"How many weeks are we going to be eating cookies this time?" Buffy laughed as she came in the kitchen.

"Only made one batch, so less than a day," Willow returned, glancing nervously around the kitchen. It was vain to hope that Spike was gone; he was just well-hid somewhere. She never could get used to the quick appearing/disappearing act that vampires did. Now you see them, now you don't. If she had been thinking today, Willow would have told Spike to leave when he asked her if he should, but curiosity had gotten the better of her. "So, the Magic Box in order?"

"I'm really sorry about running out like that earlier, but I just needed some space."

"Hey, no biggie. Xander's pancakes really weren't that good."

"Is Dawn home?"

"Working at the Magic Box. Why?"

"I just thought I heard you talking to someone."

"Me? Uh, I was talking to me."

Buffy grabbed a couple cookies and was about to leave the kitchen, when Willow blurted out: "What would you do if Spike was back?"

Buffy stopped and turned.

"Hypothetically, I mean. A for instance," Willow strained. The brain to mouth connection definitely was on the fritz today.

"Honestly, Willow, I don't know," Buffy shrugged and continued out. "I think I'm going to go take a nap."

~*~

Making sure Buffy was out of earshot, "Spike? Spike?! You still here?"

Willow turned around and there Spike stood before her. It was all she could do to stifle a yelp of surprise. "She doesn't look well."

"Don't you—vampires make any noise?"

"Trick of the trade," he smirked. "I see why Lil' Bit's turned Columbo."

"Not a peep from Buffy. It's all evasion and excuses."

Spike considered a moment, then thought better of it. "How have you been, Red?"

"Better than Buffy, it seems. But honestly, it sucks. They try to act differently, but I know they don't trust me. Two strikes, want me to avoid a third. What really bothers me is that most the time it seems like they pretend that none of it happened. No one mentions Tara. Afraid it'll set me off or something."

"And people say California is a healthy place to live."

"Maybe if you're not on the Hellmouth."

"You should get out, get a change of scene," he almost laughed at the irony in his saying that. "Not that it does much good."

"I'm afraid . . . if I leave, I won't be back."

Spike looked at her. Red wasn't as subdued as they all thought.

"I can't believe I'm telling you of all people this, but maybe it's because you might understand. There's no going back to what I was before—Willow before the Magicks. She's been gone for a while. I can't pretend to be what I'm not, that I haven't changed. There's things I need to find out and I have an idea of how things should be, but I don't think anyone else would understand that. To them: Willow + Magicks = Bad."

"Why don't you leave, Red? Even the stoic one left, didn't she? Sometimes in running away, we find ourselves and what we're looking for, even if things don't turn out quite as we expect. I'm the last one you should be taking advice from. Even at your worst they still love you, so what have you got to lose?"

With that, Spike grabbed his blanket and went out into the daylight.