Healing: 2
The one he loves
Later that evening, just past eight o'clock, Angela was studying in her dorm room. She had showered and changed into her button-t and shorts she wore to sleep in. She was finding it hard to concentrate on books, as her thoughts kept returning to Shawn and the pain she knew he felt. Where was he? What was he doing? Was he drowning his sorrow in a bottle again?
Her thoughts were broken by a knock at the door. Angela laid her books aside and rose to answer it. She was alone as her roommate, Topanga, was out somewhere with her fiancé, Cory. Cory was also Shawn's best friend. None of them knew where Shawn went when he eventually left the hospital. Angela allowed herself the hope that it was him at her door.
As Angela opened the door to the knock, she saw him… Shawn was standing in her doorway, soaking wet from the rain outside. He must have been in it for a long while she mused.
She motioned for him to come in, and he did. As Angela closed the door Shawn began to cry again. Silent tears streamed down his face, mingling with the rivulet's of rain that dripped from his hair.
"Shawn! You are soaking!" Angela exclaimed, "Let me help you..." She helped him take his black leather jacket off, and handed him a towel.
"Are you alright?" She asked quietly, unsure of what else to say.
Shawn's face became drawn again in an effort to stave off the next wave of sorrow that filled him.
"I don't want… to be alone tonight." He managed to say. "I can't stand to be alone with my thoughts…." He took a deep breath and drew his shoulders up and then let them down again. "Cory- he just doesn't get it. He's trying to be helpful, but he just… he just doesn't understand….. Angela," he paused searching for words that refused to be caught, "Can I stay here tonight? I am not asking for anything more than your friendship. I feel –safe- when I am with you. Please don't turn me away….. Not tonight." Shawn's voice was so soft. He was trembling. Angela could tell he was shaken.
"Of course!" Angela cried, feeling her own tears hot in her eyes, "We're still friends. I said I would be here, and I meant it." She reached for Shawn's hand in an effort to comfort him; he took her hand and pulled her to him. There she held him, wet clothes and all, while his body shook with his tears. She missed him so much. Guilt over enjoying his closeness overwhelmed her. She could not allow herself these feelings, not tonight.
After what seemed like an hour, though not nearly long enough, Angela gently pulled away and suggested that Shawn put on something dry. He nodded, and she handed him one of her fathers flannel shirts that she had brought to college with her.
Her dad was the one who raised her, and when she needed comfort, she would slip one on, warmed by its softness.
"Do you want to watch T.V, or just talk…" Angela's voice trailed off into a whisper.
"Ya, T.V. would be good." Shawn said quietly.
Angela clicked on the set and curled up, sitting on her bed. She patted the place next her, offering Shawn a seat. He accepted, and sat by her, leaning on her for support.
The mindless antics of the characters on the screen seemed a slap in the face to Shawn, but he was uneasy, and it was easier to sit watching in silence than to reveal his heart. He feared Angela had allowed him to stay purely out of pity. Part of him felt like such a fool for coming to her.
On his long walk after the hospital, he found himself on the bridge. Such a long way down, he had thought. As the rain penetrated his clothing and the wind cut though him like a knife, the river looked like such sweet relief. He knew, though, that his demise would only cause the few people who cared about him pain, and he had caused enough pain in his short life. His thoughts turned to the one he loved more than life…the one person he had been able to share his soul with, and he wondered how he could have killed the relationship he had had with her. "Angela." He whispered. He decided to take a chance that she would still care enough to help him through the night. He remembered her words, and they called to him like a beacon of hope. Yes- he would go to her.
Sitting on the bed next to Angela, Shawn pulled himself back to the present- he was so glad that he had come. Pity or not, she had accepted his plea for help.
Timidly, Shawn laid his head back on Angela's shoulder, and she circled her arm around him. She planted a soft kiss on his still damp head. Shawn reached up and laid his hand on her arm, and a big sigh escaped his lips. He wanted so much more than her friendship.
"Shawn…" Angela whispered.
"Yes?" he replied, turning his face toward hers.
As Angela gazed into Shawn's eyes, she felt a quiver up and down her spine that she felt so often when his eyes met hers. "I am so glad you're here…" she whispered. Taking a chance, she brought her face close to his and softly kissed him. She felt no resistance when their lips met.
Gently, Shawn kissed her back- slowly, softly at first, and then with more hunger. How he missed her! For a moment his heart rose from the depth of pain that had engulfed him these last hours.
Shawn reached over and clicked the T.V. remote off. He took his lips from Angela's, searching her face, hoping for some clue about her feelings for him. A slow smile curved the edges of her mouth, and her eyes glistened. Was that-love- he saw in her face?
