Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I dont own Charmed or any other copyrighted materials in this fanfiction.

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"Just where are we going?" Leo asked, as Paige slammed him into the passengers seat of Prue's car. "We're going to get back to book from the source!! I think I know where he's hiding!! And since we can't orb, this is the best way." Paige said. "Yeah, but how do you know where the source is hiding? I haven't seen you scribe for him or anything and I've been with you all day.' Leo said. Paige turned the ignition and the car started with a roar. The seat belt warning thingy started, making Paige mad. When seat belt warners went off she always had a feeling of hate and rage. Maybe it's because the darned things are so freaking annoying! Anyways, she finally turned her head and answered. "I think he'd be in a gay's bar to get away from all the girls that want him, just to be left alone. I think he's gonna go there with the book first so he can drink all he wants for no pay. That's personal gain for ya." She said. "But I can't I just teleport us to the flower shop that is nearest the gay bar?" Leo questioned. Paige looked at him with a stupid look, making Leo remember that teleporting to the nearest flower shop and walking would take much longer. Paige backed the car out of the driveway and she began to drive.
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"D@MMIT!! TRAFFIC!!" Paige said, knocking her head on the steering wheel in rage but instead of progress only getting a huge ugly purple goose egg on her head. "Just great! Now I look like Frankenstein's monster!!" She said, and started punching the seat. Leo shrunk back to avoid having his lights punched out. Paige accidently hit the radio button with her waving feet and Indian music came on really loud. Now most of you should know that Indian Music is just horribly out of tuned drums being beat in no rythum at all, while Indians scream and holler bloody murder and call it a symphony. This was very irratating to Paige. "ARRRGH!! SHUT UP YOU FREAKING RAVENS BEFORE I SHOVE MY HIGH HEEL UP YOUR @$$CRACKS!!"She hollered at the radio, spit flying all over it. But those Indians just kept screaming up a storm. "I MEAN IT!!" said Paige, screaming so loud a bunch more spit came out. It still didn't respond, so Paige went wacky. She tried to hit the horn but it was faulty. She tore at her hair until it left bald spots and she ripped the stuffing out of the seats. She stripped the leather off Prue's newly redone steering wheel and smashed poor Leo's fingers. Soon Leo got tired of this. He opened the window and stuck out his head. Then he opened his mouth like he was screaming very high pitched and the sound of a car horn came out. He kept doing this. (This makes me laugh just imagining it.) "What are you doing?" Paige asked, calming down. "Trying to get these idiots to move. " Leo responded. When they didn't respond to his honking, he resorted to yelling in the voice of a Southerner Reverand. (You know those Reverands who love 'The Savior' or whatever he is so much they scream out at the crowd like we're all deaf? That's what I mean.) Leo's immitation came complete with Yankee accent, too. Everyone started to move because nobody wants to listen to Christians preach at you and claim that you 'need to be saved.' (If this offends any of you Christians out there, just tell me and I'll change it. I don't want to make anyone mad. But I just figure that most people reading this would be Wiccan considering it's a Wiccan T.V show.) "Thanks, hon!!" said Paige as she sped down the road at the highest speed. She didn't notice the cops behind her until she got a 200$ fine.

