Author's Note: Chapter 5 of 8

Anvil: River is not physically present with Mal, he can't see her. Memories are italics, and any words directed at River herself are just thoughts, like in Objects in Space. Put on your metaphysical thinking caps and hang on for a strange, convoluted, complicated, confusing . . . . hey, come back! It'll be fun, I swear ::veg::

Thanks: to Heidi, whose brain me loves to pick, and without which this chapter would have no depth. Thanks to all my fellow Browncoats for feedback, inspiration and encouragement. Goldenthorn for getting this strange trip I've been on, Sarah for hating my abbey scenes, I love them now because you pushed so much!

Summary: As Inara is questioned concerning the whereabouts of the wanted members of Serenity, River stumbles upon the truth behind the lies on her way to finding peace of mind. Back at the abbey, an unexpected danger from within threatens to tear apart the fragile truce.

Choices

"Away from her, you loved her more. The only need was her; she was the only vacancy in the steamy morning. He remembered her letter, the misspelled words: "I lie here dreamyly." Even the misspelling is lovely."

"[He] heard once more that sweet female voice, unbearable beauty of the unbearable past: it may be for years, it may be forever. Then why art thou silent . . . " - The Killer Angels

"We're All Dreaming" part 1

River stands with her back to the armed feds, the man directly behind her slowly lowers his weapon. The stench of blood, gun smoke and spilt beer mingle in the dim tavern lights.

Stepping back, she fluidly whirls to the side. The man standing down doesn't reach in time for his neighbor's still-raised weapon.

They are given the signal to fire and his hand closes too slowly around the barrel as the shot rips through River's breast.

River opens her eyes, staring at the blank white ceiling of her cell, then presses them shut, squeezing out tears that trickle back into her damp hair. She takes in a shaky breath, wet strands of black hair sticking to the back of her neck, her damp brow.

"Not real," she assures herself. "It didn't happen."

Rolling over on the thin cold mat, she pushes herself up, blinking heavy eyes back open as she fights against sleep. Not even the invasive light can jar her fully awake, as it searches out every corner, leaving no room for shadow, no place to hide.

"Not safe," she protests, snapping her sagging head up. Glancing around the room, her head rolls loosely on her neck. She draws her knees up and wraps her arms around them, cringing from the room itself. Her head begins to nod down to rest on her knees--

" . . . You are. Leaving . . . incredibly selfless . . . "

River's head snaps back up, and she cocks her head to the side as she hears Inara's voice, faint through the walls. She furrows her brow in confusion.

The lights flicker.

Rising to her feet, River walks to the door, palming it open, and steps out into the empty corridor. She wavers outside the door: disorientated, lost. She glances back at the locked door as a thump sounds from behind it.

Hands outstretched low at her hips, she turns full circle before moving with a delicate step down the hall. The lights are dimmed to a cold gray mingling of geometric shadows, brightening as she reaches the open space of a duty station. She covers her ears as she nears a guard at the desk. His brown eyes stare unflinching as she walks past. He blinks and drums his fingers absently on the desktop.

She murmurs to herself, "Not relevant," squeezing her eyes shut as she hurries away from the desk. "Stay now. Now is safe."

At a junction in the corridor, as she leaves the brighter lights behind her, River stops and listens, lost again.

From the dark and long stretch to the left, Inara's voice drifts down, " . . . we're all running . . . "

River begins to walk a little faster, the doors on either side of her disappearing into blank walls, till one is left.

Inara's voice becomes louder, almost echoing, "This is about our lives, and River's."

River stands against the door, listening, as Inara's voice comes from beyond the door, flat and heavy,

"I already told Comman--"

Another female voice, cold and stern, cuts Inara off, "He isn't here. I am."

River smiles as she puts her hands on the door, "Found you!"

***

Shadows of water running down the shuttle window ripple across the floor in the starlight. Heavy ornate curtains rustle, and heavy plated armor glints as a fed walks into the unlit cockpit of Inara's otherwise empty shuttle. The curtain falls behind her as she steps fully inside, standing next to the pilot's chair. A tinkling crunch and the sound of something rolling follows the shuffling of a foot. Clicking on a handlight, the fed bends down to grab something in the shadows under the chair. Straightening, she holds the object aloft, the beam of light shining through the metal casing of a syringe, the glass broken. She turns it in her hand, eyes widening in recognition and realization.

