AF: I want to apologize for my obscene length between updates. My entire
apology is located in my user lookup. Before you continue reading, I just
want to know: does anyone remember me? * silence* Anyone?!
* a cricket chirps, then squelches as Raziel accidentally-on-purpose steps on it*
Raziel: * wipes his foot off with a handy Moebius before dropkicking the old pervert away* Ewwwwww. My foot's recontaminated again. Maybe it'll mutate or something. * looks at his foot. He looks at the authoress. He goes back to looking at his foot, then he remembers there's some one else present and slowwwwlllyyy, looks at the authoress * Hell-Oh no. * sigh* You finally found the time to write another one. * SIGH* Before we do anything stupid or insane, do the shout out thing.
AF: Shout outs to:
1: Thank you for reviewing! Maybe next time you will use some words? Or maybe some symbols are to your liking? "^_^" is always a good one.
VladimirsAngel: Thanx for the recipe and the review! I offered to make it for one of my school's dances, but they said no. I wonder why?
Venris: I did read! And I think I reviewed too! About the collaboration thing, go to neopets.com and sign up (its free) and neomail me. My username is "anima_flamma" and 'cause I'm usually there when my computer is behaving. We can talk about it. (don't bother e-mailing, I never check that.)
Light in dark places: I'm glad you thought this was funny! ^_^ Unfortunately, I've decided to /temporarily\ discontinue BO2 bloopers. It will be back eventually ... I'm just not writing that now. And sorry about tipping your muses off about their powers. You just need to keep them whipped!
Wise Man Domingo: Glad to see you're getting that much enjoyment out of your remote! I actually managed to get 1 side the same color, before it got retwisted -_-;; Oh well.
Silveriss: When you're done, we can work on that collaboration. Like I told Venris, go to neopets.com and neomail (anima_flamma) me. Maybe all of us can even work together!
Raziel: Good girl. * pats AF on the head and hands her a treat* I hope the sugar won't give you any ideas.
AF: * the exemplar of innocence* Who, /me\? * looks at her bare wrist. We really must be going now. Poof!
* they are teleported into Raziel's clan territory*
AF: Love the music. * smiles and plops down in front of the fire*
Raziel: * waving his arms around* That's it?! No crazy adventures, no plans to hurt anyone, nothing?! Nothing after your long retreat from writing your insane fanfics?!
AF: Not now, no. * so Raziel can't hear* However, I do have something planned later ...
later
AF: Raziel? * he's dozing by the wall* Raziel? * no response* Raziel?! * still no response* RAZIEL! * a hand appears and whacks him*
Raziel: AAAAAHHHHH! * jumps* What?! Is the Sarafan Army invading?! Did Kain find out who slipped him the laxative?! Did Fife come back?! * notices AF staring at him* WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
AF: The fire's burning low.
Raziel: Fine! I'll get something to feed it. * storms off, then storms on* I hope this makes you happy! * dumps a Dumahim into the fire* Are you happy now? * AF just smiles*
later
AF: Raziel?
Raziel: What?
AF: Raziel?
Raziel: * annoyed* What?
AF: Raziel?
Raziel: * angry* What?!
AF: Raziel?
Raziel: * if he had blood pressure, it would reach astronomical numbers* WHAT?!
AF: Could you teach me to fly?
Raziel: ... you do remember who you're talking to, don't you? * lifts his ragged wing tips*
AF: You /had\ wings. And you do /now\.
Raziel: * turns around trying to look at his restored wings* Couldn't you have restored me all the way?
AF: I chose not to. 'sides, you lose your wings again at the end of the chapter. Now start those lessons!
Raziel: Right. ... Uh, first you climb on top of the stone platform, * waits until AF is there* ... uh, spread your wings ... * AF does so* Your wings look different.
AF: * spreads all 6 of her wings* That's because there are /more\. What now?
Raziel: Now you ... now you ... um ...uh... ah ... * notices AF's impatient look* Now you jump off and beat your wings. * crosses his claws and hopes it works*
* the result is spectacular. AF crashes to the ground with a bone-jarring thud. Raziel looks around and runs away ... into a relocated brick wall*
AF: * gets up* Why you little massive amounts have been deleted so as to spare the poor reader their minds. But Raziel got /all\ of it! Raziel: Be glad I decided to censor this for you!
Raziel: Well what did you expect?! I've never flown in my un-life!
AF: Oh. * here's where the sugar induced idea mentioned earlier comes out* Let's go find Janos! He can teach both of us!
Raziel: Hello? Nosgoth to AF! We are about /several millennia\ late!
AF: And I've got a Time Streamer. * teleports Raziel, the collared Moebius, and herself into one of the many conveniently located Time streaming chambers. Look for one around a corner near you!* Now where did I put that remote ...? * opens a plot hole and gets a pie in the face ... again* This is getting old fast. * Raziel wordlessly pulls the remote from his cowl and gives it to her*
Moebius: * shaking* What are you going to do to me?
AF: I don't know yet. What /you're\ gong to do is send us to go see Janos. Before the Sarafan purges. Sometime after the raising of the Pillars.* shoves Moebius into a wall*
Raziel: *to himself* This seems familiar ...