"Phoebe? Is that hard liqour?" Piper asked Phoebe. Her and Cole were partiying in her room and Piper and Prue had walked in to discover her drunk as a skunk, and her breath smelt like a skunk, too. "You needa couple air fresheners in here, huh Pheebs?" Prue said, waving a hand in front of her face. Phoebe walked up. "Hiya sisssyyys... The partizzz juzzzt getting zzztarrrrtteed.... wanna DRINK?" She asked. Piper plugged her nose shut with her fingers. "No thanks. Now Cole, you need to go home so we can get Phoebe in order, O.K? Phoebe, stay up here. We're taking all the liquor out." She said. Cole shimmered out. Phoebe was mad. "Why'd you make him do that I was just about to snap his clothes off and have some passion!!!" Phoebe roared. She didn't talk slurred when she was mad. "Because Phoebe you need to get your act together!! I'm not gonna let my little sister drink herself pregnant!!" Prue said. Phoebe's eyes glowed red. "Oh REALLY!!" She said, and Prue all of the sudden was thrown out of the room and down the stairs by some invisible force. Her other power!! Prue thought as her life flashed before her eyes.(Or so she thought.) She finally came to a stop at the bottom of the staircase and marched back up. Phoebe and Piper had blank looks on their faces. "That was her new power!!" Prue said. Piper and Phoebe nodded. " But she doesen't have telekenises when she's sober! Her new power must be that she has telekinetic powers when she's DRUNK!!" Piper said. Prue was glad that her powers were at least better then this. "Well, you want to know something? I have other powers too. I have emotion swings and I can freeze people in hilarious poses!! Like this one man I froze, when I froze him he had his finger up his @$$ crack!!" She said. Piper and Phoebe started laughing. "It ain't funny." said Prue. Piper then remembered that Phoebe had said they were running short on supplies to make vanquishing potions. "Oh yeah! I need to run to China town and get some new potion materials!" She said. "Anyone wanna come?" Phoebe and Prue shook their heads. "Herezz a lizzzt of what we need." Phoebe slurred. Piper thanked her with a nod and started tworeds the door. She put on her light brown windbreaker and went outside to the car. But it was dark and windy so it was hard to see. When she got to her new car she had just bought,which was a rusty light blue plain little car, she noticed Prue's black van was gone. Paige must have tooken it out. Probably going out with Leo. She thought. This thought made her scrape a key across her car in rage, making an ugly white mark. "Oops. But it was already ugly enough." She said, getting into the car. She began to drive.

As she was driving tworeds China Town something rather paculier happened. Something that most people usually put in stories for humor. (Wait! It's also being used for humor in this story too! My bad?) An old lady stumbled out of the retirement home doors and fell in front of Piper's car. Piper skidded her car to a stop, the wheels just inches from the old lady's curly gray head of hair. Piper helped her up. "Jesus Christ, are you alright?" She asked. The old lady just stared up at Piper like she was scared. Piper helped the woman into her car and parked in the retirement home parking lot. Then she helped the old lady hobble inside. It was a rather fancy one, with Tiffany lamps everywhere, and most of the old folks there looked like they had money. This old lady was not one of the majority, with her dirty pink rags. "Excuse me!" Piper said, to one of the clerks. The b*tchy looking clerk turned around to face her. "I found this peice of trash -er- I mean, THIS OLD LADY, out in the street in front of my car." Piper said. "So. You should have let her get hit. This place is overflowed. We've got old hags sleeping in the root cellar for Christ's sake!!" The b*tchy clerk said. Piper gaped. How could these people live with themselves? "Um... maybe you didn't hear me right. She looks delirious." Piper said. The clerk's lip was spazziming. "Oh, Fine, throw her back in her bathroom stall again." She said. Piper gaped still, and now she could see why the old woman had tried to escape. This place was overflowing so much that she had to sleep in a bathroom stall. Piper thought of her sonic boom power and got an idea. "You know, I think I could really help around here with the overflowing problem." She said. The clerk asked her how. I know I'm not supposed to expose my powers but god, this is for greenbacks!! Piper thought. So she guestered and made a sonic boom. Every old person in the room had a heart attack and died. The clerk was overjoyed. "You're hired!"She chimed.

Prue and Phoebe had scribed for Paige and found her inside P3. So they were at P3, and it was closed. But of course the Halliwells were aloud inside. They heard some exitement behind the refreshments desk and it sounded like Leo and Paige were giving eachother erotic pleasure. "Oh gross. Get their attention, Prue." said Phoebe. Prue clapped her hands twice. "Paige! Leo!" she said, tersely. But they kept at it, so Prue threw some liqour over the desk and it splashed on them. "Who did that?" Paige asked, standing up. Her clothes were still on, thank god, but the first button of her blouse was undone. Leo stood up, shirtless.( Makes you wanna drool, huh?) "I did." Prue said. "Me and Phoebe want you home NOW. Not only did you use my car without asking but you also made love to Piper's husband behind her desk!" Leo smiled. "She ain't my wife!! As soon as she signs the papers we're history!!" He brandished the papers. Phoebe dragged Paige and Leo from behind the desk. "Grow up and come on." She said. "We hafta find a spell for that hunk-of-a-source out there." They all went out of P3 and got into Prue's black van. Prue decided to drive, and she noticed her radio was broken. She stared with an evil look at Paige and revved the engine up. "Remind me to kill you." She said.