***

River pushes the door open slowly, peering in at a sandy blond woman in uniform. The fed's gray eyes pierce cold across the air to where Inara sits at the other end of the long table. Inara stares back: fierce, but weary and stained with Jayne's blood.

River blinks at the fed, making a childish face of distaste, sticking her tongue out slightly as she turns her back on the stranger, "You're not relevant either."

She smiles, throwing her head back and laughing, eyes sparkling in merriment.

The fed continues, "Where is Serenity? Or more precisely, where is Simon Tam?" The question is already old, as is the answer, and Inara remains silent.

Sunlight pours softly through a multitude of tall windows and a gentle breeze floats past the golden drapes.

The fed is well-rested and unamused, "Miss Serra, you can make this last as long as you like."

Face alight at the wonder of the world laid out at her feet. Her laughter like bells as she hugs a velvet pillow to her breast.

River puts her hands to her ears, glaring at the fed in petulant anger, "Shut up!" Turning to Inara, hands still on her ears, she murmurs, "Remember safe."

***

An hour into a seemingly endless flight, Mal sits in stony silence, his face drawn in barely concealed abhorrence. He watches one of the guards finish listening to a transmission, hand to his ear. Mal's seething anger sinks into growing dread as the guard with the wire in his ear looks directly at him. The guard says something to another fed, unintelligible over the hum of the ship as it flies.

"Get him up," the guard orders, and Mal's eyes widen as the other man takes gloves out of the first aid kit on the wall, pulling them on.

"What? Hey--" Mal protests as he is dragged to his feet. The second fed uncuffs his hands from behind him, a third grabbing his arm and holding it out in a steely grip. The guard with the wire approaches him in the dim light of the ship, ripping the cuff of Mal's sleeve as he pushes it up his forearm in one swift jerk. Mal watches him in growing horror as a knife is drawn,

"Whoa, hey now! Just what might you be wanting to do with that?" Mal struggles futilely in the iron grip of the feds on either side of him.

The guard smiles at Mal as he grabs his forearm, "They won't find you, Captain Reynolds."

Mal bites off a scream as the knife pierces into his arm.

***

Rich red walls bordered in gold stretch away in open splendor, inviting the light in through doors that open onto rooftop gardens.

"My shift will end and another's will begin. They'll start this all over . . . "

Her voice fades away as River steps closer to Inara, hands reaching out in gentle supplication. Behind her the blond fed's mouth still moves silently, but River sighs in relief as the silence stays, blanketing the room.

River kneels at Inara's feet, the silence of the room slipping away and giving way to soft warm rustling and giggling, resting her head gently on Inara's bloody lap.

A long-haired tawny cat sprawls on the thick carpet in a patch of warm light, green eyes blinking lazily.

Above River's bowed head, Inara's mouth replies with silent words, her face haughty. River hugs her lap tighter, closing her eyes in relief.

Glasses clink as wine is poured, a rich round sound as dark and warm as the wine itself.

"Don't go in the ocean. Stay now," River sighs.

Inara shifts. River looks up at her in surprise. Inara's hands twist in her lap.

A pillow falls to the floor behind the sofa, and the green eyed cat starts violently, eyeing the pillow warily.

River flinches, opening her eyes wider as the sunlight slips away from her. The fed's voice jolts her, pulling her back into the cold interrogation room.

"What prompted your decision to travel with Serenity, or any ship of that class? Are you running from someone?"

The empty static of the room falls into a heavy silence. Inara shifts again, a trick of the light, and looks directly at River, her face stark with exhaustion, "Rough hands."

***

Mal stumbles into the small white room, hands bound at his back, as the door behind him closes.

One sleeve, the button lost, falls loosely over his hand, partly concealing a dried trickle of blood. Standing in the center of the cell, he sucks in a breath through clenched teeth, eyeing his surroundings in distaste.

***

Over the edge of the sofa small hands writhe under the grip of a young man, who leers down.

River sucks in a breath as Inara looks back to the woman. The moment is lost, time has passed, and Inara's lips press firmly together. The end of spoken words fill the air, and River twists to look at the woman on the other side of the table, who seems satisfied, marking the page in front of her.

Laughter rings out as she slips free and throws another pillow at him.

River furrows her brow in puzzlement, looking from the fed back to Inara in concern, "Wait!"

