away a few remaining tears.
"Well, you thought wrong," Eli said firmly, hugging her a bit tighter. Grace sank into his embrace, her body relaxing.
* * *
The two of them had barely moved. The CD had continued playing, and had started up at the beginning again. Jessie blinked, the lyrics combining with her scared, confused, elated thoughts. Evanescence's "Bring me to Life" began to play.
"How can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become"
Jessie drew her hand back from where it clasped Katie's. Her hand felt hollow and cold without the other girl's touch. Jessie felt her eyes filling up with tears. She was just so scared... how could she like another girl, like this?
"It's okay, Jess," Katie said, her own voice sounding tearful. "You don't have to..."
Jessie looked up, "I don't have to... what?"
"Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life"
Katie looked up, and her own eyes shone with tears. "You don't have to like me back," Katie whispered. "I'm stupid. I should have never fallen for you."
"You... what?" Jessie asked, her heart beating faster. In the background, the chorus was playing again.
Katie looked down at her singular hands, "I never meant to like you as anything more than a friend, Jessie, I mean it. It just changed, somehow... maybe it was always there. But, it's stupid, and we can just forget, okay? We can just go back to being friends..."
Jessie was surprised, she had always thought Katie was amazing... and she had never once thought that Katie liked her like that. It... was a lot to think about. Jessie shyly looked across the bed at Katie's pained face. She smiled, just a tiny one, but it was enough to ease Katie's worries. Katie was relieved that Jessie didn't hate her after what she had just told her.
"All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything..."
While the music played on, Jessie found herself staring at Katie in a new light. She let her feelings go, unbound, and let herself feel whatever it was that tugged at her very soul. She stared at Katie with her new feelings playing across her face. Katie was surprised, she had never thought Jessie would so freely return her feelings like this, but it was all written across her face.
Jessie reached out, and their hands linked again. This time neither pulled them apart.
* * *
The Way We Are
Chapter 22//Fields of Innocence
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"Will you get to see the baby?" Jessie asked excitedly as Rick and Lily were heading towards the door.
"No, not yet, honey," Rick answered, "The baby's too small for an ultrasound."
Jessie grinned, "I can't believe I'm getting a sister!"
"It could be a boy," Zoe piped up from where she sat at the kitchen table.
Jessie shrugged, "I guess, but I already have a brother!"
"You already have a sister too... me and Grace," Zoe reminded her with an annoyed frown.
"You kids be good now," Lily said quickly, before an argument could escalate. "Jessie, your mom will be by later to pick up you."
"Just me?" Jessie asked, confused, "What about Eli?"
Rick gave a tense shrug, "Eli has band practice or something..."
[[Rick - I'm still not sure what to make of the idea of my son... becoming a musician. I always pictured both of my kids going to college, and becoming doctors or lawyers... *frowns* But, I guess that's just not the way things are going to happen.]]
Lily gently tugged on Rick's shoulder, "We better get to our appointment."
"Right, right," Rick said, following Lily out of the house.
Jessie and Zoe turned to each in the silence, and then both took off in different directions to do different things. Zoe went into the living room, to talk to her friends on the computer, and Jessie went to change her clothes. She was still in her pajamas... and Katie would be coming over soon.
Jessie smiled as she skipped up the stairs. She loved the weekends.
* * *
Grace exited out of her bedroom, just as Jessie was passing by, on her way to her room. Grace was just as happy as Jessie was this Saturday morning. She still couldn't believe her mother was letting her go... it was amazing!
[[Grace - *smiles* This is going to be the best summer ever. Eli and I traveling around the country, just us. Together, without my bratty sister, or my hovering mother. It will be amazing.]]
Grace entered the kitchen just as Eli was. She grinned across the room at him. 'Hey' She mouthed. 'Hey' Eli mouthed back. Then Eli moved to the fridge and Grace pretended to be studying the newspaper as Zoe entered the kitchen.
