Author's Note: I don't own Fruits Basket or the song "Out-In" By Remy Zero. Another addition to my Fruits Basket collect! And guess who's POV it is this time? Hatori's! Our favorite little sea horse doctor man! This is his POV on what happened with him and his love Kana, etc. Enjoy and please review!
For You
By: Lauren
We, ourselves, can never figure out what is truly best for another.
It is my job to help everybody. It is part of me and is as simple as that. I am a doctor. It is my duty to nurse others back to health and help them in any way possible. I must restore them to their former selves. I mend their bodies and in some cases, their hearts. I try to make them smile again, to make them happy and healthy. The other reason that I must help everybody is because of my other power. My ability to suppress memories in other people. Some believe this power is wonderful and that it is a gift. To me, it is a curse and a burden. Yet, it can help me with my job. It can help me so that I can nurse others back to happiness, back to smiling, back to having a whole heart again, even if former memories are gone forever.
But, I will always remember them. No matter how many people I use my powers on, no matter how many people forget about us, the Jyunishi, I will always remember. It is the least that I can do. I will always remember in place of what they forget. Just like her.
~*~
One night
One flash of brilliant light
I pray you come soon
Strong words
Strange hands
A million
I pray I get through to you
~*~
I miss her, but I do not regret it. Only sometimes. Only on the lonely nights when my mind fills with memories of our happy times together. That is when I long for her and my blinded eye begins to ache, matching the pain in my heart. It always stings a bit, every second of the day, but it begins to throb when I remember, which is every night. Every night is a lonely night. A lonely night were I hold back tears and lose myself to memories, hoping to be consumed by them, hoping to be happy with you in my dreams. That is the only time that I can be with you. The only place I can be with you- within in my dreams. Every night in my dreams, I meet with you and we run along the beach. We picnic, we sit and talk, and we swim and splash each other, our laughter filling the cool, salty air. And then, we fall asleep on the warm sand, your tiny body pressed against mine, fit together perfectly as I hold you in my arms. I miss those times I spent with you. I miss you so much. My dear, sweet Kana. My spring. Even now, I pray that you are happy. I pray that if you ever hear the name Hatori, you will turn your head in question as to who that is. I pray that you will never remember me. I pray that you will be happy with whomever you end up with. I wish you all the happiness that you deserve and all the happiness that I could never give you. I could never protect us.
~*~
So go out and
Make strong your stance
You were the best of them
Just breathe out and in
Hold me again
Cause then you're off to them
Like the rest of them
You're gone
~*~
We thought we could fight against the world together. Just the two of us, through thick and thin, hard times and good times. Nothing could beat us. We were going to get married. We had plans and we had a future. But it was a foolish dream, wasn't it? Who could marry a husband who turned into a sea horse every time you embraced him? Only love could cause someone to over look that, and you did. We were happy. I lived each day in never ending bliss with you. Each moment I treasured, each second that passed I remembered, every single thing that happened to us together, I will never forget. I will never forget those happy days, no matter how painful it might be. I thought they would last. I actually believed we would be wed and we would have a future together. But, as I said, I was a foolish man with a foolish dream. Akito would never allow us to marry; after all, he must remind us that anyone who is under the Jyunishi curse cannot gain happiness. We were never prepared to face him.
As that vase shattered into my face, my heart shattered inside me. And as the crimson blood stained the floor, your tears dripping down to join them, I knew that this was the end. After all, everything in this world must eventually come to an end. You always lose what matters most to you, no matter how much it may hurt. Happiness comes and goes; it never stays always. That is the kind of thing it is, there is no changing it. That is why you must enjoy that time when happiness arrives, that is why you must cherish those happy times forever and never forget them.
~*~
And I'll wait
I'm fine here I could wait
I'll wait till you get here
Just be the star
I have always known you were perfect sound
You're perfectly clear from here so go out and
Make strong your stance
You were the best of them
Just breathe out and in
Hold me again
Cause then you're off to them
Like the rest of them
You're gone
~*~
Kana…I wish things would have been different but it is no use to wish for something that can't happen. As your health deteriorated, I tried everything to help you. I am a doctor, am I not? It is my duty to nurse others back to health. I had to nurse you back to health but…every kind of medication that I had could never make you well again. This was not a disease of the body but a sickness of the heart. You were dying from a broken, crushed heart and there was nothing I, as a doctor, could do. You thought everything was your fault and it was tearing you apart. But, as a member of the Jyunishi, there was one thing that I could do. One thing that I knew would nurse you back to health and could make you happy again, even if it broke my own heart to do it. I threw away everything for an order. No matter how much pain I caused, no matter how many tears were shed, I still listened to Akito's orders, just as I had done in the past. And so, as you sat there, looking at me with your big, beautiful eyes, I rested my hand over them, closing them gently, closing the window to your torn soul to my own eyes. As blinded as I am now, I still see that time clearly. Light filled the room, you fell away from my touch, and as the light faded away, so did your memories of us.
Every single memory of me disappeared like that. In a mere second memories that
could fulfill me for a lifetime vanished. But, I completed what I meant to do.
I know that you are healthy now and very happy. I hope that you find a
happiness that sticks around with your fiancé. I hope you have joyful children
and live to grow old.
And I will continue to stay here, in the same office, on the same land with the same Souma family as always and the same memories of you will continuously repeat again and again inside my heart. Your smile always supports me somehow. I could make it as long as I knew that I did my job…I mended your heart, just like I healed others when they were sick. Just like I had to erase the memories from Momiji's mother. I never wanted to and I will always hate doing it, but it is my duty. It is something that I have to do, whether or not I like it. That is part of my curse. Akito always says that it is for the best of that individual.
~*~
I'm falling down
My wings don't work the way
That yours do
I know
Just turn
And walk along
Till you get homeI'll meet you at home
~*~
But like I said before also, do we ever really have the right to say we know what is best for someone else? The only person that can ever know what is right for them is the person them self. Momiji's mother was like that. She chose what she thought was right for herself, but she never thought of the feelings of others. She never thought about what was right for her son. So, there are two sides to it. We have to decide what is right for ourselves, but we also need to make sure it is right for those we love also. I could not stand seeing Kana wilt away each day, it was ripping me apart and I knew I wouldn't be able to go on unless I knew she was happy. I thought about the one I loved. Was it right for her? Could we ever have made it? What if I had held on? Would Kana have died? What would Akito have done? Would we have found a way to be together?
It was the best thing for Kana. It was the only thing to do. Even if it hurt me, I didn't care, as long as it didn't hurt her. But, how could she ever feel pain for me if she never remembered me? So, I knew she wouldn't hurt anymore. I didn't want her to hurt. I am glad that she does not hurt anymore. I am glad she has found a man that she can fully embrace. I am glad that she has found happiness, even if it isn't with me.
~*~
So go out and
Make strong your stance
You were the best of them
Just breathe out and in
Hold me again
Cause then you're off to them
Like the rest of themYou're gone
~*~
Kana and I held happiness in the time we were together. She taught me many things that I will never forget. I will always welcome the spring as the snow melts and Kana will always melt the snow that ices over my heart, even if some stays frozen, holding together the memories inside me.
I will always have Kana in my dreams. We'll meet on the beach, we'll snack on sandwiches that she made, we'll run in the water under the sparkling golden sunlight, I'll hold her in my arms in the warm sand and we'll fall asleep together, just like that, peaceful and happy in the time of spring. We will always find happiness in our dreams together, even if they can never become real. Even if I can never really reach them. Even if it is a painful happiness, it is still a happiness that neither of us can ever lose…
~*~
One night
One flash of brilliant light
I pray you come soon
