AN: A big thank you to everyone who's taken interest in my story so
far. Please review-I'll write so long as I know someone beside myself is
enjoying this.
WARNING: If you don't enjoy b/s I'd leave this one alone right now. Includes some Buffy fantasies.
After much deliberation, the group decided to stay in Nevada until they could get back on their feet. They stopped the bus for a final time at a quaint rental apartment complex. Using money the Council had wired over after the final battle, they rented 12 apartments. One for Xander and Andrew. One for Buffy and Dawn. One for Giles and Robin. One for Willow and Kennedy. One for Faith. And one for every three to four of the twenty some Slayers. The Council, with Giles help, was trying to figure out what to do with them. For the first time ever, there was actually a demand for Watchers. So far, the plan was to send one or two of the trainees to each hell mouth around the world. Until then, the girls were left together to enjoy each other's company.
Buffy tried to help. Here they all were, planning the rest of their lives. And there she was, just wanting to crawl back to the crater she'd called home for so long. She was finally free. She was no longer in charge of saving the world. So why wasn't she happier? He's never coming back. You know that. Now just accept it. It won't do any good to cry. As many times as she told herself this, it didn't help. It was like she was forced to live without her vision, or her hearing. Hell, it was like trying to live without a heart. And it wasn't getting any easier. She needed him.
"I need her." Spike cried out to his mother. Didn't anyone up here understand that?
"William. You can't go back. You've had more than your share of time upon Earth. That's not the way it works."
"Why? Why does it have to be that way?" Spike snarled at this spirit who had given him life. "You said Heaven was every person's own ideal. Why can't I have mine?"
"We cannot alter fate. You were meant to die."
"Yes." Spike argued. "I was meant to die. And I did. Best sodding day ever. All sunshine and smiles and the like. But who's to say I have to stay dead?" He spun around wildly inside his white prison. "Why can't I go back?"
He heard her sigh, exasperated. He had never been fun to argue with. So bloody stubborn. "There are rules. Rules you cannot mess with. Rules you cannot change."
"Such as?" Spike prodded.
"Fate cannot be changed, William. You did what you had to. You saved the world. You were destined for that."
"No." Spike said plainly. "I was destined for her."
Their apartment was far from cozy. The walls were painted white, so white it showed every smudge, every fault. The carpet resembled a bruised peach, it was so stained. But it was their new home. For now.
Dawn did what she could. She promptly unpacked her few belongings and went about fixing their beds. Funny, how their roles had changed. Funny how suddenly Dawn had to take care of her.
"Hey, Buff?" Dawn came out of her bedroom.
Buffy looked up at her from the sofa. "Hmm?"
"We-Giles, Willow, Xander, me-were going to go out to dinner. Are you coming?"
Buffy sighed. As much as she loved sitting around here moping. She put on her brave face. "Sure, Dawn. I'll come."
Dawn smiled at her. "Good. I'll go tell them."
Buffy watched as her sister walked out into the hallway. So effortless. Walking. Breathing. Living. It just came automatically. Most of the time. She pressed a hand to the wound in her side and thought, ruefully, not anymore. She was healing fine. Sure. The cuts were closing. The bruises were fading. But the memories were always there. And they always would be.
They would be leaving in a few minutes. Plenty of time. So why not just sit here a few minutes more. What was the harm, after all, of just sitting quietly. Thinking of what could have been:
"Buffy, hurry up." Spike sat on the sofa eagerly, holding a bowl of
popcorn in his lap. "It's starting. Come on!"
Buffy rushed into the living room. She sat down on the couch beside
him, curling her legs up under her as he draped an arm around her. She
lay her head down against his shoulder, sighing. They watched the
movie in silence, munching popcorn and just holding on to each other.
"Spike?"
"'Tis okay, love, I'm right here." Spike grinned as he led his
blindfolded Buffy down the hallway.
"Where are we?" Buffy reached out with her free hand, pressing it
against his chest playfully.
"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise, now, would it?" She could
hear the smirk in his voice. They walked a little further, and he
opened a door. "Now keep your eyes closed."
She did as she was told as the fabric was removed from her eyes. She
let him help her into the room. It smelled like roses and vanilla.
"Spike?"
He let go of her hand, taking a few steps back. "Open your eyes."
She opened her eyes, and was met by the sight of their bedroom. Except
it was gorgeous. There were rose pedals all across the bed, coating
the floor, and spread thickly across all the other furniture. And
candles. He must have lit two hundred candles, at least. She walked up
to him, pressing her lips lightly to his.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
She opened her eyes. The sunlight came in through the window. She sat
up, startled, and looked over to her side. The sunlight reflected off
the sheets. Empty. She stood up, becoming frantic. "Spike?... Spike?"
He walked out of their bathroom, with mussed, wet hair and a towel
'round his waist. "Pet?"
She let her breath out. He easily walked around the beams to stand in
front of her. He leaned in, kissing her lightly on her nose. Running
his finger along her arm. He smiled.
Buffy sighed. All she was doing was beating herself up. These little
fantasies wouldn't do her any good. "Spike," she whispered faintly. "I
miss you."
Spike drifted, alone again in his Heaven. Buffy all around him.
