"Hello all you happy readers. Raziel here-" I stared at the script, then at the writer. AF was making motions like she would like me to continue. Either that or she had found a little spider and was beginning to panic. Funny that only the little ones could do that to her.

"Razi, why'd you stop?" the impatiently moving Authoress asked. She paces around me, then back to where she originally was. AF flicked her newly cut hair (she lost over 5 inches), and then pats me on the head. "It's okay if you got stage fright, really." she says with a big grin. I still can't figure out if she likes me in some twisted way, or if she really did feed her shoulder angel to something (probably her shoulder demon).

"I'm wondering why this format." I replied in a bland tone while looking around. Pre-ficcy blankness is scary when compared to the Spectral Realm. ****, it's scary compared to any place. Just imagine that you're surrounded by only white, no color besides the other people, and no visible floor, and the only viable explanation you're still floating and not falling through eternity is an insane fangirl.

AF frowns. "Don't you remember? You wanted to introduce my new muse while I went to set up the party." She summons a door and walks out. (I gotta learn that one!) The door snaps back to where ever it came from, leaving me trapped, but not alone.

I finally look down (whoa, vertigo!). Crouched near where AF was standing is the new muse. He has black hair, red eyes, wears a long red trench coat with a matching wide brimmed hat, and yellow sunglasses. I know standing he towers over me at about seven feet. Considering AF's tastes, of course he's a vampire. I think she snatched this unfortunate being from the anime Hellsing.

"Arucard, are you alright?" I asked. The poor thing looks shell-shocked.

"Hai. I just can't believe..." Arucard replied, coming slightly out of shock. "I just can't believe - That was so wrong..." He shivers.

He must still be in shock from AF's ongoing rp. Who am I kidding, /I'm/ scared. Shounen-ai. I shudder to think of it even now. Not the two of us together, but with her friend's characters. Two of us for ...what, three of them? Arucard gets it easy. He got a one-on-one pairing, but then again, he did the nasty. Twice.

Not to mention the rabid flesh eating squirrels and the trees that continuously fall on me. And in AF's other role play there's just rampant destruction, mostly aimed at the only two sane ones there, including yours truly. I'm beginning to regret her friend ever teaching her to rp.

"Stand up, and look somewhat sane." I instructed Arucard. "On second thought, kneel." Another muse on par with me? I don't think so. As he does so, I activate my twinned soul, the wraith blade. Arucard's glasses reflect the glow and he smirks at the thought of its destructiveness.

"Tell me again, why am I bringing a pyro into the muse ranks? Oh yeah, that insane klepto-pyro-sadistical fangirl will introduce me to duct tape if I don't." I tap both Arucard's shoulders. "By the authority endowed in me by the writer of this fic, I pronounce you to be Muse. Let it be known ad infinitum that the Authoress does not own Hellsing in anyway, save for the DVD and soundtrack she got off eBay." I said while reading the script. Boy, she does ramble on, doesn't she.

Arucard perks up. "That's all?" He dusts off his knees, aside from the fact we're floating in mid-nothingness. I glare at him because he's the newbie and needs to be glared at. Plus I just feel like it.

"Now don't get all cocky just because you've got powers," I warn him. "There's a downside, about teenager size in fact." He doesn't listen as he capers off around. I'm not worried about losing him, I couldn't care less. Just as I relax as much as possible in this place, it collapses. I'm treated to the debatable joy of falling before I can grab my wings.

Arucard lands safely, unfortunately or unfortunately, depending on your view of it. AF promptly attaches herself to him. "Bishie!" she squeals and begins to purr.

"Hai, arigatou." Arucard replies. He pats her head and gently peals her off. Apparently he likes it!

"Do itashimashite!" she replies with another hug. Then she turns on me.

"Razi-sama-chan!" AF then glomp/hugs me. Don't tell anyone, especially AF, but I kinda like being hugged.

