DISCLAIMER: I do not own Star Wars. I do not own Jango Fett. I do not own ten-year-old Boba Fett. I do not own Grown-up Boba Fett. I do not own Zam Wessel. I do not own any clones. I do not own anything, really. I do, however, own Iluva Fett, so don't use her.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't know if anyone but me will find this even remotely funny. I hope you do. I'm not a complete Star Wars geek, so I don't know all of the planes they used, or if they watch T.V. or whatever, so I'll just make something up.

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The Fett Family Affair
by Mona Lisa
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Chapter one:
In which Boba gets busted and Iluva arrives
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Jango Fett sat down on the couch in front of his Holovision. Jango smiled to himself. Finally, a moment of peace. His life was always so chaotic, never leaving much time for holovision or anything else. Besides, the place where he now sat was normally occupied by his eight year old son, Boba.

Jango sat his coffee down on the table beside the couch. How long had it been since he had enjoyed the little things in life, such as drinking coffee while watching H.V.? Jango's only joy in life came from his son. Boba was young and energetic, and Jango enjoyed his ceaseless curiosity. Boba was perfect in his father's eyes. He studied hard and loved his father, and Jango couldn't help to feel slightly envious of the boy. Boba led a care-free life, needing nothing to worry about but making his own dinner while his father was away on "business trips."

Jango was just about to turn the H.V. on when the Holophone in the kitchen went off, and Jango heard the angry voice of Zam Wessel shouting at him.

"Jango? You had better be home! Jango!"

Jango sighed and stood up. He should have known the peace was too good to last. Every time he had a moment of peace, it was ruined by some Bounty Hunter or Dark Lord or another calling upon him.

"What do you want, Zam?" He asked the miniature holo-projected Zam that stood on his kitchen table.

"It's about time that you answered."

"Don't get smart with me, Zam."

"I can see you are having a bad day. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Jango?"

"My day was going fine until you called."

"Always happy to see me, aren't you?"

"I don't want to play games with you, Zam. What do you want?"

"Since you're so angry at me for interrupting your day, maybe this little piece of news will interest you."

"Just get to the point."

"Alright. You are cranky today, aren't you? A little ray of sunshine-"

"Zam."

"-making all the flowers bloom."

"Zam! I'm warning you now..."

"Sorry, Jango. You haven't even got a sense of humor. Anyway, I killed Raba Bila."

"Good."

"What, you aren't thrilled?"

Jango didn't answer.

"Figures." Zam said before becoming suddenly stern. "Alright, Jango, I'm expecting those blasters and the thirty-thousand dollars you promised me for doing your job."

"The blasters are buried somewhere in my closet, Zam. I'll have to dig them out. As for the thirty-thousand, you'll get that after I deliver the body to Jabba."

"Very well. I'll stop by with the body tomorrow. Start cleaning out your closet, because I'll be expecting those blasters to be in your hands, ready to hand over, when you open the door."

"Of course."

"Jango, I nee-" A sudden thud followed by a cry sounded in the hall outside Jango's apartment. Jango's father instincts took over, and he cut Zam short.

"Oh no. Gotta go, Zam."

"Jango! I wasn't finished talking to you!"

But he was already gone.

Outside the apartment, Jango found Boba wrestling with several clone boys who were identical to Boba down to every last hair on their heads. The clones were pinning Boba to the ground, holding his arms and legs while another sat on top of him with his hands wrapped around the unfortunate boys neck.

"What in the name of the galaxy is going on out here?" Jango shouted, and the clone boys immediately let go of Boba and stood facing Jango at attention. "What is going on here?" He tried again.

"We are sorry, Sir." One of them said. "Forgive us, Sir. We saw him steal a few cookies from the kitchen."

"You nearly killed my boy for stealing cookies?"

"We are sorry, Sir. We have been trained that stealing is illegal."

Jango rolled his eyes. Often he wondered why he had chosen "Bounty Hunter" as his profession. He made his life stealing, cheating, and killing. Now he was supposed to tell his son it was wrong? Well, okay, so perhaps it was, but that hardly mattered to Jango.

"Stealing is illegal." He said at last. "But I do not believe my son deserved death for stealing a cookie."

"Three cookies, Sir." Jango gave the clone such a cold stare that it could have frozen a snow beast. "Erm, I mean, we were not trying to kill him, Sir." The boy said quickly. "We were trying to discipline him, Sir. In fact, we did not recognize him, Sir. We thought he was one of us until you arrived."