She closes her eyes as Inara's mouth moves wordlessly, concentrating, and hears a new voice.

"What were you doing on that ship," a male voice scoffs, "With those kind of people?"

"There," River says, her brow smoothing at her success.

***

From the infirmary door Simon watches the shuttle soar under the rectangle of dreary sky offered by the courtyard. He rubs his empty hands against his shirt and murmurs to himself, "Yet more adventures in waiting."

Across the way the kitchen door slides open and a portly man steps out with a basket. He sees Simon and gives a warm smile before he stoops down to pinch leaves from an herb pot.

From the left he hears footsteps, and sees another shepherd entering the courtyard from the direction of the outer gates.

Simon steps back in, closing the door against the wind and the pealing bells, and hears Kaylee gasp.

He turns, and she is staring excitedly at Jayne, her hand on his brow, "Simon, I think he's waking!"

Simon is unimpressed, glancing coolly around the infirmary as he tries to remember something. He calmly rolls the stretcher that Kaylee had slept on to the side, absently kicking the wheel locks down as he walks between the two beds to a low cabinet. Opening the drawer, he fishes out a syringe and a small bottle.

Back on the bed, Jayne's eyes are still closed, but his hand squeezes back as Kaylee takes it. Simon walks to where she is, checking the monitors for abnormalities.

"Everything seems fine," he concludes.

"Of course he's fine," Kaylee beams.

Simon fills the syringe and hooks the IV tube with his other hand, injecting the sedative into the port.

"What are you doing?" Kaylee asks in bewilderment, her smile falling away.

He caps the needle and discards it, walking around to the other side to check the bandaging, murmuring, "It would be best if he didn't wake up," he gives her a fleeting look, "He'll still be in a lot of pa--"

Jayne's eyes flash open as the monitors come to life, ringing out shrill warnings.

With a broad sweep, Jayne's right arm, bound as it is, catches Simon low in the gut with enough force to send him back several steps, as well as tearing the bandaging.

"Jayne!" Kaylee yells in alarm as Jayne sits up, ripping the IV down from it's hook as he does so.

Simon is still recovering from the first blow, gasping for air, when Jayne slides off the bed and backhands him with his left. The upward force drives Simon back against the stretcher which topples as his body crashes over it.

Kaylee screams again, "Jayne! Stop!"

Jayne shakes his head, his left hand going to his right shoulder, where the gauze is quickly turning red. With a confused look, he turns back to Kaylee, who cringes against the far wall.

"Kaylee?" His voice is thick and rough, confused.

She flinches as he steps towards her, even though the bed still stands between them. Jayne turns a shade paler and staggers, grabbing at the bed as he falls to his knees, ripping the sensors from the monitors, causing them to go silent.

Kaylee sees her chance and rushes over to Simon, who lies still, one leg over the broken stretcher, and his head jammed against the wall, chin pressed against his chest.

She hesitates only a moment before she rushes outside, shouting for help.

***

Past Da-lun's shoulder to the open windows, and the view widens to reveal Sihnon's docks. She sees the incoming and outgoing ships gliding amidst the stillness of the ships still waiting to leave. Family merchant ships, old, from before the war, with the scars and patches to prove it.

Glinting brightly against the dullness of the tried and true ships rest the newer and sleeker ships. Towering luxury liners that overshadow the docks and all the other ships, drawing the eye from the sheer size of them.

"Always back and back again, don't look at the shiny, no soul under the glitter, can't . . . " River mutters at Inara's feet.

The fed leans over the table, asking a voiceless question.

Beads click against each other as a handsome Mongolian leans over, long black hair hanging down.

Sunlight fills the lush apartment as distant ships pass the open windows.

Inara suppresses a smile, amused, but doesn't answer the fed.

Da-lun persists, "You have all of Sihnon at your feet . . . "

The feds voice fades back in, "Yet you insist on catering to these--" she pauses, searching for words.

River looks up in sudden interest, her desire for peace overcome by curiosity.

"These what?" Inara demands, eyes glinting with mischief.

Behind him she sees them. Some in uniforms, smooth jaws, some in business suits. Flight suits, silver coveralls; everything about them just a little worn at the edges, a little haggard, a little too touched by the black, the long spaces In Between.

***

In the cold glare of her cell, River stands on the bed. Facing the wall her hands hover mere inches from actually touching the smooth surface. Her lips move as she murmurs low, under her breath.

