"Buffy! He-hey!" both girls turned to see the Slayer standing in the doorway.

"Know what?"

"We-well . . . where have you been all night?"

"Got held up by a few nasties down at the docks. How about you, sis?"

"Oh nothing. It was quiet."

"So you were home early then?"

"Um, well, you see . . ."

"You know how I feel, Dawn. When school starts up . . ."

"I know. I know. But you have to admit it's been nice having me out there aside from the big sister worrying."

"It was quiet last night, overall. Maybe it's just been the weather."

"Yeah, because the vamps love all that California sunshine."

"Very funny," Buffy yawned. "I think I'm heading up to bed. Grab a couple hours before work."

She looked very tired.

"How are you doing, Will?"

"Oh you know me. I'm doing," the red-head smiled. "Go to bed. At least one of us should get some sleep."

As Buffy left them, neither Dawn nor Willow commented on the familiar long, black leather duster that she was wearing, as she had been for the past few months.

~*~

Buffy collapsed on her bed. She was exhausted. But at least when she was exhausted she didn't think as much. It was a tiring but somewhat peaceful way to exist. Too much had happened in the past year. She was working past the whole life thing. It was good to be alive, but she missed that all encompassing sense of peace; who wouldn't? Being alive wasn't so bad thought. She had started to appreciate things more since the near- apocalypse. She wasn't ready to leave again.

So living was fine, it was just dealing with certain things in life that she was having trouble with. Like Willow's rampage. The things Willow had done and said made Buffy see things in herself that she'd been trying to avoid. Hadn't she nearly killed her friends, struck out, tried to hurt them? And her power. It was tempting to give into it, test her limits. But she was afraid. What if she went too far?

And then there was Spike. And then there was Spike. That was the one thing she really didn't want to think about. What he had done—no, tried to do . . . Itt was the worst, most terrifying experience she had ever been through. And yet, wasn't she to blame in part for it? No! Typical victim's thinking. She didn't deserve what had almost happened, no one did. But still, wasn't she to blame in part for letting things get to that point?

Even after she had ended things, she still used him. She tried to hurt him and degrade him, punish him for what she felt, was afraid to feel. She wanted to hurt him so he couldn't hurt her. But he still did.

There she was, thinking. Sleep wasn't coming. Might as well head to the Magic Box and work off some steam. She needed sleep, but she couldn't. Her thoughts were too restless. Maybe after an hour or so she could grab a quick nap before work.