"And, being the better man, will quickly overcome my adversary." Sirius continued. "Whereupon, we will retire to a nearby café . . ."
"Shut up!" Snape told him, much to the relief of all the others.
"What?" Sirius asked. "I like talking in a very repetitive way about the victory over Lieutenant Green of the queens's marines!"
"Right . . ." Malfoy said, rolling his eyes. "So are we gonna duel or not? I'm a busy Malfoy, I haven't got all day."
"Yeah, well we've got to set a time and date . . ." James said, looking thoughtful. "That way it's like a real duel."
"You guys!" Lily said, glaring at James, "We can't fight! It's against the rules."
They all stared at her.
"Anyway," Remus said, turning back to the Slytherins, "How 'bout tomorrow at dawn at the gates of Hogwarts?"
"Deal." The triplets said.
***
The next morning in the Gryffindor common room:
"Soooo . . ." James said, looking around at the others, "Where exactly ARE the gates of Hogwarts? Are there even any?"
"I don't know!" Sirius shouted. "But let's go anyway, I feel like fighting."
"Um, Sirius?" Remus said, rolling his eyes. "We can't go if we don't know where to go."
"Well, let's think about this." James said. "We must pass through the gates when we get here every year, right?"
"If there are gates." Remus added.
"Right, if there are gates. Anyway, does anyone remember seeing gates?"
"What exactly is the difference between a gate and a fence?" Sirius asked, looking completely serious.
"Um, gates are bigger and made out of metal." Remus suggested.
"Not always, they could be small." James said. "But how about just telling us whether you have seen a fence or a gate lately."
"No. You Remus?"
"No. You Peter? Hey, where's Peter."
Lily walked downstairs. "You guys left him outside yesterday in that tree. Remember not being able to get him down?"
"Oh yeah . . ." They all said.
"Well, we have to get him first." James told them. "We can decide about the gates on the way down to the tree."
Meanwhile, in the Slytherin common room:
"Soooo . . ." Malfoy said, "There are a lot of us. Who's going to fight? There can only be five."
"Like, I will." Narcissa said, filing her nails and looking at them. "It's, like, bitching and stuff. Totally."
"Ok, how about not . . ." Lucius sighed, looking at her.
"Ok!" Nott said, "If you really want me to."
"No, the other not!" Lucius glared.
"What other Nott?" The triplets said, looking confused.
"Yeah, there's only one." Will said. The others glared at him.
"Yeah, there's only one." They all said together.
"No, I mean . . ." Lucius started to try again.
"Who cares?" Jimmy said. "Nott's not fighting and neither is Narcissa."
"I will." Nancy said, looking bored and tired. It was just before dawn, so they were not really wide awake.
"Yeah, all right." Lucius said, sighing. "And I am, too."
"Say's who?" Avery said. "Why should you get to fight? You're not even that good."
"You shouldn't question me, I'm a Malfoy! I always get to fight."
"Fine." Avery said grumpily. "But I want to too."
"Ok, who else? We need two more." Lucius said, groaning.
"I will." Snape said. He was reading and not really paying attention.
"Yeah, me too!" Rosier said.
"No, he'll try to psychic them!" Nancy complained. "Let's take Jimmy."
"No way, I'm not involved." Jimmy said, backing away. "This is your crazy little duel. Why don't you just turn them in for being out of the castle this early in the morning?"
"That's an idea." Lucius said, looking thoughtful.
"No, we can't back out now." Snape said. "We're not that wimpy."
"Oh fine." Lucius said, looking annoyed. "So we're taking me, Severus, Nancy, Avery, and Jimmy."
"No, you're not taking me!" Jimmy said. "I told you I'm not involved."
"Fine, then we'll just have to deal with Rosier." Lucius sighed. "Let's go."
"No!" The triplets cried. "We want to go!"
"That won't work, we'll have to get rid of three people that way!" Snape told then.
"I don't have to go." Nancy said.
"Neither do I." Avery told them.
"Well, I really don't need to." Rosier sighed, looking annoyed.
"But the triplets all fight at once." Jimmy pointed out, flipping through a Playboy magazine.
"Hey, can I see that?" Lucius asked, perking up.
"No!" Jimmy and Narcissa said at once.
"Yeah, it's mine." Jimmy said. "For my eyes only."
"Like that James Bond song, 'For Your Eyes Only'." Lucius said, dazing.
"James who?" Avery asked, looking at Lucius in a funny way.
"Oh, um, no one." Lucius said quickly.
"Oh, just checking." Avery said. "So who's going?"
"I want to!" Nott spoke up again.
And so the morning continued, the Gryffindors trying to knock the squealing Peter out of a tree, the Slytherins trying to decide who should go to the gates of Hogwarts that day.