Zoe looked at the two of them with a smile and an eyeroll. "You don't have to pretend," She said.
"Hmm?" Eli asked, as he poured milk into his cereal.
"I know you're back together," Zoe stated.
Grace looked nervous.
"But I don't really care," Zoe said with a shrug, "I mean if you're together or not. I'm not going to tell. I just don't want to think you have to pretend in front of me or anything." She grabbed an apple off the island and added, "Just, no kissing in front of me, okay?"
Grace smiled, loving her sister more than ever at that moment, "Okay."
Zoe took a few steps back towards the living room and stopped, "And if... you told mom you would like a dog, that would be cool, too."
Grace grinned as her sister disappeared. Trust Zoe to stick a bribe of a sort in there, just to make sure Zoe milked it for all it was worth.
Eli shrugged, "A dog wouldn't be so bad. And it's not like we're going to be here this summer to have to deal with its potty-training stages."
Grace moved closer to him, resting her head against his shoulder, "That's true. I guess a dog would be fine."
Eli looked down at her, kissing her forehead. "I love you."
"I know," Grace said teasingly. She looked up at him, her nose crinkled up.
"Well?" Eli said, letting his hand fall to rest on her hip.
"I love you, too," Grace said with a tinkling laugh.
"Mmm," Eli mumbled, his words becoming just a jumbled sound as Grace kissed him. Her fingers locked into his hair, which had gotten a bit long. He needed a haircut. Both of Eli's hands now rested on the small of her back. They seemed to fit perfectly there. Like her body was made for his. They were a perfect match.
Grace pulled back, her brown eyes eagerly searching his hazel ones. She seemed to be thinking over something, but what... Eli wasn't sure. "I love you," She said again.
"I know," Eli said, a bit confused.
Grace moved a bit closer, her body lingering against his. She held her gaze into his eyes, into his soul. Eli took a deep breath, his hands finding the warm bare skin of her back, underneath her t-shirt. Their hearts beat faster, in a joined rhythm. Eli could feel her stomach rising and falling against his. Grace closed her eyes, a wide smile coming across her face. She leaned her head forwards until their foreheads touched.
Eli closed his own eyes, just enjoying in his other senses. The sense of touch, smell... taste. Eli kissed her cheek, then trailed down to kiss her neck. Grace's hands tightened around the back of his neck as she leaned into him.
*Ding-Dong*
They jumped apart from each other, surprised by the sound of the front doorbell. Grace caught her breath, and went into the living room. She was answering the door just as Jessie was coming downstairs.
"Oh, hi Katie," Grace said. She turned and saw Jessie, "Katie's here."
"Hey!" Jessie said happily. She let Katie in, and guided her upstairs to her attic room.
Grace watched the two of them, something triggering in the back of her head, but she just couldn't quite put her finger on whatever it was. So, she pushed it out of her head, and headed back towards the kitchen, towards Eli.
* * *
"These are my latest CDs," Jessie said, holding out the CDs to Katie.
Katie took them, and smiled. "I like this band," She said, holding up the Evanescence CD. Jessie smiled, pleased that they liked the same thing, and she took the CD and put it in her CD player.
Katie relaxed on Jessie's bed, listening to the music. Jessie watched Katie as she sang along to the lyrics. Katie turned, and grinned as she caught Jessie watching her.
Jessie surprised herself, by opening her mouth, and singing. She knew she had a good (a very good) voice, but somehow that usually made her even more reluctant to sing when people other than her family were around. She just got embarrassed, she guessed. But, here she was, singing along with "My Immortal"...
"I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone..."
Katie had stopped her own singing, and looked at Jessie with a look of pure awe and wonder. She sat up on the bed, and faced opposite Jessie as she continued singing with her angelic voice.
"These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase..."
Katie reached forward, her hand landing on Jessie's. Jessie looked down as their hands linked, but she didn't stop singing.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me..."
