~A Once and Again Series~
The Way We Are
Chapter 25//Don't Make Me Over
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Karen cleared off the table, although Rick stood rigid in the kitchen doorway. She gestured for him to sit down, but knowing it was useless. She knew how Rick got when he was upset... but what Karen didn't know is what was making Rick this upset. She had already had to say an early goodbye to Leo, so Rick could get out whatever it was he came over here to say, but now Rick wasn't talking.
Rick shook his head at her offer of coffee. He didn't even bother to take off his dripping coat.
Karen tried to wait for him to start talking... but damn-it, she wasn't his wife anymore. She wasn't going to just sit around and wait until Rick finally shared his thoughts with her. "What is it?" Karen asked.
Rick looked up, surprised by her question.
"Rick, what is it?" Karen asked again, a bit more angrily this time, "You can't just come over here and be all upset... and then not talk about it. Rick, I'm not your wife anymore..."
Rick nodded.
"...So, spare me the annoyance and just tell me what the problem is," Karen continued through clenched teeth.
Rick sighed, but seemed on the verge of speaking, so Karen silenced herself and waited. Finally Rick said, "I happened to see something... something I wasn't supposed to see."
Karen was confused, but she just held her tongue, hoping Rick would get to the details on his own.
Rick looked up, looking uncomfortably into Karen's eyes. "I saw Jessie and her friend... Katie... kissing."
Karen wasn't expecting that.
* * *
"Jess?" Eli asked, knocking on her door. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. "Jess? Do you want to talk?"
No answer.
Eli sighed. He didn't know what had gone on with his father and Jessie, but he could sense it was something important. Eli tried once again, "Jessie?"
Inside her room, Jessie buried her face deeper in her pillow, sobbing. She heard Eli walking back down the attic stairs and she was grateful for that, at least. How could she talk about what happened with her brother? How could she tell him... about what had happened? How could Jessie tell anyone about her and Katie's kiss? It was bad enough that her father knew. But Jessie didn't want the whole world to be thinking she was a lesbian when she didn't know what the hell she was!
* * *
"Rick," Lily said, relieved when Rick entered their bedroom later that night. "I was worried."
Rick began going about getting undressed. "There's no need to worry about me."
Lily looked at him, her eyes full of questions. What had he and Jessie been fighting about? And where had Rick been for the last few hours? And why did Lily get the idea that Rick wasn't about to talk to her about any of this?
"Hmmm... a nice warm bed," Rick commented as he joined Lily in bed.
Lily ignored his arms wrapping around her, "Are you... Do you want to talk to me about it?"
Rick rolled away from her, sighing, "No... I don't think I should. Not yet."
Lily was hurt, but tried to hide it.
Rick turned back to her, kissing her shoulder, "Lil... there's just some things that I can't share with you... at least not right away. There are some things that just have to be between me and my daughter."
Lily nodded. She knew that feeling all too well. She was, after all, keeping the secret of Grace's and Eli's relationship from him and everyone else. She knew how it felt to want to keep some things to yourself.
Rick saw her understanding and kissed her appreciatively.
As he turned out the lights, Lily couldn't help but ask, "But, can you tell me where you've been all night?"
As Rick spooned her, he answered, "That's easy... I was at Karen's."
Lily frowned-- not sure of what to think of that-- but the dark hid it well.
* * *
"I got it!" Grace called out as she entered the house on Monday afternoon. She held up her driver's license proudly. Lily followed her, wearing a similar smile as her daughter. Grace waited for someone to come out and congratulate her, but then remembered that since she had left school at lunchtime to go take the test, the rest of the family was at school or at work... in Rick's case.
So, Grace was really surprised when a weak voice answered her, "That's great."
"Feeling any better?" Lily asked Jessie who was lying out of view on the couch.