When they walked in Piper was sitting on the couch in the dark. "Come in, FAMILY." She said. They all took a step into the house at the same time. "Shut the door, DEAR." She said, aiming at Leo. Leo shut the door, but was scowling as he did it. "First, for my good side. I got a new job." Piper said. "And for my bad side...." Prue hummed that 'duh duh DUH' scary suspensful music. Piper shot her a glare of pure hatred. "For my bad side..." Piper lit a flashlight on her face. "I got a call from your LAWYER. Appears you are divorcing me Leo, and you have some sort of PAPERS I need to sign in order to make it possible? Is this correct?" She said. Leo stepped forward, and flicked on the lamp. He pulled the papers (Which were soaking wet with liqour) out of his pants pocket and uncrumpled them. His signature was all smeared from the wetness but it was still a signature. "Sign these papers and our divorce will be final." He said, plainly. Piper stared at the papers akwardly. "What if I don't want a divorce? What if I decide to be a stubborn b*tch and not sign the papers, make you hafta spend lots o money-in which you dont have- and go through lots of hell?" She asked. Leo was quiet. Piper arose from the couch, and went to the pen drawer to get a pen. Then she went out on the front porch. "I wonder what she's going to do. That pooor woman." said Prue. "She's probably heartbroken. Her husband is divorcing her... so sudden. This is getting a BIT like As The World Turns or Melrose Place."
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Piper leaned against the post on their front porch, in the night. She didn't know what to do. Her husband in which she loved was divorcing her and it was so... out of the blue. She had been thinking they could work things out but boy had she been wrong. Leo had apparantly really not wanted to be with her any longer. Now she coulden't think of anything to do but what COLE would do. COLE would be her new role model. COLE would be her target too. She would STEAL Cole from Phoebe... Then she shut herself up. What was she thinking? She HATED Cole. But soon she found herself doing exactly what Cole would do in this situation. (Imagine at this part, the romantic tune at the beginning of 'Hopelessley Devoted to you' starts up. You know, on the movie Grease?) Piper began to sing,

"~It's not, It's not the first heart, to have slu- urs......
and my eyyyes are not the first, to blur..
I'm not the first to know, the no getting revenge on you...
You know, I'm just a hoe, who's willing,
to lay around and wait, for, you.....
But BABBY can't you see, there's nothing else for MEE to do...
I hope a horrible FATTE befalls you...
But, now, I'll try to let it slide
Instead of flay your ugly HIDDDE
I'm out of my head
hope a horrible fate BEFALLS you-oo-oo-oo,
Hope a horrible fate befalls you..
My head is saying, FOOL kill hi-i-im
My heart is saying, B*tch let it goooo..
Stalk him to the end...
Thats what I INTENNND to do..
I hope a horrible fate befalls you...
But now, I WILL let it slide, instead of flay your ugly HI- I-DE,
I'm out, of my head,
Hope a horrible fate befallls you-ou ou ou..
Hope a horrible fate befalls-~"
She was about to finish up when Phoebe walked out, laughing. "Is it normal that you burst into song on our front porch, huh?" She said. Piper was so embarresed. "Oh god... Uh, I was just thinking about Leo and all, and I was thinking that instead of getting all sad about it than I should just STALK him until he decides that he's going to get back with me." She said. "You can't stalk him, he'll kill you probably. He's not exactly what I would call an angel at heart. Now, what I would do is just make him feel oh so guilty!!" Phoebe said. Piper decided this was just the right thing to do. "Phoebe, what if Leo and Paige get married? And then get custody of Wyatt.. then he won't be Paige's nephew anymore he'll be her son in law, and he's my son, and I'm her sister,and THAT'S JUST SICK!!" Piper hollered. It took Phoebe a moment for this to sink in, because you've got to remember she's not very smart. "HAHAHA!!" She said. "like that would ever happen, you'd get custody of Wyatt in a snap. Leo's an unforgiving drunk and your a nice woman that does the chores and stuff." Piper wasen't so sure, after all she was a Charmed One and without someone to watch Wyatt while the Charmed Ones performed their duties... "I think you should talk to Leo." Phoebe said. "He might have a change of heart and decide he doesen't want to be with Paige anymore. Unless you think he's scum that's on the bottom of a pond now." Piper shook her head. "I love Leo, and I want him to love me back." She said. She could feel tears sprung in her eyes. Then, all the sudden, just as her bottom lip trembled to cry she burst out laughing. "What? What is it?" Phoebe asked. "I CAN'T KEEP UP THIS DRAMATIC STUFF ANYMORE!!" She hollered. "I mean, 'I love Leo.' How CHEESY!! Of course I don't love that unforgiving man whore!!" Phoebe was now laughing too. The commotion caused Prue to come up on the porch. "What's going-" She began, but was inturrupted as police cars entered the scene. A man walked out. "Mrs. Piper Halliwell? Your neighbors have called about you 'disturbing the peace' with an irratating song about you somehow getting revenge on your husband? Well, I'm here to say that this stuff needs to stop before I hafta-" Piper growled. "O.K, I'm just about tired of police being on us!! I'm gonna put a HUGE spell on you! You may be a hunk now but I'm gonna give you huge pussy blackheads and 7 foot long butthairs with gnarled teeth to match!!" She said. Prue and Phoebe were giggling from behind her. The policeman was bewildered. Into his little walkie talkie he said, "I think we've got a crazy one here." Then he got back to talking to Piper. "Look, I don't know what kinda drug you're on but-" "YOURE GOING THE RIGHT DIRECTION FOR TWO HEADS!!" She hollered. The man still continued, so she did her guestere and put his butt on fire. The cop's face and hair went white with fear. The other officers ran. "Y-Y-Y-Your a DEEEEEEEMMMMMONNNNNN!!" He hollered. And into his walkey talkey he said, " We got some girl with freaky magical powers here! We need the SWAT here, now!!" Phoebe ran up and boxed the man in the temple. He fell to the ground, unconcious. Then Phoebe crushed the walkey talkie under a highheel. "Thanks, Pheebs." said Piper. It wasen't too much later that the SWAT appeared. "O.K, lady, don't use your powers and it'll be alright."The guy said. "Oh great." Piper muttered.