Moebius: But don't you want to kill Kain first?
AF: No.
Raziel: * to himself* It's on the tip of my non-existent tongue ... * as Moebius sets the coordinates, Raziel has an epiphany* How are we going to make sure he sends us to the right time?
AF: I got this. * presses the control button. Moebius screams and fixes the coordinates* And we're bringing him with us.
Raziel & Moebius: WHAT?!
AF: How else are we going to operate the stupid machine? Unlike you, I actually have foresight.
Raziel: Foresight? What about your art project? Or should I say ... projects? * rolls the "s"*
AF: * thwacks him* Never speak of it again.
Raziel:* mutters* @#%^ perfectionist.
AF: I'll ignore that only because you're my muse. This is your one and only warning. Everybody ready? No? Too bad. * twists the dial* Let's go!
several millennia earlier
AF: * gag hack wheeze* What did you eat?! * dives out the door* Fresh air! * gasp*
Raziel: * staggers out and trips over AF, landing heavily on her* I can't * gasp* breathe!
Moebius: * sulking* They served bean tacos for lunch.
AF: *stands up, shivering* It's c-c-cold! *starts turning into an author- icle*
Raziel: *looks over at his Authoress and sighs* We better get to Janos's aerie fast. * thinks "If she freezes, I'm stuck here with the old freak"* Come on. * walks northward*
Moebius: * finds the author-icle hilarious* Tehehehehehehe!
AF: S-s-s-so c-c-c-old!
* Raziel knocks over one of the Sarafan flags (now frozen solid) and attaches reigns to it. He then attaches the other ends to Moebius's collar. He then picks up AF and puts her on the flag. Remembering something, he pulls out a red ball from his cowl and sticks it on Moebius's nose. By the time Raziel has turned, the flag had turned into a very familiar red sleigh*
Raziel: Don't you think Santa will miss his sleigh? He will need it again eventually, and you have trouble returning things on time.
AF: *chattering* I t-t-t-traded-ed-ed it for a jetpower-er-er-ed-ed one. * Moebius can be heard tittering in the background, as well as the electric buzz and screams as Raziel "accidentally" hits the buzzer, wash, rinse, and repeat*
Raziel: Aren't you too old to believe in Santa?
AF: Not-t-t-t aft-t-t-ter-er that-at-at one Ch Ch-Ch-Christmas-s-s-s where- re Chipy decided-ed she didn't believe in-in-in him and got no-o-o-o presents-s-s-s and-d-d-d I did-d-d b-b-b-because I d-d-d-did.
Raziel: *moved to pity* Here. * drapes his clan banner around AF* I feel so naked. * Moebius obviously hasn't learned it's not wise to breathe, let alone laugh when Raziel has the buzzer*
Moebius: IIEEEEEEEEEEEE! * the rubber ball on his nose lights up*
* and so Raziel climbs into the sleigh and snaps Moebius on the butt with a whip that he found in a conveniently located built-in whip holder.*
Moebius: Isn't there some way we could talk about this?! * Raziel whips him again* Ahhhhh! Hey! I'm going, I'm going! * starts running, Raziel whips him again* Ouch! Stop whipping me!
I'm not gonna bore you with the incredibly long sleigh ride, so the story skips to the past with the town with the unpronounceable name and to the ledge outside of Janos's aerie
* they leave the sleigh behind and go stand on the lowest ledge around the frozen lake (you know the one) all that is, except for AF. She's still in the sleigh with a Laptop (It's my ficcy so I can have one even though I don't. So there!) with visions of eBay and Raziel's cowl dancing in her head*
Raziel: * staring up at the balcony* Now how are we going to get up there without making all those pathways?
Moebius: * red rubber nose blinking* But you need those pathways to get up there. Neither of you can fly. * snickers as he thinks of moving Janos's first death up several centuries*
Raziel: * smacks him up side the head* I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to AF. Hey AF, are you feeling better? * no response* AF? * silence* Anima Flamma? * some where in the distance a cricket chirps, and Raziel makes a mental note to buy bug spray* HEY ANIMA FLAMMA! * unnoticed, Moebius tries to sneak off*
AF: * thinking: "Raziel fangirls + eBay + Raziel's cowl = happy Raziel fangirl, empty bank, and happy rich me!"* What? * hits the refresh button and smirks at the price raise*
Raziel: How are we suppose to get up there?! And where do you think your going?! * hits Moebius's zap button*
Moebius: Owwwwww! I ... I was just going to ... suggest a game. Yeah, suggest a game! You know, sometimes people think to much about something, and they can't see the solution right in front of their ...er, face. *Raziel bushes and grabs his cowl back*
AF: * glaring at Raziel and starts to shiver* You must have learned that from observation. * Moebius looks injured*
Raziel: How about the hokey pokey?
Moebius: I love that game!
* AF death glares both of them, and it is so cold that the death glare freezes in mid air*
Moebius: Epp. * tries to run away and Raziel jams the remote's button* IIEEEEEEEE! *AF grins*
Raziel: Are you feeling better, you sadist? * Moebius is twitching uncontrollably in the background*
AF: * bigger grin* Don't tell me you didn't want to do that.
