Author's Note: Chapter 4 of 8
Summary: As Captain, Simon holds the lives of the crew in his hands. In the sanctuary of the abbey will the crew survive the night? Or will morning bring word that the plan has failed and Simon's own life is forfeit?
Choices
"The vision was brutally clear: he had to wonder at the clarity of it. Few things in a soldier's life were so clear as this, so black-line etched that he could actually see the blue troops for one long bloody moment, going up the long slope to the stony top as if it were already done and a memory already, an odd, set, stony quality to it, as if tomorrow had occurred and there was nothing you could do about it, the way you sometimes feel before a foolish attack, knowing it will fail but you cannot stop it or even run away but must even take part and help it fail. But never this clearly. There was always some hope." - The Killer Angels
Hope of Morning
The night is still, not even the wind to stir the grass. A dark clear sky has opened up.
Clean sky, black, sparkling with too many stars. To the west the capital makes the horizon glow a permanent dawn, but on the outskirts of New Weston no lights mar the night. Only the blue glow of moonlight wrapping around Serenity as she rests, quiet and still, stars glinting in the raindrops trickling down her back.
Inside is darkness, except for a scattering of lanterns illuminating faces and hands still with shock. Only the infirmary glows blue; the only room where the emergency power was risked.
Zoe stares at Simon, her chest heaving a deep breath. He eyes her warily, chin tilted stubbornly as he awaits her decision.
"You have to trust me, Zoe." The firmness of his voice belies the fear in his eyes.
She waits a moment longer before she grabs the gun from the counter and walks back to Simon. Before he can retreat or react, she slams it into his gut. He instinctively takes it, grimacing. He shoots a look up at her, filled with fear, remembering Mal's criteria for his death.
He shoves it back.
She pushes it back into his chest, "Take it," she grits.
"Why, so you can kill me?" He eyes her distrustfully.
She spits back, "Because I can only watch your back so much."
With that she strides back to the comm on the wall.
"Kaylee, fire it up!"
She doesn't look back as she pushes out through the infirmary doors.
Simon is left alone, staring in disbelief at what has been given to him, releasing a pent up breath at the price of it.
***
Wash runs down from the bridge, nearly colliding with Zoe on the gangway as she races through the darkness from the infirmary.
"Wash, get us in the air and take us east."
Wash nods, heart racing, "You got a plan?"
"No." Zoe lingers in the silence of the dark, "Simon does."
The interior lights flicker on, incredibly bright, revealing an incredulous Wash as he holds her challenging gaze for a moment. He nods again and runs back to the bridge.
Zoe turns on her heel and finds Kaylee re-entering the kitchen from the engine room, "We need the tracker, and do you know--"
"On it." Kaylee runs off as Zoe turns her attention to Book, "There's an abbey on this lawn, got any friends there as can take Jayne?"
Book turns an inquisitive gaze at her, "Some."
***
"If you stay in this zone, there's a good chance we won't show up on the radar." Kaylee traces her finger across a screen on the main console of the bridge, leaning over Wash.
"That's kinda dangerous, isn't Kaylee?" Zoe looks concerned. Kaylee straightens, silent in the absence of a better idea, and backs up a step, turning to the co-pilot station and folding herself back in the chair, tinkering with a small box sprouting wires and duct tape, lights blipping on the screen.
Wash answers, "I think I can handle some low flying. We'll just have to watch out for patrol ships, in which case I'll have to be crafty and evasive-like. 'Sides," he darkens, "Can't be any more dangerous than what that liou mahng has got us doing."
Zoe looks troubled, retorts, "You don't like it--"
"Doesn't mean I won't do it, babe, I just . . . Don't you think it's a little odd we're taking orders from the same--" Zoe squeezes his shoulder hard.
Wash doesn't take his eyes away from the nav screen, clenching his jaw, "I was standing just on this side of the door when Simon shot at him!"
"I know," she murmurs, fingers still digging into his shoulder.
Wash looks up at her, and at her nod, over to Kaylee, who sits, biting her lip, eyes intent on the floor. Her shoulders are tense, rigid, as she tries very hard to pretend she isn't hearing what Wash is saying. He clears his throat, "It's shiny, really . . . Have you got a lock on Mal yet?"
Kaylee sits silent for a moment, then says in clipped, flat tones, "Working on it, but . . . Heading towards the North Folk Abbey . . . " She sighs in frustration, "It's taking us further from where we wanna be going." She doesn't look at him, but stares firmly at the screen.
Wash tries to lighten things back up, "Yeah, well, let's just hope he's this side of the ozone. We break atmo and we're sure to be spotted. Which sorta ruins that whole 'crafty' thing." He fails miserably.
Zoe is no longer listening, watching the feed off the Cortex, "Honey, did you notice anything about our arrest warrants?"
He glances over at her, "Besides us being absolutely humped?"
***
Zoe enters the infirmary, standing just inside the doorway. Book and Simon stop their quiet conversation, looking at her, faces unreadable.
"Book, we're almost to the abbey. Get on up to the bridge and send them a wave."
He nods, turns to Simon as he gets up from his seat, "Think about it." Simon looks at him, troubled. Zoe watches Book disdainfully as he walks past her out the door. She waits until he is out of earshot, listening to his fading footsteps, before she turns her attention to Simon, who now has the holster fastened about his waste and thigh.
"Think about what?"
He glances at her, uncomfortable, "He's . . . he's not happy with the plan."
"What exactly is the plan?"
"As of right now, the plan is to wait. "
"That being the case . . . hell, Simon, I'm not happy with the plan." Her tone is light, but a darkness broods in her eyes. Then her voice darkens as well, "I'm not happy with the fact that you're still alive, or that you're not where Mal is right now."
