Author's Note: Chapter 3 of 8
Summary: Two of Serenity's crew have been arrested, one lies near death, and the rest wait for the captain to awaken so that he may cast his judgment upon a traitor in their midst.
Choices
"We don't fear our own deaths, you and I. We protect ourselves out of military necessity, not fear. You, sir, do not protect yourself enough and must give thought to it. I need you. But the point is, we are not afraid to die. We are prepared for our own deaths and the deaths of our comrades . . . but I have seen this happen: We are not prepared for as many deaths as we have to face, inevitable as the war goes on." - The Killer Angels
Waiting
Through the blackness the small gunship hums a steady thrum, carrying Inara from one heartbeat to the next in a steady rhythm. Lights, yellow and green, shine through the cockpit window and move in undulating squares over her face as they turn. Her heart beats once, loud in her ears, and the ship hums onward. She turns, eyes passing over the men surrounding her. Two pilots. Two guards for her . . . two for River. The hum brings her to her next heartbeat. Blue squares pass over the ceiling, sliding down the walls as the hum slows, her heartbeat quickens. River sits in the very back, two men on either side, and as the light slides over her face, she turns dark eyes to Inara, and raises her hands into the light. Heartbeat. River looks at her own hands. The humming slows . . . a heartbeat. The gunship docks with the carrier as the blood rushes in Inara's ears, and then all she can hear is her breathing.
The hatch slides open, and against her will her body follows the rush of men past the enviro seals into white and gray corridors. Her vision narrows, and she focuses on River, a slender girl-queen ahead of her. She does not see that the girl's eyes are closed, or how her bare feet shrink from the cold floor.
At a junction in the corridor, River leads away to the right with her two guards. Inara is pulled back to the left as she tries to follow, like a lost child. River glances back at her, dark hair falling into her eyes, and then she is gone, walking ahead of her guards, knowing the way.
****
In the common room adjacent to the kitchen, Simon sits, resting stiffly with his elbows on his knees. An oil lamp casts a comfortless yellow glow from the coffee table. He checks a chronometer, the time ticking by too slowly, yet for the span of his existence, not nearly slow enough. Kaylee notices his tension, and turns to Book, "D'ya think that the cap will really, I mean, he won't . . . he's not gonna -kill- Simon, right?"
"Nothing of the sort will happen, I promise you that," says the shepherd. Simon doesn't hear, but Kaylee stares at Book, barely visible at the edge of the light, in fear.
***
Wash bends over the console, listening to the Alliance chatter,"We've got three of those gorram Alliance 'cruisers in the area, one of which is mucking up the horizon. The other two are holding orbit above the capital. Not to mention the brand new arrest warrants have been clogging the Cortex with every one of our names on it." He curses, "They even have an impoundment notice for Serenity," his voice breaks over that last.
"We are so humped." He turns and looks at Zoe, going back to his original thought in frustration, "It would be hard enough finding Inara and River in just one of those cruisers, let alone three. What the hell are they all doing here anyhow?" Zoe pushes off and strides out of the bridge towards the infirmary, Wash just watches her go.
****
"Sir, we have River Tam in custody, should we send out a wave to--" St. Juana wipes the sweat from his brow, still dressed in his field clothes.
"No, not yet. I don't want those corporate suits breathing down our necks until after we have the brother under our roof." His commanding officer, one Petre Kibrom, looks on edge.
"I'll begin the interrogations--" St. Juana turns to go.
Kibrom looks sharply at his subordinate.
"Only the companion."
St. Juana hesitates.
Kibrom continues, "I want a standing order put out that under no circumstances is anyone to speak to --or listen to the girl. She's a danger."
****
River turns to face the door as she continues to slowly walk away from it. She reaches out with precision to touch either wall, on the far side of the small room. She slides down, wrapping her arms about her knees, shivers, closing her eyes as she is washed over by something unseen. She opens her eyes, confused, lost. She uncurls herself and presses her hands back to the wall, staring at the solid flatness of them, panicked.
"Remember . . . remember what it was like to feel safe," she commands herself. Her hand trembles as she watches it float away from the wall. It is an effort to force her hand back, her face screwed up in childish determination, crying now, "You," she bites her lip," . . . can't pay no more."
****
Mal lies still in the silence of the infirmary. He opens his eyes, staring quietly at the ceiling for a moment. Turning, he sees the dark curls of Zoe, her back to him as she sits in a chair between him and the center table. He takes a breath, parts his lips, moistening his mouth.
"Zoe?", his voice thick. She turns, "Sir." He stares at her, seeing trouble in her eyes, "That bad?"
