PART 13: Where have you been?





INT. MEGA MALL - UNDERGROUND PARKING SECTION - SPACE
Daria, J-Nine, Three-NT and Tom arrive at the Spacetank. They board immediately.

SHIP'S VOICE :
This ship will self destruct in 20 seconds.

INT. MEGA MALL - ORBIT OF SLOANIA - ESCAPE POD SECTION
The Fashion Club members are in a group hug, they are confessing their friendship to each other in their last remaining seconds.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Oh, Sandi please forgive me.

PRESIDENT SANDI :
No, Quinn please forgive me.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
But I was so bitchy....

PRESIDENT SANDI :
No, I was so bitchy.

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
You both were bitchy.

QUINN AND SANDI :
Yeah... hey!...You are right Tiffany.

SHIP'S VOICE :
This ship will self destruct in 10 seconds.

COLONEL STACY :
At last it is proofed: We are all the best friends.

All smile at Stacy...

SHIP'S VOICE :
...7, 6, 5...

COLONEL STACY :
I am so happy...

...but then Stacy face frowns.

COLONEL STACY :
…I am so happy, that I can remember, I had a "Self-Destruction-Cancellation-Button" build in.

QUINN AND SANDI :
STACY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHIP'S VOICE :
... 2, 1. Have a nice day.

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
You are soooo...

EXT. MEGA MALL - SPACE
Only at a nick of time, the Spacetank dashes out just before the Mega Mall explodes.
And then the whole Mega Mall blast into a million pieces and wreckages flying into all directions.

INT. THE SPACETANK - COCKPIT
Our heroes start cheering. J-Nine hugs Three-NT. Daria hugs Tom, they both look into their eyes move their lips closer... and then let go of each other.
Soon they hear a familiar voice on the television. They watch the screen.

VOICE OF SICK SAD CONTINUUM ANNOUNCER :
The true reason of spectacular arrestment of Li the "Angel" and with it the destruction of the Lawndale Syndicate, is revealed tonight. It was a chocolate meteorite storm of unknown origin. Next, on "Sick Sad Continuum".

THREE-NT :
Raspberry favor... Delicious.

PRINCE TOM :
Now you don't have to pay them. You can keep the money for yourselves.

DARIA STARR : (mutters)
Yeah.

J-NINE :
Now, I finally can rent Brad Pitt.

PLANET SLOANIA - EXT. THE SLOAN PALACE - DAY
The Spacetank lands in front of the palace. Tom's family is already waiting for them.

KING ANGIER : (hugs Tom)
Oh Tom.

QUEEN KATHERINE :(hugs Tom)
Oh Tom, my little sunshine.

PRINCESS ELSIE :
Oh, Tom. (yawns) Where have you been?

PRINCE TOM :
Well, may I introduce you to my friends.

KING ANGIER :
Thanks a million for saving him and our planet.

J-NINE :
Two million... in bar. No checks.

THREE-NT :
Hey, shouldn't I get something too?

Brittany storms out the palace directly to Tom.

PRINCESS BRITTANY :
Oh Tom! At last you have found our wedding ring.

Brittany embraces Tom and gives him a wet passionate tongue kiss in front all the people.

THREE-NT :
It's not bad to be the prince.

Brittany still is kissing Tom. Daria looks at them, she can't tell if Tom is enjoying it.
She turns to J-Nine.

DARIA STARR :
Let's collect the cash and beat it

J-NINE :
Shouldn't we stay for the wed... (she sees the sadness Daria's face) …Okay.

EXT. THE SPACETANK - SPACE
Music: "Fly Away" by "Lenny Kravitz".
The Spacetank is flying into space away from planet Sloania.

EXT. MOM'S DINER - SPACE
The Mom's Diner is a space station with a landing platform. Daria and J-Nine are walking from their parked Spacetank into the diner.

INT. MOM'S DINER - SPACE
Waitress Sue is serving Daria and J-Nine at the bar.

SUE THE WAITRESS : (to J-Nine)
Okay that is a chicken with fries. (to Daria) And you?

DARIA STARR :
Dry toast and tea, please.

SUE THE WAITRESS :
I thought you looked depressed. Love sick, hmm?

DARIA STARR :
I thought you were a waitress and not a shrink, HMM?

SUE THE WAITRESS :
You got a mouth on you, ever thought of becoming a waitress?

DARIA STARR :
No, but I can imagine becoming a mass murderer.