Simon hangs his head, looking away, "I'm . . . "
Zoe cuts him off, "I understand why you did it. I get it, I do."
Simon doesn't reply, breathing steadily through his nose, eyes still averted.
"I get that, to you, your loyalties to your sister take priority over everything, and everyone, else."
Simon jerks his head up, fighting back the shame that colors his face.
"What you don't seem to get is that you're part of this crew now, and as such, you have an obligation to trust and follow Mal's decisions. It wasn't just your sister he left out there. It was Kaylee and Jayne as well. He'd have to have a mighty good reason to just leave all of them. And he did."
Simon manages to look at her without flinching, whispering in a choked voice, "I know."
"Inara knows too, now, doesn't she?"
Simon does flinch this time, "Look, if you--"
"Mal said follow. I'll do that so long as his plan holds.."
"If it doesn't?"
"I won't kill you, that was for the Captain to do. I assume he has his reasons for not," She begins.
Simon looks relieved.
"I'll just hand you over to the Alliance."
"Well," Simon quips, some of his dryness returning, "Let's hope his plan holds then."
Zoe stares at him silently, measuring him. He stares back, a bit challenging, slightly perplexed.
"There's something else, isn't there?" He gives her his full attention.
"The warrants on the Cortex, they're being re-cycled. I watched them through three times."
Simon waits for her to continue, she doesn't. "Where are you going with this? I know we're all--"
"Not once did Shepherd Book come up."
Simon stops, looking at her in surprise, gears churning, "Under another name maybe?"
"No, nothing. Eight names total. I even checked our manifest, any record of him in Serenity has been erased. Yet somehow they know you and River were aboard."
"No. No, I see where you're going with this. I don't think it's that. It . . . it makes no sense. Perhaps it could be that since the feds finally connected us back to Ariel City, well . . . Book wasn't with us then . . . " Simon taps the empty capped needle in his hand on the edge of the bed, looking down at Jayne.
"How would they know that? Still makes no sense, Simon." Zoe is clearly discomforted by this new uncertainty.
Simon tries again to reason his way out of potential problem, "It's not a glitch?"
"No."
"We got a free man on board?"
"Yes."
"Maybe . . . maybe we can use that."
***
By the steady light of an electric lamp on a desk polished with age, a large man sits reading. He turns the page to the right, soft almond eyes absorbed with the Chinese characters. His face is wide and smooth, dark hair short and brushed forward over his brow. He is dressed for bed, a tunic of clean simple lines, buttoned diagonally across his broad chest. He reaches for a small clay cup, the air above it steaming, cloves, cardamom, and ginger scent the air. As he sips, he looks to his left, to the door, as he hears someone approaching out in the hallway. Through the shoji screen the glow of a candle floats, pausing outside his door.
He waits, and soon a soft knock accompanies a quavering voice, "Shepherd Chow?"
He marks the page and closes the book, the light glinting off golden embossed letters and characters, in the Sino-Anglo fashion, spelling out Anarchist Morality. With infinite patience and grace he stands and walks the few steps to slide open the door; all of his movement efficient and fluid.
"Old Father," he greets an aged man, toy-like next to Chow, "It is late."
"Never too late for guests, it seems." The old man smiles, not disturbed in the least, and hands Chow a small hand comm.
"A friend of yours, Shepherd Book, wishes to speak to you. He is coming here, with others, he says."
Chow lays a large hand gently on the old man's shoulders, "I will see to it. Tomorrow is an early morning, and you should be resting."
Old Father nods and steps back, returning back down the hallway, tired feet shuffling over the stones. Chow waits till he is gone, the comm weighing heavily in his hand, before he responds.
***
Nestled on a low hill, the abbey appears as a tumble of dark shadow and silver-blue roofs; a scattering of yellow windows marking the few inhabitants who are still awake. Water still runs off the roof in light trickles here and there, but the sky is open and clear above, stars shining brightly down.
Outside the abbey walls a lone man carries lanterns, two in each hand, out onto a flat expanse where the cattle had grazed the grass low, setting them apart in a large rectangle. The lanterns illuminate the hem of his robe.
Farther away and higher up in the night sky, they are barely pinpricks.
Chow returns to the abbey gate, where a fifth lantern hangs on the stone wall, and waits.
He can hear it before he sees the shadow gliding towards him. Soon, the undisguisable roar of an engine grows louder, then changes tone as the engines turn vertical, and an ungainly ship lowers herself upon the ground marked by the four lanterns. The engines blow out the lights, and send the lanterns themselves tumbling.
The ramp lowers, light spilling out onto the pasture, illuminating the abbey wall and Chow faintly. The whine of the engines continues as five figures emerge, one carried on a metal stretcher by a dark woman and Book. Chow smiles as he recognizes his old friend. A young woman, a girl really, walks beside them, holding a small bag attached to the man on the stretcher. In the lead is a young dark haired man, holding himself tall despite a stiffness in his gait, his arm absently curled around his stomach.
They walk towards him and the lantern. "Sanctuary," Chow laughs to himself, despite the direness of his guest's situation.
The ramp begins to close, and Chow looks back to the ship. Inside stands a man, hand still on the inner control panel, disheveled hair and a bright shirt visible only for a moment before he and the lighted interior are sealed off. Chow takes the lantern from the wall as they near, turning his back on them as Serenity begins its ascent. He does not try to welcome them over the roar of the departing ship, but leads them through the gates, into the dark maze of the abbey.