"Nothing that can't wait, sir."
"Thanks." He closes his eyes, shaking off the last of the drug, not really ready to handle anything just yet. Zoe gets up and gets a cup of water from the sink. Mal opens his eyes, his head lolling to the side, and sees Jayne lying still on the other table. He closes his eyes in pain. After a moment he sits up, swinging his legs over the edge, and Zoe steadies him with one hand. When his vision clears, he takes the cup and sips slowly.
"River?"
"Taken."
He let's this sink in, clenches his jaw, seeing that there's more.
Barely a whisper, "Kaylee?"
Zoe's face softens at the chance to give good news, "She's fine sir, she's here."
She breathes, "It's worse."
Zoe takes a deep breath and coldly states, "Inara's been arrested, there are three Alliance cruisers about, arrest warrants have been posted for the lot of us, and we've taken cover near--" She stops as she sees that Mal is looking beyond her, seeming not to listen.
Silence, he waits. "Where's Simon?" he asks, casually.
Zoe cocks her head.
"Common area. We were all waiting for you to wake up so I can kill him." She says this last bit lightly.
"Oh." Mal is still gathering his wits about him, distant, still a little lost.
"So . . .can I kill him?" She is hopeful.
"No."
With more edge, she pushes on, "He meant to kill you, he would have if he wasn't such poor shot. I think intentions count here, sir."
He looks at her firmly. "I'll handle him myself, Zoe."
She is content with that, has to be. Mal turns his attention back to Jayne, not asking the question. Zoe glances sidelong at Mal, says quietly, "It's near miraculous. Every bullet . . . missed his lungs. His heart. Nicked an artery. Three inches lower and anyone of those would have killed him instantly. Tore his shoulder apart pretty good, though. If he makes it through this . . . if we make it through this, we're gonna be a man short for awhile."
Mal doesn't respond, but finishes the water and hops down, handling all the news rather well.
"Sir, I don't think--" but he brushes past her, stopping in the doorway as a wave of nausea hits him, from the drug, the water, or something else. He strides back to the sink and promptly throws up the water he just drank. His eyes tear and he runs the faucet, splashing it into his mouth. Zoe steadies him as he stands, his legs weakening.
"I'm fine." He tries to push past her, but she stands her ground, grasping his other arm. He is overcome by a violent fit of shaking. He clenches his jaw, nostrils flaring as he breathes deeply. He whispers a long line of curses, clutching at Zoe, not looking at her, gathering his strength.
Outside Wash sees them, stepping back into the shadows. Feeling more intrusive than jealous, perhaps understanding.
***
She sits alone, the weight of the light holding her down, grounding her to the reality of the cold room. Brown hands lay lightly clasped in her lap, stains in her dress matching. She waits in silence, fear gripping her tightly. She listens to her breath as it fills her lungs, air rushes through her blood to her very toes even as it waits to be pushed back out, rising through her chest. She follows her breath in and out of her body with her mind's eye.
Glistening eyes betray her fright, a flicker under dark lashes. Her lips part as she pulls in another breath, and it stays there as the door opens.
St. Juana enters.
Inara breathes out.
He stands at the far end of the table, unwilling to sit in front of that dark gaze that is suddenly leveled at him. She tilts her chin and raises an expectant brow, waiting.
"We've contacted the local Guild authorities as you requested, in your own words. We're awaiting a reply."
She looks away, having heard everything that she wanted to for the moment.
"But let me cast aside any illusions you may have about their being any assistance to you in this instance: They won't be."
Inara looks back, her eyes betraying her vulnerability.
St. Juana continues, gathering strength in her weakness, her fear, "This is bigger than them, what you're involved in," he gazes coolly at her, "I'm your only friend now."
***
Mal walks the darkened corridors with ease, knowing every step. He walks the whole of the ship this way. Finally, with a last pause and his thoughts finally together, he heads back toward the common area.
A soft step and a swinging light herald Kaylee as she walks towards him. She spots him and quickens her pace, "Cap'n!"
"Hey little Kaylee," he rests his hands on her shoulders, the lantern at her side lighting them both from below.
"Zoe said you'd woken, and then you disappeared."
"I'm still here," noting the worry in her voice as he takes the lantern from her, hooking it up on the wall so he can see her better. He runs his hands over her hair, studying her face.
She looks back at him, smiling brightly, hopefully, "Working on a plan?"
"Yeah, something like that."
She remembers something and sobers, "So . . . if it works, you're plan, I mean, what will happen then? Everything will be all right then-- if the plan works out, right?"