Katie's hand tightened on Jessie's. Jessie forced herself to look up... to look at Katie's face. Jessie did, and her singing stopped, as she looked at Katie through a haze of bewilderment.
[[Jessie - I never thought I could be... gay. But... I really like Katie. *gets embarrassed* And maybe it is as more than just a friend... *looks away*]]
"You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me..."
The CD played on now, but the girls were silent. Their eyes were searching each other's.
* * *
Grace linked her hand with Eli's as she joined him on his bed. She stared down into his eyes, unsure.
[[Grace - I never thought we'd get so far so fast. I never ever thought I'd be ready for... sex. Or even that I'd want to have sex, but when I'm with Eli... I just want to be so close to him. And... *trails off, thoughtful*]]
Eli looked at Grace, his eyes hungry as she lay next to him. He put one hand on her belly, and turned on his side, so he could kiss her. But, Grace's face was turned away.
"Grace...?" Eli sat up a bit, resting on his elbow, so he could read her face. Grace looked, well, terrified... "What's wrong?"
[[Grace - But I'm still scared... So, I guess that means that I'm just not... ready for sex. Not yet.]]
Grace turned her head, looking straight at him, "I'm sorry... E, I'm just... not ready."
Eli realized what she meant and relaxed, "Grace, I'm not asking you for that."
Grace sat up, her shoulders trembling as she started to cry. "But you're a guy!"
"Yeah..." Eli wrapped his arms around her. "So?"
"And you're 18!"
Eli brushed her face away from her slick face. "So?" He asked again.
"And... don't you want...?" Grace asked, looking at him through the veil of her tears.
Eli kissed her forehead, "I don't want anything you don't want."
Grace rolled her eyes, "No one ever means that, though, right?"
"I mean it," Eli said, emphasizing each word. And it was the truth. No matter how much he loved Grace, and how much he was attracted to her, he wasn't going to push something when she wasn't ready for it. He could wait.
"I just thought... that, since we're going away on the tour together, that you'd expect..." Grace said, trailing off. She brushed away a few remaining tears.
"Well, you thought wrong," Eli said firmly, hugging her a bit tighter. Grace sank into his embrace, her body relaxing.
* * *
The two of them had barely moved. The CD had continued playing, and had started up at the beginning again. Jessie blinked, the lyrics combining with her scared, confused, elated thoughts. Evanescence's "Bring me to Life" began to play.
"How can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become"
Jessie drew her hand back from where it clasped Katie's. Her hand felt hollow and cold without the other girl's touch. Jessie felt her eyes filling up with tears. She was just so scared... how could she like another girl, like this?
"It's okay, Jess," Katie said, her own voice sounding tearful. "You don't have to..."
Jessie looked up, "I don't have to... what?"
"Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life"
Katie looked up, and her own eyes shone with tears. "You don't have to like me back," Katie whispered. "I'm stupid. I should have never fallen for you."
"You... what?" Jessie asked, her heart beating faster. In the background, the chorus was playing again.
Katie looked down at her singular hands, "I never meant to like you as anything more than a friend, Jessie, I mean it. It just changed, somehow... maybe it was always there. But, it's stupid, and we can just forget, okay? We can just go back to being friends..."
Jessie was surprised, she had always thought Katie was amazing... and she had never once thought that Katie liked her like that. It... was a lot to think about. Jessie shyly looked across the bed at Katie's pained face. She smiled, just a tiny one, but it was enough to ease Katie's worries. Katie was relieved that Jessie didn't hate her after what she had just told her.
"All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything..."
While the music played on, Jessie found herself staring at Katie in a new light. She let her feelings go, unbound, and let herself feel whatever it was that tugged at her very soul. She stared at Katie with her new feelings playing across her face. Katie was surprised, she had never thought Jessie would so freely return her feelings like this, but it was all written across her face.
Jessie reached out, and their hands linked again. This time neither pulled them apart.
* * *