***
Zoe leans the two separated halves of the stretcher against the abbey's infirmary back wall as Simon makes sure that Jayne is stable. Kaylee stands by Jayne's feet, watching Simon go about his business in silence.
She watches Zoe and the doctor a moment longer, waiting for one of them to speak. Looking agitatedly over her shoulder where Chow and Book stand just on the other side of the wall, out in the courtyard, she can hear them talking low.
Simon finally looks over at her.
She smiles nervously at him, "What do we do now?"
Simon glances at Zoe before speaking, "Wait until Wash gets back with the shuttle. In the meantime, have you got a lock on Mal yet?"
Kaylee looks guilty, "No."
"You should see to that then." Simon gives her a blank look, weariness making him detached.
"Right," she says after a moment, backing out of the room, sliding the door open and stepping out onto the covered walkway surrounding the interior of the courtyard. Chow and Book stop speaking, looking at her in silence.
**
Back in the infirmary, Zoe watches Simon take inventory of the abbey's medical supplies and equipment. Despite the sprawling antiquity the abbey exudes, the infirmary is a marvel of clean surfaces and modern equipment. Not the latest, but by far better than Serenity's own prefab hospital-in-a-box. She sees him wince as he reaches for an upper cabinet, notices that the nape of his neck and hair are matted with dried blood.
"How are you doing?"
He takes his time before he turns to her, still unable to hide the surprise on his face.
"Fine," he says distractedly, turning back to his search of the upper cabinets. She stares at him, arms crossed, till the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.
"Do you really care?" he says tiredly, giving up on the top shelves and lowering his raised arms slowly and deliberately.
Zoe stares at Jayne for a moment, then pointedly back to Simon.
He finally relents, admitting, "Broken ribs. Nothing for it."
Zoe looks sharply at him, beginning to walk towards him, "You've got a lot of possibilities here, have you even considered them all when you tell me 'nothing for it'?"
Simon backs up against the counter, eyes wide despite his best efforts to keep a cool demeanor.
Zoe looks at the door before it slides open, and Chow enters alone. Simon breathes a small sigh of relief. The shepherd closes the door behind him, looking from Zoe and Simon's relative stances to the patient on his table.
He ignores their obvious state of conflict. "Do you have everything that you need, Doctor . . . ?" He trails off.
"Simon, and no, your facilities are wonderful. Thank you." Simon regains his composure, stepping around Zoe.
"I'm glad that I can offer you such assistance, and apologize that we have no physician of our own to aid you. Book has informed me of your situation. If ther--"
Zoe looks uncomfortable at this prospect, "Did he now?"
"Yes, is there a problem?" Chow asks ingenuously.
"Depends on how it is that you feel about taking us in given our 'situation'."
"Nothing but sympathy, I assure you."
Simon interjects, "What about the rest of the abbey, how will they feel?"
"They don't need to know," Chow says smoothly.
"That seems a little . . . dishonest." Zoe folds her arms.
Chow smiles, clearly understanding their discomfort, "My faith mandates that I obey both the laws of man and of God. Sometimes those two don't agree, and while it is clear to me who is the higher authority . . . my soul can withstand the stain of a tactful omission. Is there any other way that I can assist you?"
"How well do you know Book?"
"Well enough." Chow becomes a little wary at Simon's inquiry.
"Then do you know what his connection to the Alliance is?"
"I couldn't say." The Shepherd sidesteps that question neatly. Simon nods, backing down.
Zoe is still not assured of their safety, "This is a pretty big risk for you, taking us in. What if we are discovered here?"
"The Alliance knows better than to question the word of Old Father if he pleads ignorance. The risk we take is small." Chow gives them a moment, then, "If that is all, I have shown your young mechanic the guest rooms on the other side of the courtyard as well as the kitchen and baths. Book awaits your pilot back at the gate. If I am to accompany him tomorrow, I would like to get things in order. Good night to you both."
With a small bow he disappears back out the door, into a night made seemingly inky from the well-lit interior.
***
Simon steps out into the courtyard, sliding the door closed behind him, but Zoe catches it, covering his hand with hers inadvertently. She doesn't apologize, but dims the light instead and exits, closing the shoji door behind her. Standing under the stone arches that border the courtyard, they wait in silence. Directly across the starlit grass, and what must be an herb and vegetable garden, the kitchen wall glows faintly, as do the guestrooms on the far right. Three stories surround and shelter the courtyard, a few lights still on in windows on the second and third floors. Rain chains suspended from the gutters on the roofs tinkle as water runs down them, collecting into barrels or halved bamboo. Falling onto deer chasers that knock softly, muffled, one of the rare impracticalities of the abbey.
A cool wind ruffles Simon's hair as he watches Kaylee step from a guestroom and walk the perimeter to meet him and Zoe. From the left footsteps are heard splashing in the puddles on the stone walk. Book carries the lantern and a duffle bag, and behind him walks Wash, who carries two more duffels.
Simon gives him a questioning look, which Wash finally sees as he nears.
"Clothes," Wash explains, hefting a duffle, his tone more than a little unkind.
Simon looks down, realizing that he, nor Kaylee, had changed in the hours since finding Jayne, their clothes stained darkly and heavily.
"Just a thought," he says handing Simon one of the duffel bags. "There's some more goodies back on the shuttle. I raided Jayne's room and found some girly mags I thought the shepherds might enjoy." He turns to Zoe, a shadow of concern over his face, "How's he doing?"
Zoe flicks her eyes over to Simon, who answers in her stead,
"Same."
