A/N I am sick and tired of modern-girl-falls-into-Middle-earth-and-joins-the-Fellowship fics, so I am writing the fic to end all modern-girl-falls-into-Middle-earth fics!!
This fic will tell what would REALLY happen if a modern girl fell into Middle-earth!! She'll have to deal with the fact that, among other things, she speaks English, the Fellowship speaks Westron (the common speech). This should be fun!!
I'm going to try to keep the CC's as much in character as possible, althought since I am a notorious author of humor fics, I may slip a few times. Forgive meeee!!!
BTW, if there is a row of asterisks between paragraphs (*****) it means I'm switching the POV from our heroine (Charisma) to the Fellowship, or vise versa.
This might be only one chapter, then again, it might not. I'll announce the verdict at the end of this chapter.
BTW (again), the spelling errors on the CC's names when it's from Charisma's POV are intentional. She's never read the books, remember? Notice how she spells Legolas's name correctly...
Disclaimer: I no own LOTR, so you no sue.
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Charisma Goes Abroad
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Charisma sighed, and stared at her ceiling. Legolas's face looked REALLY hott from the position she was looking at it from, lying on her bed. She had tacked the Legolas poster to the ceiling abover her bed so she could see it when she woke up in the morning.
"Oh, Leggy-kun," Charisma crooned softly. "I wish... I wish... I wish I could like, go to Middle-earth and meet your stunning hottness myself!!" And with that beautiful thought, Charisma
fell sound asleep.
That night, Charisma dreamed. A great hand reached down to her bed and lifted her gently out from underneath the covers. It carried her through the roof, into the sky, and sent her soaring through the stars. Charisma looked around her and laughed at the sight of the Cosmos being revealed before her. Stars danced, whirled, sang their own soundless song. And then Charisma began to fall, gently, like a leaf, towards a small green world below her.
'I should really stop doing this sort of thing,' Iluvatar thought, chuckling to himself.
When she woke up, Charisma was cold. And wet. And lying on the ground in the middle of a forest. She sat up and looked around. A thin, silver mist wove itself among the trees, leaving a thin layer of condensation on everything it touched. Charisma brushed a leaf out of her hair, shivering in the thin t-shirt and excersize pants she used as pajamas.
Suddenly, Charisma caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. She quickly turned to look, but nothing was there. She got slowly to her feet, and looked fixedly at the spot where she thought she had seen the movement.
"Hello?" Charisma called. A twig snapped behind her. Charisma whirled around and saw... An image of such perfection that Charisma felt her knees going weak the moment she laid eyes on him. The beautiful, blonde haired Elf who's face she knew so well stared back at her, with a steely glint in his narrowed eyes. Granted, he had his bow strung and was pointing it strait at Charisma, but that didn't matter because Charisma was finally with her true love!! It had suddenly dawned on her that she was actually here, in Middle-earth, just as she had wished!!
"OMG OMG OMG!!!" squealed Charisma, her perky blonde ponytail bobbing with joy. "IT'S YOU, LEGGY-KUN!! IT'S REALLY YOOOOOU!!!!" And she threw herself at the image of Canon Perfection.
Legolas said something sharply over his shoulder in a language Charisma didn't understand, and took a step backwards so that Charisma fell to the ground.
"What was that, Leggy?" Charisma asked, sitting back on her knees. "I don't speak Elvish. You'll have to repeat it in English." She stared up at Legolas expectantly. The Elf glared at her, his arrow still pointed at her throat.
A few moments later, a two tall, dark haired men and an old man with a long grey beard and grey robes came through the trees behind Legolas. One of the men, with lighter hair, said something to Legolas that Charisma STILL didn't understand, and Legolas replied at length in the same tongue. Did they ALL speak Elvish or something?
Charisma's brain suddenly registered who she was looking at. Legolas! Aragon! Borimer!! All the hottest men in Middle-earth, here before her very eyes!!... Oh yeah, and that old guy, Gandlof, or whatever his name was.
"This is like, so totally awesome!!" Charisma shrieked. "I can like, join the Fellowship and destroy the Ring with you guys in a blaze of glory!!"
Aragon stared at her, then turned and said something to Gandlof. "Geez, speak in English, will you?" complained Charisma. "I can't understand a word you guys are saying!!" She stood up and stared at Aragon with what she hoped was an adorable pout. Gandlof replied to Aragon, and Aragon shook his head and sighed. Borimer absently tossed a rock from one hand to the other.