Raziel: * blissful* That was one of the best moments ... gagh! I'm gonna turn into a sadist like you! * throws the remote on the ground where it breaks*
AF: * irritated* Why'd you do that? He was beginning to turn a very interesting color!
Raziel: Just one game? Please? * glowing puppy eyes*
* and so the un-likely group found themselves doing the hokey pokey on a ledge outside of the ancient vampire's aerie in the coldest year ever in Nosgoth*
All: ... and you put your right foot out, and shake it all about, and that's what it's all about! * perform the above actions (sections of the song have been omitted because the authoress can't remember the complete words. Raziel: Or chooses not to! *AF thwacks him, yet again*)*
Moebius: * sees a golden opportunity to upset Raziel* One more time! * no objections from the others; this is Raziel's favorite game and AF is (surprisingly) enjoying herself (Raziel: Told ya you'd like it!)* ... You stick your tongue out, ...uh, you stitch your tongue out more, and wave it about, and that's what it's about! *Raziel is sulking because he doesn't have the tongue required for the job*
(Raziel: Careful AF. You're getting a little smutty. * the authoress chooses to ignore the muse and the ficcy will continue on its pre-ordained track, filth and all*)
Raziel: *thinks of a way to leave Moebius out (kinda hard with all those missing organs)* ... You put your wings out, and shake them all about and ... * the reader can now see the folly of AF and Raziel standing with in arms reach of each other, can't you?* My wings!
AF: Your wings?! What about mine?! * Moebius collapses in a fit of laughter and falls off the edge* LET GO! * tugs hard and they both fly over the edge, abet not the kind of flying they came all this way to learn. Unfortunately, they land on an angular and pointed object. Fortunately it was Moebius*
Moebius: AAHHHHH! You just threw my back out of alignment!
Raziel: Goody.
*they get up, well everyone but Moebius; he's still trying to fix his back and looks like a half squashed bug, and look up at the balcony that seems higher and even more impregnable than before*
AF: I know how to get up there!
Raziel: /Really?\ How? * instead of answering, AF tries to whistle and fails for the 934,579,281th time* I don't believe you can't whistle! * bad accent* All you gotta do is put your lips together and blow. * drops the bad accent which breaks thru the ice and destroys the assurance of future fish generations by ... why don't you use your imagination for this one?*
Moebius: * just got up and falls back down laughing* How do you know how to whistle? You only have half a face!
AF: *looks at Raziel* /You\ broke the remote. * goes over and repeatedly smacks Moebius in hopes to make him stop laughing and is as successful as a Dumahim swim team *
Raziel: I can too whistle! * whistles VERY loudly, and a familiar possessed object comes flying in and thwacks Moebius*
AF: My squirt gun! ^_^ * grabs the squirt gun and squeezes the trigger at the balcony, and the water that comes out freezes into a thin bridge not fit for cowards, or even people with courage. Only the totally insane would dare tread this bridge and blah, blah, blah, and so on and so on. You get the idea* Come on guys! * grabs Raziel and Moebius by their respective cowl/hood and trots up the bridge with no qualms*
at the top
* Raziel collapses on the floor (those last moments where the bridge started to collapse were just too much!), AF is now sitting right next to the fire after being hauled out of it by an irritated muse for far too many times, and Moebius is trying to merge with the floor to avoid being seen. Janos and Vorador just happen to be playing a game of chess*
Raziel: Hey Janos.
Janos: ... Raziel?
Raziel: I know I'm early, but this doesn't count. See, this girl ...
Vorador: *gets up from his chair* You need love help? You should have come to me.
Raziel: No! Especially not that girl! *shudders* She's just too insane and sadistic for me! *points at AF's back*
Vorador: * seeing only the back of a female he hasn't laid, he gets ready to pounce* Then why didn't you say so? The poor lonely thing! *phony sexy voice* Com'er sweetie, and papa Vorty will make it all better! * AF turns around* Hey! I know you. Didn't you say something about you being underage? * AF nods rapidly* Too bad, maybe later. Anyone for some apple pie? * without waiting for an answer, Vorador turns and heads off, presumably toward the kitchen*
AF: Janos, we came you because you're the only one who could help us! * glomps Janos and pets his wings*
Janos: * blink* What do you need help with?
Raziel: * trying to pry off the authoress* AF decided she would like to learn how to fly, and so would I.
Janos: I would be happy to help! Now come to the ledge, so we can get started. * walks over with AF still glomped to him and purring* Now spread your wings just so... *demonstrates, knocking AF on her butt. After a few seconds, Raziel and AF copy him* Raziel, raise your right wing a little more. AF, relax. You won't fly far if your wings are as stiff as metal plates. Good, good. *walks behind Raziel* Ready?
Raziel: Yes, sir. * and without further ado, Janos shoves Raziel off the edge. Surprising enough, Raziel flies ... at least until his forward motion slowed.* AHHHHH! *plummets out of sight, then reappears moments later, beating his wings and tinged pale blue*
Janos: *claps* Very good! Now your turn, young lady. * Raziel lands next to them and smirks (he /could\ be smirking, it's kind of hard to tell *Raziel thwacks AF*) as Janos stands behind a comatosely calm AF* Relax your wings, you won't get very far if you continue to act as if they are sheet metal.