Kaylee nears them, stopping at the door and peeking in at Jayne. Saying softly, "Still no luck on Mal. I'm thinking that the same atmospheric distortion that kept us off the radar is blocking the signal too." She turns away but doesn't look at anyone, hugging the tracker to her chest as she stares at the ground.
Wash drops the bags on a dry spot and leans against one of the stone columns near to Zoe, trying to hide his anxiousness.
Simon stands opposite Kaylee, on the edge of the walk just onto the grass, his back to the kitchen. Book passes him, dropping the bag next to the other, keeping Simon between him and Zoe, who has walked around behind the doctor to stand on the wet lawn, keeping herself between Wash and Simon.
With the remaining crew of Serenity gathered, Simon speaks softly, in respect to the nearby sleeping residents,
"All right people," he begins. "We don't know how much time we have before we have more to deal with than just the Alliance--"
"Isn't that enough?" Wash breaks in before Simon has really started, "The Alliance, I mean."
Simon barely gives him pause, "At Ariel a second group responded very quickly. I don't know who they were, but we most assuredly don't want to deal with them. I'm going to assume that they have already been made aware of our presence on this planet. Once we get a lead on where River, Mal and Inara are being held, we'll send in a scout to get the layout, determine security. Shepherd Chow has agreed to accompany Book under the guise of prison missionaries--"
Kaylee interjects, "Wait, how is that possible when all of us got warrants--?"
Simon glances at Book, who nods wearily, "Shepherd Book doesn't."
"How--" Kaylee begins.
"Is not important right now," Simon finishes. "We are merely gathering information. Once we get that, we can decide from there how we will proceed. Priority for rescue is River, then Mal-- if things go wrong on his end."
Wash wrinkles his brow, "What about Inara?"
Kaylee suggests, "Why River first? Can't we get them both out at the same time?"
"If things go right on Mal's end, we won't have to worry about him, or ourselves for that matter. As for Inara . . . " Simon struggles to form the words, "She's not our concern."
Kaylee protests, "Wait just a min--"
"That's straight from Mal. It's final. Anything we do for her that isn't legal could jeopardize her even more."
Wash has a hard time swallowing this, "I'm sorry, but this whole deal is sounding worse and worse. We leave 'Nara to the wolves and count on Book to save us? Does anyone else have a problem with this?"
Zoe stretches her hand out to Wash's arm, silencing him.
Simon stands firm, "It's the only plan, and it stays. Book can and will enter the Alliance facility."
Wash pushes off the column, "No, I can think of one more--"
Zoe cuts him off, "Not an option, honey."
Kaylee looks from Zoe to Wash, "What's not an option?"
Wash glares at his wife, "And just why the guai not?"
Simon looks panicked, looking to Zoe.
"It won't work, dear. We give the Alliance what they want, we have no guarantee that they won't continue to hunt us."
"So we bargain." Wash pushes on, "We send Book in and we make a deal."
Kaylee catches Simon's eye, seeing the fear there and realizing what it is exactly that Wash is talking about.
"I'll be part of no such thing," Book asserts.
Zoe walks up to her husband, and says quietly, "Husband."
Wash searches her face in sudden awareness that he has overstepped some boundary.
She stares hard at him, "Bad idea."
Wash swallows back a smart retort, and instead answers, "Right."
She steps back, angry, and turns her resentment to Simon as she walks towards him. She stops when their shoulders are even, looking out at the courtyard behind him, and says so that only he can hear, "This better be worth it."
Their eyes meet, hers flashing with a tightly reigned in anger, his with a sad gratitude. She walks past him and resumes her spot on the lawn, behind him and slightly to the left.
Simon stuffs down any insecurities he might have, ignoring Kaylee's wide stare as he resumes,
"You all heard Mal, no one is forcing you to stay. If any one objects to the way I'm running things, head back to Serenity now." He stares directly at Wash. "Leave. There's no room for quarrels now, or we're doomed to fail before we even start." His gaze moves from Wash to Book, "Mal left me in charge, for reasons his own. You take issue with me, you take issue with him." Simon ignores his own failing on that point, and continues, "Any problem you have with Zoe is a problem you have with me. We haven't even come to a bridge where we ought to be worrying. This is merely a gathering of intel, a cakewalk. Anyone who doubts Book's loyalties doubts me, and I strongly suggest you leave now."
Zoe shifts behind him. Simon's eyes flicker to the side, but doesn't turn his head.
"Just remember: each one of you is marked, and your fate on your own is even more uncertain than if you stay."
Wash mutters, "Yeah, if we stay we're certain to get pinched by daybreak."
Simon flashes him an angry glance, "Not helping."
Wash gives a false smile, "Hey, I'm just agreeing with you."
Simon gives the three in front of him one last look, "You should all get some sleep, we don't know how soon we'll have to start in the morning."
Kaylee, Book and Wash, laden again with the duffel bags, head down the walk to the guestrooms. Simon grabs the bag he dropped and steps into the infirmary, leaving the door open behind him. Zoe closes it for him, turning the lights back up.
"That was quite a nice speech you gave." She takes the bag from him and sets it on the counter.
Simon unzips it, beginning to rifle through its contents. "I try," he says glibly, then, continuing on in a more cautious tone, "Did you mean what you said out there?"
"I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't." She grabs a sealed bag of waterproof tape from one of the cabinets. Simon stops his investigation of the bag to see what she is doing.
"Thank you." He trails off distractedly as she points at his shirt. He takes the hint and begins to unbutton it, watching as she breaks out a bottle of disinfectant and a wad of gauze. Slowly he peels his shirt off, the backward pull of his arms a little too much to bear. Zoe grabs the collar and pulls it the rest of the way off, throwing the bloody mess in a waste bin.
