HOGS HAVE WARTS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Chapter 1 – Oh My GOD!

Disclaimer:  All characters that you do not recognize are Loup's and Tigra's.  (No real names are used.)

"Loup Grova, get out of your hiding spot this fuckin' instance," yelled Tigra Ila, a very angry 11 year old.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!  Jesus Christ, hold your temper WOMAN!!!" Loup yelled so that the neighbors looked out their windows, asking them to be quiet.

"Look who's talking Loupa, you pretty little girl." Tigra said teasing.  Loup was a girl as much as a monkey could build Rome in a day.

Loup snorted with laughter.  "I'm not the girl here.  I'm mean," he said looking her up and down, "you actually look like a girl.  I'm a guy with muscle."

Tigra grinned from ear to ear.  "Yeah, yeah, whatever, but I won.  I won."  Tigra jumped up and down doing a little victory dance.

"Oh shut the fuck up you stupid ditz," Loup exclaimed, "YOU SUCK! HAHAHAHAHA"

***

"Mommy, Mommy.  I got it.  I got it.  Can I go, please?" Tigra yelled from her room.  She was holding the famous Hogwarts parchment letter.

"Tigz, hold on.  I have to put Babe down for her nap!  And then we will floo to the Leaky Cauldron.  And then tomorrow I will take you to Diagon Alley to buy your stuff for school.  Oh, the letters are coming so late this year."

"Yay.  I gotta tell Loup," said Tigra as she ran out the door.

***

"Loup there is a weird letter here for you.  Please come see it?"

"Ok," Loup stated as he walked into the kitchen.  "Wow, this is a weird letter.  It's soooooo heavy!" Loup joked.

"It wasn't that heavy when I picked it up," said Loup's father's girlfriend, Francine, not picking up the joke.

Loup heard the door bell ring abruptly and ran with the letter in his hand to the front door.  Loup read the address on the envelope, and he said "HOGS HAVE WARTS!!!???" out loud while Tigra walked in.

"Oh my GOD!!  Oh my GOD!!  Oh my GOD!!  Oh my GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No you incompetent fool.  It's HOGWARTS!" she said.

"Ummm hi Tigz…"              

"You got it too.  Yay!  You're coming to Hogwarts with me.  I always hoped that you would.  I mean, could you imagine going by yourself to Hogwarts?  This is soooo exciting.  I have to tell my mom.  You can come to Diagon Alley with us today, because I doubt that the muggles you live with know were to go."

"What is Hogwarts?  What are muggles?  What is Diagon Alley?  What the hell are you talking about??????????????" Loup asked a little afraid that his best friend was going slightly crazy.

"Oh.  You didn't read you letter yet?  Well, I'll explain it all.  Hogwarts is the best school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Muggles are non-magic people.  Diagon Alley is where you get all of your school stuff.  And what I'm saying this that you're a WIZARD.  I'm a pure blood witch," Tigra said all of this in one breathe.

Loup looked at his letter, then to Tigra, seeing that she was serious, which was rare for her, then back to his letter.  He quickly ripped open his letter.  Enclosed in the envelope was two pieces of parchment.  One was an acceptance letter, and the other was a list of school supplies.

"Whoa dude!  YOU ARE SERIOUS!  This is awesome!  My dad will be pretty bummed about me leaving though... Well probably not because he has that stupid bitch Francine!  God, they must be banging every ten minutes!  Well, not really but…" Loup closed the door and Tigra and Loup ran up to Loup's room.

"This is so cool.  What will the other kids say when I tell them that I'm a wizard?" Loup said, thinking out loud.

"You idiot!  You can't tell anyone that you're a wizard, except your dad!" Tigra cried.  "And, well, you could tell Francine," she added as an after-thought.  She seemed to have calmed down.

"Well, um, oh.  I'll think about it."

"Well, why don't you count your money and pack your stuff.  We'll be staying in England for the rest of the summer.  You will also need to get money from your dad."

Loup quickly got his money out and packed his stuff into a duffle bag.  "Ok."

"You want me to come with you?" Tigra asked.

"Yes, but hide.  I don't want him to see you because he gets emotional about my mom."

"Ok!" said Tigra as they walked down the stairs.  They stopped at Loup's father's study door.  "Actually, I think I will wait here.  Call me in if you need me."

Loup nodded in agreement, and nervously walked into the study.

"DAD!!!!!!!!!  DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I got a letter from a Wizard school…"  Loup yelled.

"Yeah, what do ya want…?" Mr. Grova said cuddling with Francine.

"DAD!  I got this weird "HEAVY" letter from a school called Hogwarts!" 

"Huh?  Hogs have warts?!?!?!"  Francine said retardily.

"Francine….LEAVE!"  Mr. Grova exclaimed at her.

"Fine, Johnny…I'll be with the strawberries!"  Francine said.  Strawberries was a code name for strawberry flavored condoms. 

"Yeah, yeah.  Anyway, Loup, son.  By hogwarts, you mean your role playing game or something?"  Johnny asked worriedly, "I mean seriously, you should stop playing those retarded little games of yours!  Your eleven gods fuck it!"