AF: * eyes wide* ... metal wings ... as in airplanes?! I changed my mind! I don't want to fly! * her wings dissolve into thin air as she dives behind Raziel*
Vorador: * comes back in just in time to hear the above comment. He whispers to Janos* What's an airplane? * Janos shrugs* Do they ...*waves his fork at Moebius and Raziel* know what it is? * the question is answered by the blank looks AF is getting*
Moebius: * decides to mess with AF's mind and is laughing so hard he can barely breathe* AF! There's an airplane behind you! * AF squeaks and tries to hide under Raziel*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ // below is not for the little kiddies to read. If you are one, just skip it. Raziel: Admit it. This is just mild filth!\\
( how did I know you were going to ignore me? *gasp* I'm psychic! Raziel: No, just psycho)
Raziel: * glares at Moebius* Motherf*cker.
Moebius: * gasp* How did you know?!
AF: Bad image! Bad image! * sits in a corner and starts twitching*
Vorador: * drops his pie on what was a nice clean floor* You too? *Janos blushes*
Raziel: Too much information!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ // You may now resume reading if you were one of the readers who skipped to here. And I applauded your innocence *cough*wuss* cough*\\
AF: * cuts off whatever the others were going to say while rocking back and forth in her corner* The world is going black. We're all doomed. The world is being eaten by darkness and pink fluffy bunnies. We are /so\ screwed. *lo and behold, the world actually appears to be melting*
Raziel: * runs over to her* AF, look! I'm putting the SR2 disk in, the TV's on, and the remote and controller are right next to you! Snap out of it! * feigns putting a pretend game disk in an equally imaginary PS2*
* the world stops melting as AF's eyes glaze over and she holds a non- existent controller. Raziel sighs in relief as she starts humming the main song at the loading screen. As he turns to the others, they stare in shock*
Moebius: You saved us!
Janos: You truly are a savior!
Vorador: I guess I was wrong ... or am ... or will be. * smacks Moebius* Infernal time streaming.
Raziel: *eyes crinkle* I'm sure that's not what I'm suppose to save you from.
and so they settle down for a nice card game
Janos: * looking over in concern at AF* Are you sure she's all right? * stares in shock as she emits a very evil laugh, then continues with the Overland music*
Raziel: * uses the opportunity to add a couple Aces to his hand* She's fine, don't worry. She does this all the time in her classes. Oh, look! I guess I win this hand.
Vorador: Isn't there suppose to be at least a controller or something?
Moebius: * flinches at yet another evil laugh* Too creepy.
AF: * bounces to her feet* I'll save you Janos!
All: AAHHHHHHH! * they are now playing 52 pickup*
AF: * grabs Moebius and hauls him to the fire forge* But first get me some fire! * throws Moebius into one of the pillars, where he splats to the ground* Is he dead?
Moebius: * stagers to his feet* Why can't you do it yourself?!
AF: Fire!
* grumbling, Moebius grabs and lights a torch, then turns back. Un-noticed by him, the room begins to fill with blood. As he teleports to the top, AF turns and runs back to the other room*
Moebius: * runs after her* Hey! Where are you going?! Glub! * careless of Moebius to forget about that little bug* Glub glub glubber?!
AF: * gesturing at the flooded room* How do you like my art project? I especially like the way the crimson is offset by the ash and purple. * takes the required pictures for her Photography class*
Raziel: Beautiful. * whips a tear away, as outside there is a rain of fire (^____^ (* Raziel thwacks AF*) )*
Vorador: Tasty. * sticks a claw in and licks it clean, wash, rinse, repeat*
Janos: Why do you need to do an art project?
AF: * sobbing onto Janos's shoulder* For school. You wouldn't believe what kind of torture they put us through! It's just awful!
Janos: * pats her gently on the back and tolerates the damp tears* There, there. Don't you worry. I'll fix it. * mentally calling to mind the location of the nearest town and their respective school's burning temperature*
Raziel: * grabs AF's hand* Bye,Janos!It'sbeenniceseeingyoubutwereallymustbegoing! * teleports out of there before AF can give Janos another good deed to do*
AF: What'd you do that for? I didn't tell him about ...
Raziel: * SIGH* Never mind. Remember you have to update your other stories now. * Af /pretends\ to wipe her nose, then Raziel's cowl with her hand. Disgusted, he tosses it to her and she pulls out a Laptop*
AF: * distracted with renewing the eBay auction* What are we giving the nice reviewers? * Raziel is wearing an identical cowl due to a plot hole*
Raziel: * looks into a small bag and pulls out a full sized flame thrower* Hmn, just some of the mass destructive fire related things in this bag.
