AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am insane right now. I know the characters may be out of character, but I do not care! Enjoy my piece of insanity!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA! Sorry. I am mentally unstable. And who cares of they eat Earth food? I don't!!!!
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The Fett Family Affair
by Mona Lisa
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Chapter Two:
In which Boba causes destruction and Zam gets a new job
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Jango was rudely awoken the next morning by Boba bouncing up and down on the couch.
"Hey Dad! Guess what!"
"What?"
"Grandma Iluva is so cool! I told her about my fight with the Clone Boys yesterday, and she baked me some cookies so that I don't have to steal any more from the Kaminoins! How come I don't have a Mom as cool as yours?" Boba jumped off of the couch and ran into the kitchen without waiting for Jango's answer. Jango wearily followed his son into the kitchen, where he was greeted by the warm scent of freshly baked cookies.
"Good morning Jango. How did you sleep last night?" Iluva was cooking pancakes on the stove.
"I feel as if I was sleeping on a rock all night, thanks to you."
"No need to get offensive! I was just asking how you slept!"
Jango cast a quick glance at Boba, who had just stuffed his mouth with his forth cookie of the morning. "Boba, I think that is enough cookies." Jango then turned his attention back to Iluva. "Am I supposed to be polite? You kicked me out of my room!"
"And you were going to make me, your guest, sleep on the couch!"
"Mom, you keep talking about how unpolite it is to make your guest sleep on the couch. Isn't it unpolite to kick your host out of his bedroom?"
Boba, certain that neither of the adults were paying any attention to him, slipped a few cookies into his pockets and then snuck off stealthily.
"I am your mother, Jango! I deserve better treatment than this!"
"You should have called!"
"Where did I go wrong with you?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"You were always such a good kid. Then you became a teenager. Those freakish friends of yours drew you into the darkside."
"My friends were not freakish."
"You were such a sweet boy! Now look at you! Look at your life! And your occupation! You kill people to make money!"
"It's not all killing, Mom. We also spy, steal, capture..." Jango's voice died away at the look Iluva was giving him. "It's just a job. I have to find some way to support myself and Boba."
"Which brings up another point: Boba. I think he needs the influence of a mother in his life. I fear he will become exactly like you."
"I had a mother, and apparently that didn't help me much."
"In that case, perhaps you need the influence of a wife in your life."
"Mom-"
"Jango, I just worry about the future of your son. Since he was cloned from you, I fear he will become you. You are his only influence, which makes me even more apprehensive about his future."
"Mom, I didn't clone him for professional gain. I cloned him because I wanted a son."
"But you couldn't find any woman who would bare you one?"
"Ouch, Mom, that was not nice."
"And why should I be nice after how you have been treating me?"
At that moment, Boba came cart wheeling into the kitchen, laughing hysterically. He jumped up onto the counter, then ran up the wall. From there, he did a flip off the wall that gave the illusion that he had ran on the ceiling. Pots and pans went flying in all directions. Boba jumped off the counter and proceeded to run around the room- floor, walls, and ceiling- laughing all the while.
In horror, Jango examined the cookies that now lay on the floor. "Mom, you made chocolate chip? How could you make chocolate chip! If you give him chocolate, he goes insane! The same thing happened to me when I was a kid! How could you forget this! You had to lock me in the smallest room in the house until I calmed down!" Iluva slammed her head with her fist.
"How can I have forgotten that, of all things?"
"Help me catch him!" The two set off in presuit of Boba. A moment later, the door bell rang.
Jango ran to the door and opened it a crack. I pair of green eyes peered back at him.
"Zam, you have got the worst timing of anyone I've ever met. This really is not a good time."
"I told you I was coming, Jango, so don't try to blow me off."
"Could you come back at another time?"
"No. I have Raba Bila's body on my plane."
"Hold on, just a few minutes."
"Jango, what is going on here? First you hang up on me, and now you act like you don't want me here."
"I don't."
"Deal with it!" Zam pushed the door open with her hand, flattening Jango in-between the door and the wall. She walked two steps into the apartment, and then froze, her mouth agape.
Furniture had been toppled and photographs were knocked to the floor. Zam could have sworn she saw little footprints covering the walls and ceiling.
"Jango Fett, you have got to be the worst house-keeper I have ever seen." She managed at last.
"It really isn't that bad."
"How so?"
"Well, you see-"
Iluva arrived from the kitchen. From inside, they could hear tiny fists pounding on a door. "I captured him and locked him in the pantry. It was- Oh, Jango, who is your lady friend?"
"You locked your son in the pantry?!" Zam turned to Jango in complete horror.
"Like I said, it's not as bad as it seems. Boba cannot eat chocolate, and when he does, he becomes completely incorrigible. I have to lock him in the smallest room in the house until he calms down."
