PLANET SLOANIA - EXT.
THE SLOAN PALACE - DAY
Planet Sloania looks
like a huge gated community with a lot of luxury estates.
INT. THE SLOAN PALACE
- DAY
Angier and Katherine,
Tom's parents, are standing in front the closed door of his room. Beside
them, stands Tom's sister Elsie, who is as always really unmotivated.
KING ANGIER :
Tom, please, it is time
for the wedding.
QUEEN KATHERINE :
Everything is ready. And
we have got Mystik Galactic Spiral as the wedding band, as you have wished.
But unfortunately, we can't find its lead guitarist.
PRINCESS ELSIE :
Tom, come out and marry
Brittany. Imagine all the things you can do with her in the wedding night.
Tom opens the door.
PRINCESS ELSIE :
That worked fast...
PRINCE TOM :
Hey, I was about to come
out... I just was having some… doubts... oh never mind.
INT. THE SLOAN PALACE
- WEDDING CHAPEL - DAY
Tom and his dad stand
at the altar together with Minister DeMartino. Brittany and her dad start
walking down the aisle. The Mystik Galactic Spiral, without its lead guitarist
Three-NT, is playing "Here Comes the Bride" in grunge style.
PRINCE TOM : (whispering)
Dad.
KING ANGIER :
Yes son?
PRINCE TOM :
Dad, you know I don't love
her.
KING ANGIER :
Yes, but she has got the
two most beautiful eyes of the universe.
PRINCE TOM :
I wasn't thinking about
that.
KING ANGIER :
Me either...(Tom glares
at him)... just a little frivolously hoax...
PRINCE TOM :
Dad, I don't understand
the concept, why princes are only allowed to marry princess or popular
women.
KING ANGIER :
But Tom, princess Brittany
makes a very good future queen for our planet...
Brittany and her dad reach the altar.
MINISTER DEMARTINO :
Dearly BELOVED! We are gathered
HERE on this MOST joyous
occasion, to witness princess
BritTANY and prince TOM....
Suddenly Tom runs away.
MINISTER DEMARTINO :
...running of the alter,
HEADING down the AISLE, and
out the door...
EXT. THE SLOAN PALACE
- DAY
Tom runs past the wedding
Mercedes ahead to his Ford Pinto. Chased by the wedding party.
KING ANGIER :
Tom!
QUEEN KATHERINE :
Tom, where are you going?
The Ford Pinto blast of
into space.
(Well, in this sci-fi
story Ford Pintos are capable of space travel. )
PRINCESS ELSIE : (hoaxing)
He has forgotten the wedding
ring, he will be soon back.
PRINCESS BRITTANY :
Oh well, that happens occasionally.
I am glad, I thought he would run away.
EXT. THE SPACETANK - SPACE
Music: "It's my Life"
by Bon Jovi.
The Spacetank is a little
spaceship flying through space.
It looks like the "Tank"
from Max, just much more longer with wings and boosters on the back.
INT. THE SPACETANK - VAN
J-Nine, a "half-humanoid/half-dog"
alien, is standing at a canvas in the backroom of the van. She is painting
dog food cans in an Andy Warhol style, while listening to the Bon Jovi
Rock Music.
Daria Starr, a humanoid,
is sleeping at the sterling wheel. She wears her usual outfit with one
exception, instead her short black skirt she has got a pair of black
jeans on.
Suddenly ...
VIDEOPHONE :
Beep, beep, beep, beep...
DARIA STARR: (open
her eyes)
Barf… barf...barf!!!
J-NINE :
Hey, Bon Jovi isn't that
bad.
DARIA STARR :
J-Nine!
J-NINE :
I am not here, why not try
it with J-Ten... again space sick hmm?
DARIA STARR :
Barf...barf...buerk...
J-NINE :
Bien danetos a la sick bag,
amiga.
J-Nine walks into the
cockpit, after Daria finished vomiting into a sick bag. She answers the
videophone. Beannie-Bennet appears on the screen.
She is a "half-Fuzzy
Wuzzy Wee Bit (a sort of "Beanie Babies") / half- humanoid" alien.
BEANNIE-BENNET :
Well, if it isn't fuzzy
Daria Starr, and her partner in crime, wuzzy J-...Eighteen?
J-NINE :
That's J-Nine. I want to
keep my straight "C" average.
DARIA STARR :
Mrs. Beannie-Bennet, what
do you want?
BEANNIE-BENNET :
No, no, no, no, no. It's
not what I want. It's what she wants.
Ms. Li The "Angel" appears
on the videophone.
She is a humanoid and
is dressed like Al Capone and Edgar Hoover.
DARIA STARR AND J-NINE
: (both surprised)
Ms. Li The "Angel"!!!
LI THE "ANGEL" :
Miss Starr, Miss Lane. The
Laaawwwnnndale Syndicate received a message from the planet Johansson.
They told me two girls wanted to sell them chocolate bars and then suddenly
refused to do so. Even after they offered one million Stardollars. That
was more than *twice* the selling price.
DARIA STARR :
The whole planet was hypoglycemic.
It would have cause genocide, when they would have eaten that chocolate.
LI THE "ANGEL" :
How do you know they would
have eaten it? Maybe they wanted it as a present for their neighbors?
J-NINE :
Planet Johansson got no
neighbors. I believe they have eaten them.
LI THE "ANGEL" :
I don't care. The Laaawwwnnndale
Syndicate needs that money. You have 48 hours to sell the chocolate bars
for one million Stardollars or else...
DARIA STARR :
Or else what?
LI THE "ANGEL" :
Tell them, Mrs. Beannie-Bennet.
BEANNIE-BENNET :
Or else you get fuzzy wuzzy
detention for the next 48 years.
Beannie-Bennet and Li
The "Angel" start an evil laugh.
J-Nine switches the videophone
off.
J-NINE :
So either we murder the
population of a whole planet to get one million Stardollars in 48 hours,
or we get fuzzy wuzzy detention for the next 48 years.
DARIA STARR :
Well there is still a third
option.
J-NINE: (hopeful)
Really, there is?
DARIA STARR: (deadpan)
Yes, we can fly straight
forward into the next black hole.
EXT. TOM'S PINTO - SPACE
Music: "Sleeping in My
Car" by Roxette.
INT. TOM'S PINTO - CAR
Tom is driving, suddenly
a figure appears behind on the backseat. It is Three-NT, who just had wake
up. Three-NT is a "half-humanoid/ half-music android" and the lead guitarist
of Mystik Galactic Spiral.
PRINCE TOM :
Three-NT!!!
THREE-NT :
Hey, Janey's ex... and Daria's
ex!
PRINCE TOM :
Weren't you playing in your
band?
THREE-NT :
No. Hey, can't you remember.
You are not married, I was asleep.
PRINCE TOM :
Uhm... yes in my car. What
are you doing here?
THREE-NT :
Having a nap.
PRINCE TOM :
In my car?
THREE-NT :
Well, actually I was waiting
here for a groupie (chuckles-coughs) and fell asleep.
PRINCE TOM :
The all day leisure entertainment
of a rock star... what for a groupie?
THREE-NT :
Dunno... but she was cute.
I think her name was Ally… Ellie... Elsie... whatever.
Tom's face turns into a shade of white.