Mal hesitates, not willing to dampen her spirits, "Right as rain," he allows, "But that don't mean things will go back as they were. Serenity will keep flying, and that's all that . . ." Mal can't finish, and kisses her firmly on the forehead, "You'll keep her flying for me."
Kaylee begins to catch on to something not right with Mal, "And Simon, Simon can stay, right? You won't hurt him, or turn him in, right?" Mal stares unanswering.
"You're not going to because . . . you won't." She falls back onto her own persuasive logic.
Mal smiles, and manages to reassure her on that count, "No, I won't hurt Simon." They smile at each other a moment. He then gathers her into his arms, breathing a sigh of relief, "I almost lost you."
"I'm still here." She mumbles into his chest.
***
River stands, shivering in the wind, tall grass rippling around her. She walks down a long hill, palms downward, caressing the sunlit grass. Catching and releasing the inflorescences, pushing outward; swimming. The sky darkens ahead, sun still shining on the closest hills.
"Remember what it was like to feel safe." She repeats as if in meditation. She sees a door, and walks through it and up to Inara, sitting alone in her chair amongst the tall grass, waiting.
She looks at River's feet, "I knew what it was."
River puts her hand on Inara's shoulder, "He's coming."
Inara looks directly at the waif of a girl, "The job was done. He would take care of you. I should have left."
The shadows move closer.
***
Low murmurings are heard as Mal treads softly through the kitchen. The table lantern flickers, casting malevolent shadows.
Silence descends as they realize he is standing behind them. Nobody speaks. Nobody dares. Mal looks them over. Book. Kaylee. Lastly he looks at the doctor, who fearfully ignores him.
"Simon."
He doesn't move, frozen. Kaylee seats herself back next to him, squeezes his hand, trying to reassure him. Not so sure herself.
Mal sighs impatiently, "I don't have time for this," Mal steps forward into the room, "Simon. Cargo bay. Now."
***
Beyond Inara the grass stretches back up another hill, "Remember safe," River whispers, "A shade of safe."
The silhouette of a woman stands gracefully against the sky. River begins to ascend, perceiving dark hair curling in the wind. She is curved and shapely, standing very still, waiting. Her back is turned to River, and it becomes harder to make her out as the sky behind her grows impossibly dark with threatening clouds. Soon the shadows overtake River as she nears the crest, and the world is cast in gloom. A sliver of light on the horizon glimmers as River reaches the woman. She walks around her, whispering, "Ma-ma?"
As she finally sees her face, she screams, falling back into the grass, which curls and blackens under her hands.
Before her stands a woman, dead many days. What parts of her aren't bloated are charred. Her teeth gape at River in a silent unending scream. The hills around her burn, the unseen fire blistering the earth, and the sky opens up to the stars.
River scrambles back, slamming into the wall of her cell. Tears stream down her face as she gasps for air.
"Bad!"
***
Simon stands slowly, resolute, gently disengaging from Kaylee's grasp.
Mal, "Good. I don't want this any more difficult than it has to be," as Book steps in front of Simon.
"Boy's not going anywhere."
"That's really sweet Shepherd, but it ain't your decision. MY boat."
"I'll not stand idle while you kill him in cold blood."
"Huh," Mal hooks his thumbs in his belt. "Is that what you think? I'd say it's coming back to a boil." Mal looks at Simon, "You got a real knack for inspiring mutiny," he spares a cold passing glance at Kaylee, who is suddenly confused and hurt by this change in Mal's demeanor. He returns his attention to Book, "You can join us in the cargo bay if you like, Shepherd. Kill two birds, as they say. Or you can step out my way, old man."
Wash wanders in, barely a shadow of movement far from the light, "What's going on? What did I miss? We're having birds for dinner?" Everyone ignores him.
When Mal pushes past Book, the older man grabs him and slams him bodily against the wall, holding Mal's gun under his chin. Wash waylays Kaylee as she rushes over, "Hey, we'll stay away from guns . . . Zoe, what the hell is--" A din of shouts ensues as Wash looks askance at the darkness of the doorway.
Book growls, "There'll be no killi--"
"Stand down Preacher," Zoe demands, stepping into the room and chambering her sawed-off, pointing it at Book.
"Kaylee, calm . . . Zoe, will someone please explain what the hel--"
"Shepherd, it's okay, he won't--" Kaylee tries to reason with Book.
Wash looks around for enlightenment, "Please, why are there guns being pointed--"
"Mal, you won't . . . you promi--" she pleads, turning her cries to the silent captain.
"Book." Zoe states simply, digging the muzzle harder into the side of his head.