Buffy coursing through him. And he had never felt so alone. I'd give
anything, he thought, just to be back with her again.
WARNING: If you don't enjoy b/s I'd leave this one alone right now. Includes some Buffy fantasies.
After much deliberation, the group decided to stay in Nevada until they could get back on their feet. They stopped the bus for a final time at a quaint rental apartment complex. Using money the Council had wired over after the final battle, they rented 12 apartments. One for Xander and Andrew. One for Buffy and Dawn. One for Giles and Robin. One for Willow and Kennedy. One for Faith. And one for every three to four of the twenty some Slayers. The Council, with Giles help, was trying to figure out what to do with them. For the first time ever, there was actually a demand for Watchers. So far, the plan was to send one or two of the trainees to each hell mouth around the world. Until then, the girls were left together to enjoy each other's company.
Buffy tried to help. Here they all were, planning the rest of their lives. And there she was, just wanting to crawl back to the crater she'd called home for so long. She was finally free. She was no longer in charge of saving the world. So why wasn't she happier? He's never coming back. You know that. Now just accept it. It won't do any good to cry. As many times as she told herself this, it didn't help. It was like she was forced to live without her vision, or her hearing. Hell, it was like trying to live without a heart. And it wasn't getting any easier. She needed him.
"I need her." Spike cried out to his mother. Didn't anyone up here understand that?
"William. You can't go back. You've had more than your share of time upon Earth. That's not the way it works."
"Why? Why does it have to be that way?" Spike snarled at this spirit who had given him life. "You said Heaven was every person's own ideal. Why can't I have mine?"
"We cannot alter fate. You were meant to die."
"Yes." Spike argued. "I was meant to die. And I did. Best sodding day ever. All sunshine and smiles and the like. But who's to say I have to stay dead?" He spun around wildly inside his white prison. "Why can't I go back?"
He heard her sigh, exasperated. He had never been fun to argue with. So bloody stubborn. "There are rules. Rules you cannot mess with. Rules you cannot change."
"Such as?" Spike prodded.
"Fate cannot be changed, William. You did what you had to. You saved the world. You were destined for that."
"No." Spike said plainly. "I was destined for her."
Their apartment was far from cozy. The walls were painted white, so white it showed every smudge, every fault. The carpet resembled a bruised peach, it was so stained. But it was their new home. For now.
Dawn did what she could. She promptly unpacked her few belongings and went about fixing their beds. Funny, how their roles had changed. Funny how suddenly Dawn had to take care of her.
"Hey, Buff?" Dawn came out of her bedroom.
Buffy looked up at her from the sofa. "Hmm?"
"We-Giles, Willow, Xander, me-were going to go out to dinner. Are you coming?"
Buffy sighed. As much as she loved sitting around here moping. She put on her brave face. "Sure, Dawn. I'll come."
Dawn smiled at her. "Good. I'll go tell them."
Buffy watched as her sister walked out into the hallway. So effortless. Walking. Breathing. Living. It just came automatically. Most of the time. She pressed a hand to the wound in her side and thought, ruefully, not anymore. She was healing fine. Sure. The cuts were closing. The bruises were fading. But the memories were always there. And they always would be.
They would be leaving in a few minutes. Plenty of time. So why not just sit here a few minutes more. What was the harm, after all, of just sitting quietly. Thinking of what could have been:
"Buffy, hurry up." Spike sat on the sofa eagerly, holding a bowl of
popcorn in his lap. "It's starting. Come on!"
Buffy rushed into the living room. She sat down on the couch beside
him, curling her legs up under her as he draped an arm around her. She
lay her head down against his shoulder, sighing. They watched the
movie in silence, munching popcorn and just holding on to each other.
"Spike?"
"'Tis okay, love, I'm right here." Spike grinned as he led his
blindfolded Buffy down the hallway.
"Where are we?" Buffy reached out with her free hand, pressing it
against his chest playfully.
"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise, now, would it?" She could
hear the smirk in his voice. They walked a little further, and he
opened a door. "Now keep your eyes closed."
She did as she was told as the fabric was removed from her eyes. She
let him help her into the room. It smelled like roses and vanilla.
"Spike?"
He let go of her hand, taking a few steps back. "Open your eyes."
She opened her eyes, and was met by the sight of their bedroom. Except
it was gorgeous. There were rose pedals all across the bed, coating
the floor, and spread thickly across all the other furniture. And
candles. He must have lit two hundred candles, at least. She walked up
to him, pressing her lips lightly to his.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
She opened her eyes. The sunlight came in through the window. She sat
up, startled, and looked over to her side. The sunlight reflected off
the sheets. Empty. She stood up, becoming frantic. "Spike?... Spike?"
He walked out of their bathroom, with mussed, wet hair and a towel
'round his waist. "Pet?"
She let her breath out. He easily walked around the beams to stand in
front of her. He leaned in, kissing her lightly on her nose. Running
his finger along her arm. He smiled.
Buffy sighed. All she was doing was beating herself up. These little
fantasies wouldn't do her any good. "Spike," she whispered faintly. "I
miss you."
Spike drifted, alone again in his Heaven. Buffy all around him.
Buffy coursing through him. And he had never felt so alone. I'd give
anything, he thought, just to be back with her again.