"Ya know, you dudes are like, really beginning to piss me off!" Charisma said indignantly. "Except you, Legolas. You could never annoy me!" She paused. "Aw, hell," Charisma said, reaching a decision, and she launched herself at Legolas. Borimer lifted the rock he had been holding and brought it down on the back of Charisma's skull.
The world went black. She didn't even manage to loose consciousness in Legolas's arms!
*****
Boromir, Aragorn, Gandalf (what a relief it is to spell their names correctly!), and Legolas stared down at the unconscious creature.
"Madness..." Boromir murmured. "I know not what came over me..." He looked up at Legolas. "Forgive me, my friend."
"There is nothing to forgive," Legolas replied, meeting Boromir's gaze. "The creature would have attacked me. I am loath to think of what it would have done if it had succeeded."
"Gandalf," Aragorn said to the wizard. "You speak all languages of this world. What was this creature saying?"
"I do not know," Gandalf replied, worry in his voice. "Her language is unlike any I have ever heard."
"And her raiment is like that of another world, almost," Aragorn mused. He had know idea how correct he was.
"Well, what are we to do with her?" Boromir asked. "It is not nodble to leave a maiden unconscious in the forest, yet this one..." He trailed off. Though in form and appearence this creature was wholly female, there was something about her that set doubt in all of their minds.
"We shall not leave her here," Gandalf decided. "But on no accounts will she travel with us," he added, seeing Legolas's dismayed face.
"Rivendell is just a few days behind us," Aragorn assured the Elf. "One of us could easily bring her back there and quickly catch up with the rest of the Fellowship."
"But would they accept her in Rivendell?" Legolas asked. Boromir shrugged.
"Let us return to Gimli and the halflings," he said, bending down to pick up Charisma's prone form. (Aw, isn't that a shame; she doesn't get to be carried by her Leggy-kun!) He slung her over his shoulder and turned back to his companions, suddenly grinning. "She is best like this, eh?" he asked, shrugging slightly to accent the fact that the girl was completely unconscious. Even Legolas had to smile at this remark.
After a short walk in the woods, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir (carrying Charisma) emerged onto the stone outcrop where the rest of Fellowship relaxed around a small camp fire. The outcrop overlooked a wide vallet, into which the Fellowship would next be headed.
"Ah, there they are!" Gimli said. He turned to Sam. "See, Master Samwise? No harm has befallen them!"
"Was our brave little gardener worried about us?" Aragorn asked, smiling gently. Sam reddened.
"I heard screams," he said defensively. Aragorn was about to answer, but Pippin interrupted.
"What is THAT?" the youngest hobbit asked, staring at Charisma, who Boromir had lowered to the ground.
"Extra baggage," Boromir replied. Aragorn coughed, although it sounded like he was trying to stifle a laugh.
"Master Boromir," said Pippin politely. "I'd me much obliged if you'd give me an actual answer to my question."
Boromir smiled fondly at the young hobbit. "In truth, Master Peregrin," he said. "We found the maid molesting Legolas in the woods."
"A maid attacking an Elf warrior?" asked Merry. "Now there's something you don't see every day!"
"Are you sure she is not a servant of the Enemy?" Gimli asked suddenly. They all turned to look at him. Frodo's hand went to his chest.
"I did not know the Dark Lord employed women as his servants," Legolas said to the dwarf.
"Well, look at her!" Gimli said, gesturing towards the girl that still lay where Boromir had cast her. "Does that look like a maid to you? No self-respecting woman would wear such rags as those!"
"Gimli raises a good point," Gandalf said. "We must use caution around this maid. Whoever she is."
"Or whatever she is," Frodo said quietly.
*****
Charisma groaned. Her head hurt, and she was lying on rocks. She raised her head slightly, and saw that it was night. A few figures sat around the glowing embers of a fire, talking quietly. "Again with the Elvish!" Charisma muttered, realising that she still could not understand what they were saying.
At the sound of her voice, the figures around the fire turned quickly to look at her. Charisma saw that it was Legolas, Aragon, Borimer, Gandlof, and that gnome or whatever he was, Gimly. "Sure, hog the fire," Charisma said loudly in what she hoped was a long-suffering voice, "while the poor maiden like, freezes in the cold, black night! I expect I shall be dead in the morning." She gazed at Legolas wistfully. The Elf turned to Gandlof and said something. Gimly snorted.