"I'll not stand by and wat--" he spits back.
"Enough!" Simon manages to shout, teeth gritted in pain, "There's no need, Zoe . . . I'm going." He turns to Book, "Let him go," adding despairingly, "It's over."
Book hesitates, then reluctantly withdraws his weapon, leaving Mal to rub at his jaw. Zoe quickly disarms the shepherd and bruskly ushers him out of Mal's way and seats Book next to Simon, who wavers on his feet. A clear path lays between the captain and Simon.
Between breaths, Mal manages, "That's the second time today that my own gun has been turned on me." He straightens, looking at Book, "I'll deal with you later," he walks over to Simon, taking his gun back from Zoe without breaking eye contact with the doctor. Mal's face shades the younger man, the glow of the lantern at Mal's back. After a moment he steps aside, simply saying, "Simon."
The doctor walks past him as Mal glares one last time at Book, then turns to leave.
Kaylee begins to doubt in earnest Mal's good intentions toward Simon, "You can't do this! Captain!"
Wash can't help but agree, glancing at his wife, looking for reassurance that he's on the right side of this argument, "Yeah, Mal, isn't this a bit---"
Mal stops, grabbing Simon's arm at the edge of the light.
"You can't abide by my say-so, you can't trust my decisions . . . then you're on the wrong boat." Mal turns and addresses this to the lot of them. He looks them over one last time, his anger replaced by a resolute sadness. Wash and Kaylee look away, flinching from Mal's scorn. The shepherd stares back, his anger clear in the direct glow of the lantern.
Zoe senses something not quite right, but says nothing as Mal leads Simon into the darkness towards the cargo bay.
***
Inara stares balefully at St. Juana as a corporal enters and whispers in his ear. The commander face does not change at whatever the news is. Inara feels a glimmer of hope and pride stir within herself. He looks at her, understanding the slight look of smugness that has crept into her face, which makes what he has to say more enjoyable.
"The Guild has refused to involve themselves, and they decline your request for aid."
He smiles a malicious smile at her, "If you still wish the presence of counsel before we begin, one can be appointed to you."
Her lips part as the abandonment hits her. She stares unseeing at the table for a moment, then shakes her head.
"No."
***
Kaylee hears someone approaching from where she sits with the others, gathered around in the semi-circle of the lounge. Footsteps descend the stairs into the kitchen and cross the darkness to the lounge, the only sound besides her breathing. She looks up as a man steps into the edge of the lamplight. Anxiety turns to horror as she sees Mal, alone, hands dripping blood.
Kaylee sucks in a breath as she sees the light spill over Simon as he enters their circle, alone. His eyes dart over them, shaken. He looks at the expectant faces of the remaining crew, then down to his hands. He shies from Zoe as she sees that he holds Mal's holster and gun in his left hand.
Zoe breaks the silence, "Where's Mal?"
"Not here."
Which opens a floodgate of questions and demands. Kaylee rushes past him, making him wince, angrily crying, "What did you do to him?!" as she runs off the cargo bay.
"What do you mean 'not here'?" Book is suspicious, standing so that his face leaves the light.
"Babe, what's going on?" Wash gets no answer and hesitates only a moment before he heads after Kaylee.
In the torrent of noise, Simon walks up to Book, trying to firm up his will, "Mal apologizes for not being here to give you this himself."
Simon decks Book soundly, shaking his hand from the sting. His face goes a shade paler as he involuntarily lets out a little hiss and wraps his arm around his stomach.
"I'm going to check on Jayne," and Simon manages, and turns to leave. Zoe catches his arm, stopping him,
"Where's Mal?" Her question still unanswered. Simon looks her in the eye, "He's gone," he hands her the holster and gun, staring at her a moment longer, "He said to give him fifteen minutes," he shakes loose, "Now, if you don't mind." And he turns his back on her, leaving her to the confusion.
***
River scrubs at her eyes, finally getting herself under control. No longer confused, her eyes seeing clearly what is around her. She holds onto that, memorizes the firmness of the walls, the floor. She rubs her face one last time, standing, unsteady for a moment, and walks over to the door, cocking her ear toward it. As her fingertips slide over the blank smoothness of the door, she recoils, clutching her head as she stubbornly recites to herself,
"Religious experience might mean a direct experience of a religious entity *you won't find him*."
A loud ringing is in her ears as she continues, "If person P has religious experience R *I won't let you*. And by definition anyone who has a religious experience has a direct experience of God. *Daddy*! Therefore, person P has a direct experience of God." She becomes calmer, but does not take her hands from her ears as the ringing fades, "This is fundamentally flawed. The existence of God cannot be proven even as it can not be disproven, which is not a validation in . . . ."
