"YOU IDIOT!" The chief yelled as Lei entered the office. "6 months of planning, and you screw it up in five minutes!"
Lei closed the door and sat across from the chief.
"I don't understand." He said cautiously. "Don't you want to give me a medal?"
"A medal?!?"
The chief pushed a file across his desk. In large, red print across the cover were the words "Operation White Dragon: Top Secret." Opening the file revealed details of a 6-month operation to infiltrate a drug gang and take down 'Big Red'.
"Big Red's the guy we were really after." The chief told Lei. "He's had his gang running drugs back and forth for years. And after last nights deal our undercover guys were going to meet him!"
"Oh."
"Oh? Oh?" The chief nearly fell out of his chair as the rage took over. "We lost the best opportunity we have ever had to apprehend Big Red. Probably the only opportunity we will ever have! And all because you wanted to play hero! You didn't even wait for backup!"
Lei looked up from the file. "I had to act quickly. They were almowst finished with the deawl."
"AND ABOUT TO TAKE OUR MEN TO SEE BIG RED!"
Lei recoiled as the chief shook his fist inches from Lei's face.
"Sowwy."
The chief seemed to calm down and went back to his chair.
"Oh, you're sorry. Good. I'm glad we cleared that up. GET OUT!!!"
"So when's the medal ceremony?" Ping smirked as Lei closed the chief's door.
Lei ignored the comment and sat down at his own desk.
"Who is 'Big Wed'?" He asked.
"You don't know?" Ping gasped. "You need to pay more attention in the meetings!"
Ping made herself comfortable on the desk and began to tell the tail. "Big Red is the head of Hong Kong's biggest drugs gang. He's made himself rich from selling heroin to anyone who will buy it."
"But why the name?" Lei asked.
"He reportedly always wears red. And is pretty fat. It's said that you can't even think about dru…are you looking up my skirt?"
"I dwopped my pen." Lei said, sitting bolt upright in his chair.
"Whatever." Ping stood up and turned to go back to her desk. "Who ever catches Big Red though is really in line for a medal."
Midnight rang out through the house as the old grandfather clock began its chimes.
"Bong…Bong…"
Silence. The chimes stopped. The second hand paused. A droplet of water from the taps in the kitchen hung half way through its journey. Time put its feet up and stole a quick break whilst no one was looking.
In the living room soot fell and scattered around the floor a little. After some scuffling noises a boot appeared. Then another. Pretty soon a body had stepped out onto the rug, and dragged with it a huge sack of pretty coloured boxes. An onlooker may have been pleased to see a jolly fat man appear. Clothed entirely in red and white. They may even have rushed forward to greet him, had it not been for the huge black helmet. The figure breathed as if hooked up to a respirator.
"Darth. Are you there?" a harsh voice whispered over the intercom.
"I am here." Breathed Darth. (Just go with it. It will all make sense near the end.)
"Excellent. Continue as planned."
Darth moved closer to the tree and quickly began swapping the presents with those in his bag. When he had completed this task he rose to his feet and turned back towards the chimney.
"Who the Ho are you?" a gentle, friendly voice asked him.
"SANTA? What are you doing here?" Darth enquired. This had not been expected. The old man was meant to have been and gone by now.
"I thought someone was following me." Santa said, taking a step forward. "And what's this?" Santa reached down to the tree and took one of the presents. "This isn't one I left."
A whirring noise went unnoticed as Santa began to tear the rapping from the box. Inside he found a doll, with pointy hair and a nappy. On the back there was a pull-string.
Santa pulled it.
"Show me what you've got!" The doll squeaked.
"What the ho?" Santa exclaimed. He turned to Darth. "Why would any child want a Heihachi doll?"
"This Christmas, it is all any child will get!" Darth shouted as he brought his light sabre down across Santa's chest.
Time returned. The clocks began to tick. The water dropped
Lei screeched his car to a halt and stared up at the roof of a nearby house. A sinister, heavily padded, looking figure was dragging an equally padded figure across the roof and into a sled. Both figures wore red.
"Big Red." He gasped. "…Two Big Red's!"
Lei leapt from his car and ran to the house. Like a monkey he scaled the wall and was soon on the roof pointing his gun.
"Fweeze!"
Darth turned and dropped the fat burden he was dragging. Santa began to roll off the roof.
"No!" Lei yelled, and jumped to grab Santa. It took all of his strength to bring the fat man back up to the top of the roof. The other had gone.
"Lei Wulong…" The fat man spoke, but his voice was cold and out of breath.
"How do you know my name?" Lei asked.
"I know everyone. Do you know who I am?"
"I thought you may be Big Red. But you look more like Father Qwuistmas."
Lei laughed nervously at this.
"You lie still, I will radio for help."
Santa reached up and grabbed Lei's arm. "No…I will recover. But not in time. The children Lei. The children need your help. That man with the helmet, he is stealing the presents and replacing them with this!"
Santa held up the doll. Lei took it and tried the string on the back.
"I have way more money than you!" The doll squeaked.