AF: Okay... Hey! Those are mine! * chases Raziel as he flies out of reach*
Raziel: * as he flies past the review box with his eyes crinkled* Just remember, for each review you can get one of these highly volatile things from the bag. * as his wings revert to their pre-ficcy floppy-ness, he collapses on a cricket*
* a cricket chirps, then squelches as Raziel accidentally-on-purpose steps on it*
Raziel: * wipes his foot off with a handy Moebius before dropkicking the old pervert away* Ewwwwww. My foot's recontaminated again. Maybe it'll mutate or something. * looks at his foot. He looks at the authoress. He goes back to looking at his foot, then he remembers there's some one else present and slowwwwlllyyy, looks at the authoress * Hell-Oh no. * sigh* You finally found the time to write another one. * SIGH* Before we do anything stupid or insane, do the shout out thing.
AF: Shout outs to:
1: Thank you for reviewing! Maybe next time you will use some words? Or maybe some symbols are to your liking? "^_^" is always a good one.
VladimirsAngel: Thanx for the recipe and the review! I offered to make it for one of my school's dances, but they said no. I wonder why?
Venris: I did read! And I think I reviewed too! About the collaboration thing, go to neopets.com and sign up (its free) and neomail me. My username is "anima_flamma" and 'cause I'm usually there when my computer is behaving. We can talk about it. (don't bother e-mailing, I never check that.)
Light in dark places: I'm glad you thought this was funny! ^_^ Unfortunately, I've decided to /temporarily\ discontinue BO2 bloopers. It will be back eventually ... I'm just not writing that now. And sorry about tipping your muses off about their powers. You just need to keep them whipped!
Wise Man Domingo: Glad to see you're getting that much enjoyment out of your remote! I actually managed to get 1 side the same color, before it got retwisted -_-;; Oh well.
Silveriss: When you're done, we can work on that collaboration. Like I told Venris, go to neopets.com and neomail (anima_flamma) me. Maybe all of us can even work together!
Raziel: Good girl. * pats AF on the head and hands her a treat* I hope the sugar won't give you any ideas.
AF: * the exemplar of innocence* Who, /me\? * looks at her bare wrist. We really must be going now. Poof!
* they are teleported into Raziel's clan territory*
AF: Love the music. * smiles and plops down in front of the fire*
Raziel: * waving his arms around* That's it?! No crazy adventures, no plans to hurt anyone, nothing?! Nothing after your long retreat from writing your insane fanfics?!
AF: Not now, no. * so Raziel can't hear* However, I do have something planned later ...
later
AF: Raziel? * he's dozing by the wall* Raziel? * no response* Raziel?! * still no response* RAZIEL! * a hand appears and whacks him*
Raziel: AAAAAHHHHH! * jumps* What?! Is the Sarafan Army invading?! Did Kain find out who slipped him the laxative?! Did Fife come back?! * notices AF staring at him* WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
AF: The fire's burning low.
Raziel: Fine! I'll get something to feed it. * storms off, then storms on* I hope this makes you happy! * dumps a Dumahim into the fire* Are you happy now? * AF just smiles*
later
AF: Raziel?
Raziel: What?
AF: Raziel?
Raziel: * annoyed* What?
AF: Raziel?
Raziel: * angry* What?!
AF: Raziel?
Raziel: * if he had blood pressure, it would reach astronomical numbers* WHAT?!
AF: Could you teach me to fly?
Raziel: ... you do remember who you're talking to, don't you? * lifts his ragged wing tips*
AF: You /had\ wings. And you do /now\.
Raziel: * turns around trying to look at his restored wings* Couldn't you have restored me all the way?
AF: I chose not to. 'sides, you lose your wings again at the end of the chapter. Now start those lessons!
Raziel: Right. ... Uh, first you climb on top of the stone platform, * waits until AF is there* ... uh, spread your wings ... * AF does so* Your wings look different.
AF: * spreads all 6 of her wings* That's because there are /more\. What now?
Raziel: Now you ... now you ... um ...uh... ah ... * notices AF's impatient look* Now you jump off and beat your wings. * crosses his claws and hopes it works*
* the result is spectacular. AF crashes to the ground with a bone-jarring thud. Raziel looks around and runs away ... into a relocated brick wall*
AF: * gets up* Why you little massive amounts have been deleted so as to spare the poor reader their minds. But Raziel got /all\ of it! Raziel: Be glad I decided to censor this for you!
Raziel: Well what did you expect?! I've never flown in my un-life!
AF: Oh. * here's where the sugar induced idea mentioned earlier comes out* Let's go find Janos! He can teach both of us!
Raziel: Hello? Nosgoth to AF! We are about /several millennia\ late!
AF: And I've got a Time Streamer. * teleports Raziel, the collared Moebius, and herself into one of the many conveniently located Time streaming chambers. Look for one around a corner near you!* Now where did I put that remote ...? * opens a plot hole and gets a pie in the face ... again* This is getting old fast. * Raziel wordlessly pulls the remote from his cowl and gives it to her*
Moebius: * shaking* What are you going to do to me?
AF: I don't know yet. What /you're\ gong to do is send us to go see Janos. Before the Sarafan purges. Sometime after the raising of the Pillars.* shoves Moebius into a wall*
Raziel: *to himself* This seems familiar ...