"A bit," Jessie said. Lily went to the kitchen, and Grace couldn't help but walk over to the couch. Jessie lay, looking so small as she was curled up in a bundle of blankets. A box of tissues sat next to her, along with a unused puke bucket. Grace sensed her mother's work there.
But Jessie, herself, didn't look that sick. Jessie caught Grace studying her, and her eyes turned fierce. Grace realized even if Jessie was faking it, it was in Grace's best interest not to call her on it. Unless she wanted Jessie to hate her. "Need anything?" Grace asked sweetly.
Jessie, who had totally been expecting an accusation by Grace about her not really being sick, was surprised. "Uh, no, I'm fine."
"Alright," Grace said, and began to leave the room. She paused, and looked around for signs of her mother, but she was busy starting to prepare a big dinner to celebrate Grace getting her license. The coast was clear. Grace sat on the edge of the sofa arm and asked, "So, do you want to talk about it?"
Jessie looked away, drawing the blankets tighter around her, "About what?"
Grace rolled her eyes, "About you and your dad's fight.... about what caused it."
Jessie shook her head quickly, "No... I don't really want to talk about it."
"Are you sure?" Grace asked. She felt bad for Jessie. The girl was clearly hurting, and it had nothing to do with her being 'sick'.
Jessie's face tightened, "I'm sure."
Grace reluctantly got up from the sofa, "If you do want to talk... well, you know where I live."
Jessie nodded already turning her attention to the soaps on TV. Already focusing on a bunch of not real people and their problems... anything to not have to think about her own problems.
* * *
"Jess?"
Jessie had escaped back up to room before her father had returned home from work, hoping he'd take the hint and leave her alone. But here he was, knocking on her door, trying to get her to talk. But her father was the last person Jessie wanted to talk to right now.
[[Jessie - I just want to figure things out... and I can't do that if people won't leave me alone! *groans* And my father's the last one I want to be talking to right now... because he's the only one who knows what happened. He's the only one who saw me kissing Katie. *pauses, looks worried*...Unless my father told everyone about it.]]
"Go away!" Jessie screamed. "Leave me alone!"
"Jessie, we should talk.... just talk," Rick pleaded.
Jessie slipped her headphones on, blocking out her father's words.
* * *
"Do you know what's going on?" Grace asked Eli.
Eli shook his head, "I have no clue. Jessie won't talk to me about it."
Grace squeezed Eli's hand reassuringly. She could tell he was worried about this. "Have you asked your father about it?"
Eli shook his head again, "My dad won't talk either."
* * *
Jessie sat straight up on her bed. She slipped her headphones off her ears. There was silence. Her father had given up. Jessie got up from her bed and crossed her room to her dresser. She stared at herself in her mirror, studying the girl that stood before her. Her thoughts going a million a minute.
Jessie suddenly nodded and reached down to put her shoes on. She knew the one person she wanted to talk to about this. It was time to pay Katie a visit.
* * *
"Grace?" Jessie whispered.
Grace jumped, having not heard Jessie enter her room. She looked at Jessie curiously, "Yes?"
"Can you drive me somewhere?" Jessie asked.
Grace paused, "Where?"
"Just... to Katie's house. I need to talk to her," Jessie said, unable to look Grace in the eye.
Grace nodded, getting up from her computer chair, "Sure, but why didn't you ask your father, or Eli?"
Jessie shrugged, "I just don't really want them to know..."
"To know what?" Grace asked, confused.
Jessie frowned, "Just... that I'm going to Katie's. Just don't tell them, okay?"
Grace nodded, although she didn't quite get it. But she headed downstairs with Jessie, happy to be able to actually drive someone somewhere now that she had her driver's license. As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Rick spotted them.
"Are you going somewhere?" Rick asked, surprised. Jessie had claimed to be sick and hadn't even come out of her room for Grace's celebration dinner.
Jessie shot Grace a scared look, and Grace remembered Jessie's plea. Quickly, Grace fudged, "Oh, we're just going out for ice cream."