"Shut up!" Snape told him, much to the relief of all the others.
"What?" Sirius asked. "I like talking in a very repetitive way about the victory over Lieutenant Green of the queens's marines!"
"Right . . ." Malfoy said, rolling his eyes. "So are we gonna duel or not? I'm a busy Malfoy, I haven't got all day."
"Yeah, well we've got to set a time and date . . ." James said, looking thoughtful. "That way it's like a real duel."
"You guys!" Lily said, glaring at James, "We can't fight! It's against the rules."
They all stared at her.
"Anyway," Remus said, turning back to the Slytherins, "How 'bout tomorrow at dawn at the gates of Hogwarts?"
"Deal." The triplets said.
***
The next morning in the Gryffindor common room:
"Soooo . . ." James said, looking around at the others, "Where exactly ARE the gates of Hogwarts? Are there even any?"
"I don't know!" Sirius shouted. "But let's go anyway, I feel like fighting."
"Um, Sirius?" Remus said, rolling his eyes. "We can't go if we don't know where to go."
"Well, let's think about this." James said. "We must pass through the gates when we get here every year, right?"
"If there are gates." Remus added.
"Right, if there are gates. Anyway, does anyone remember seeing gates?"
"What exactly is the difference between a gate and a fence?" Sirius asked, looking completely serious.
"Um, gates are bigger and made out of metal." Remus suggested.
"Not always, they could be small." James said. "But how about just telling us whether you have seen a fence or a gate lately."
"No. You Remus?"
"No. You Peter? Hey, where's Peter."
Lily walked downstairs. "You guys left him outside yesterday in that tree. Remember not being able to get him down?"
"Oh yeah . . ." They all said.
"Well, we have to get him first." James told them. "We can decide about the gates on the way down to the tree."
Meanwhile, in the Slytherin common room:
"Soooo . . ." Malfoy said, "There are a lot of us. Who's going to fight? There can only be five."
"Like, I will." Narcissa said, filing her nails and looking at them. "It's, like, bitching and stuff. Totally."
"Ok, how about not . . ." Lucius sighed, looking at her.
"Ok!" Nott said, "If you really want me to."
"No, the other not!" Lucius glared.
"What other Nott?" The triplets said, looking confused.
"Yeah, there's only one." Will said. The others glared at him.
"Yeah, there's only one." They all said together.
"No, I mean . . ." Lucius started to try again.
"Who cares?" Jimmy said. "Nott's not fighting and neither is Narcissa."
"I will." Nancy said, looking bored and tired. It was just before dawn, so they were not really wide awake.
"Yeah, all right." Lucius said, sighing. "And I am, too."
"Say's who?" Avery said. "Why should you get to fight? You're not even that good."
"You shouldn't question me, I'm a Malfoy! I always get to fight."
"Fine." Avery said grumpily. "But I want to too."
"Ok, who else? We need two more." Lucius said, groaning.
"I will." Snape said. He was reading and not really paying attention.
"Yeah, me too!" Rosier said.
"No, he'll try to psychic them!" Nancy complained. "Let's take Jimmy."
"No way, I'm not involved." Jimmy said, backing away. "This is your crazy little duel. Why don't you just turn them in for being out of the castle this early in the morning?"
"That's an idea." Lucius said, looking thoughtful.
"No, we can't back out now." Snape said. "We're not that wimpy."
"Oh fine." Lucius said, looking annoyed. "So we're taking me, Severus, Nancy, Avery, and Jimmy."
"No, you're not taking me!" Jimmy said. "I told you I'm not involved."
"Fine, then we'll just have to deal with Rosier." Lucius sighed. "Let's go."
"No!" The triplets cried. "We want to go!"
"That won't work, we'll have to get rid of three people that way!" Snape told then.
"I don't have to go." Nancy said.
"Neither do I." Avery told them.
"Well, I really don't need to." Rosier sighed, looking annoyed.
"But the triplets all fight at once." Jimmy pointed out, flipping through a Playboy magazine.
"Hey, can I see that?" Lucius asked, perking up.
"No!" Jimmy and Narcissa said at once.
"Yeah, it's mine." Jimmy said. "For my eyes only."
"Like that James Bond song, 'For Your Eyes Only'." Lucius said, dazing.
"James who?" Avery asked, looking at Lucius in a funny way.
"Oh, um, no one." Lucius said quickly.
"Oh, just checking." Avery said. "So who's going?"
"I want to!" Nott spoke up again.
And so the morning continued, the Gryffindors trying to knock the squealing Peter out of a tree, the Slytherins trying to decide who should go to the gates of Hogwarts that day.
