A Florist's Weekend

What's with child proof lighters?

     That's it.  What the hell was up with child proof lighters?  And how exactly is a drunk person suppose to have a cigarette when the only lighter around is child proof?  I threw the lighter back to the bartender.  Looks like I won't be having a smoke tonight.  I finish my drink and motion for another.  It's the same thing that's been going on for the past month or so.  I knew the others thought I was just out with some random girl.  But in truth I haven't had a date in at least a month.  Wouldn't they be even more shocked to find out the reason why I haven't dated in the past month?  Would Ken be shocked?  I wonder how he would feel knowing that he's the reason why I don't want to date.  Imagine that, the great Kudoh doesn't want to date because he has the hots for a man.  Not just any man, were talking about KenKen here.  I bet that the others would laugh.  Yeah and it'd be real fucking funny too.  I gulp down another drink.  To think my dreams used to be filled with Asuka.  She was the one who kept me awake at night.  But now, now it was Ken that kept me up at night.  And the reasons were very different.  With Asuka I'd wake up her name on my breath and cover in a cold sweat.  However with the Ken dreams, I'd wake up with his name on my lip, although it would be for the entirely different reason.  But Ken was my friend he was my teammate and he was male.  Ah hell, why try to sugar coat it.  The real problem with Ken was that he was male.  How could I possible be attracted to a man?  I was straight.  I have always been straight.  I'm a ladies man.  And I'm definitely not gay.  Okay that was about the nth time I've had that argument with myself.  They've always ended the same though.  I'm in love with Ken.  I'm hopelessly head over heals in love with him.  I downed another drink.  That bartender just kept filling my glass.  And I just couldn't let good alcohol go to waste.  My mind kept wandering back to the exact time when Ken started to become more then 'just a friend'.

     I don't even know if he remembers it, but I don't think I'll ever forget it.  It was just a normal day, a normal summer's day.  I never really paid much attention to the others.  I just let them do their thing.  Aya would disappear to do Aya things.  Omi would also disappear.  I'd tease him about that.  I know he has a little girlfriend he's been seeing.  However with Ken I always knew where he went, everybody always knew where he went.  It wasn't that hard to figure out.  Soccer, he was always playing it.  But like I said I never really paid too much attention.  I had to worry about all my dates and girls, not some guy.  Yet now it's just the opposite.  I very clearly remember the exact time it all changed.  It was Sunday.  Somehow I had gotten stuck with closing.  Aya just kind of left me to close.  They others were already gone.  So now here I was using the hose to rinse off the front sidewalk where the day's dirt had spilled.  I was too busy to notice Ken coming up, because well I was too busy picturing ways to torture Aya.  But that's when I heard Ken yell.  I looked up to see a rather upset and wet Ken. 

     "Youji, What are you doing?"  He asked shock on his face.  Drops of water slid down the side of his face, dripping off his hair.  The look on his face was priceless.  It was just so so cute.  I guess that's how I thought at the time.   I just started to laugh.  I couldn't help it.  He looked at me with a look that was just so Ken.  I guess that was the first time I really started looking at the cute little things only Ken did.  He pouted, looking at me laughing.  His hair still dripping, clinging to his face.  "Youji, It's not funny."  He tried to glare, but it only made me laugh harder. 

     "Saa, But it is."  I smirked.  I could see he was trying not to smile now too. 