SUE THE WAITRESS :
Okay... okay sweetheart. (writes the order and walks off)

J-NINE :
I see you spread joy and happiness. So what are you doing with your million?

DARIA STARR :
I don't want to talk about it.

J-NINE :
...You didn't take it.

DARIA STARR :
I said: I don't want to talk about it.

J-NINE :
You want to express with that special gesture something.

DARIA STARR :
Ahh J-NINE!!! I just don't want to talk about it.

J-NINE : (sights)
Okay, okay. Let's talk about something else. How about spaceidiots spotting?

DARIA STARR : (sinister)
I spot one spaceidiot sitting beside me.

J-NINE :
Good one Daria. I spot one spaceidiot in a Hawaii shirt at that group over there... ohmigawd … Daria... check out that girl with the glasses...

Daria and J-Nine look at a group of seven people sitting at the other end of the bar.

One of them is a girl with glasses, who looks EXACTLY like Daria.

She sits beside a brunet jock, who wears a Hawaii shirt. The rest of the crew contains: one blonde bimbo, one elderly man with white hair strains, a mid-forties woman and a female and a male Afro-American. They are all wearing the same overalls, which indicates, that they work for one of those huge mining companies. All are enjoying a meal, while the male Afro-American is telling them some anecdotes.

CHIEF ENGINEER "MACK" PARKER :
...we were lost. Nobody knew where we were. And then Harry said he wanted to re-install "Windows" again, and I said to him:
I meant "iMAC" not "I Mack" you dummy!

All start laughing, even that girl with glasses.

CHIEF ENGINEER "MACK" PARKER :
And now a killer joke about the "iMAC":
... Sorry, I can't tell you. It's not "PC".

All laugh even more.

FIRST OFFICIER HELEN KANE :
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha hhhhhh...uerk uh barf...

She is choking out her food and grabs her chest.

LIEUTENANT DARIA RIPLY :
Uh Helen, what is the matter?

CHIEF ENGINEER "MACK" PARKER :
I told you it was a killer joke.

Helen keeps on spitting out her food. She lies down on the bar, winding in pain.

CAPTAIN JODIE DALLAS :
Bring some water.

SIENCE OFFICIER ANTHONY ASH:
What SHE needs is the HeimLICH Maneuver!

TECHNICIAN ASSISTANT KEVIN BRETT :
What did she order, babe?

NAVIGATOR BRITTANY LAMBERT :
Oh, she had the Luna fish.

TECHNICIAN ASSISTANT KEVIN BRETT :
The Luna fish? I ordered that too. (to the waitress) I change my order to the Luna soup.

NAVIGATOR BRITTANY LAMBERT :
Oh, you are so smart... stop smiling at the waitress, Kevy!

FIRST OFFICIER HELEN KANE :
...ARRRGGGGGGG!

A "Quinnien"-Monster ("Half-Alien / Half-Quinn" creature, which is 30 centimeters long) breaks out Helen's chest, covering the whole crew with blood.

LIEUTENANT DARIA RIPLY :
Oh, no. In space nobody can escape tasteless crossovers.

FIRST OFFICIER HELEN KANE : (looks at it)
Ahhh, isn't she a cutie. (she faints)

The Quinnien jumps out of the chest on to the bar. Everyone including Daria Starr and J-Nine is stunned with horror.
The Quinnien growls and then... She starts singing and dancing down the bar.

QUINNIEN : (singing a song in the tone of "Baby One More Time" by "Britney Spears")

...Oh baby, baby,
how was I supposed to know.
Oh dearest baby,
but I have to let you go.

I must confess,
that my cutie-ness
is killing you now.
Do you know what I do believe,

that you will be no more.
It's your last life sign.
Goodbye baby the last time.

The Quinnien dances past Daria Starr and J-Nine. They both stare at it in disbelieve.

My cutie-ness
is killing you (and I).
I must confess,
what I do believe (do believe).
When I'm no more in you, you lose your life.
It's your last life sign.
Goodbye baby the last time.

I must confess (my cutie-ness),
that my cutie-ness (is killing you)
is killing you now (I must confess).

Do you know, what I do believe (I do believe),
that you will be no more
and it's your last life sign --
goodbye baby the last time.

The Quinnien jumps from the bar right into a ventilation shaft.
As soon the Quinnien is gone, Daria and J-Nine stand up at once.

DARIA AND J-NINE :
Check please.