"You feeling better, Jess?" Rick asked, eyeing his daughter.
Jessie gave a quick nod, unable to look at her father directly.
"We'll be back soon," Grace said, and Jessie gratefully followed her out to the car.
"So, you want to talk, now?" Grace asked, as she drove her and Eli's Honda towards Katie's house.
Jessie shook her head 'no'. Grace nodded, and they continued to drive along in silence.
"Thanks, Grace," Jessie said as they pulled up in front of Katie's house. Jessie looked nervously at the house, but made no move to get out of the car.
"No problem," Grace said.
"Just wait... I'll be out in a few minutes, okay?" Jessie asked.
Grace nodded, and Jessie got out of the car, looking very anxious.
* * *
Jessie knocked on Katie's closed door.
"Go away!" was Katie's muffled reply.
"It's Jessie."
There was a long pause and then the door opened. Jessie's heart clenched as she noticed how red and puffy Katie's eyes were. Katie had been crying... over her.
"Come in," Katie said, wiping away any remaining trace of tears on her cheeks. She shut the door behind Jessie.
The two girls studied each other silently.
"You didn't come to school," Katie said silently. She looked Jessie over once more, "They said you were sick... you don't look sick."
"I'm not sick," Jessie admitted. "I'm just scared."
"I'm scared too!" Katie cried. "I've never felt this strongly for anyone... not even Sarah."
"Really?" Jessie asked in surprise.
Katie nodded, "Really."
"I've never felt this way either!" Jessie said, her voice trembling.
Katie walked away, her back to Jessie. She went over to her CD player, but then decided that no music was better. She turned back to Jessie. "I'll understand if..."
"If what?" Jessie asked, scared.
Katie looked into Jessie's eyes. "If you don't want to..."
"To what?" Jessie asked, although she knew want Katie meant.
"To... be more than friends," Katie said, her face grim. "But... please be my friend at least. I need you to be my friend!"
"I want to be your friend!" Jessie said, surely. "I just... don't know about the other thing."
Katie nodded, resigned to the idea of just being friends. "Your father saw us," She said, looking at Jessie, trying to see how much that was hurting her.
Jessie nodded, and tears formed in her eyes. "I don't know what to say to him about it!"
"Can't you just say..." Katie began.
But Jessie shook her head, "No! He's not dumb... he knows what he saw. I can't just pretend it wasn't what it was."
Katie nodded, she felt bad that she was causing Jessie this pain. "So, what are you going to say to him?"
Jessie shrugged, a tear escaping and traveling down her cheek, "I really don't know." Jessie quickly wiped the tear away and turned to leave, "Grace is waiting for me."
Katie followed her out of her room and out the front door. Jessie paused, looking over at where Grace was waiting inside her car and then back at Katie.
"Thanks for coming over," Katie said. Her hand brushed against Jessie's. Jessie couldn't resist grabbing onto her friend's hand.
"Of course," Jessie said. "You were the only one I wanted to talk to."
Katie nodded, her feelings for Jessie written across her face. "I don't want to lose you," Katie said, and then quickly added, "...as a friend."
"You won't!" Jessie insisted. "No matter... what happens with us, we'll always be friends. I love you too much to lose you!"
The two girls studied each other. From her car window, Grace watched the two of them, sensing something important was going on with them. But something about the way the two girls stood so close to each other, and the intense looks on their faces, made Grace look away. She felt like she was spying on them. Instead Grace busied herself by cleaning out the compartment between the front seats. She let Jessie and Katie have their privacy.
Jessie glanced over at the car, but Grace wasn't looking. She turned back to Katie, and pushed her lips against Katie's before she could think about it. It was just a quick kiss, nothing like the kiss they had shared in the rain, but it was a good kiss... it was comforting. Jessie pulled back, looking at Katie with a smile. Suddenly she felt more sure about her feelings for Katie... Jessie was beginning to accept it for what it was.