***

"You know what they say about you." He is taunting her, but with an edge that belies his playfulness.

Inara plays dumb, her tone more sober, her eyes looking beyond the fed. "I've been away."

Behind her she can hear whispering, can feel the eyes on her as she walks through the halls of the Academy on a return from one of her trips.

"You're always away." His voice is wistful.

"So what do they say?" A smile curls the corner of her mouth as Inara stares down the fed.

"That your acceptance into the House is undeniable." He grins foolishly at her, excited for her. He hesitates, "And others, that you've become self destructive. That your association with certain clients is a direct and deliberate insult to the Guild."

Inara sits alone in front of the screen, deleting the profiles of clients glittering with more finery than herself, sashes and brooches, until all that remains are names that share a commonality. Titles that once included Lord, Lady, Senator, Chancellor, now count only Captain, Commander, First Officer.

***

"The harbor is looking for a ship to hold against the galloping white horses." River's eyes open as her fingers sway against the wall, touching it briefly.

***

Even through her weariness, Inara laughs at the fed, a deep low sound, "My clients are just as respectable, and subjected to the same screening, as any other Companions." Her amusement lingers, no sign of offense taken.

Da-lun's eyes light up, "You've already been accepted into The House?! Why did you say nothing of this?"

"Disreputable Captains and all." She replies smugly.

The fed frowns and takes down more notes.

***

River closes her eyes again as she sighs, feet tangled in the blankets where she stands in her cell, "Would north be true?"

***

"This is everything you've worked for, how could you keep . . . when did it . . ." He can barely contain his excitement, all dignity gone.

"Just after I arrived. It's why I couldn't see you right away. I would have known sooner, but I was engaged for a week on the Downeaster."

"You'll have to put a stop to that soon." His tone implies that he doesn't object to this idea at all.

"Not for a while yet," she says with certainty, smiling in spite of the fed.

She hears the head of the Council congratulating her, "This is only the beginning, Miss Serra. Soon you will be on your way to becoming the very heart of the Guild . . ."

A ship passes outside, too close, and darkens the apartment for a brief moment. She can hear seagulls far away.

"Listen and despair," River intones at Inara's feet, "It's the Grey Havens calling, you'll never return from beyond the westering seas."

"When I was younger . . . " She sighs, "I can't believe it's finally real."

River looks up lovingly at Inara, "So much. To harbor even the largest against the storm." She rests her head back against her knee.

The breeze dies down, the curtains hanging limp.

She turns and sees herself, only twelve, standing bathed in the light.

The child recites, "To see the beauty and purity in the ability to love another with the spirit, and in this way, to find the path to selfless love . . ."

Down the other end of the apartment, a door swings shut.

"You've earned it. You're worth it. Sihnon knows this." Da-lun smiles.

The fed taps the tabletop as she asks again, "Why are you protecting Simon Tam?"

"I told you, I don't know a Simon Tam." Inara is as stubborn in her replies as the severe blond woman is relentless in her questions.

He sobers, the giddiness wearing off, "Inara . . . don't go. You don't need to flaunt their rules at them any longer."

"I am doing no such thing." Inara stares at the fed, challenging her to differ.

"Then what? Why are you never here?" Da-lun pleads.

Inara looks away, the light shifting over her face, her smile slipping as she says to the sudden silence of the room, "An ocean of light, where is the shore?"

The curtains rustle in a small breeze. She smiles, never breaking eye contact.

Da-lun persists, "You can work here, on Sihnon."

"It's not the same."

He resettles himself, planting his hands on either side of her on the sofa, "I miss you."

Inara's face blanches.

She laughs charitably, "We wouldn't be having this conversation if I moved completely onto a liner like the Dublin until it's time --"

"I'd miss you even more." He says earnestly.

"Admit it, you're irked because of the clients I choose."

"Only if you admit that you choose them to irk me." He teases back. "What is the fascination?" He really doesn't care to know, and sits up on the edge of the sofa, releasing her.

She slaps at him playfully, laughing. After a quiet moment she takes his hand in hers. He watches her as she draws his fingertips down the skin of her bare arm, her eyes intent on his hand.

"Soft. Your hands are so soft."

***

River's hands bunch into fists against the wall of her cell, "Bored now, can't make the pale one go away!"