     "Well, How would you like to be welcome by a cold hose?"  He asked, hands on hips.  His wet clothing clung to every curve.  I could see every finely toned muscle, as his wet cotton shirt clung.  I was almost picturing him nude.  I shook my head as I realized it, pushing those thoughts away.  I decided to smirk instead, covering up the shock I had at myself.  I followed Ken into the backroom, grabbing a towel for him.  I turned back towards him and he had stripped off his shirt and grabbed towards the towel I held out to him.  I then left.  I had to leave.  I like running.  I didn't want to face the realization that I was getting turned on by a guy.  So I left him to dry, but the memory never left and still I remember it.  Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had stayed.  I would even act it out in my head.  I'd always try to deny it.  Yet now I can't as I recollect the memory, I can't deny.  I know how I feel and I can't keep running forever.  But I don't know what to do about.  If it was some woman I take her out ravish her and then spend the night.  But this is Ken were talking about, he's a guy.  What would he say if I ever told him how I feel?  He'd probably just stare at me in disgust.  I concluded taking another gulp of alcohol.  I looked at the clock it was a big blur, so I couldn't tell how late it was, but by the number of other blurs, I thought were people, I guessed it wasn't that late.  I went to stand up and I fell, getting real personal with the floor.  I vaguely remember someone helping me to my feet.  I swear he said something but for the life of me I can't remember.  It must have been something about going home, because before I knew it I was being shoved into a taxi.  I mutter Kitten in the House.  When I got out I threw the driver a wad of cash and attempted the stairs.  It seemed to take forever, but I kept going with semi-lucid thoughts of finding my bed and sleeping it off.  I guess I do drink too much.  I was hoping the door would be unlocked, because I didn't think I could find the right key.  Yet I really didn't want to see anybody either.  I tried the door, it was unlocked.  I secretly thanked whoever was up there.  Only to curse them two minutes later, for Ken was home.  Out of all of them I wanted to see Ken the least.  He was so close to me.  I could smell his shampoo.  I could smell that scent that's so Ken.  I could feel the warmth and I wanted him.  But I couldn't, not to Ken, yet the closer he got the more I found myself unable to restrain myself.  We were entering my room now.  Why couldn't he have been gone?  Even though most of me wanted him there more then anything.  He's leaving.  He's going leave.  I didn't want him too.  I wanted him, here with me.  I took a chance, or maybe at the time it didn't really seem like taking a chance because I was drunk. 

     "Ken?"  I called out to him.  I wanted to hear his voice.  Anything so he'd stay.

     "Hai."  He replied.  Damn I couldn't help myself. 

     "Don't go."  I asked, even though I didn't remember telling myself to talk.  Why did I drink so much? I reached forward pulling him down towards me.  Yes, Why did you drink so much Youji you bastard.  I was going to mess up any kind of relationship I had with Ken, but I couldn't.  I was so selfish.  I was going to risk everything I had with Ken, for a few moments of being close to him.  But to my astonishment, Ken didn't push back.  He didn't say a word of protest.  In my drunken state I found myself easily overcome by sleep.  I didn't dream of anything that night.  Usually I dreamt of Ken, but that night it was different.  Maybe it was because I was so close to the object of my dreams.  I was glad for it whatever the reason.  I didn't think Ken would be too excited about waking up because of the rather graphic sounds I was making in my sleep.  I woke up to a pounding at my door.  Okay, so it wasn't pounding, but my headache made it seem that bad, and the sunlight coming in through the blinds had to go.  I didn't want to move.  My body felt a lot heavier too.  I looked down, a bit surprised to see Ken still lying there.  He had stayed.  He didn't move even though he could have.  I felt a weight being lifted as I thought that this had meant something.  Even if it might have seemed like nothing to anyone else, it meant something to me.  I saw Ken look up at me, a sleepy expression on my face.  It was priceless.  There was that loud knocking again.  I felt Ken snuggle closer to me, burying his face.  I couldn't help but smile at the act.  Well, I found out who was knocking at the door.  It was Omi.  He just walked right in and seemed a bit surprised at the site the greeted him.  I was getting impatient waiting for Omi to say whatever he had to say so I started for him.

     "Yes?" I asked, trying to get him to hurry up and leave.  Of all the times for Omi to come in.  I thought that maybe I could talk to Ken now, but not with Omi there.

     "I..I …was.. just…looking for …Ken."  I would have laughed if it had been anybody else they wouldn't have even asked the question. 