"Why didn't you take care of this sooner?" she says as she begins to poke his ribs with efficient fingers, crouching down to get a better look, the ugly bruising wrapping in blotches from the front of his ribcage to his back.
"I was about to die," he hisses as she finds the severest fracture, "There didn't seem to be a point."
She seems satisfied with the minimal damage, and begins to swab at the multitude of abrasions and cuts on his back. Simon grimaces, but manages not to whimper as he stands still, looking at Jayne lying on the bed in front of him.
"I still don't like it." She finishes cleaning his back and douses the nape of his neck with alcohol and rubs mercilessly. He flinches, and she grabs a handful of hair to hold him still.
Tears spring to his eyes as she finds the shallow cut and pours more alcohol on it. Wincing, "You have a better idea?"
Zoe puts the bottle down, not relinquishing his hair as she turns back and parts his hair to get a look at the wound. Simon shivers as the disinfectant dries on his back and neck.
"You don't need stitches." Zoe releases his hair, leaving a clump sticking up. Her voice is flat, efficient, "Mal's plan could still work, and the one thing that I feel sure of about this whole thing is that Book genuinely wants to protect you. I-- we-- lose you, we possibly lose any chance we might have to get the Captain and Inara out, as well as your sister." She grabs the bag of tape and rips it open with her teeth. Taking the roll, she begins carefully pass it around Simon's ribs, pulling firmly while Simon takes in what she just said. When she finishes, she stands and tosses the tape into Simon's bag.
"So, basically I'm insurance to make sure that Book does his part?" Simon turns to face her, still not believing her.
"Sounds about right." She wipes her hands off, staring steadily back with the threat of potential turnabout in her eyes.
Simon stares at her, not getting her complex mix of hatred and obedience. "You're as psychotic as he is."
Zoe looks one last time at Jayne, then back to Simon. She holds his gaze, "It'll be morning in five hours. Kaylee said we might get a line on Mal when the sun burns off the distortion." With that she leaves.
**
Simon pulls a wrinkled shirt out of the bag and manages to pull it on, buttoning it up. He grabs a blanket and shakes it out over Jayne, glancing at the monitors one last time. As he heads outside into the cool night air he dims the lights, closing the door behind him.
Book emerges from the shadows and Simon pushes down the urge to step back, furtively looking to see if Zoe is still close. Her silhouette disappears on the other side of the courtyard into one of the lighted rooms. Simon decides that is where he should be as well, heading straight for the center of the courtyard.
"It's late, you should get some sleep." Simon stalls the inevitable discussion.
"You're really going to go through with this?" Book's voice is slow and smooth, with a hint of condescension, "Do you really expect me go through with this charade?"
"Yes." Simon says as he brushes past him and onto the wet lawn.
Book follows a few steps, unhurried. "It's a bad plan. It's not even a plan." Book doesn't chase after Simon, but lets his soothing tone snare him, "It's guesses, hopes and speculation. It's no better than back at New Weston."
Simon stops a few paces away, the unhindered night sky shining down on him.
Still standing on the edge of the stone walk, Book continues on firmly but gently, "Mal was right to stay clear of that. You never would have made it in time to help River. Even if you had, you would be in Alliance hands right now, and Wash and Mal would most likely be dead, as Jayne should have been."
Simon turns halfway back towards the Shepherd, "How can you ask me to doubt him now?" His voice is raised slightly in exasperation and disbelief. He turns to fully face Book, "Why are you so against this? You could have walked away from us, you still can."
"I'm not going anywhere," Book assures him.
"Then why won't you help us?!"
"I can't help but wonder what you plan to do with this information you want me to get." Book remains calm in the face of Simon's outburst.
Simon calms himself, "If things go right, possibly nothing." He looks wearily at the Shepherd, "We won't need force to get --"
"And if things don't go right?" Book challenges, stepping onto the grass, closer to Simon, "Wash has Jayne's entire arsenal in that shuttle out there, in addition to all the ship weapons. What will you do if Mal can't get himself and Inara out? Go in, guns blazing? This isn't the skyplex, son. At best, it's high security prison in the capital. At worst--"
"Is it because they're Alliance?" Simon takes a step back towards the infirmary.
"What?" Book is thrown off balance by the question.
"Your hang-up, whatever it is. Is it because--?"
Book recovers, cutting Simon off, "I'm just wondering if you're considering all your available choices."
Simon looks uncomfortable and starts to walk away, then stops and rounds on Book, "I would do anything to save River, but this is the best I have!"
"Don't you see that you are risking too much, too many lives," Book growls low, "Even if they," he casts a sweeping arm toward the guestrooms, "are willing to follow . . . It doesn't mean that you should be leading them."
Simon's own misgivings flicker in his eyes, and he doesn't reply.
"What have we-- the rest of us-- got to lose, things as they are? It's a bad plan, fine. It's also the only plan with the resources we have." Simon looks sharply at Book, "Unless you have something up your sleeve that you're not telling me about."
Book doesn't reply, stepping back into the shadows of the archway.
Simon steps towards the older man, "Why is it that you're name wasn't listed with the rest of ours?"
"I can't say."
"I'm asking Shepherd." Simon searches Book's face, "Tell me you can't walk right in there and rescind the arrest warrants."
Book hesitates before shaking his head sadly, "I don't have that kind of authority."
Simon clenches his jaw, grinding his teeth, "Then this is all I have. You don't want to help, I'm sure Zoe has a way to convince you . . . and I'm not going to like it."
Book is intrigued.
"Does she now?"