***

"What is a companion such as yourself doing on a smuggling ship like the Firefly? You could get that arrangement on any other ship of higher class."

River whines, glaring up at the fed from the floor, "Back and back again, she'll never tell, leave us alone!"

Inara looks down at River, "Soon came the day when the bottle was broken."

***

River becomes afraid, "Want me to cut it out, put it on the shelf. If you don't have enough to share you shouldn't have it at all. No picking favorites!" She pounds on the wall, shouting.

***

Inara trembles in her sleep, turning restlessly. The blue light of night filters through the shuttered windows; bars of light and shadows on the floor.

She stands and tries to open the door. She looks in fear at the windows as the light grows and the barred shadows pass over her face. Da-lun stands outside, a disturbingly sweet smile on his face.

"You will love me, because you can, because you do."

Faint light slides down her side, crisscrossing.

Inara shakes her head, teasing to hide her fear, "Perhaps I'll choose another."

The air grows too warm and stifling.

Da-lun walks closer to the bars, "All of the Guild knows that I am the only one. All of Sihnon knows that you will choose me. It is expected."

"His patient is his sister? Did he take her from their home?" Inara stares incredulously across to the fed, her composure flawlessly destroyed.

The fed looks blank, "That's none of your concern."

A man kneels on the floor beyond the bars, wings on his shoulders, holding the limp form of a golden-haired child in his arms. Inara sees him sobbing, but looks to Da-lun, maintaining her composure.

Da-lun watches impassively from outside the cage, "It is the way of things. You are above grief."

Then he is in the cage with her, smiling and reaching out a hand. Inara flees from him, kneeling and reaching to touch the skirt of the child. The man looks up, tears freely flowing,

"Where is your face, woman?"

From behind her Da-lun chastises, "You are being selfish, Inara. It is not even your grief to have, the child is none of yours."

The air begins to leave the room, the vacuum of space flooding in, burning her lungs.

Da-lun smiles serenely down at the child, "Don't you see, the child is a wandering star now, for whom it is reserved the blackness of darkness forever."

***

River sags back down to the bed, a bundle of loose limbs, eyes staring blankly at the cell walls in defeat, "The time that we will suffer less is when we never have to wake." She casts her glistening eyes up in despair, "Only the dead are safe."

***

"The dates show that you left Sihnon shortly after receiving a prestigious position. Why?"

"I fail to see how that's relevant."

"I'm just trying to get to the heart of what motivates you."

***

River whispers to herself, "To sleep, to dream." She shivers on the bed and hugs her knees as she gives in to memories, no longer fighting to stay focused.

***

Da-lun greets her formally as she steps off the ship onto the docks, some eyes fasten on her and stare. Amidst the noise, she can almost hear references to her personage.

Quietly, he accuses under the hum of the crowd, "Would it have been so bad if you had told me first?"

She doesn't answer, but moves steadily forward, passing unhindered through the crowd of the uppermost society of Sihnon.

"Will you at least consider staying here?"

Conversationally, as if she hadn't heard a word he said, "I hear that you've gained permission to begin courting the next potential."

"Would you have me be brought into your shame as well?"

She stops, turning a firm smile on him, "My shame?"

Da-lun presses his fingers lightly on her arm, encouraging her to keep moving, "Inara, you have insulted the Guild. This is not a light thing that you have done. If you were any lesser Companion, perhaps the blow would not be as great. You have been the brightest light Sihnon has ever seen, and this is how you return their love?"

Her voice is pained as she replies, "If I had stayed with the House, it would have been a lie. There are certain parts of myself that I cannot sacrifice, and it will be a greater insult to the Guild if I stay."

"Must you leave Sihnon?" He presses.

"Da-lun, you said it yourself, how can I stay amidst all this acrimony?"

This time Da-lun stops her as they near the end of the part of the docks that he knows. She turns and faces him and he stares over her shoulder toward the Lesser Docks, realization dawning on him.

"I want to thank you, Da-lun."

He looks at her in surprise.

"It was you who helped me to see, perhaps a little too late, that I had made the wrong choice. When I set out on this path, I didn't know myself. I thought I wanted to reach the spiritual ideals that House Priestess embodied."

Da-lun is stunned, "And now? Do you know yourself now?"

Her cool mask crumbles a little, revealing her distress, "I only know that I can't stay."