     "Well as you can see he's right here."  I answered, even though he obviously noticed for himself.  He muttered a reply that sounded something like gomen, and left.  Ken's face was still buried next to mine.  I reached over tilting his face to meet mine.  His face was covered with a faint blush.  He looked so innocent.  I smiled towards him.  I couldn't help it.  Ken always made me smile.  "You didn't have to stay."  I admit.  Although I was glad that he had.  Ken didn't reply, but that didn't worry me.  The look on his face was enough to assure me.  Then he left, but not before I left a kiss on his cheek.  Even if I couldn't say what I wanted before he left, I could at least some how show him.  He was going to the park to play soccer with the kids again.  I felt myself grinning, KenKen's so committed to those kids.  I didn't move for awhile.  My mind was swimming, part from the violent hangover, part from Ken.  I don't really remember how long I just laid there, but eventually I decided that perhaps I should move.  I gather myself up to take a shower, thinking of what might happen after Ken gets home.  I'm all dried and clean as I step into the living room.  I notice Omi and Aya sitting in the living room.  Yet most of my attention is directed to Ken.  He was in the most suggestive position.  I nodded to Omi as he greeted me.  I walked next to Ken. 

     "Lose something?"  I asked, teasingly.  My mood was so much better then it had been in awhile.  He stood up, looking at me with a death glare. "Come on, I'll drive you down."  I offer, looking forward to being with him

     "Yeah but there's still the matter of my missing keys."  I shrugged, It wasn't a big deal.

      "So.  I'll help you look for them after you get back."  I grinned.  I saw him slowly giving in until he finally agreed and we left.  The car ride was nice.  I felt myself just enjoying the thought of being with Ken, even though most of the ride was silent.  I didn't care because I wasn't uncomfortable.  Ken seemed to know how I felt even if I hadn't really came out and told him.  Not only that, but he didn't seem upset about it which meant that I might still have a chance.  I kept my mind occupied with these thoughts until we got to the park.  When I got out, Ken seemed a little surprised, but I could see the smile hidden in his look.

     "I didn't think soccer was your sport."  I shrugged.

      "Well you need a ride home.  So I figured I hang out till then."  I smirked at him.  "Or is that a problem?"  He shakes his head at me.

      "Nope no problem here."  He smiles, going off to attend to the crowd of children.  I watch him as he does his soccer thing.  I never quite understood the whole sports thing, but watching Ken gave me a new appreciation for the sport.  Okay, so maybe it was just Ken I was watching and not the sport.  I continue to smirk at him, even as he inquires as to why I'm smirking.  I never answer, shaking my head I enter the car.  I pull him to the side, as were walking up to the apartment.  I want the chance to talk without someone interrupting.  I want to tell him how I feel.  I want to tell him everything.  For the first time in a long time, I really feel as though I really am in love.  After all those countless woman and nameless girls, I've found what I've been looking for in Ken.  I want to tell him, but nothing wants to come out and I'm at a loss for the words I had so carefully pick out million of times before.  I stopped myself, since when had I become so mushy.  I stop trying to say what I want and instead try to show it.  I move closer, going to kiss him.  This time a real kiss not just a peck on the cheek like earlier.  The door opens.  Of course, the door opens.  I felt as though I should murder whoever came out of that door.  It's Aya.  If looks could kill, I'm sure that I'd be dead now.  The look of death that I got from him was enough to scare away the devil.  Well, fuck him.  I'm not letting his bad mood, wreck mine.  Eventually he leaves off, stomping the way we had come up.  Ken looks at me, seemingly upset at Aya's mood.  I can only shrug.  We enter the apartment.  I'm thankful that Omi's gone again as I lead Ken to my room.  He spent the night again.  Which made me all the happier.  I pulled Ken closer to me as he drifted off to sleep.  I admired the way the moon shone in the window on his tanned skin.  He was warm next to me.  He was even warmer the night before seeing as how a layer of clothing didn't separate us.  I snorted at myself.  I was going to ruin my reputation if I kept this act up.  I looked at Ken again.  Nothing else mattered as I drifted of to sleep.