Moebius: But don't you want to kill Kain first?
AF: No.
Raziel: * to himself* It's on the tip of my non-existent tongue ... * as Moebius sets the coordinates, Raziel has an epiphany* How are we going to make sure he sends us to the right time?
AF: I got this. * presses the control button. Moebius screams and fixes the coordinates* And we're bringing him with us.
Raziel & Moebius: WHAT?!
AF: How else are we going to operate the stupid machine? Unlike you, I actually have foresight.
Raziel: Foresight? What about your art project? Or should I say ... projects? * rolls the "s"*
AF: * thwacks him* Never speak of it again.
Raziel:* mutters* @#%^ perfectionist.
AF: I'll ignore that only because you're my muse. This is your one and only warning. Everybody ready? No? Too bad. * twists the dial* Let's go!
several millennia earlier
AF: * gag hack wheeze* What did you eat?! * dives out the door* Fresh air! * gasp*
Raziel: * staggers out and trips over AF, landing heavily on her* I can't * gasp* breathe!
Moebius: * sulking* They served bean tacos for lunch.
AF: *stands up, shivering* It's c-c-cold! *starts turning into an author- icle*
Raziel: *looks over at his Authoress and sighs* We better get to Janos's aerie fast. * thinks "If she freezes, I'm stuck here with the old freak"* Come on. * walks northward*
Moebius: * finds the author-icle hilarious* Tehehehehehehe!
AF: S-s-s-so c-c-c-old!
* Raziel knocks over one of the Sarafan flags (now frozen solid) and attaches reigns to it. He then attaches the other ends to Moebius's collar. He then picks up AF and puts her on the flag. Remembering something, he pulls out a red ball from his cowl and sticks it on Moebius's nose. By the time Raziel has turned, the flag had turned into a very familiar red sleigh*
Raziel: Don't you think Santa will miss his sleigh? He will need it again eventually, and you have trouble returning things on time.
AF: *chattering* I t-t-t-traded-ed-ed it for a jetpower-er-er-ed-ed one. * Moebius can be heard tittering in the background, as well as the electric buzz and screams as Raziel "accidentally" hits the buzzer, wash, rinse, and repeat*
Raziel: Aren't you too old to believe in Santa?
AF: Not-t-t-t aft-t-t-ter-er that-at-at one Ch Ch-Ch-Christmas-s-s-s where- re Chipy decided-ed she didn't believe in-in-in him and got no-o-o-o presents-s-s-s and-d-d-d I did-d-d b-b-b-because I d-d-d-did.
Raziel: *moved to pity* Here. * drapes his clan banner around AF* I feel so naked. * Moebius obviously hasn't learned it's not wise to breathe, let alone laugh when Raziel has the buzzer*
Moebius: IIEEEEEEEEEEEE! * the rubber ball on his nose lights up*
* and so Raziel climbs into the sleigh and snaps Moebius on the butt with a whip that he found in a conveniently located built-in whip holder.*
Moebius: Isn't there some way we could talk about this?! * Raziel whips him again* Ahhhhh! Hey! I'm going, I'm going! * starts running, Raziel whips him again* Ouch! Stop whipping me!
I'm not gonna bore you with the incredibly long sleigh ride, so the story skips to the past with the town with the unpronounceable name and to the ledge outside of Janos's aerie
* they leave the sleigh behind and go stand on the lowest ledge around the frozen lake (you know the one) all that is, except for AF. She's still in the sleigh with a Laptop (It's my ficcy so I can have one even though I don't. So there!) with visions of eBay and Raziel's cowl dancing in her head*
Raziel: * staring up at the balcony* Now how are we going to get up there without making all those pathways?
Moebius: * red rubber nose blinking* But you need those pathways to get up there. Neither of you can fly. * snickers as he thinks of moving Janos's first death up several centuries*
Raziel: * smacks him up side the head* I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to AF. Hey AF, are you feeling better? * no response* AF? * silence* Anima Flamma? * some where in the distance a cricket chirps, and Raziel makes a mental note to buy bug spray* HEY ANIMA FLAMMA! * unnoticed, Moebius tries to sneak off*
AF: * thinking: "Raziel fangirls + eBay + Raziel's cowl = happy Raziel fangirl, empty bank, and happy rich me!"* What? * hits the refresh button and smirks at the price raise*
Raziel: How are we suppose to get up there?! And where do you think your going?! * hits Moebius's zap button*
Moebius: Owwwwww! I ... I was just going to ... suggest a game. Yeah, suggest a game! You know, sometimes people think to much about something, and they can't see the solution right in front of their ...er, face. *Raziel bushes and grabs his cowl back*
AF: * glaring at Raziel and starts to shiver* You must have learned that from observation. * Moebius looks injured*
Raziel: How about the hokey pokey?
Moebius: I love that game!
* AF death glares both of them, and it is so cold that the death glare freezes in mid air*
Moebius: Epp. * tries to run away and Raziel jams the remote's button* IIEEEEEEEE! *AF grins*
Raziel: Are you feeling better, you sadist? * Moebius is twitching uncontrollably in the background*
AF: * bigger grin* Don't tell me you didn't want to do that.