Turning, she leaves him as she crosses over to the Lesser Docks, and walks to a waiting ship.

Inara sits in her chair and looks down at River, "I can't go back."

River looks up at her and says firmly, perhaps even a little selfishly, "You won't go back."

***

"Now comes the part with the more waiting," Wash sighs as he watches the empty sky.

Zoe's chin slips off of Wash's shoulder, turning her ear away from the wind to catch a sound that drifts in and out. Wash feels her cheek against his back, and her hands slip from around him, resting loosely on his arms.

"What?" Wash tilts his head as well, closing his eyes.

A female voice wavers in and out, followed by the wind and silence. Zoe's hand goes to her gun as she listens, while Wash scans what he can see of the abbey, finding nothing amiss; no new come danger.

More voices drift up on the wind, male, the meaning of the words lost, but the panic evident.

Wash turns his head back toward the innermost part of the abbey, "The courtyard."

"Kaylee," she breathes. With that she turns and runs down the stairs, Wash close on her heels.

***

Inara has smoothly worn down her interrogator, "He must have had strong reasons for taking her away from her home."

"Which doesn't diminish the charges of kidnapping--" The fed struggles to regain control.

"Kidnapping? I thought they were both wanted, or are they calling her imprisonment protective custody? Don't think I'm so foolish to believe that all this effort and violence has been put into a simple case of kidnapping."

The fed finds a grip, a smile crossing her face, "You seem to be taking a strong interest in the Tam's. I'm beginning to wonder why."

The words ring in River's ears, her eyes flashing to and fro as she searches Inara's face.

She sits in front of her screen, reviewing clients. Out unfamiliar windows the stars shine in the black. She can feel the gentle hum of the ship under her feet and in the walls.

"Ni hao."

A face appears on the screen that makes her scowl: a handsome woman with auburn hair and a cinnamon shawl over her shoulders.

"Companion Meara," she begins formally, "The answer is still no. I choose my own clients."

"As is the right of any Companion. Inara, if you will just hear me out."

"I will not allow you to use my position to foist your problem clients upon."

Meara laughs, "I wouldn't say that you are in any way vulnerable. You apparently don't comprehend the power you have achieved."

She blinks once.

Meara waits, and when she doesn't cut off the transmission, she continues, "You didn't allow me to finish last time. It's not a client, it's a job, and we need your utmost discretion on this matter."

Her interests perks a little, "Perhaps it will be better then if we meet in private."

Meara smiles.

"It's not for you to decide the validity of the charges--" The fed has become flustered again.

"Then who does? I can smell the stink on them, how can you not?"

"Miss Serra, I am recommending your release. It is clear that you were unaware of the situation that you were in and have no knowledge as to the whereabouts of either Simon Tam or the Firefly. I advise that you don't complicate matters or attempt to involve yourself in affairs not your own."

The fed gives a silent signal and two guards enter to escort Inara away. She rises to her feet.

She walks in the bright light past the rude stares of dusty men and women of the docks. She doesn't mind, as she strolls unhurriedly towards a destination known only to her. Her veil guards her eyes and face from the fine mist of sand in the unsettled air. Awnings flap and snap in the occasional breeze. Terns cry overhead, feasting on the garbage piles unseen beyond the endless row of ships.

Out of the haze and the cram of metal and people something catches her attention. A low breeze stirs the dust and catches her veil, blowing it over her forehead. She doesn't notice the sand now in her eyes.

Arching it's neck out over the crowd, it's heart open for all to see, a Firefly holds it head above the dust and the throng, the windows to the bridge sparkling with an intelligence.

Movement below draws her eyes back down. An elderly woman descends the ramp, her practical finery covering every inch of plump flesh. A tall man follows her out and shakes her hand, amused as he watches her try not to cringe. He watches her leave, watches the crowd, his hand seeming to search for something at his side.

He stops, hand still grasping at air, and turns his gaze directly at Inara across the crowd.

River grins like a fool, "She heard the birds, saw the fell ship with the ocean inside."

***

Hands grab at him, pulling the stretcher away and straightening his body. Simon rolls his head to the side, suddenly wishing he hadn't. Strange faces look down on him, two shepherds, and then Kaylee's appears, bright with tears of worry.

"Simon!" she cries in relief.

He blinks once, clearing his head, "How long was I out?" Simon pushes their hands away, rolling onto his side, trying to ignore the pain that burns every nerve.