"BAIL ME OUT!" Piper pleaded with Phoebe and Prue. She was standing inside her cell and Phoebe and Prue were standing outside it trying to talk to her. "We don't have the MONEY to bail you out of jail, Piper." Prue said. "You're just gonna hafta stay in there for a little bit longer until we scrounge up the money!!" Piper rolled her eyes. "Say a spell, do anything! Just get me out of this... HELLHOLE before I go nutzy coocoo!!"She said. Prue and Phoebe just walked away. "Where are you going? WAIT!" She hollered. They didn't respond; they just walked out the doors. "Some sisters they are." She mumbled to herself. She went and sat down on the bottom bunk, when the police brought in another prisoner to be her roommate. "This here is Rita. She's going to be your roommate." said the guard. Piper stared at 'Rita'. She had black hair, that was medium length with black bangs, and she had black eyes too. She had on what looked like a robe. "Hello, RITA. The name's PIPER." said Piper. Rita laughed. "That's a strange name." She said. "Was your mother on crack cocaine when she picked you out a name?" Piper growled. She chanted a small spell under her breath and all the sudden a huge pussy blackhead popped up on Rita's forehead. Piper laughed. "RITA!! YOU HAVE THE HUGEST PIMPLE I'VE SEEN IN ALL MY DAYS!!" She hollered. 'Rita' jerked a mirror off the little table. "Dear god! That wasen't there before!!" She said. Piper laughed at her harder. She chanted another spell under her breath, and Rita sprouted a huge potbelly. "AGH!!" Rita hollered. Piper was laughing her head off. " GUARDS!! GUARDS!! PIPER'S DOING HEXES ON ME!!" Rita hollered. The cops just laughed and kept at playing cards or whatever they were doing. "You wanna insult my mother again?" Piper asked. "No! NO!! Just please take the pimple and the fat off!!" Rita said. So Piper chanted another spell under her breath and they dissapeared. "Now. You'd better PROMISE you won't talk about her anymore, O.K?" Piper said. Rita agreed. It was silent between the two for a long long time. "Uh.... You know, you could get us out of here with those powers of yours." said Rita. "I know." Piper said, shrugging. It was silent again. "Why don't you then?" Rita asked. "Because I might get exposed." "Oh. But I already know. Nobody else has to." "No. My sisters would kill me." "Your sisters have powers too?" "Yeah. But you really don't wanna hear anymore; trust me." It was quiet again. "Why don't you just cast a spell for bail money?" Rita asked. Piper sighed. She got REALLY mad. "You know, that's it!! I'm calling Leo to get me out before you talk my ears off with stupid petty questions!" Piper said.

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Did you like this chapter? Remember, please try to review any time! You can also review as many times as you like, I dont mind. And I kinda need some new ideas... if you have any, then you can just tell me and I'll give you credit in the chapter I use them in.