* * *
The Way We Are
Chapter 25//Don't Make Me Over
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Karen cleared off the table, although Rick stood rigid in the kitchen doorway. She gestured for him to sit down, but knowing it was useless. She knew how Rick got when he was upset... but what Karen didn't know is what was making Rick this upset. She had already had to say an early goodbye to Leo, so Rick could get out whatever it was he came over here to say, but now Rick wasn't talking.
Rick shook his head at her offer of coffee. He didn't even bother to take off his dripping coat.
Karen tried to wait for him to start talking... but damn-it, she wasn't his wife anymore. She wasn't going to just sit around and wait until Rick finally shared his thoughts with her. "What is it?" Karen asked.
Rick looked up, surprised by her question.
"Rick, what is it?" Karen asked again, a bit more angrily this time, "You can't just come over here and be all upset... and then not talk about it. Rick, I'm not your wife anymore..."
Rick nodded.
"...So, spare me the annoyance and just tell me what the problem is," Karen continued through clenched teeth.
Rick sighed, but seemed on the verge of speaking, so Karen silenced herself and waited. Finally Rick said, "I happened to see something... something I wasn't supposed to see."
Karen was confused, but she just held her tongue, hoping Rick would get to the details on his own.
Rick looked up, looking uncomfortably into Karen's eyes. "I saw Jessie and her friend... Katie... kissing."
Karen wasn't expecting that.
* * *
"Jess?" Eli asked, knocking on her door. He tried the doorknob, but it was locked. "Jess? Do you want to talk?"
No answer.
Eli sighed. He didn't know what had gone on with his father and Jessie, but he could sense it was something important. Eli tried once again, "Jessie?"
Inside her room, Jessie buried her face deeper in her pillow, sobbing. She heard Eli walking back down the attic stairs and she was grateful for that, at least. How could she talk about what happened with her brother? How could she tell him... about what had happened? How could Jessie tell anyone about her and Katie's kiss? It was bad enough that her father knew. But Jessie didn't want the whole world to be thinking she was a lesbian when she didn't know what the hell she was!
* * *
"Rick," Lily said, relieved when Rick entered their bedroom later that night. "I was worried."
Rick began going about getting undressed. "There's no need to worry about me."
Lily looked at him, her eyes full of questions. What had he and Jessie been fighting about? And where had Rick been for the last few hours? And why did Lily get the idea that Rick wasn't about to talk to her about any of this?
"Hmmm... a nice warm bed," Rick commented as he joined Lily in bed.
Lily ignored his arms wrapping around her, "Are you... Do you want to talk to me about it?"
Rick rolled away from her, sighing, "No... I don't think I should. Not yet."
Lily was hurt, but tried to hide it.
Rick turned back to her, kissing her shoulder, "Lil... there's just some things that I can't share with you... at least not right away. There are some things that just have to be between me and my daughter."
Lily nodded. She knew that feeling all too well. She was, after all, keeping the secret of Grace's and Eli's relationship from him and everyone else. She knew how it felt to want to keep some things to yourself.
Rick saw her understanding and kissed her appreciatively.
As he turned out the lights, Lily couldn't help but ask, "But, can you tell me where you've been all night?"
As Rick spooned her, he answered, "That's easy... I was at Karen's."
Lily frowned-- not sure of what to think of that-- but the dark hid it well.
* * *
"I got it!" Grace called out as she entered the house on Monday afternoon. She held up her driver's license proudly. Lily followed her, wearing a similar smile as her daughter. Grace waited for someone to come out and congratulate her, but then remembered that since she had left school at lunchtime to go take the test, the rest of the family was at school or at work... in Rick's case.
So, Grace was really surprised when a weak voice answered her, "That's great."
"Feeling any better?" Lily asked Jessie who was lying out of view on the couch.
