PART 07: Comb the desert!






STARLETBALL CITY - INT. SANDI'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Sandi is jumping and bouncing on her bed in her pyjamas, while having headphones on. She is singing with close eyes into her comb as if it were a microphone .

PRESIDENT SANDI : (imitating the voice of Christina Aguilera)
With the lights out it's less dangerous.
Here we are now, entertain us.
I feel stupid and contagious.
A mulatto. An albino. A mosquito...

Tiffany suddenly appears on the videophone, Sandi isn't aware of her so she keeps on jumping and singing. Tiffany is stunned for a moment of Sandi singing something about mosquitoes.

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
uhh... President Sandi.

PRESIDENT SANDI :
Eep. TIFFANY! This is my private quarters!!!

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
Sorry but it is urgent. Quinn and Stacy have lost prince Tom in the desert of the Dune-look-alike planet.

PRESIDENT SANDI :
That is *so* typical for Quinn. Tell her to comb the desert. Do you hear me? Comb the desert!

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
Ehem, comb the desert?

Sandi gives Tiffany one of her feared "don't dare me"-looks.

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
At your orders, President Sandi.

PLANET DUNE-LOOK-A-LIKE - DESERT - LATE AFTERNOON
The Three Storm J's and other troopers are moving huge large combs across the desert. They are watches by Quinn and Stacy.

COLONEL STACY :
Quinn?

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
What?

COLONEL STACY :
Isn't this a bit... silly?

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Of course it is. This is *Sandi's* idea. But see it from the bright side: The boys look so *cute*, when they do such silly things.

COLONEL STACY : (smiles)
You are so right Quinn.

INT. UNKNOWN TEMPLE - GREAT HALL
Amy is holding Daria's referee's whistle in her hands.

DARIA STARR :
You can read it?

AMY :
Yes.

DARIA STARR :
What does it says?

AMY :
It says: "Made in South Korea". Voila: Your lifetime mystery has been solved.

DARIA STARR :
(beat) Oh...
(disappointed) Yeah.

(she puts the whistle back in her t-shirt)

AMY :
All right Daria, now I am giving you a crash course in the use of the Salami.

DARIA STARR :
What! Why me?

AMY :
You are something special. I can sense that the Salami is incredible strong in you, Daria. You can become a "triple-A" Salami Knight.

DARIA STARR :
So, I got supernatural mental powers... Amy, I have serious reservations of using something, which is called the Salami.

AMY :
Why not?

DARIA STARR :
Well, isn't it kind of... unnatural?

AMY :
Do you eat hot dogs, Daria?

DARIA STARR :
Yeah.

AMY :
Do you ever were thinking to use hot dogs to train real dogs to attack people?

DARIA STARR :
Yeah.

AMY :
Well, then, you are already going to hell, so you might as well use the Salami to destroy your enemies.

DARIA STARR : (beat)
Okay, you have convinced me. I will become a Salami Knight.

AMY :
Good. Here, put this ring on. And feel the Salami.

DARIA STARR : (deadpan)
Eww.

AMY :
The Salami can enable you to shoot laserblasts, ignite a lasersaber and you even can use telekinetic abilities.

DARIA STARR :
Aha... and can I use the Salami to travel through time, cross dimensions, rearrange atomic structures and get my video recorder programmed too?

AMY :
Perhaps Daria. You should *never* UNDERESTIMATE the power of the Salami.
(pause) But the video programming you can knock out your head, I tried it, and it is futile.
Okay. Concentrate. Feel the salami Daria.

Daria close her eyes and concentrates, her ring starts to glow green. Then a green lasersaber ignites.

DARIA STARR :
I can't believe it. The Salami, it's working. So now you teach me to fight?

AMY :
Before I teach you, you have to fight my apprentices. Come in boys.

Ethan, Link and Luhrman enters. Amy walks to a CD-player and puts a disc in. Music plays: It is "Stayin' Alive" by "The Bee Gees"

DARIA, ETHAN, LINK AND LUHRMAN :
Eww. Gross!!!

AMY :
Sissies! At your age I was dancing to that.

DARIA, ETHAN, LINK AND LUHRMAN : (mumbling)
Violence readiness increasing music!

BEGIN MONTAGE SEQUENCE. MUSIC: "STAYIN' ALIVE" BY "THE BEE GEES"

First Ethan challenges Daria. Both ignite their lasersabers. Ethan's lasersaber is blue. They start fighting. Daria is first defensive, but she learns fast. Soon she attacks Ethan. She is a real nature talent. Soon Ethan falls on the floor and Daria is pointing at his head with her lasersaber.

ETHAN :
You have won. I'm going back to bed.

Then comes Luhrman. Luhrman's lasersaber is dark blue. First, it is a lasersaber fight like before, but then he starts firing several laserblast at her during the fight. Daria can avoid being hit. Daria starts firing back. The duel continues, Daria is fighting calculated and calm, until Luhrman falls on the floor and Daria is pointing at his head with her lasersaber

LUHRMAN :
She is really very good.

At last Link, he stares at her a couple of seconds until Daria decides to attack. Suddenly several dodge balls, which were lying behind him on the floor fly into the air and move rapidly towards her. She gets hit, falls down. Link's lasersaber is purple. Link attacks with a lasersaber-laserblast combination. Daria manage to get up again, bitter fighting begins. Link telekinetic powers with the flying dodge balls make it very difficult for Daria. Soon she falls on the floor and Link is pointing at her head with his lasersaber. Daria closes her eyes and concentrates. Some dodge balls, which were under control of Link, now move towards him. He gets hit and falls down, now Daria is pointing a lasersaber at Link's head.

LINK :
I give up. I bet now your life is one big bowl of cherries.

END MONTAGE SEQUENCE.

DARIA STARR : (exhausted)
At last… finally… I couldn't stand that music anymore .

AMY :
Your training is not finish yet, Daria.

Amy ignites her lasersaber. Her lasersaber is green too. Before she walks up to Daria she puts a new disk in. Music plays: It is "Honey, Honey" by "ABBA"

DARIA STARR :
Aaaaargghhhhhh !