"Is there any particular reason you brought us back in midair?" I ask AF crossly while looking around. We're in a sizable room that's been decorated like a birthday party on acid, LCD, LSD, 'shrooms and any other drug you can think of. I stare in amazement and horror at the decorations before looking back at the origin of the chaos.

AF shrugs. "You guy's seemed really quiet. I wanted to make sure you're both still dead." She bounces around, "I invited Kain as guest speaker." I groan. Kain is something this fic does not need. She then waves to the table by a podium. "How do you like them?"

I grunt slightly and wander over. On the table is a set of very pretty plaques commending various Author/esses on taking the Blood Omen quiz. For Red Malachi, The Omega Weapon, Tana, Sonja, and Concept of a demon there's ones that declare their Devourer of Worlds rank. I mentally jot down their names to tell the Crocodile Hunter later. For VladimirsAngel a nice plaque congratulates her on her status of Count. I made sure to attach an AA slip to it - just in case. Light also gets a plaque for being an Overlord. I finally decide to remove the sharp edges when AF rushes over.

"What are you doing?! Those people are my nice reviewers! They encourage me! Why are you trying to offend them?" AF shouts while attempting to correct my potential havoc. Arucard slinks over and pats her shoulder. I glare at him. How dare he side with her?!

AF drops a everlasting coupon for flays on Light's, then adds a spiked mace to each of the DoWs'. A pair of battle-axes appears on VladimirsAngel's plaque. Finally, AF collapses to her knees. "Please o mighty reviewers, hear me! My muse knows naught what he did, for he lacks the warm fuzzy feeling received with each review. He shall learn the error of his ways and shall learn to plead with thee for thy blessed reviews."

Not surprisingly, Arucard cracks up. AF thwacks him on the head. He blinks and looks at me. I look at AF. AF looks at Arucard, then at me very pointedly. Arucard looks at AF. I look at Arucard, then back to AF. We all crack up at the same time, which is how Wise Man Domingo's evil twin found us.

Surprisingly, it doesn't say anything. It just looks very pointedly at AF. It then chants some jiberish, and then vanishes.

Well /that/ was strange. I thought this evil twin was supposed to be, well, evil. I can't see anything evil aside from the normal. AF screams. Nope. Nothing out of the ordinary.

"It's pink!" AF shrieks. "Evil evil foul pink! Nasty!" What? You don't believe this is normal for her?

Arucard looks around the room. "What pink? I don't see any pink." Idiot. I could have told him /that/.

Next to me, AF has dropped to the ground and is convulsing. Actually, it's very entertaining to watch. You should try watching a person who's going insane sometime.

Arucard rolls his eyes. "If you don't do something, I will." he grumbles as he picks up the twitching writer. "You should be nice to her." he growls at me. What is wrong with this guy? He's acting like I'm suppose to be grateful for being a muse. Did I ask for it?! **** NO!!

As Arucard carries AF out of the perfectly un-pink room, I follow. It's more from a lack of anything else to do than actual concern. Alright, so I'm lying! I'm concerned! Are you happy now?! Normally, seeing things isn't part of her dementia. Hearing things is more like her. Something like bad jingles in the morning. (Why are you looking at me? *kicks aside a radio*)

Not surprisingly, nothing is out of the ordinary outside the building. Except for the extremely hostile looking Sarafan standing around waving around torches. And not surprisingly, AF's sister is there leading them. Huh. Either Chipy showed up and is offering the fire as a peace offering (hehe, burnt offerings), or more likely just to taunt her sister.

AF snaps out of her hysteria and runs up to the Sarafan. She grabs one of the torches and lights the building on fire.

"Burn! Burn, burn, moero you ****ing pink building!" AF shouts, while attempting to caper, as the building burns steadily. She then does her evil laugh, in some ways scarier then Kain's. You just don't expect something like that to come out of the mouth of someone like her.

"Argity arg arg arg!" Chipy yells at AF. There's lots of hand waving, and the Sarafan level their weapons at us.

"SnickerdoodlePOP, masochist!" AF yells back. Oh no, It looks like its gonna devolve into a name calling fight again. Yawn.