"A bit," Jessie said. Lily went to the kitchen, and Grace couldn't help but walk over to the couch. Jessie lay, looking so small as she was curled up in a bundle of blankets. A box of tissues sat next to her, along with a unused puke bucket. Grace sensed her mother's work there.
But Jessie, herself, didn't look that sick. Jessie caught Grace studying her, and her eyes turned fierce. Grace realized even if Jessie was faking it, it was in Grace's best interest not to call her on it. Unless she wanted Jessie to hate her. "Need anything?" Grace asked sweetly.
Jessie, who had totally been expecting an accusation by Grace about her not really being sick, was surprised. "Uh, no, I'm fine."
"Alright," Grace said, and began to leave the room. She paused, and looked around for signs of her mother, but she was busy starting to prepare a big dinner to celebrate Grace getting her license. The coast was clear. Grace sat on the edge of the sofa arm and asked, "So, do you want to talk about it?"
Jessie looked away, drawing the blankets tighter around her, "About what?"
Grace rolled her eyes, "About you and your dad's fight.... about what caused it."
Jessie shook her head quickly, "No... I don't really want to talk about it."
"Are you sure?" Grace asked. She felt bad for Jessie. The girl was clearly hurting, and it had nothing to do with her being 'sick'.
Jessie's face tightened, "I'm sure."
Grace reluctantly got up from the sofa, "If you do want to talk... well, you know where I live."
Jessie nodded already turning her attention to the soaps on TV. Already focusing on a bunch of not real people and their problems... anything to not have to think about her own problems.
* * *
"Jess?"
Jessie had escaped back up to room before her father had returned home from work, hoping he'd take the hint and leave her alone. But here he was, knocking on her door, trying to get her to talk. But her father was the last person Jessie wanted to talk to right now.
[[Jessie - I just want to figure things out... and I can't do that if people won't leave me alone! *groans* And my father's the last one I want to be talking to right now... because he's the only one who knows what happened. He's the only one who saw me kissing Katie. *pauses, looks worried*...Unless my father told everyone about it.]]
"Go away!" Jessie screamed. "Leave me alone!"
"Jessie, we should talk.... just talk," Rick pleaded.
Jessie slipped her headphones on, blocking out her father's words.
* * *
"Do you know what's going on?" Grace asked Eli.
Eli shook his head, "I have no clue. Jessie won't talk to me about it."
Grace squeezed Eli's hand reassuringly. She could tell he was worried about this. "Have you asked your father about it?"
Eli shook his head again, "My dad won't talk either."
* * *
Jessie sat straight up on her bed. She slipped her headphones off her ears. There was silence. Her father had given up. Jessie got up from her bed and crossed her room to her dresser. She stared at herself in her mirror, studying the girl that stood before her. Her thoughts going a million a minute.
Jessie suddenly nodded and reached down to put her shoes on. She knew the one person she wanted to talk to about this. It was time to pay Katie a visit.
* * *
"Grace?" Jessie whispered.
Grace jumped, having not heard Jessie enter her room. She looked at Jessie curiously, "Yes?"
"Can you drive me somewhere?" Jessie asked.
Grace paused, "Where?"
"Just... to Katie's house. I need to talk to her," Jessie said, unable to look Grace in the eye.
Grace nodded, getting up from her computer chair, "Sure, but why didn't you ask your father, or Eli?"
Jessie shrugged, "I just don't really want them to know..."
"To know what?" Grace asked, confused.
Jessie frowned, "Just... that I'm going to Katie's. Just don't tell them, okay?"
Grace nodded, although she didn't quite get it. But she headed downstairs with Jessie, happy to be able to actually drive someone somewhere now that she had her driver's license. As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Rick spotted them.
"Are you going somewhere?" Rick asked, surprised. Jessie had claimed to be sick and hadn't even come out of her room for Grace's celebration dinner.
Jessie shot Grace a scared look, and Grace remembered Jessie's plea. Quickly, Grace fudged, "Oh, we're just going out for ice cream."
