PART 04: Lightspeed is not fast enough.






INT. STARLETBALL ONE - BRIDGE

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Eww! Be careful, gunner. I said *across* his car, not *at* his car.

GUNNER : (he faces Quinn, he looks like Artie, the UFO geek )
Sorry, Quinn. I do the best, I can.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Who made that geek a gunner?

MAJOR : (he is Artie, the UFO geek)
I did, Quinn. He is my cousin.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Who is he?

COLONEL STACY :
He is a Moron, Quinn.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
I know that. What's his name?

COLONEL STACY :
That is his name: Moron. Major Artie Moron .

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
And his cousin?

COLONEL STACY :
He's a Moron too. First Class Gunner: Andrew Phillip Moron.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
How many Morons do we got on this ship?

All, except the Three J's and Ted Devitt-Clinton, stand up and hail to her.

ALL:
We all, Mistress Dark Quinn!

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
I knew it all the time. I am surrounded by *morons*.

COLONEL STACY :
Ehem, Quinn?

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Yes. All, except Ted, Jeffy, Joey and what's-his-name.

COLONEL STACY :
Ah... oh you have forgotten...

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Yes, Andrea and Upchuck at the medic station.
(ignoring Stacy, addressing to the crew) Keep on firing, you morons!!!

COLONEL STACY :
Eep!!! (Stacy starts sobbing)

INT. THE SPACETANK - COCKPIT
Daria and J-Nine sees how Starletball One is firing at Tom's Pinto.

DARIA STARR :
Uh-oh.

J-NINE :
Oh-oh.

DARIA STARR :
Uh-oh.

J-NINE :
Oh-oh.

DARIA STARR :
Uh-oh, we only can save him, when we jam their radar.

J-NINE :
Ah-ha! Good idea. Yo, let's fire a jar of jam at their radar.

DARIA STARR :
Don't be silly, we use the chocolate bars to make them believe, they came into a meteorite storm

EXT. STARLETBALL ONE - SPACE
The backdoor of the Spacetank opens and 100'000 chocolate bars flies out into space. (Hey, this is "sci-fi": 100'000 chocolate bars can fit into the Spacetank). This cloud of chocolate approaches Starletball One, which stops at once.

The Spacetank docks on Tom's Ford Pinto.

INT. THE SPACETANK - SPACE
Three-NT and Tom board the ship.

THREE-NT :
Hey, Janey.

J-NINE :
Yo! Three-NT, what are you doing here?

THREE-NT :
Oh, you know. Babysitting runaway princes, whatever... Hey Daria.

DARIA STARR : (mutters)
Hi, Three-NT. Hi,…… Tom.

PRINCE TOM :
Nice to see you two again after so long time... you are getting paid by my parents?

J-NINE :
We are not just doing this for money.

PRINCE TOM :
So you also do it to revive our forgotten friendship...

J-NINE :
Nah. We are doing it for a shitload of money.

INT. SPACEBALL ONE - BRIDGE

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Eww! When is this pesky meteorite storm over?

CORPORAL TED :
Mistress Dark Quinn, Colonel Stacy, the radar indicates a subnormal consistence of the meteorite storm.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
The what?

COLONEL STACY :
The what?

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
And the what?

CORPORAL TED :
You know. Due the subatomic structure of this cosmic constellation, I presume, that the origin of the phenomenon is artificial.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Does he speaks English too ?

COLONEL STACY :
You must admit, that for a nerd he is kind of cute.

CORPORAL TED :
To prove my hypothesis, I have beamed out a sample of the meteorites.

Ted presents Quinn and Stacy a plate with chocolate bars.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Chocolate bars? (she tastes one bar) Raspberry favor... Delicious... There is only one person in the universe, who would dare give me the raspberry. My Cousin: Daria Starr!

COLONEL STACY :
Eep, Quinn look at the radar screen. A outline of a van.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
A van? The Spacetank! Dah-ree-yahhh! Dah-ree-yahhhhh!!!

INT. THE SPACETANK - COCKPIT
Daria looks out the window and sees Starletball One coming near.

DARIA STARR :
Uh-oh. Here comes the Hindenburg.

J-NINE :
Then let's get hyperactive.

PRINCE TOM :
Hyperactive? You mean hyperspeed.

THREE-NT :
Exactly. But hyperactive sounds cooler… fasten your seatbelt. This is going to rock.

INT. STARLETBALL ONE - BRIDGE
Quinn and Stacy see the Spacetank in front of them.

COLONEL STACY :
The ship of your cousin has got no chance against our firepower.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Excellent. Prepare to attack at my command. On the count of three: One, two...

The Spacetank takes off into hyperspeed and vanishs in front of the eyes of Quinn..

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Eww!

COLONEL STACY :
They have gone to hyperspeed. They must have hyperpower on board.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
And what have we got on board? Propane gas?

COLONEL STACY :
No, Quinn. (to the crew) Prepare ship for Light Speed.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
No, Light Speed is not fast enough.

COLONEL STACY :
What? Light Speed is not fast enough?

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Not for me. Full blast, please.

COLONEL STACY : (gasping)
Full blast? Quinn. I don't know if the ship can take it.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
I am taking the *full* responsibility Stacy.

Stacy and the whole crew start to buckles up in their seats.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN : (To the crew)
Now hear this, Full blast, at once. Go!

COLONEL STACY :
Quinn, you have forgotten to buckle up...

The ship takes off. The display lights up: "Light Speed", "Medium Blast Speed" , and then at last " Full Blast Speed". Quinn is being pulled back by the velocity.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Whoa! What have I done? I just made my hair.

INT. THE SPACETANK - COCKPIT
Starletball One passes over the Spacetank. At this velocity Starletball One glooms in a plaid-light-pattern.

THREE-NT :
Cool.

PRINCE TOM :
What the hell was that?

DARIA STARR :
That was Starletball One at Full blast.

J-NINE :
Quinn would kill herself, when she finds out she is been seen in plaid.

DARIA STARR : (smirks)
Right get the Polaroid then.