PART 02: Bon Jovi isn't that bad.




PLANET SLOANIA - EXT. THE SLOAN PALACE - DAY
Planet Sloania looks like a huge gated community with a lot of luxury estates.

INT. THE SLOAN PALACE - DAY
Angier and Katherine, Tom's parents, are standing in front the closed door of his room. Beside them, stands Tom's sister Elsie, who is as always really unmotivated.

KING ANGIER :
Tom, please, it is time for the wedding.

QUEEN KATHERINE :
Everything is ready. And we have got Mystik Galactic Spiral as the wedding band, as you have wished. But unfortunately, we can't find its lead guitarist.

PRINCESS ELSIE :
Tom, come out and marry Brittany. Imagine all the things you can do with her in the wedding night.

Tom opens the door.

PRINCESS ELSIE :
That worked fast...

PRINCE TOM :
Hey, I was about to come out... I just was having some… doubts... oh never mind.

INT. THE SLOAN PALACE - WEDDING CHAPEL - DAY
Tom and his dad stand at the altar together with Minister DeMartino. Brittany and her dad start walking down the aisle. The Mystik Galactic Spiral, without its lead guitarist Three-NT, is playing "Here Comes the Bride" in grunge style.

PRINCE TOM : (whispering)
Dad.

KING ANGIER :
Yes son?

PRINCE TOM :
Dad, you know I don't love her.

KING ANGIER :
Yes, but she has got the two most beautiful eyes of the universe.

PRINCE TOM :
I wasn't thinking about that.

KING ANGIER :
Me either...(Tom glares at him)... just a little frivolously hoax...

PRINCE TOM :
Dad, I don't understand the concept, why princes are only allowed to marry princess or popular women.

KING ANGIER :
But Tom, princess Brittany makes a very good future queen for our planet...

Brittany and her dad reach the altar.

MINISTER DEMARTINO :
Dearly BELOVED! We are gathered HERE on this MOST joyous
occasion, to witness princess BritTANY and prince TOM....

Suddenly Tom runs away.

MINISTER DEMARTINO :
...running of the alter, HEADING down the AISLE, and
out the door...

EXT. THE SLOAN PALACE - DAY
Tom runs past the wedding Mercedes ahead to his Ford Pinto. Chased by the wedding party.

KING ANGIER :
Tom!

QUEEN KATHERINE :
Tom, where are you going?

The Ford Pinto blast of into space.
(Well, in this sci-fi story Ford Pintos are capable of space travel. )

PRINCESS ELSIE : (hoaxing)
He has forgotten the wedding ring, he will be soon back.

PRINCESS BRITTANY :
Oh well, that happens occasionally. I am glad, I thought he would run away.

EXT. THE SPACETANK - SPACE
Music: "It's my Life" by Bon Jovi.
The Spacetank is a little spaceship flying through space.
It looks like the "Tank" from Max, just much more longer with wings and boosters on the back.

INT. THE SPACETANK - VAN
J-Nine, a "half-humanoid/half-dog" alien, is standing at a canvas in the backroom of the van. She is painting dog food cans in an Andy Warhol style, while listening to the Bon Jovi Rock Music.
Daria Starr, a humanoid, is sleeping at the sterling wheel. She wears her usual outfit with one exception, instead her short black skirt she has got a pair of black jeans on.
Suddenly ...

VIDEOPHONE :
Beep, beep, beep, beep...

DARIA STARR: (open her eyes)
Barf… barf...barf!!!

J-NINE :
Hey, Bon Jovi isn't that bad.

DARIA STARR :
J-Nine!

J-NINE :
I am not here, why not try it with J-Ten... again space sick hmm?

DARIA STARR :
Barf...barf...buerk...

J-NINE :
Bien danetos a la sick bag, amiga.

J-Nine walks into the cockpit, after Daria finished vomiting into a sick bag. She answers the videophone. Beannie-Bennet appears on the screen.
She is a "half-Fuzzy Wuzzy Wee Bit (a sort of "Beanie Babies") / half- humanoid" alien.

BEANNIE-BENNET :
Well, if it isn't fuzzy Daria Starr, and her partner in crime, wuzzy J-...Eighteen?

J-NINE :
That's J-Nine. I want to keep my straight "C" average.

DARIA STARR :
Mrs. Beannie-Bennet, what do you want?

BEANNIE-BENNET :
No, no, no, no, no. It's not what I want. It's what she wants.

Ms. Li The "Angel" appears on the videophone.
She is a humanoid and is dressed like Al Capone and Edgar Hoover.

DARIA STARR AND J-NINE : (both surprised)
Ms. Li The "Angel"!!!

LI THE "ANGEL" :
Miss Starr, Miss Lane. The Laaawwwnnndale Syndicate received a message from the planet Johansson. They told me two girls wanted to sell them chocolate bars and then suddenly refused to do so. Even after they offered one million Stardollars. That was more than *twice* the selling price.

DARIA STARR :
The whole planet was hypoglycemic. It would have cause genocide, when they would have eaten that chocolate.

LI THE "ANGEL" :
How do you know they would have eaten it? Maybe they wanted it as a present for their neighbors?

J-NINE :
Planet Johansson got no neighbors. I believe they have eaten them.

LI THE "ANGEL" :
I don't care. The Laaawwwnnndale Syndicate needs that money. You have 48 hours to sell the chocolate bars for one million Stardollars or else...

DARIA STARR :
Or else what?

LI THE "ANGEL" :
Tell them, Mrs. Beannie-Bennet.

BEANNIE-BENNET :
Or else you get fuzzy wuzzy detention for the next 48 years.

Beannie-Bennet and Li The "Angel" start an evil laugh.
J-Nine switches the videophone off.

J-NINE :
So either we murder the population of a whole planet to get one million Stardollars in 48 hours, or we get fuzzy wuzzy detention for the next 48 years.

DARIA STARR :
Well there is still a third option.

J-NINE: (hopeful)
Really, there is?

DARIA STARR: (deadpan)
Yes, we can fly straight forward into the next black hole.

EXT. TOM'S PINTO - SPACE
Music: "Sleeping in My Car" by Roxette.

INT. TOM'S PINTO - CAR
Tom is driving, suddenly a figure appears behind on the backseat. It is Three-NT, who just had wake up. Three-NT is a "half-humanoid/ half-music android" and the lead guitarist of Mystik Galactic Spiral.

PRINCE TOM :
Three-NT!!!

THREE-NT :
Hey, Janey's ex... and Daria's ex!

PRINCE TOM :
Weren't you playing in your band?

THREE-NT :
No. Hey, can't you remember. You are not married, I was asleep.

PRINCE TOM :
Uhm... yes in my car. What are you doing here?

THREE-NT :
Having a nap.

PRINCE TOM :
In my car?

THREE-NT :
Well, actually I was waiting here for a groupie (chuckles-coughs) and fell asleep.

PRINCE TOM :
The all day leisure entertainment of a rock star... what for a groupie?

THREE-NT :
Dunno... but she was cute. I think her name was Ally… Ellie... Elsie... whatever.

Tom's face turns into a shade of white.