Chapter 15- First talks
When I got back into the Common Room there was one very disgruntled redhead looking for me. Well, she had been a redhead. Now her hair was bleached white. That's at least what Peter told me. She was supposedly in her room now. Thank god she didn't see me. From what I was told she was pretty happy, which knowing Lily she was angry as hell and trying so hard not to seem it. I went up the stairs to my room so she couldn't find me. Except she really did find me when Sirius and I walked in the door and she was sitting on my bed. And she was not too happy looking, let me tell you.
"Hullo, boys." She said, but not in a cheerful way or even in a general way. She said it like she wished it would kill us when she finished talking. That's not exactly the most optimistic way to start a conversation.
She didn't even wait for an answer, she just started talking again. "Do you have any idea why my hair is this colour?"
"Not really." I said casually. I didn't want her to yell. If we both started yelling everyone in the Common Room would be up here in 6 seconds flat.
"Do you?" she asked Sirius.
"No, but I really have to get going...detention." he answered. No, he was going to leave me all alone with her, and this wouldn't be typical 'girl in your dorm' fun.
"Fine, leave," she said and glanced at the door. No! She was seriously letting him go. He left pretty quickly after that. Then I realized he didn't have detention tonight, he had just told me about a date with Jemmina.
"My hair is this colour, this disgusting white blonde colour, because of what you put on my hair."
"The invisibility potion? No, we checked, it only made your hair disappear, not turn..." and I gestured at her hair.
"No, you're right it wasn't the potion. It was the concoction you poured onto my hair. Something in it had ammonia which bleached my hair."
"You don't look bad." I said. Why? Why was I complementing her? I seriously need to check chemical levels in my brain because they are definitely imbalanced and making me crazy.
"Don't give me that bull, James. Now, there is a spell that can take it away, but no one knows it, and Madame Pince is sick and can't find the book for me. Which means you're going to help me find it." Yea, like I was going to help her.
"I am?" I said and raised my eyebrows. Let's see her try and make me.
"Of course you are, now let's go." She said and grabbed me by the arm. What was I doing? Yea, that'd be letting her bring me along. Until we got to the top of the stairs, then I stopped and she couldn't pull me.
"James Potter, let's go. You're coming and I don't care if you want to or not. Even if I have to knock you out and levitate you there while you're covered in that invisibility cloak that's under your arm." I looked at her. My first thought was she knew about the invisibility cloak. She could tell everyone, and that was her point in saying it, not to threaten me with that other crap. My second thought was that I loved how she said my name. I couldn't help it, it just made me smile. It sounded so perfect coming from her, even when she said it like that. Then I kicked myself for thinking that and she looked at me like I am crazy. This is true so it's not that big of a deal, but still I didn't need to give her proof of it.
"Fine, let's go," I said and then offered my arm, "You don't want people seeing you angry, it will ruin the whole image you've put up for yourself." I said that to mock her, but I swear I wish I hadn't once I saw her face. She looked so ashamed and offended, and there were tears in her eyes.
"Jesus, Lily. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, really I didn't. I was just-" but she cut me off.
"Yes you did, James. You meant it and it's true. Don't lie to me and tell me it isn't; I know it's true myself." She said and looked at the ground. Her voice was hard and full of bitterness.
"Well, yea, it's true, but you can change. Lily, be however you want to. Don't try to be like other people want you to-" she cut me off again though. She looked straight into my eyes, and it seemed like she was looking at my soul.
"No, James, no. Things aren't that easy." Then she paused and looked away. "Maybe you shouldn't help me look for that spell anymore."
"Yes I should. I'm sorry, please forgive me. Let me help you find the spell. Please." I was practically begging. I don't know why I felt so bad about it, or why I was trying to let her help me when a minute ago I was trying to get out of helping her.
"You told the truth, what right have I to get angry? You can't help me look for the spell anymore because I'm not looking for it either. I'm fake now, what difference would it make if I had fake hair colour to match?" She said and started to walk down the stairs. Only, I didn't let her. I grabbed her and shoved her into my room, then slammed the door. Then I shoved her into a sitting position on the bed. She was in a daze the whole time since I said that first thing to her. I was dazed too; it was like someone else was in my body. I was like that a lot around her. See what this girl does to me?
"You're going to look at me and listen, whether you want to or not." I said to her and she looked up at me, her eyes meeting mine. It threw me off for a second but I started talking again.
"What is it with you?" I practically screamed in her face. "Why do you care so much about what other people think of you? All you try to do is please everyone and-" but she had recovered from her daze and interrupted me, saying
"Because, James, because I want people to like me, I like to please everyone, I like it when people accept me and pay attention to me and care what I have to say."
"Really? You really believe that, Lily? Because I don't, not at all. Sure, you like it when people like you, but it all comes down to that you are afraid to be alone. You'll do anything; even change yourself completely, so you won't be left alone, all by yourself."
"Yes, I really do believe it, and it's true. You don't know me, James, don't pretend like you do." she said harshly.
"Don't give me that bull and stop with the bloody lies! You're scared to be alone so you act how you think people will like. God damnit, Lily, be you. Who cares if everyone likes you, its tons better if you like yourself."
"I thought you had it all figured out, James. No one likes me when I'm myself, I will be all alone. I don't need that."
"Wouldn't you feel better knowing the people who are your friends are your friends because they really like you, not a fake you? There will always be people there for you who love you...Chastity, me-" then she cut me off.
"What? Who? What did you just say you...." Then I realized what I had actually said. Thousands of thoughts were running through my mind. I had said I loved her. Did I love her? Why did I say it? I might be able to love her. I had to take my chance now, though, and put it out there before it was too late.
"You're a great girl, Lily. You're smart, you're nice, you're funny and you're pretty. I've never met anyone who I'm drawn to like I am to you. You drive me crazy and I can't stop thinking of you. Despite what you did to my friend, to me, I can't stop feeling this way about you. If you give me the chance I think, I really think I'll be able to love you." I finished then looked at her face. She had been standing, but braced herself on the bed post as she sat down. Then she covered her face with her hands. What did I do? Why did I tell her all that? I could've just said I love you as a friend, but nooo.
"Err, well I'll just erm, talk to you later or something." I said after I got no response from her and I started to walk towards the door.
"No." she said and I whirled around. She moved her hands and I saw a faint smile on her lips. "Please don't leave."
"What do you, what do you think?" I asked slowly. Why? Why did I want an answer? It would be so much easier of I had just walked out.
"I think," she said as she stood up and walked towards me. I was frozen. I wouldn't have been able to move even for a spot on a professional quidditch team, my life dream. "That I could love you, too." What? What? My ears were ringing, and I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. That didn't matter though, because she was standing an inch in front of me.
She slipped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I kissed her back with everything I had. I was perfectly happy, and why wouldn't I be?
I was with the girl I'd just fallen in love with.
Review Please!!!!!!!! Tell me how you liked it please! Also...if people want a Lily diary to end this instead I will have citrus scented post it! Tell me if you want it!
DONE! OMG I'm done! Finally! I hope you like it! I had so much fun writing it. I'm kind of sad I have nothing left to write but I loved it so much! Look for some new L/J stories from me in September!