"Don't let it happen again. And if it does, leave the disciplining to me."

"Of course, Sir."

"Are you alright, Boba?" Jango asked as he pulled his son off of the ground.

"I'm fine, Dad."

"You know you are not allowed to steal from the Kaminoins, don't you?"

"Yes, Sir."

"And stop it with the 'Sir' thing! You are starting to sound like all of those clones!"

"Sorry, Sir, I mean Dad. But I am a clone."

"Yeah, but you're my son, too."

"Aren't all of your clones your children?"

"No."

"Oh." Boba looked confused. He looked up at his Father questioningly.

"Don't steal from the Kaminoins again, Boba."

"Okay. Do I have a punishment?"

"Yes. I need you to clean out my closet. There are some old blasters I need in there."

"Can I have one?"

"No. I need to give them to Zam."

"Who?"

"You're just stalling. I promised Zam that she could have them. Get to work."

Boba meandered into his father's bedroom as Jango once again settled down on the couch. Who is Zam? Boba wondered. Was it possible that Jango could have a girlfriend? Boba smiled. He had always wondered what it would be like to have a mom.

Boba ran the logic through his mind. Blasters wasn't the most romantic gift to give a woman, he didn't think. Maybe she was a bounty hunter too? Maybe not. Jango wasn't the most romantic person in the world. Maybe he thought that blasters made the perfect first-date gift. Boba shrugged and opened the closet door.

It was nearly a half-hour later before Jango was approached by his son, who held a metal box in front of him.

"Is this it?" Boba asked as Jango took the box from him and the door bell rang.

"Yes, these are them. Will you get the door?"

"Sure." Boba opened the door to reveal an elderly woman standing in the doorway. Her skin was dark and her hair was white. She was short and stalky- not fat, just slightly plump.

"Hello, little one." She said warmly, "Is this where Jango Fett lives?"

"Yep." Boba said, looking her over again and wondering what she could possibly want with his father. Was she Zam? She looked a little old to be dating Jango.

"Can I see him?"

"Just a minute." Boba shut the door and walked back to his father.

"Dad, there's a weird old woman here to see you. Is she Zam?"

"I doubt it, Boba. Zam may be weird, but she's not old."

Jango walked over to the door, thinking about how he would yell at Zam for coming so early, if that was her on the other side of the door, of course. When Jango opened the door, he saw the last person he would ever expect to see on Kamino.

"Mom?" Jango asked in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you think I am doing here? I came to see you and Boba of course!"

"Who is she, Dad?" Boba asked, poking his head out from behind his father's back.

"Boba, this is my mother; your Grandma Iluva Fett."

"If she's my Grandma, how come I've never seen her before?"

"You saw her once a long time ago. She lives far away, and she doesn't like the cold and rain of Kamino."

"Then why didn't we ever go visit her?"

"Uh..."

"Here." Iluva said, covering for her tongue-tied son. She pulled a package out of her purse and handed it to Boba. "This is for you."

"What is it?"

"It's a gift. Why don't you open it and see?"

Boba tore off the wrapping to reveal a modle B-class fighter plane. "Cool!" He exclaimed. "This was the last one I needed to complete my Fighter Collection! Thanks!" With that, Boba ran off with his plane, making sound effects that mimicked a flying plane and things blowing up as he went. Boba was so involved in his play that when he tryied to run into his bedroom, he ran into the wall instead. For a moment he lay flat on the floor and then picked both himself and the fighter up. He shook himself out, then ran, with success, into his room and shut the door.

"Cute kid." Iluva said as she stepped into the appartment. "Well, Jango, it is late and I am exahusted. Where do I sleep?"

"Mom, I wish you had called sooner so that we could have already arranged this."

"I wanted to suprise you."

"I would move Boba into my room and let you sleep in his, but his bed is too small. I guess you'll have to sleep on the couch."

"The couch! What a way to treat your guests, Jango!" Without another word, Iluva walked into Jango's room. She emerged a few seconds later, then re-entered with her bags. She came back out again and threw Jango his pajamas.

"You can sleep on the couch. Good-night, Jango." Iluva had closed the door before Jango could do so much as open his mouth to argue.

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I hope you like it so far. Please reveiw. I like reviews. Danka.
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