Charisma got unsteadily to her feet and walked over to the fire. Legolas moved away from her, but Charisma misinterperated it as making room for her to sit down next to him. She did, and looked around at the row of stony faces staring at her.
"Got any food?" she asked cheerfully. "I'm like, starving!" She was met with silence.
"Oh, come on!" Charisma cried irritably. "Can't you guys speak English! You speak it fine in the movies!"
More silence.
"Oh, fine, like, whatever!" she finally muttered. Charisma sighed, laid her head against Legolas's shoulder, and put her arms around him. To her great surprise, Legolas gently but firmly pushed her away.
"Leggy?" she cried. "I thought you loved me!" Legolas said something. Charisma jumped up. "STOP SPEAKING IN ELVISH!!" she screamed. "I LIKE, CAN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU'RE SAYING!! HAVE YOU NO RESPECT?? I'M JUST mmph." From behind her, Aragon placed his hand firmly over her mouth.
*****
"Gandalf!" Aragorn cried, holding the struggling girl tightly. "She will awaken all of our foes and bring them strait to us if she continues screaming like that!"
"Well, you seem to be doing a very good job keeping her quiet," Gimli observed. Aragorn grunted as Charisma elbowed him in the stomach.
"Rope, Sam," Gandalf said. Obediantly, Sam got up from his bedroll (Charisma's screaming had awoken all of the hobbits), went to his pack and pulled out a coil of rope. Gandalf took it, and came over to where Aragorn was still restraining the angry girl.
"My lady," Gandalf said to her. "Forgive me."
*****
And so it was that Charisma found herself lying on the hard stones, her feet and hands bound tightly with the strong rope. The rest of the Fellowship was seated around the fire several yards away, talking amongst themselves and occasionally glancing in her direction. Legolas was seated fartest away from her.
'Things are definately not going well,' Charisma thought. 'How am I supposed to express my undying love for him if they won't even let me get near him??'
--------------------
A/N So, I guess this will be more than one chapter. Yay!!! Please tell me how you think I'm doing in a nice, juicy little review!!!
This fic will tell what would REALLY happen if a modern girl fell into Middle-earth!! She'll have to deal with the fact that, among other things, she speaks English, the Fellowship speaks Westron (the common speech). This should be fun!!
I'm going to try to keep the CC's as much in character as possible, althought since I am a notorious author of humor fics, I may slip a few times. Forgive meeee!!!
BTW, if there is a row of asterisks between paragraphs (*****) it means I'm switching the POV from our heroine (Charisma) to the Fellowship, or vise versa.
This might be only one chapter, then again, it might not. I'll announce the verdict at the end of this chapter.
BTW (again), the spelling errors on the CC's names when it's from Charisma's POV are intentional. She's never read the books, remember? Notice how she spells Legolas's name correctly...
Disclaimer: I no own LOTR, so you no sue.
--------------------------
Charisma Goes Abroad
--------------------------
Charisma sighed, and stared at her ceiling. Legolas's face looked REALLY hott from the position she was looking at it from, lying on her bed. She had tacked the Legolas poster to the ceiling abover her bed so she could see it when she woke up in the morning.
"Oh, Leggy-kun," Charisma crooned softly. "I wish... I wish... I wish I could like, go to Middle-earth and meet your stunning hottness myself!!" And with that beautiful thought, Charisma
fell sound asleep.
That night, Charisma dreamed. A great hand reached down to her bed and lifted her gently out from underneath the covers. It carried her through the roof, into the sky, and sent her soaring through the stars. Charisma looked around her and laughed at the sight of the Cosmos being revealed before her. Stars danced, whirled, sang their own soundless song. And then Charisma began to fall, gently, like a leaf, towards a small green world below her.
'I should really stop doing this sort of thing,' Iluvatar thought, chuckling to himself.
When she woke up, Charisma was cold. And wet. And lying on the ground in the middle of a forest. She sat up and looked around. A thin, silver mist wove itself among the trees, leaving a thin layer of condensation on everything it touched. Charisma brushed a leaf out of her hair, shivering in the thin t-shirt and excersize pants she used as pajamas.