***
Kaylee sits on the thin rush matt, a silhouette against the outer shoji screen of the guestroom. In the bed across from her, Wash and Zoe lay, back to back, having managed to fall asleep after a hushed argument that didn't end well.
Kaylee is not so lucky. Instead she sits awake. Hot tears spill down her cheeks and drop onto the silently blipping tracker in her lap. The soft green glow refreshes itself with each blip, a continued reminder that Mal is still lost. She sniffles softly, rubbing at her nose with a clean sleeve.
Outside the deer chasers continue to thud dully, a metronome marking the passing time.
Wash stirs, and she looks in his direction before she rises from the mat and slides the door open, walking out into the still courtyard.
Kaylee pads softly over the stone, wet hair chilling in the night air. Around her, all the lights of the abbey have finally gone out. Only the soft glow from the infirmary remains, and it beckons her.
**
Quietly she enters, closing the door slowly behind her. A dim light illuminates the still form of Jayne in the center of the room, his face pale. Against the wall, his head pillowed in his arms, Simon sits in a low chair, asleep leaning on a counter.
She waits a moment to see if she has woken Simon, but he doesn't move, lost in the quick and hard sleep of a trauma surgeon. As silently as possible she walks to the opposite wall and places the flashing tracker on wheeled stretcher, pushing it against Jayne's bed.
It creaks slightly as she clambers up and lies down on her side facing Jayne. As she settles down, her overwhelming self-pity returns, and fresh tears pour anew, her body shaking in silent sobs. After a moment it passes, and she reaches a hand out to Jayne's blanketed arm, scooting closer and resting her chin gently on the bandaging above his wounded shoulder. The tracker lays nestled in the curl of her waist, flashing on blankly. Her tears still stream onto the bedding, and her voice is thick as she begins to whisper in his ear.
"Hi Jayne . . . Mal's gone . . . did you know that?" She sniffs, "When Simon went to get you, he shot Mal--but it was an accident . . . and now the Cap'n's gone." Kaylee rubs at her eyes, "He left us . . . and now Simon's the captain . . . and he wants me to find Mal, but I can't. I . . . don't think I can, Jayne. The sun should . . . but I don't think it will work . . . Captain's plans never work, right? . . . and everyone is waiting for me to tell them where he is, so's we can go get him and River out . . . only I can't do that . . . "
She begins shaking again, but pushes it back down as she hears something. Sitting up suddenly, she sees Simon blinking at her, sleep lines from his sleeve grooving his face. Kaylee rubs at her face again, a little embarrassed.
"I was just . . . " Instead of explaining, she decides to stare back at him rudely. Red eyes and tear stained cheeks.
Simon realizes what she was doing, shaking sleep from his head, "Oh . . . He can't hear you, you know."
"Shuh mu?" Kaylee then realizes that he hadn't heard her, stuffing down her mortification, retorting, "Well, that's kinda the point. Jayne'd only make fun of me anyhow . . . but it beats talking to a brick wall."
Simon stands, his ribs hurting even more now as the swelling strains against the tape.
"Actually," he says approaching Kaylee on the other side of Jayne, " It's just like talking to a brick wall."
Kaylee smiles.
Simon smiles back, a little kinder for the few hours of sleep he had gotten. They both look down on Jayne, feeling something akin to their old friendship returning, a familiar warmth in each other's smiles.
Simon remarks dryly, "He's kinda nice like this."
Kaylee quips right back, "He's a real good listener," nodding mock-seriously.
"Yeah," he agrees sagely, but doesn't ask what she confided to the sleeping Jayne.
They stare at Jayne some more, tiny grins plastered on each of their faces.
Kaylee cocks her head, pushing wet hair behind her ear, "He actually looks kinda sweet."
Simon sees her getting sentimental, and thinks quick of a way to ward off another bout of tears.
"I got him doped good, wanna give him a poke?"
Kaylee gapes at him, "Doctor Tam!"
"I told him that sick people could be hilarious." Simon smiles at her, "Go on, I'm sure he owes you for something."
They both snicker, trying to find something mean to do, but they're laughter soon falls flat.
Kaylee lets out a small sigh, sniffling slightly as she picks at the nubs on the blanket, pulling it back up over Jayne's shoulder.
Simon sobers in the following silence, "He thought I was going to leave him back there."
Kaylee looks straight at him, "Were you?"
Simon looks at her in absolute sincerity, "No. I would never . . . I could never do that."
Another awkward silence follows, and Simon shifts uncomfortably with too much on his mind.
He looks up as Kaylee says wistfully, "It was his birthday, you know."
Simon wrinkles his brow, "Whose-- ? No, it wasn't."
Kaylee looks at him in surprise, "Sure it was."
"No, I looked at each and every warrant . . . what was listed for Jayne didn't match any calendar I know of, and it certainly wasn't today-- or yesterday's date."
Kaylee glares defensively at him, "Then you must not know every calendar there is. Or the Alliance posted it wrong. 'Sides, Captain said it was."
"And his word is law?" Simon scoffs at her, meaning to make a joke, but Kaylee takes him seriously,
"On Serenity it is." She slides off the stretcher, taking the tracker with her like a security blanket.
Simon tries to win her over with her own logic, "We're not on Serenity anymore."
Kaylee's stubbornness quickly turns to anger as she fires at him, "And just why not? We shouldn't have left. It's not right. I don't even know where Serenity is!" She halts, choking on her own words, looking down at the tracker in her hand, "I don't know where the Captain is!" Fresh tears spring to her eyes, "Why did he leave? What was the point? The Alliance is going to find us, Serenity will never fly again. He shouldn't have left. We should've all stayed in Serenity and flown away!"
