Whoa! This is a big and important chapter! I hope you like it!! It took me a bit when I wrote it, but it's a breakthrough one so make sure you say stuff about it in the reviews I hope I get! Thanks, citrus scented, for your review on the last chapter! It was my only one! L ! Well anyone I'm hoping and expecting more for this part, so review when it's done! Also!!! I am totally, totally happy I finished writing this story! I love how it ends and I hope you do too! It's 14 chapters right now but tell me if you want it to end with a diary entry from Lily or not. I might not listen even if you want it (SORRY) but I have to think of what I'll say so it's not redundant and still interesting.

Chapter 8- What the hell...?

The a few nights later I was casually walking down the hallway looking for something to do. It was only 8:30; Sirius was on a date, (why the hell wasn't I?) Peter was at home for his Mom's birthday, and Remus was sleeping because his transformation was in a few days. There weren't a whole lot of people I wanted to talk to in the Common Room, and Emma was following me around like a lost dog. I decided to sit by the lake and look at the stars. Yea, sure, its kind-of a pansy thing to do, but Hogwarts is just about the greatest place to see the sky from. It just lets you think about nothing and feel deeply profound. Or something like that...

Then I saw Lily, sitting with her feet dangling into the water and looking very pensive. At first I wanted to sneak up behind her and push her in, but something told me not to. It wouldn't have been funny, just mean.  I walked over and sat down next to her.  She didn't even look at me before she quickly picked up a book and put it on her side, the one away from me. Hey, I understand privacy, but some people don't trust anyone.

"I like coming out here, it's so peaceful, and I don't have to think about anything." She said quietly. Wasn't that what I was thinking just before?

"Yea, and it has the best view of the sky, I love looking at the stars." I answered her. Then she turned to me and had a look of pure happiness on her face, but when she turned to the side a tear was coursing down her cheek.

"Lily..."  I whispered as I reached over and wiped away her tear. She turned toward me again and a few more tears escaped. Then she gave me a sad smile and everything looked so tragic and hopeless. Her tears were flowing freely but she didn't look like other people do when they cry, with red eyes and blotchy faces, she looked like an angel, crying for the sake of the world. Then she stood up.

"Please, James, don't." she said, but it was too late, I had stood up and enveloped her in a tight hug. I couldn't help myself, I just had to.  She rested her head on my shoulder and hugged me back, but she was still crying. After a while she looked up into my eyes and leaned in. I leaned in too, and we kissed. It was a long, sweet kiss, but then she pulled away.

"I-I-I'm so sorry." She said, and then ran towards the castle, her red hair flowing perfectly behind her.

What the hell was all this about? I really couldn't figure this girl out. What did she want from me, and why was she making me want her? God damn it all. I stood there for a while, and then I lay down on the grass and stared up at the stars, trying to figure out just when this became more than payback. 

An hour later I decided to go back in, my watch said it was 11. It was a muggle watch; I got it because I didn't want one that usually read 'in trouble' or 'misbehaving'. I knew what was bloody happening to me, I need a watch to tell me.

As I silently passed the kitchens hallway I heard a deep, male voice and giggling. I figured it must be Sirius, who else took girls to the kitchens? What could be the harm in some innocent spying? If he caught me I could say I was hungry and going to get a snack. As I moved closer I heard giggling and then small sounds of kissing. I held in my laughter as I rounded the corner. If I interrupted his date he would kill me. He was with Jemmina again and she's one of the err-easiest girls in the school. When the couple came into view I knew it wasn't Sirius immediately, he had blond hair. I think it was Sean Wood. I was about to leave when I saw the girl he was kissing. Her red hair was too familiar. I turned around quickly, I didn't want them to see me, but I crashed right into a suit of armour. The clang it made was definitely loud enough to break them apart, and they looked right at me. Sean looked sheepish, but Lily looked shocked, then upset, then angry.

"Sorry about interrupting your little rendezvous, I was going to the kitchens, but I'm not all that hungry anymore." I said harshly, giving Lily the nastiest look I could ever have given.

"How nice for you, but can you leave? We're in the middle of something, if you don't mind." She snapped back. God, what a bitch. I don't know why I ever liked her. Wait, I mean-er pretended to like her...

"No, I don't mind, I was just leaving."

"Bye now." She said snottily and turned back to Sean, kissing him deeply and making sure I saw. 

This girl. I don't know what it is with her. Why was she so completely puzzling. I never knew what was going on with her, and when I did it turned out to be completely wrong. Why did I ever think I could hurt her? She was probably using me just like all the other boys. I know that's what I meant to do to her, but I had a reason. Didn't I? Wait a minute. Did I really? How can there be a real reason to hurt someone. There's no excuse. God, I had sunk lower than her level and she beat me. And I still wanted payback. There is something wrong with my brain.