Raziel: * blissful* That was one of the best moments ... gagh! I'm gonna turn into a sadist like you! * throws the remote on the ground where it breaks*
AF: * irritated* Why'd you do that? He was beginning to turn a very interesting color!
Raziel: Just one game? Please? * glowing puppy eyes*
* and so the un-likely group found themselves doing the hokey pokey on a ledge outside of the ancient vampire's aerie in the coldest year ever in Nosgoth*
All: ... and you put your right foot out, and shake it all about, and that's what it's all about! * perform the above actions (sections of the song have been omitted because the authoress can't remember the complete words. Raziel: Or chooses not to! *AF thwacks him, yet again*)*
Moebius: * sees a golden opportunity to upset Raziel* One more time! * no objections from the others; this is Raziel's favorite game and AF is (surprisingly) enjoying herself (Raziel: Told ya you'd like it!)* ... You stick your tongue out, ...uh, you stitch your tongue out more, and wave it about, and that's what it's about! *Raziel is sulking because he doesn't have the tongue required for the job*
(Raziel: Careful AF. You're getting a little smutty. * the authoress chooses to ignore the muse and the ficcy will continue on its pre-ordained track, filth and all*)
Raziel: *thinks of a way to leave Moebius out (kinda hard with all those missing organs)* ... You put your wings out, and shake them all about and ... * the reader can now see the folly of AF and Raziel standing with in arms reach of each other, can't you?* My wings!
AF: Your wings?! What about mine?! * Moebius collapses in a fit of laughter and falls off the edge* LET GO! * tugs hard and they both fly over the edge, abet not the kind of flying they came all this way to learn. Unfortunately, they land on an angular and pointed object. Fortunately it was Moebius*
Moebius: AAHHHHH! You just threw my back out of alignment!
Raziel: Goody.
*they get up, well everyone but Moebius; he's still trying to fix his back and looks like a half squashed bug, and look up at the balcony that seems higher and even more impregnable than before*
AF: I know how to get up there!
Raziel: /Really?\ How? * instead of answering, AF tries to whistle and fails for the 934,579,281th time* I don't believe you can't whistle! * bad accent* All you gotta do is put your lips together and blow. * drops the bad accent which breaks thru the ice and destroys the assurance of future fish generations by ... why don't you use your imagination for this one?*
Moebius: * just got up and falls back down laughing* How do you know how to whistle? You only have half a face!
AF: *looks at Raziel* /You\ broke the remote. * goes over and repeatedly smacks Moebius in hopes to make him stop laughing and is as successful as a Dumahim swim team *
Raziel: I can too whistle! * whistles VERY loudly, and a familiar possessed object comes flying in and thwacks Moebius*
AF: My squirt gun! ^_^ * grabs the squirt gun and squeezes the trigger at the balcony, and the water that comes out freezes into a thin bridge not fit for cowards, or even people with courage. Only the totally insane would dare tread this bridge and blah, blah, blah, and so on and so on. You get the idea* Come on guys! * grabs Raziel and Moebius by their respective cowl/hood and trots up the bridge with no qualms*
at the top
* Raziel collapses on the floor (those last moments where the bridge started to collapse were just too much!), AF is now sitting right next to the fire after being hauled out of it by an irritated muse for far too many times, and Moebius is trying to merge with the floor to avoid being seen. Janos and Vorador just happen to be playing a game of chess*
Raziel: Hey Janos.
Janos: ... Raziel?
Raziel: I know I'm early, but this doesn't count. See, this girl ...
Vorador: *gets up from his chair* You need love help? You should have come to me.
Raziel: No! Especially not that girl! *shudders* She's just too insane and sadistic for me! *points at AF's back*
Vorador: * seeing only the back of a female he hasn't laid, he gets ready to pounce* Then why didn't you say so? The poor lonely thing! *phony sexy voice* Com'er sweetie, and papa Vorty will make it all better! * AF turns around* Hey! I know you. Didn't you say something about you being underage? * AF nods rapidly* Too bad, maybe later. Anyone for some apple pie? * without waiting for an answer, Vorador turns and heads off, presumably toward the kitchen*
AF: Janos, we came you because you're the only one who could help us! * glomps Janos and pets his wings*
Janos: * blink* What do you need help with?
Raziel: * trying to pry off the authoress* AF decided she would like to learn how to fly, and so would I.
Janos: I would be happy to help! Now come to the ledge, so we can get started. * walks over with AF still glomped to him and purring* Now spread your wings just so... *demonstrates, knocking AF on her butt. After a few seconds, Raziel and AF copy him* Raziel, raise your right wing a little more. AF, relax. You won't fly far if your wings are as stiff as metal plates. Good, good. *walks behind Raziel* Ready?
Raziel: Yes, sir. * and without further ado, Janos shoves Raziel off the edge. Surprising enough, Raziel flies ... at least until his forward motion slowed.* AHHHHH! *plummets out of sight, then reappears moments later, beating his wings and tinged pale blue*
Janos: *claps* Very good! Now your turn, young lady. * Raziel lands next to them and smirks (he /could\ be smirking, it's kind of hard to tell *Raziel thwacks AF*) as Janos stands behind a comatosely calm AF* Relax your wings, you won't get very far if you continue to act as if they are sheet metal.