"Oh." Zam looked again in horror at the mess that surrounded her and then pointed to Iluva. "Who's that?"
"Oh, yeah. Zam, this is my mother, Iluva Fett. Mom, this is Zam Wessel. She's a, uh, co-worker."
"You still live with your Mom, Fett? You are more of a looser that I thought."
"He is, isn't he?" Zam and Jango turned their heads to Iluva in suprise.
"She doesn't live here, Zam. She is just visiting."
"You have an excuse for everything, don't you, Fett?"
"I'm not making excuses!"
"And I am supposed to believe that?"
"Zam, you had better watch your mouth. One of these days, when you least expect it, I am going to get you."
"Please!" Iluva shouted. "Enough with all of this Bounty Hunter nonsense! Jango! Help me clean this place up. Now!" She shouted when her son had not moved. But now he jumped to his feet, leaving Zam giggling silently at him.
Of course, He thought as he began to clean, no one can embarrass you quite like your mom.
Iluva faced Zam. "Zam, dear, would you like to help?"
"Normally I would say no, but this place is pitiful."
***
Jango, Iluva, and Zam spent the next hour and a half cleaning while
trying to ignore the sounds of Boba pounding on the pantry door. Zam spent
much more time than the other two, dusting and rearranging furniture.
"There," she said at last. "There is no dust anywhere and all of the furniture is perfectly arranged. Humm... Jango, have you ever thought of painting your walls a color other than white?"
"I like white. You don't need to buy furniture that matches the walls that way."
"Okay, if you say so. Where are my blasters?" Jango handed Zam the metal box. "And my thirty-thousand?"
"I told you yesterday that you would get the thirty thousand after I got the money from Jabba."
"When will you go?"
"Soon."
"I'm going with you." Iluva announced suddenly.
"What? Mom. this is bounty hunter business. You don't want to go on that."
"Jango, I came to visit you. I'm not going to have it that I come here to see you and you desert me the very next day."
"Mom, I am going to Tatooine to deliver a body to Jabba the Hut. Tatooine is hot, dry, and sandy. Jabba's people are low-down and dirty scum."
"Oh, trust me, Jango, I am used to low-down and dirty scum."
"Ouch." Zam commented.
"Besides, I haven't got enough room in the Slave I for me, you, and Zam. Why don't you stay here and watch Boba?"
"I'll do it." Zam cut in, causing Jango and Iluva to raise their eyebrows. "What? You actually thought I was going to go with you to Tatooine? Jango, I need a break. You can't expect me to fly all over the galaxy with you, can you? I'll stay here and baby-sit your kid. Besides," She added with a sly grin, "I would have had to have you charge an extra thousand since I helped to deliver the body."
"How do I know I can trust you?"
"You can't. Not with your money, anyway, so you'd better take all of that with you. I won't harm the kid, though. Speaking of which, you should probably go check on him. I haven't heard him pound on the door for a while, and I'm wondering if he died of suffocation."
Jango opened the door and found his son crouched down eating Cheese-Its straight out of the box. He blinked at the light that suddenly flooded the pantry than hugged the box to his chest and growled.
"Mine." He hissed, and Jango shut the door.
"I don't think he is quite ready to come out, yet." Jango informed the two women. "Zam, I am guessing that you will be wanting some money for baby-sitting Boba, wont you?"
"Thirty dollars."
Jango was taken aback. "Thirty? Not three hundred an hour, or something? Are you feeling all right?"
"I'm feeling fine. Thirty dollars, for the entire time you are gone."
"all right, but I still don't think that Mom should come..." Iluva was looking at Jango with a stony expression on her face. "Fine." Jango said, finally giving in. How could you possibly blow your Mom off and get away with it, even if you are the best Bounty Hunter in the galaxy? he asked himself. Iluva's hard expression became one of approval. Neither Jango nor Iluva noticed Zam glance about the apartment with a strange glint in her eye.
"Come on, Jango." She said. "I'll help you load Raba Bila's body into the Slave I.
****
Ten minutes later, Jango and Iluva both had their bags packed; the body of Raba Bila had been successfully re-located onto the Slave I; Zam had moved her bags into Jango's room; and Jango once again opened the pantry door. Boba had finished with the Cheese-Its and moved on to the Animal Crackers. Jango reached out his hand to help the boy to his feet, but Boba once again drew the bag close to him and hissed.
"I don't want your Animal Crackers, Boba. Stand up."
Boba was still absorbed in his childish game when Jango dragged him into the living room. He held the bag close and glanced at every one suspiciously.
"Boba, I have to go to Tatooine to see Jabba. Grandma Iluva is coming with me. This is Zam Wessel, she will watch you while we are gone."
Jango and Iluva said their good-byes to Boba and Zam, than boarded the Slave I to prepare for take-off.
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Thank you for reading. Please leave a review on your way out.
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