"Arg, klepto-sadist!"

"GRRR! Klepto-maso-biggoted Sarafan!"

"ARG! Sado-hedonistic-necropheliac!"

"KAIN!" AF squeals. Chipy glares at her, but its obvious that AF's to caught up in whatever fangirls go through whenever their object of affection is mentioned. Chipy then glares at Arucard and me and takes her horde of Sarafan... somewhere.

"Did you call my name?" A voice asks. I turn. Oh no. Not him. Every time he shows up, AF goes into one of her fangirl frenzies. I don't think I have the stomach for it.

"Raziel." Kain says in that voice. He's in his BO2 form. /Great/. Because he's pretty again I feel like sulking. Jerk.

"Kain." I almost-snarl.

"Kain!" That would be none other than the, to use Chipy's words, 'sado- hedonistic-necropheliac'. I like that term. I'll have to remember it. She then turns to an open space that I'll assume contains the readers. "Don't be mad, VladimirsAngel! I got it figured out. You have your bishie Kain, and I'll take mine from 5 seconds after yours. It messes up the time stream like ****, but we both got our bishie Kain!" AF glomps Kain and asks him, "You likey the new story?"

Kain pats her on the head. "I'd like it even more if you would post AND finish it." He looks at me, and then nods to the heap of ash that was the building holding the party. "I'll take it the congratulatory speech is off?"

I just glare at him. Just because V.A. made me let him into the fic doesn't mean I have to talk to that b*stard. I don't even have to be civil to that a******.

Kain turns to Arucard with a raised eyebrow. Arucard gestures at AF. "She flipped out and thought everything went pink, so she burned it down." He frowns. "I thought she liked me..." Wow, he sounds hurt. I guess he really liked the idea of having a fangirl. Freak.

AF purrs as Kain lightly touches her head. I have no idea where she picked that up, but I'm gonna take it as proof she's an abnormal new species. I hear Discovery Channel pays well for tips like that.

"Don't worry, she still loves you, but she loves me even more." Kain sounds smug. "If I leave, then she'll go back to pestering you two, but until then, she's mine." He does his laugh, then throws a ball. AF runs and retrieves it. "See?"

"Arigatou for clearing that up." Arucard looks thoughtful. "Would you like to fight sometime?"

"Sure. It'll be fun." Kain replies. They're a couple of insane vampires. Fighting to the death for the /fun/ of it?!

I scowl at them, then AF. She looks up from where's she's sitting on the ground at Kain's feet. "Nani?" she asks with faux innocence. I have no idea what she said, so I continue to glare, hoping against all reason she'll understand. Shockingly, she gets it. AF summons another door and opens it. On the other side is a plain room with a large TV, VCR, and the mandatory plush couch needed to make the room complete.

"What, pray tell, are you going to force us to watch?" I ask as I walk into the room. The rest of the little insanity troop trounce into the room, leaving the table and the awards, which miraculously survived the fire, behind.

As each of us claim a seat, AF chirps, "Parodies of course!" I have one more look out the door before it slams shut sealing us in this most foul of foul purgatories.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I originally was going for script format, but Razi showed up and, well... I hope I captures at least some of his monologue-ieness.

You're probably wondering about the weird words scattered through out the chapter. No, they're not misspelled (as far as I know); it's Japanese. My friend (the same one who taught me to rp) is patiently teaching me Japanese. ANIME IS AWESOME! Only the sub though, dubbed is bad.

Hai = yes. Arigatou = Thank you. Do itashimashite = Your welcome. Moero (best screamed) = burn. Nani = what. Bishie (short for Bishshounen) = pretty/cute guy.

This is basically my entire vocab. ^^ ;;

Arucard comes from the anime Hellsing. Good anime. Lots of guns and violence. ^______^ However, like Razi said above, I don't own it. Arucard's name can be either Alucard or Arucard, but I think Arucard sounds better, so that's the one I'm using.

Reviews for last chapter will be in the next chapter...

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