"You feeling better, Jess?" Rick asked, eyeing his daughter.
Jessie gave a quick nod, unable to look at her father directly.
"We'll be back soon," Grace said, and Jessie gratefully followed her out to the car.
"So, you want to talk, now?" Grace asked, as she drove her and Eli's Honda towards Katie's house.
Jessie shook her head 'no'. Grace nodded, and they continued to drive along in silence.
"Thanks, Grace," Jessie said as they pulled up in front of Katie's house. Jessie looked nervously at the house, but made no move to get out of the car.
"No problem," Grace said.
"Just wait... I'll be out in a few minutes, okay?" Jessie asked.
Grace nodded, and Jessie got out of the car, looking very anxious.
* * *
Jessie knocked on Katie's closed door.
"Go away!" was Katie's muffled reply.
"It's Jessie."
There was a long pause and then the door opened. Jessie's heart clenched as she noticed how red and puffy Katie's eyes were. Katie had been crying... over her.
"Come in," Katie said, wiping away any remaining trace of tears on her cheeks. She shut the door behind Jessie.
The two girls studied each other silently.
"You didn't come to school," Katie said silently. She looked Jessie over once more, "They said you were sick... you don't look sick."
"I'm not sick," Jessie admitted. "I'm just scared."
"I'm scared too!" Katie cried. "I've never felt this strongly for anyone... not even Sarah."
"Really?" Jessie asked in surprise.
Katie nodded, "Really."
"I've never felt this way either!" Jessie said, her voice trembling.
Katie walked away, her back to Jessie. She went over to her CD player, but then decided that no music was better. She turned back to Jessie. "I'll understand if..."
"If what?" Jessie asked, scared.
Katie looked into Jessie's eyes. "If you don't want to..."
"To what?" Jessie asked, although she knew want Katie meant.
"To... be more than friends," Katie said, her face grim. "But... please be my friend at least. I need you to be my friend!"
"I want to be your friend!" Jessie said, surely. "I just... don't know about the other thing."
Katie nodded, resigned to the idea of just being friends. "Your father saw us," She said, looking at Jessie, trying to see how much that was hurting her.
Jessie nodded, and tears formed in her eyes. "I don't know what to say to him about it!"
"Can't you just say..." Katie began.
But Jessie shook her head, "No! He's not dumb... he knows what he saw. I can't just pretend it wasn't what it was."
Katie nodded, she felt bad that she was causing Jessie this pain. "So, what are you going to say to him?"
Jessie shrugged, a tear escaping and traveling down her cheek, "I really don't know." Jessie quickly wiped the tear away and turned to leave, "Grace is waiting for me."
Katie followed her out of her room and out the front door. Jessie paused, looking over at where Grace was waiting inside her car and then back at Katie.
"Thanks for coming over," Katie said. Her hand brushed against Jessie's. Jessie couldn't resist grabbing onto her friend's hand.
"Of course," Jessie said. "You were the only one I wanted to talk to."
Katie nodded, her feelings for Jessie written across her face. "I don't want to lose you," Katie said, and then quickly added, "...as a friend."
"You won't!" Jessie insisted. "No matter... what happens with us, we'll always be friends. I love you too much to lose you!"
The two girls studied each other. From her car window, Grace watched the two of them, sensing something important was going on with them. But something about the way the two girls stood so close to each other, and the intense looks on their faces, made Grace look away. She felt like she was spying on them. Instead Grace busied herself by cleaning out the compartment between the front seats. She let Jessie and Katie have their privacy.
Jessie glanced over at the car, but Grace wasn't looking. She turned back to Katie, and pushed her lips against Katie's before she could think about it. It was just a quick kiss, nothing like the kiss they had shared in the rain, but it was a good kiss... it was comforting. Jessie pulled back, looking at Katie with a smile. Suddenly she felt more sure about her feelings for Katie... Jessie was beginning to accept it for what it was.
* * *