AF: * eyes wide* ... metal wings ... as in airplanes?! I changed my mind! I don't want to fly! * her wings dissolve into thin air as she dives behind Raziel*
Vorador: * comes back in just in time to hear the above comment. He whispers to Janos* What's an airplane? * Janos shrugs* Do they ...*waves his fork at Moebius and Raziel* know what it is? * the question is answered by the blank looks AF is getting*
Moebius: * decides to mess with AF's mind and is laughing so hard he can barely breathe* AF! There's an airplane behind you! * AF squeaks and tries to hide under Raziel*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ // below is not for the little kiddies to read. If you are one, just skip it. Raziel: Admit it. This is just mild filth!\\
( how did I know you were going to ignore me? *gasp* I'm psychic! Raziel: No, just psycho)
Raziel: * glares at Moebius* Motherf*cker.
Moebius: * gasp* How did you know?!
AF: Bad image! Bad image! * sits in a corner and starts twitching*
Vorador: * drops his pie on what was a nice clean floor* You too? *Janos blushes*
Raziel: Too much information!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ // You may now resume reading if you were one of the readers who skipped to here. And I applauded your innocence *cough*wuss* cough*\\
AF: * cuts off whatever the others were going to say while rocking back and forth in her corner* The world is going black. We're all doomed. The world is being eaten by darkness and pink fluffy bunnies. We are /so\ screwed. *lo and behold, the world actually appears to be melting*
Raziel: * runs over to her* AF, look! I'm putting the SR2 disk in, the TV's on, and the remote and controller are right next to you! Snap out of it! * feigns putting a pretend game disk in an equally imaginary PS2*
* the world stops melting as AF's eyes glaze over and she holds a non- existent controller. Raziel sighs in relief as she starts humming the main song at the loading screen. As he turns to the others, they stare in shock*
Moebius: You saved us!
Janos: You truly are a savior!
Vorador: I guess I was wrong ... or am ... or will be. * smacks Moebius* Infernal time streaming.
Raziel: *eyes crinkle* I'm sure that's not what I'm suppose to save you from.
and so they settle down for a nice card game
Janos: * looking over in concern at AF* Are you sure she's all right? * stares in shock as she emits a very evil laugh, then continues with the Overland music*
Raziel: * uses the opportunity to add a couple Aces to his hand* She's fine, don't worry. She does this all the time in her classes. Oh, look! I guess I win this hand.
Vorador: Isn't there suppose to be at least a controller or something?
Moebius: * flinches at yet another evil laugh* Too creepy.
AF: * bounces to her feet* I'll save you Janos!
All: AAHHHHHHH! * they are now playing 52 pickup*
AF: * grabs Moebius and hauls him to the fire forge* But first get me some fire! * throws Moebius into one of the pillars, where he splats to the ground* Is he dead?
Moebius: * stagers to his feet* Why can't you do it yourself?!
AF: Fire!
* grumbling, Moebius grabs and lights a torch, then turns back. Un-noticed by him, the room begins to fill with blood. As he teleports to the top, AF turns and runs back to the other room*
Moebius: * runs after her* Hey! Where are you going?! Glub! * careless of Moebius to forget about that little bug* Glub glub glubber?!
AF: * gesturing at the flooded room* How do you like my art project? I especially like the way the crimson is offset by the ash and purple. * takes the required pictures for her Photography class*
Raziel: Beautiful. * whips a tear away, as outside there is a rain of fire (^____^ (* Raziel thwacks AF*) )*
Vorador: Tasty. * sticks a claw in and licks it clean, wash, rinse, repeat*
Janos: Why do you need to do an art project?
AF: * sobbing onto Janos's shoulder* For school. You wouldn't believe what kind of torture they put us through! It's just awful!
Janos: * pats her gently on the back and tolerates the damp tears* There, there. Don't you worry. I'll fix it. * mentally calling to mind the location of the nearest town and their respective school's burning temperature*
Raziel: * grabs AF's hand* Bye,Janos!It'sbeenniceseeingyoubutwereallymustbegoing! * teleports out of there before AF can give Janos another good deed to do*
AF: What'd you do that for? I didn't tell him about ...
Raziel: * SIGH* Never mind. Remember you have to update your other stories now. * Af /pretends\ to wipe her nose, then Raziel's cowl with her hand. Disgusted, he tosses it to her and she pulls out a Laptop*
AF: * distracted with renewing the eBay auction* What are we giving the nice reviewers? * Raziel is wearing an identical cowl due to a plot hole*
Raziel: * looks into a small bag and pulls out a full sized flame thrower* Hmn, just some of the mass destructive fire related things in this bag.
AF: Okay... Hey! Those are mine! * chases Raziel as he flies out of reach*
Raziel: * as he flies past the review box with his eyes crinkled* Just remember, for each review you can get one of these highly volatile things from the bag. * as his wings revert to their pre-ficcy floppy-ness, he collapses on a cricket*
