PART 14: Think of baseball.





PLANET SLOANIA - EXT. THE SLOAN PALACE - DAY
Tom is standing on a balcony. He is staring up to the sky. Three-NT approaches.

THREE-NT :
Still thinking of Daria?

PRINCE TOM :
She didn't take the million.

THREE-NT :
Huh?

PRINCE TOM :
She wanted to express with that special gesture something, by not taking the million spacedollars reward.

THREE-NT :
Well, that is our Daria. The coolest girl in the galaxy.

Elsie joins them.

PRINCESS ELSIE :
Yes, but she took 284 spacedollars for lunch, gas, and tolls.

PRINCE TOM :
What do you want Elsie?

PRINCESS ELSIE :
Well... Three-NT, there is still something you wanted to show me.

THREE-NT :
Ah yes, excuse us Tom.

Three-NT and Elsie walk off into the park. Tom's face frowns.

INT. THE SPACETANK - COCKPIT - SPACE
Silence.
Daria and J-Nine are just staring at the stars.
Then Daria breaks out:

DARIA STARR :
I want to be again together with Tom!

J-NINE :
Huh?... Are you sure? We are too far away. Tom will be already married, when we arrive back at Sloania.

DARIA STARR :
Yes. And there is still the concept that princes are only allowed to marry princess or popular women. So... I have got no chance at all... so unpopular... I am... (Daria is about to cry...)

AMY'S VOICE :
Tam, tah, tah, tahhh. Amy, the godlike Deus Ex Machina is speaking to you...

DARIA AND J-NINE :
Amy!

DARIA STARR :
Amy, what are you doing again in my head.

AMY'S VOICE :
Just checking out sexual fantasies of yours.

J-NINE :
Does Daria have interesting sexual fantasies?

AMY'S VOICE :
Not as interesting than yours J-Nine.

J-NINE : (to herself)
Think of baseball, think of baseball...

AMY'S VOICE :
Daria Starr, that referee's whistle, that you wear around your neck. Here is its real meaning: It is from South Korea on planet Earth. And planet Earth is a place, where you are a popular star, you have got your own TV-series and ten-thousands of fans, who spam regularly the internet with more or less creative fanfics. So my dear Daria. This whistle proofs, that you are a certified popular.

DARIA STARR :
I am popular. Which means… hang on, isn't that a contradiction.

AMY'S VOICE :
Which means, you should save Tom, before he suffers severe dehydration, after spending his honeymoon night in bed with that blond-big-boobed-bimbo. To get back to Sloania in time, there is a special can of fuel I have hidden in your glove compartment.

J-NINE : (to herself)
...think of baseball, think of baseball...

DARIA STARR :
J-Nine! Open the glove compartment.

J-Nine opens the glove compartment and pulls out a can.

J-NINE :
Whoa, a can of Liquid Salami. I will pour it at once in the emergency tank.

DARIA STARR :
Amy! A last question: Are all fanfics of Ace Trax always tawdry, stupid and humiliating, or is he just in a phase?

AMY'S VOICE :
I don't believe that people, who write Daria fanfics grow out of any phase.

DARIA STARR : (sights)
Thank you for everything Amy.

AMY'S VOICE :
You are welcome. And may the Salami be with you.

DARIA STARR :
Fasten your seatbelt J-Nine, we are going to make Hyperactive Speed look like the "The Florida Ballots Recount of the Year 2000".

EXT. THE SPACETANK - SPACE
The Spacetank turns around sharply and dashes into the stars at Salami Speed.

ORBIT OF AN UNKNOWN PLANET - SPACE
The wreckage of the Mega Mall falls toward the planet. The Fashion Club is screaming.

THE FASHION CLUB :
Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

UNKNOWN PLANET - BEACH - DAY
The wreckage crashes on the beach. The Fashion Club is dirty but still alive. They make their way out of the craft.

MISTRESS DARK QUINN :
Eww, I need a shower.

PRESIDENT SANDI :
Oh, shut up Quinn!

COMMANDERETTE TIFFANY :
Oh, shut the up you two!!

COLONEL STACY :
Oh, shut up you three!!!

At the horizon there are two repulsive figures on a lawnmower observing the scene.

Two repulsive figures on a lawnmower?

Guess who:

BUTTHEAD :
Whoa! Look, someone has dropped something.

BEAVIS :
Whoa! Heh heh um heh droppings heh heh droppings.

Butthead looks through in his binoculars.

BUTTHEAD :
Uh huh huh huh! Whoa...Beavis look, chicks.

BEAVIS :
Heh heh heh. Yeah! Chicks.

BUTTHEAD :
Huh Huh. This is it, Beavis. We're finally gonna score!

BEAVIS :
Yeah! Heh heh heh! Now we are gonna get some!

Butthead looks again through his binoculars and notice that these girls fall into the category of supermodels.

BUTTHEAD :
Hey, one, two, three, four hot gorgeous babes! This is gonna be cool!

BEAVIS :
Whoa, four chicks for the two of us...that is for each of us ....
wait ...four chicks... I got it ...wait....each of us....I got it....wait....four chicks....I got it.... each of us….

BUTTHEAD :
You are such a dumbass, Beavis.

BEAVIS :
Who cares Butthead. Heh heh there is enough for us both heh heh heh.

BUTTHEAD :
Oh shut up bunghole. You are too stupid for *these* chicks. They are mine.

BEAVIS :
DAMMIT! Give me some chicks. I WANNA SCORE!

BUTTHEAD :
Here, I give you some chicks.

Butthead smashes the binoculars over Beavis's head. Beavis passes out for some seconds, but then he immediately stands up.

BEAVIS : (in Cornhoolio mode)
ARE YOU THREATENING ME?!

Both start fighting.