Suddenly, Charisma caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. She quickly turned to look, but nothing was there. She got slowly to her feet, and looked fixedly at the spot where she thought she had seen the movement.
"Hello?" Charisma called. A twig snapped behind her. Charisma whirled around and saw... An image of such perfection that Charisma felt her knees going weak the moment she laid eyes on him. The beautiful, blonde haired Elf who's face she knew so well stared back at her, with a steely glint in his narrowed eyes. Granted, he had his bow strung and was pointing it strait at Charisma, but that didn't matter because Charisma was finally with her true love!! It had suddenly dawned on her that she was actually here, in Middle-earth, just as she had wished!!
"OMG OMG OMG!!!" squealed Charisma, her perky blonde ponytail bobbing with joy. "IT'S YOU, LEGGY-KUN!! IT'S REALLY YOOOOOU!!!!" And she threw herself at the image of Canon Perfection.
Legolas said something sharply over his shoulder in a language Charisma didn't understand, and took a step backwards so that Charisma fell to the ground.
"What was that, Leggy?" Charisma asked, sitting back on her knees. "I don't speak Elvish. You'll have to repeat it in English." She stared up at Legolas expectantly. The Elf glared at her, his arrow still pointed at her throat.
A few moments later, a two tall, dark haired men and an old man with a long grey beard and grey robes came through the trees behind Legolas. One of the men, with lighter hair, said something to Legolas that Charisma STILL didn't understand, and Legolas replied at length in the same tongue. Did they ALL speak Elvish or something?
Charisma's brain suddenly registered who she was looking at. Legolas! Aragon! Borimer!! All the hottest men in Middle-earth, here before her very eyes!!... Oh yeah, and that old guy, Gandlof, or whatever his name was.
"This is like, so totally awesome!!" Charisma shrieked. "I can like, join the Fellowship and destroy the Ring with you guys in a blaze of glory!!"
Aragon stared at her, then turned and said something to Gandlof. "Geez, speak in English, will you?" complained Charisma. "I can't understand a word you guys are saying!!" She stood up and stared at Aragon with what she hoped was an adorable pout. Gandlof replied to Aragon, and Aragon shook his head and sighed. Borimer absently tossed a rock from one hand to the other.
"Ya know, you dudes are like, really beginning to piss me off!" Charisma said indignantly. "Except you, Legolas. You could never annoy me!" She paused. "Aw, hell," Charisma said, reaching a decision, and she launched herself at Legolas. Borimer lifted the rock he had been holding and brought it down on the back of Charisma's skull.
The world went black. She didn't even manage to loose consciousness in Legolas's arms!
*****
Boromir, Aragorn, Gandalf (what a relief it is to spell their names correctly!), and Legolas stared down at the unconscious creature.
"Madness..." Boromir murmured. "I know not what came over me..." He looked up at Legolas. "Forgive me, my friend."
"There is nothing to forgive," Legolas replied, meeting Boromir's gaze. "The creature would have attacked me. I am loath to think of what it would have done if it had succeeded."
"Gandalf," Aragorn said to the wizard. "You speak all languages of this world. What was this creature saying?"
"I do not know," Gandalf replied, worry in his voice. "Her language is unlike any I have ever heard."
"And her raiment is like that of another world, almost," Aragorn mused. He had know idea how correct he was.
"Well, what are we to do with her?" Boromir asked. "It is not nodble to leave a maiden unconscious in the forest, yet this one..." He trailed off. Though in form and appearence this creature was wholly female, there was something about her that set doubt in all of their minds.
"We shall not leave her here," Gandalf decided. "But on no accounts will she travel with us," he added, seeing Legolas's dismayed face.
"Rivendell is just a few days behind us," Aragorn assured the Elf. "One of us could easily bring her back there and quickly catch up with the rest of the Fellowship."
"But would they accept her in Rivendell?" Legolas asked. Boromir shrugged.
"Let us return to Gimli and the halflings," he said, bending down to pick up Charisma's prone form. (Aw, isn't that a shame; she doesn't get to be carried by her Leggy-kun!) He slung her over his shoulder and turned back to his companions, suddenly grinning. "She is best like this, eh?" he asked, shrugging slightly to accent the fact that the girl was completely unconscious. Even Legolas had to smile at this remark.