"Not more'n a minute," Kaylee's voice quavers. She reaches for him, not knowing where to put her hands as he starts to curl in pain, both of them stopping as his movement causes more.

Opening his eyes, he sees that the shepherds have left him and now crouch near Jayne, who is supine on the floor, legs bent under him. He watches as they gather the large man up and lay him back on the table. Simon can hear a sickening splatter as Jayne's blood continues to pulse out, hitting the floor.

"Simon, you have to get up," she pleads, grabbing his arms in a strong grip and planting her feet firmly on the floor, waiting for him to cooperate.

His face turns a little paler from her rough handling, but he meets her determined gaze, full of fear, and bites back a scream as he lets her pull him to his feet.

***

"What will happen to River?" Inara demands.

The fed looks uncomfortable, clearly not knowing the answer.

River looks at the blond woman, "She will go to the Havens and make sure the hands aren't fast enough. She'll fade away and become a wandering star. Leavings of a dried up ocean."

In an open air cafe, under a fluttering burgundy awning, Meara sips her tea. Inara sits across from her, one finger running along the rim of the china cup in front of her, mildly angry.

"It seems that you were able get the ship to the Eavesdown Docks in time."

"That was a very narrow window you gave me. How is it that he came to choose Serenity?"

"We were never involved with the doctor, but I imagine he was told to find the most disreputable looking ship possible."

That almost earns a smile from Inara, but she is still angry about something, "You never told me why you needed a ship."

Meara blinks at her, "I still can't."

"We all know, the boy told us."

"We?" Meara's amusement is quickly replaced with tension, "Indeed? How do you feel about that?"

"I'm staying long enough to make sure they settle."

Meara relaxes, "Thank you, it's more than I could ask for."

Inara stands to take her leave and pauses, "Are there others?"

Meara darkens, "There are always others."

***

River's eyes widen as she sits upright on the bed, "I forgot! Not enough ports, too many. Didn't want to remember!" She covers her head, "Don't want to see what's in mine!"

***

Young voices cry out, echoing down dark corridors, howls of agony fade away into the black as quick as they came, "I don't know what I see!"

River stills, lowering her hands from her ears and blinking back tears as the screams fall silent.

"Now that you have her back, will she be returned to her parents?" Inara steps closer to the fed.

She concedes, looking away, "She'll be returned to where she was taken from."

River stands, a small victorious smile on her face, "No, the dead man will come and we will forget the names."

Inara walks past the blond fed, whispering low, "They don't even know she's here-- her parents, do they?" Inara stops, looking at the fed till she returns her gaze. "You won't tell them, and you will send her back to the academy that hurt her in the first place."

The fed looks at her in surprise, held under the power of her gaze.

River's smile fades, "No-- Don't."

"I advise that you remain silent, Miss Serra." Grey eyes flicker to the two guards behind Inara nervously.

The gentle escorting hands of the guards behind Inara turn into steely restraining grips on her arms.

"It is silence that has allowed our government to twist and torture an innocent. And now your silence is helping to aid in that continuance! You can see the discrepancies for yourself. You tell me that they are both fugitives, then that River is a victim of kidnapping. Which is it?"

Another morning, another teahouse, indoors on the floor. Meara sits quietly, a quiet smile on her face, the tension fleeing her body.

"They are settled then?"

Inara smiles, "I think he would go to hell and back for them."

"Then I guess our business is done. You can get back to your life, now that you no longer have a reason to stay."

The smile stays frozen on her lips.

***

River clutches at the blankets, "Get tied to it. Can't . . . break away. Don't want to!"

***

"It is not for me to decide the truth of my orders," the blond fed states coldly.

Inara's voice is stronger, full of conviction, "No, you only enforce what you know to be an injustice."

"Miss Serra--"

"You wonder why I would remain in the company of fugitives? Because Simon was right in what he did. River is an innocent, a victim of our own government. Her brother did what was best for her." Inara steps closer to the other woman, her voice steady and sure. "A young girl is tortured and her brother sacrifices all he has and is for her sake. It was men within our own government he was protecting her from, and now you are helping to return her to that nightmare. The truth is that keeping them safe no matter your laws was and is the right thing."

***

Zoe pushes past several shepherds to get to the infirmary door. Inside Simon stands under the bright light, gloved hands bloody as he works on Jayne.

