PART 10: Ready, Kafka?






STARLETBALL CITY - EXT. PRISON COMPLEX - NIGHT
The Spacetank lands. The door opens and Daria and J-Nine step out. J-Nine has a Stick-modified 2000, the finest glue gun on the market, in her hand. She is holding it like a gun against Daria, who is handcuffed to her. Brooke, the prison guard comes to them.

PRISON GUARD BROOKE :
Halt! (cocks gun)
Where are you going?

J-NINE :
I am a bounty hunter. I am taking this individual into custody.

PRISON GUARD BROOKE :
Why?

J-NINE :
Can't you see?

Brooke takes a close look at Daria.

PRISON GUARD BROOKE :
OHMIGAWD. That… that creature has broken every single fashion law in the book. Quick! Take her away.

Daria and J-Nine walk into the prison.

STARLETBALL CITY - INT. PRISON COMPLEX - NIGHT
J-Nine takes of the handcuffs of Daria.

J-NINE :
Well Daria, on this planet you are a true criminal. Public Enemy Numero Uno.

DARIA STARR :
At last I found a place, which I can call home.

INT. PRISON COMPLEX - ROYAL PRISONERS SECTION - NIGHT
Daria and J-Nine walk down the doorway. Looking in each cell trough the eye slot.

J-NINE :
Why they didn't put Tom and Three-NT into the Psychopath Prisoners Section? That would make the search more interesting.

DARIA STARR :
Shhht. J-Nine. Listen.

They hear music... rock music on guitar and singing.

TOM'S VOICE : (imitating Elvis)
"...let's Rock..."

J-NINE :
It's coming from this door.

TOM'S VOICE :
"...everybody let's Rock..."

DARIA AND J-NINE :
Jail House Rock.?!

Both look trough the eye slot. They find Tom singing and Three-NT guitar playing.

DARIA STARR : (angry)
Typical for these guys. We risk our lives to save them and they live out their artistic side.

Suddenly a ventilation shaft opens. Tom and Three-NT come out.

THREE-NT :
Hey. Daria and Janey.

J-NINE :
But... who is in the cell?

PRINCE TOM :
They are holograms to fool the guards.

THREE-NT :
That was Tom's idea, but no time to talk. Let's beat it.

J-NINE :
Yeah, Daria. Typical for them to live out their artistic side.

DARIA STARR :
Yeah, and again Daria was judging people's behavior by a pretty rigid set of standards.

STARLETBALL CITY - EXT. PRISON COMPLEX - NIGHT
Daria, J-Nine, Three-NT and Tom walk out.

J-NINE :
This is too easy.

PRISON GUARD BROOKE :
Freeze! (cocks gun)

J-NINE :
I said so.

They manage to overwhelm Brooke and take her laser gun. Then they run to the Spacetank.
Meanwhile alarm sirens go on. A bunker door opens and 21 prison guards storm out.
They are shooting at Daria, J-Nine, Three-NT and Tom, who are hiding behind a wall. The air is filled with laser blasts.

PRINCE TOM :
We're trapped! That is the only way to the Spacetank.

THREE-NT :
Cool, like in the movies.

J-NINE :
Yeah, we should wait for the end of the film, so we can leave through the exit.

Daria takes the laser gun, they have obtained from Brooke before.

DARIA STARR : (imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger)
Hasta La Vista, Babies. (cocks gun)

Daria walks from the cover toward the guards and starts a steady firing.
Each shot is a hit and each guard fall down one after the other. Soon 21 bodies cover the floor.

J-NINE, THREE-NT AND TOM : (amazed)
Holy Mother of Johosephat...

DARIA STARR :
I used the stun mode... honestly.

THREE-NT :
Good one Daria. Where do you have learned shooting?

DARIA STARR :
From the computer game "Cannibal Frag Fest" on CD-ROM.

PRINCE TOM :
Hey, doesn't that game only runs under Windows ?

DARIA STARR :
Ups, you have got me. I was tempted by the forces of evil.

J-NINE :
Monopolized computer violence shaping the reality. Goya would have loved that.

ORBIT OF PLANET SLOANIA - EXT. STARLETBALL ONE - SPACE
Starletball One is nearing planet Sloania.

ORBIT OF PLANET SLOANIA - INT. STARLETBALL ONE - BRIDGE
Sandi enters the bridge. All stand up and salute.

ALL :
Hail, President Sandi.

PRESIDENT SANDI :
I hail myself.

COLONEL STACY :
We have arrived at planet Sloania.

PRESIDENT SANDI :
Ah, planet Sloania, with ten thousand years of ozone.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :(whispering to Tiffany and Stacy)
The way *she* rules, it last not a hundred.

Quinn, Tiffany and Stacy snicker.

PRESIDENT SANDI :
What?

Quinn, Tiffany and Stacy shrug.

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
We are beginning noooooow with metamorphosis.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Ready, Kafka?

COLONEL STACY :
Kafka?

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Eep!

PRESIDENT SANDI :
Isn't that a dead European writer weirdo, Quinn?

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Eww, I admit it. Years ago I was at home, grounded, bored. So I just looked in that book of my s...cousin.
And it was about metamorphosis and... Eww, stop taunting me...

INT. THE SPACETANK - COCKPIT - ORBIT OF SLOANIA - SPACE
Daria, J-Nine, Tom and Three-NT watch how Starletball One transforms itself in front of their eyes.

THREE-NT :
Cool. It's not just a spaceship. It's a transformer.

PRINCE TOM :
A transformer?

THREE-NT :
Yeah, remember "Transformers: More than meets the eye." (chuckles-coughs) They don't make cartoons like that anymore.

Daria, J-Nine and Tom start pondering about that, what Three-NT just said.

THREE-NT : (mutters)
I am feeling so old.

J-NINE :
Hey, it's changing into...a gigantic… mall?

DARIA STARR :
Why am I not surprised.

INT. MEGA MALL - ORBIT OF SLOANIA - BRIDGE
Proud the Fashion Club and the crew witness this majestic moment on the screen.

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
Metamorphoses is completed.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Starletball One has become: (fanfare sounds) ...Mega Mall.

COLONEL STACY :
Let's shop, till we drop.

PRESIDENT SANDI :
Yes, but first: Commence "Operation Suck Ozone".

EXT. MEGA MALL - ORBIT OF SLOANIA - SPACE
Huge hoses drive out from the Mall into the atmosphere. The whole thing now resembles an enormous squid.

INT. MEGA MALL - ORBIT OF SLOANIA - SPACE

THE FASHION CLUB:
Suck. Suck. Suck.

PLANET SLOANIA - INT. THE SLOAN PALACE - DAY
The Sloane Family is behind a window.

KING ANGIER :
Have a last look outside, we will never see daylight again.

QUEEN KATHERINE :
We must spend the rest of our lives in the dark.

PRINCESS ELSIE :
Well I see it as an opportunity. We can now transmogrify into vampires.