After a short walk in the woods, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Boromir (carrying Charisma) emerged onto the stone outcrop where the rest of Fellowship relaxed around a small camp fire. The outcrop overlooked a wide vallet, into which the Fellowship would next be headed.
"Ah, there they are!" Gimli said. He turned to Sam. "See, Master Samwise? No harm has befallen them!"
"Was our brave little gardener worried about us?" Aragorn asked, smiling gently. Sam reddened.
"I heard screams," he said defensively. Aragorn was about to answer, but Pippin interrupted.
"What is THAT?" the youngest hobbit asked, staring at Charisma, who Boromir had lowered to the ground.
"Extra baggage," Boromir replied. Aragorn coughed, although it sounded like he was trying to stifle a laugh.
"Master Boromir," said Pippin politely. "I'd me much obliged if you'd give me an actual answer to my question."
Boromir smiled fondly at the young hobbit. "In truth, Master Peregrin," he said. "We found the maid molesting Legolas in the woods."
"A maid attacking an Elf warrior?" asked Merry. "Now there's something you don't see every day!"
"Are you sure she is not a servant of the Enemy?" Gimli asked suddenly. They all turned to look at him. Frodo's hand went to his chest.
"I did not know the Dark Lord employed women as his servants," Legolas said to the dwarf.
"Well, look at her!" Gimli said, gesturing towards the girl that still lay where Boromir had cast her. "Does that look like a maid to you? No self-respecting woman would wear such rags as those!"
"Gimli raises a good point," Gandalf said. "We must use caution around this maid. Whoever she is."
"Or whatever she is," Frodo said quietly.
*****
Charisma groaned. Her head hurt, and she was lying on rocks. She raised her head slightly, and saw that it was night. A few figures sat around the glowing embers of a fire, talking quietly. "Again with the Elvish!" Charisma muttered, realising that she still could not understand what they were saying.
At the sound of her voice, the figures around the fire turned quickly to look at her. Charisma saw that it was Legolas, Aragon, Borimer, Gandlof, and that gnome or whatever he was, Gimly. "Sure, hog the fire," Charisma said loudly in what she hoped was a long-suffering voice, "while the poor maiden like, freezes in the cold, black night! I expect I shall be dead in the morning." She gazed at Legolas wistfully. The Elf turned to Gandlof and said something. Gimly snorted.
Charisma got unsteadily to her feet and walked over to the fire. Legolas moved away from her, but Charisma misinterperated it as making room for her to sit down next to him. She did, and looked around at the row of stony faces staring at her.
"Got any food?" she asked cheerfully. "I'm like, starving!" She was met with silence.
"Oh, come on!" Charisma cried irritably. "Can't you guys speak English! You speak it fine in the movies!"
More silence.
"Oh, fine, like, whatever!" she finally muttered. Charisma sighed, laid her head against Legolas's shoulder, and put her arms around him. To her great surprise, Legolas gently but firmly pushed her away.
"Leggy?" she cried. "I thought you loved me!" Legolas said something. Charisma jumped up. "STOP SPEAKING IN ELVISH!!" she screamed. "I LIKE, CAN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU'RE SAYING!! HAVE YOU NO RESPECT?? I'M JUST mmph." From behind her, Aragon placed his hand firmly over her mouth.
*****
"Gandalf!" Aragorn cried, holding the struggling girl tightly. "She will awaken all of our foes and bring them strait to us if she continues screaming like that!"
"Well, you seem to be doing a very good job keeping her quiet," Gimli observed. Aragorn grunted as Charisma elbowed him in the stomach.
"Rope, Sam," Gandalf said. Obediantly, Sam got up from his bedroll (Charisma's screaming had awoken all of the hobbits), went to his pack and pulled out a coil of rope. Gandalf took it, and came over to where Aragorn was still restraining the angry girl.
"My lady," Gandalf said to her. "Forgive me."
*****
And so it was that Charisma found herself lying on the hard stones, her feet and hands bound tightly with the strong rope. The rest of the Fellowship was seated around the fire several yards away, talking amongst themselves and occasionally glancing in her direction. Legolas was seated fartest away from her.
'Things are definately not going well,' Charisma thought. 'How am I supposed to express my undying love for him if they won't even let me get near him??'
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A/N So, I guess this will be more than one chapter. Yay!!! Please tell me how you think I'm doing in a nice, juicy little review!!!