Silence.
Finally she removes her hands, wrapping her arms around her thin legs. Bowing her head into her lap, she whispers, "Lao tien foo, help me."
***
Simon turns on the faucet in the infirmary and sticks his fist underneath, remembering a time when Mal did the same thing, and gives a dry laugh. Zoe enters behind him, alone. Simon ignores her for a moment, drying his hands. He checks Jayne's vitals and is satisfied.
She waits.
He glances at her, working slowly but with purpose. He begins to change the bandaging on Jayne. She is patient, counting the remaining minutes internally.
Finally, still unfinished with Jayne, Simon begins, "I need you to get the tracker, it's either in one of the bridge lockers or the bay. Tell Wash to get a line to the Guild, explain Inara's situation, maybe they can help. I want you to--"
Zoe dumps the holster and gun onto a counter and gets up in his face, time and patience apparently being up, "First you need to tell me what the hell has happened and where Mal went."
"There isn't any ti--" Simon fires back.
"Unless you're the acting captain, I suggest you Make tim--"
"I AM--"
Wash interrupts, "Zoe, Mal on line one!"
Zoe jerks to the comm, double taking on Simon's last words.
***
Wash sits alone on the bridge, listening to Mal's tinny voice over the comm.
"Listen up . . . "
Kaylee stands in the open cargo bay door, staring at the mule tracks in the wet grass at the bottom of the ramp. She starts at Mal's voice.
In the kitchen, alone, is Book, an icepack forgotten in his hand as he stares into the darkness, listening. He had moved the lamp to the kitchen table, and it glowed under his face, turning his eyes into dark pools.
". . . We're not much in the way of time . . . "
Simon stands in the dark of the infirmary, his hands resting on Jayne's shoulder, holding down a dressing as he hesitates wrapping the gauze. Zoe's eyes glint in the cool darkness as she levels a firm look at Simon.
". . . or resources . . . "
Outside the rain has stopped. The mule stands idle in the brush on the outskirts of a town, the fan still clicking in the moonlight as the engine cools. A path through the brush opens out onto a scattering of buildings and huddled dark masses.
" . . . Zoe, I need you to work with Simon on this one . . . "
The crackle of the comm fills the whole of Serenity.
In the moonlight there is the gleam of a shuttle, glinting with beads of rain.
" . . . he knows what needs doing."
Mal sits in the pilot chair, his face bathed blue and grey. The ornate drapes behind him closing off the rest of Inara's shuttle. A large-gauge syringe glints as he throws it to the floor, rubbing his forearm, grimacing.
"We have been profiled folk" he says, "Our days are marked and numbered."
Kaylee sinks onto the floor, her eyes downcast.
"Serenity has been tagged by the feds, and I'll be understanding if any one of you decides to try your luck on your own." Mal chuffs out a bitter laugh quietly to himself, but shakes it off, clearing his throat, "The way I figger the thing of it is" he grits his teeth, "One of these days that tag is gonna catch up on us . . . and I'd rather the 'sooner' getting my people back, than later having run away." Mal flips a switch, the cabin lights beginning to flicker, powering the ship.
"He's at the shuttle?" Zoe asks. Simon nods without looking at her.
Zoe stares at Simon, her lips parting, arms unfolding, in dawning realization,"They've laid a trap."
Simon meets her gaze, nodding his head as he stumbles on the words, "He . . . he was counting on it."
Wash stands, staggering backwards a step, cursing.
Simon, "He's giving himself up".
Mal pushes a lever forward, his face stern as he starts the engines. Suddenly the shuttle is awash in a flood of lights as Alliance vehicles come to life in a circle around the lone shuttle. Bullhorns crackle out orders to lay down arms and shadows begin forcing open the hatch.
In the kitchen the comm gives out one last crackle . . . "Kaylee--" and silence echoes throughout the ship.
Only the sound of Kaylee sucking in a breath, casting her eyes up, searching for the sound of Mal's voice.
Book stands still, "Four down." He huffs outs a dry laugh, "Damned fool."
In the infirmary Simon finishes the dressing, ripping off the extra gauze as he hangs his head, looking anywhere but at Zoe, who's mouth still gapes open, her eyes bright.
Back at the glare of floodlights and deep shadows of the village, feds rush inside. Flashes of yellow light illuminate the window of the cockpit, the shuttle soon to be lost in the greater blackness of the night, and the brightness of the moonlight bathing blue over desert.