Her mouth snaps shut as she realizes what she just implied.
Simon says it aloud for her, "And leave River?" He tilts his chin up, trying not to be hurt.
She looks away, ashamed, "No. No, I didn't mean . . . I just . . . I just want him back, is all. It's not right with him being gone." She hugs the tracker to her chest as tears stream down her face.
Simon walks around Jayne to meet her, cautiously taking her shoulders in his hands, "I'm not mad, I'm just . . . so I'm a little mad, but," he reaches one hand under her hair, cupping her cheek, "I understand . . . it's okay. I'm okay with it."
Quietly, head still downcast, she says in a thick voice, "I haven't felt this sick since I first left home."
At this Simon closes his eyes, recoiling from the unintended blame of her words. He feels her turn her face up to look at him as he pulls his hands away. Her free hand covers his and pulls it back as he opens his eyes in surprise. He stares in wonderment at her, and with her hand over his, he brushes her tears away with his thumb.
Her eyes darken as he feels tears threatening in his own. His other hand comes up and he winds his fingers in her damp hair. He grimaces a smile as she clasps the monitor to her chest.
She doesn't smile back.
Simon leans his forehead against hers as her breathing deepens. He closes his eyes as the darkness of her eyes threatens to overwhelm him, resting there a moment, breathing in the clean scent of her. He feels her pull away, feels the skin of her cheek sliding past his own, her breath on the corner of his jaw. He pulls his head back and blindly meets her mouth in a hungry kiss, filled with bitter unshed tears.
Their kiss is brief, but when Simon pulls away he has trouble evening his breathing. He stares back at her, his pained smile still there, now matched by a small smile of her own. He smoothes her hair, kissing her forehead ferverently. Kaylee closes her eyes, her expression something akin to happiness. She hugs the tracker to herself as Simon pulls her to him in an embrace, from which he immediately flinches.
He hisses in pain as he grabs the offending object from her hands, smiling sheepishly.
"Oh!" Kaylee is mortified, patting awkwardly at Simon's stomach. "Sorry," she cringes in sympathy.
"S'okay." He folds her back into his arms, holding the blank bit of metal and wires behind her. He stares at the flashing green of the empty screen over her shoulder, and kisses her temple, "I'm sorry."
"What for?" she whispers in a small voice, arms wrapped around him.
He turns the blank screen towards the floor and whispers back, "I'll get him back."
***
Darkness still lingers outside, and clouds loom tempest blue and heavy on the horizon. The promise of sunshine is far away, and a cool wind picks up, twisting over the rooftops of the abbey and circling into the courtyard, giving a deer chaser a gentle and solitary rap.
In the infirmary, the gentle hum of equipment sings a lullaby to the curled form of Kaylee on the stretcher, a blanket pulled high over her shoulders. Simon dozes upright in the chair, his head leaning against the side of a cabinet.
A beep jolts him awake, his sleep-clouded eyes opening in confusion, not sure what had woken him. Another beep sends a shot to his heart and he is standing, causing the wheeled chair under him to slam back into the wall.
Kaylee shoots up at the crash of the chair, the blanket falling to the floor, and herself almost following. Another beep and she looks down, grabbing at the tracker as a glowing dot appears in the middle of the screen.
"Got him!" she shouts in triumph as Simon rushes over to her to look for himself. They share exultant smiles, and she launches herself into his arms in an overenthusiastic hug. Simon's legs buckle and they almost collapse to the floor together.
"Gently!"
***
"Book has gone to get Shepherd Chow," Simon informs Zoe, "They'll have the abbey's shuttle ready in a few minutes."
Simon stands tiredly in the guest quarters, the low furniture too much of an ordeal to sink onto. Kaylee is back on her matt, staring intently at the shifting coordinates displayed along the glowing point that should be Mal. The numbers change with every refresh.
"So we just need to match up Mal's coordinates with a spot on the planet?" Zoe asks.
Wash pulls a shirt over his head as he disagrees, "That thing can do better than that. We can get the exact tier he's on, if he's on a cruiser."
Simon looks over at Kaylee, "How's that signal looking?"
She doesn't reply.
"Kaylee?"
She takes in a deep breath before she responds, "He's low. Which makes it a sure bet that he's staying planet-side."
Zoe perks up, "Staying?" Her senses picking up on something not right.
Silence. Simon walks over, glancing down at Mal's lifeline in her hands, murmuring, "He's still moving."
Book walks into the open door, darkness behind him, "We're read--" Stopping as he sees the alarm on Zoe's face.
Kaylee grits her teeth in frustration, "See, that's the problem. It should only have taken three hours tops to get to any of those cruisers." She looks up at Simon, "It's been five hours since Mal left, and he's still flying low. Past the capital."
Zoe stands, looking at Book, "They found it."
Wash rises, giving his wife a panicked glance, "Wuh de tyen, ah, are you sure, Zo'?"
Simon remains still, head held low as he stares at the tracker, watching their plan running away.
"They know we're coming," Zoe announces, looking to her husband who sinks back onto the bed.
Even Book's shoulders seem to sag a little as silence fills the room. A pre-dawn wind swirls through the courtyard, bringing the promise of storm with it. The rain chains and deer chasers greet it in anticipation. As the wind leaves, it seems to sweep away hope with it.
Zoe then turns her gaze back to Simon, who still stands in silence, stricken, "They've most like removed the beacon and sent it on to mislead us, rather than destroy it."
Wash turns a little green, "Removed?"
Zoe clarifies, "Surgically."