Kaylee stands opposite, hands covered in blood as well, as she maneuvers a scope at Simon's direction.

"What happened?" Zoe asks in alarm, spying the blood on the floor and the twisted, overturned stretcher that had been pushed into the far corner.

Wash rushes in, stopping short as he sees the mess, "Lao tien bu."

"Torn muscles," Simon replies curtly, not looking up at Wash's noisy entrance. "Ripped the patch on the artery. Damage is more extensive than before."

Simon's face is pale, and his hands tremble slightly as he returns his whole attention to Jayne, murmuring something to Kaylee.

Zoe walks closer, trying to catch what Simon is saying to Kaylee, watching the two of them in fascination.

Kaylee sniffs, "Uh huh," and twists her wrist a little in response to something Simon said. Her face writhes a little between nausea and an eagerness to please.

Simon's brow furrows in concentration. "Almost there," he murmurs gently.

Kaylee watches him, glances at the monitor, pushing down her fear and putting on a brave face, "Kinda like an engine . . . know your parts . . . where they're supposed to go."

Simon glances up and allows her a brief warm smile. His attention returns to Jayne, but the smile stays, playing on his lips.

His hand shakes as he pulls the laser saw out, "Okay."

Kaylee heaves a shaky breath as she removes the scope, dropping it neatly in a tray. "Done?"

Simon nods and she strips the bloody gloves off, throwing them in a bin. She turns worried eyes at Zoe, then looks back to Simon.

"Hand me that," Simon says quietly, glancing at a pan on her side of the bed.

Kaylee spies the tray with needle and thread in it. As she picks it up, she sends an imploring look to Zoe, "Can you . . . ?"

Zoe frowns, "Why can't he--"

As Simon reaches for the tray, his face screws up in a grimace, turning more pale than Jayne. Zoe is suddenly at his side, taking the tray from his hands and gently insinuating herself in his place.

"I can do that, Simon," she says as she pulls on a fresh pair of gloves. Wash steps closer, on the heels of Zoe.

Simon doesn't protest, and peels off his own gloves. He pushes off the edge of the bed, staggering back a step into Wash, who catches Simon as his knees buckle.

***

River looks away from both women for a moment, a distracted half-smile on her face, "Sky is falling."

"I am sorry for this Miss Serra, but you have given me no choice." She nods at the guards who return the cuffs to Inara's wrists.

Inara stands her ground as they try to lead her away, "No, I've shown you that you have one."

River looks back and screams, "No! You were safe! No more! Take it back, say you were sorry!" She runs to the blond woman, begging, "She didn't mean it, you believed her before. Please don't take her away!"

***

Outside the rain has begun falling, the dark light of an overcast day slipping into the room where Wash stands, looking down, face in shadow. The beds where he and Zoe slept still rumpled.

At his feet, where Kaylee should have slept the night before, lies Simon. Unconscious, helpless, and alone.

***

River clings to Inara's side, her fingers constantly slipping away as they are escorted down the hallway. River suddenly looks ahead, and sees Mal being led towards them. Footsteps, her heartbeat, breath rasping ragged in her ears. All clamor and grow louder as he approaches.

All fall swiftly silent as Inara's eyes go wide in fear as she turns suddenly to River, "You can't be here--"

River hears seagulls screaming, feels the dragging call, "No!" She clings tighter to Inara as the din of the corridor resumes.

Mal continues to walk towards them, eyes straight ahead, his face a stony mask that flickers as the rush of footsteps fall silent. He looks at River, muttering, "Damned woman."

The ocean rushes in Rivers ears as he nears, and then all noise stops with an abruptness as Inara quails, "I strayed!"

River feels the undertow pulling at her feet as if she stands still in the surf, feeling herself lose balance as the sand washes out underneath her feet.

Mal is almost there, his coming as inevitable as the swell of the sea. Still not looking at Inara, his voice thunders in River's ears, "She ain't a part of this business."

Inara ducks her head as Mal passes, but his eyes betray him and he looks straight through River to her, the crest curling over both their heads. River is frozen, trapped, her breath gone.

Bubbling silence fills her ears as the water catches and tumbles her.

Down the corridor Mal continues in deafening silence, tearing her away from Inara. Pulling her out and further under, into the black of the abyss and the blue of oblivion, under the waves.