"Yeah, I got that," Wash snarks, "The imagery you've given me isn't helping my sudden and overwhelming nausea."
Simon feels eyes on him, finally looking up and finding that everyone but Kaylee is waiting for him to speak. Kaylee merely stares blindly ahead, the tracker resting loosely in her hands.
"We still don't know where River is," he says quietly. "I don't see that it matters that they know we are trying to find them."
"He's really gone," Kaylee whispers to herself.
"Well that plan worked out real well," Wash whispers in frustrated accusation.
Book watches them all, a strange look, almost of relief, apparent on his face, his shoulders relaxing.
Simon looks to Zoe's calm gaze, his hand absently resting on top of Kaylee's head. Of all of them, Zoe is undeterred by the turn of events, and he fortifies himself with the strength he finds in her fierce eyes.
Simon turns his glance down to Kaylee, giving her a soft nudge,
"Kaylee," he says softly, still feeling lost, finding his way, "Do we have any indication where they might be?"
She looks up at him like he's nuts, then shakes her head, "I don't know."
With gritted teeth, Simon lowers himself to crouch next to her, putting one hand on the wall behind her, and the other over her own and the tracker, "You said before that the beacon was planet-side."
"But that ain't Mal no more," she looks back at the screen with disdain, "We don't know when they found it. They could have had hours to set it on the wrong course from a false origin."
She meets his hopeful gaze with despair, "There's no way to know."
Simon releases his hold of Kaylee's hands, clasping his knee instead as he pushes to his feet. Book grabs his arm from behind and helps him stand.
"So what now?" Simon asks them, inadvertently stepping away from Book.
No one offers a solution. Zoe stares uncomfortably at Book, shifting to look at Simon. Wash seems to be biting his tongue, figuratively, looking at the floor. Kaylee looks up at Simon, hoping for the answer to come from him, and Book just waits, a curious spectator.
Simon takes a hitched breath, "Okay . . . we got two choices. We can send Book and Chow to all four possible locations--"
Zoe quickly objects, "That would raise suspicions more than they already are. And we're running out of time."
"And the second choice?" Wash asks with great interest.
Simon says decisively, "It's not an option."
"Yeah, but what is it?"
"Head back to Serenity and run for as long as we can." Simon stares at Zoe as he says this, and she doesn't like it.
"You're forgetting the best one." Wash stands.
Simon looks sharply at him.
"Why is everyone ignoring the fact that we have a prime piece of bargaining material here?"
"Wash!" Kaylee cries in disgust, finally breaking from her listless state.
Simon stands still, rigid, looking to Zoe in alarm. He flinches as Book places a protective hand on his shoulder from behind.
Zoe rounds on her husband, "You turn him in, I'm turning myself in. Now how good do feel about the chances of this deal of yours working out?"
Wash doesn't even have to weigh that. He backs down. Zoe turns and gives Simon a deadly glare.
Book relaxes again, giving Simon's shoulder a supportive squeeze as he walks fully into the room.
Zoe turns her attention to him , "What'll it be, Shepherd?" She gives a pointed look at Simon, "You gonna give it a go, or do I have to persuade you by taking a chance on Wash's plan?"
Simon remains tense as Book considers Zoe's terms.
The shepherd finally offers placatingly, "Suspicions are already raised, yes, and time may be short. But given the alternative . . . Chow and I will search every facility until we find them."
Simon closes his eyes and breathes out through his nose. Opening his eyes, he nods once at Book, and backs out of the room into the lightening of pre-dawn. Kaylee stands, discarding the tracker on the matt, giving Zoe and Wash a hurt look before she follows after Simon.
Over his shoulder, Book watches her go.
***
"From here it will take three and a half hours to get to the capital. Don't expect me back sooner than nightfall."
Book gives one last look at Wash and Zoe before he closes the dented and worn hatch of the abbey's shuttle. Inside the cabin are mismatched benches welded to the floor alongside the outer walls, the middle left open wide. Perhaps for carrying small cargo as well as passengers. The walls are stained and mottled from centuries of use. An old shuttle for certain.
Book joins Chow in the tiny cockpit and settles himself in the co-pilot's seat. He gives a grim laugh, "This old thing still works?"
"She's adequate for her purposes. But I still miss my marauder." Chow has a distant wistful look on his face.
Book smiles a little softer, "Speaking of insane pilots, Wash almost ruined my chances of laying claim to that reward for Simon."
Chow smiles back, "Too bad you'll only get half."
***
From the rooftop the abbey shuttle rises up through the gloom of an overcast dawn and heads into the west where the darkness still holds claim. In the east the new day creeps in, a silent lurking presence somewhere far behind the heavy clouds. A somber grayness seeping through is the only herald of morning. From the north a wind blows in bearing ill news. The wind mingles with the abbey bells as they begin to ring, a deep and rich sound that resonates through the open corridors and courtyard below.
Wash watches the shuttle disappear amidst the dark clouds, shivering in the wind. He turns back to head for the passageway down from the rooftop landing pad and stops as he catches his wife's eye. Stray curls from her bound hair snake around her face as she gazes at him.
Wash shifts under her soft stare, and moves to head past her. He looks down as her fingertips brush his and he stops, running his fingers along the inside of her palm. He glances up at her and smiles. Then looking back towards where the sunrise should be he says, "For what may possibly be the last time I see sky, this sure is a crappy one to remember."
Zoe steps behind him and wraps her arms around him so that they face the same direction. "Not much of sunrise," she agrees.
Thunder cracks in the distance and rumbles towards them, while from below faint shouting drifts up on the wind.