"DAD STOP RAMBLING YOU STUPID PIECE OF…Ahem...oops…Here goes my ADD again!  No just kidding…Anyway... Yeah, I'm pretty sure you haven't heard about this school, because I sure haven't; it's a school for witches and wizards, Dad.  And even better news!  Tigra's going too!"

Just then, Loup got a vision of some lady that looked almost exactly like him.  She was wearing a cloak and when she put it on, half of her body vanished.  What was this? 

"No!!!!!!!!!!!! No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO, No, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This can't be happening."  Johnny cried.

"Um, Dad, are you not telling me something?"

"Yes….no……..wait………ugh fine…yes there is something I'm not telling you.  You see….. um…. Your mom was a witch and she died giving birth to you.  So you see, you a half-blood wizard.  Um…. Your mom was full blood witch.  Um… I'll call your uncle and ask him to take you there."

"Um, Dad, I'm going with Tigra, but, hey, if 'My Uncle' wants to meet me there great.  Tigra come in here please?"

Tigra walked in.  "Yes Loupa?"

"Don't call me that.  Will you explain to my dad when we're going?"

"Sure thing.  Loupa…"  Tigra teased.

Loup was just about to strangle her as she said, "Enough with you, you stupid wizard."  And Loup found himself up in the air, floating just below the ceiling.  "Oops.  Sorry about that, but I can't let you down 'til I'm not mad.  So, anywho, Mr. Grova," said Tigra in her business voice.  "My mom is taking me to London, England today and for the rest of the summer.  Loup is allowed to come with me and my mom is friends with Remus.  They became friends when your wife died.  Sorry to bring it up.  Umm… yeah.  Loup I'm letting you down now, but it may hurt."  As soon as Tigra said that Loup fell down from the air and flopped on the ground with a huge groan.

"Loup and Tigra come up with me to the attic.  I have stuff for you Loup," said Johnny.

They all walked up the stairs and up the ladder into the old, dusty attic.  Loup had never been up here.  In the middle of the floor there was a large chest.  Johnny walked over to it and opened it.

Inside was the cloak that Loup had had a vision of.  "Oh cool, you also have and invisibility cloak!  My mom gave me mine!" exclaimed Tigra.

Under the cloak, there also were old pictures, a crystal ball, tarot cards, incense, gems and stones, bells, book of shadows, and large strange coins.  'Loup this was all your mother's stuff from school.  She would want you to have it.  So take it with you," said Johnny as he handed the stuff to Loup.

Loup looked at the first picture.  There were three people standing together laughing and waving at the camera.  The person in the middle was Loup's mom.  She and the boy to her left (who looked exactly like Loup) had sandy brown hair, and grey-blue eyes.  The boy looked really tired, but happy.  The girl to the right of Loup's mom was obviously Tigra's mom.  She looked exactly like Tigra, with almond-brown, blue eyes with yellow, slim and tall, pale skin, and with a glass of ice in her hand. (A/N: Tigra and Loup love to eat ice in real life.)

"Um, what are this coins Tigra?" asked Loup.

"Oh that, that is wizard money.  The gold ones are Galleons, the silver ones are Sickles, and the bronze ones are Knuts.  The Knuts are worth the least, the Sickles are worth a little more, and the Galleons are worth the most."

They all walked do stairs, and put the stuff into Loup's duffle bag.  Tigra called her mom to come over with her wand.

Knock, Knock.  "Oh that's my mom," said Tigra.

Loup went to answer the door.  "Hi Mrs. Ila.  Please come in."

"Mommy," screamed Tigra.  "Guess what?  Loup is a wizard."

"I knew that.  His mom and I were best friends when we to school," said Mrs. Ila.  "Johnny, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Saphira.  And how are you?"

"Good, good.  So is Loup coming with us?  If so, I'll call Remus and Harry when we get to my house," said Saphira.

"Ok.  Well bye Loup.  I'll see you next year!" said Johnny sadly to Loup.

Loup walked up to his dad, and gave him a hug.  "Bye dad."

"Bye son."  And they left with Saphira putting a feather light spell on Loup's bag.

***

When they got to Tigra's house Saphira called Remus Lupin, and told him to meet them at the Leaky Cauldron.  Then they said good-bye to Babe, Alpha (Tigra's Dad), and the Country Canada (which is where they live), they walked up to the fire place.  "Ok, this is what we will do.  Tigra you go first and wait for Loup.  Then Loup you go and said 'Leaky Cauldron Lobby' when you step into the fire.  Then I will come through with the bags.  See you soon Tigra," called Saphira as Tigra walked into the fire and said 'Leaky Cauldron Lobby'.

            Tigra fell with a huge BOOM and Loup, a second later crashed on top of her.

            "Owwwwwww!  Loup GROVA! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!!!!"  Tigra yelled.  Then everyone just started staring, which made Tigra terribly angry.  (A/N: And we all know when Tigra gets angry!)  And then they all disappeared!  She looked up and there were all the people up there floating.  She blushed.  "I suggest none of you try to get down by yourself…Just wait till I'm just a tad bit happier."  Just then Remus walked in.  He started cracking up at the site of everyone floating close to the ceiling, except his goddaughter Tigra.

"Tsk, Tsk, Tigra.  You need to learn to control your temper," he said still laughing.

Tigra just grinned ear to ear at him.  At this everyone started to float down VERY slowly.  "Remus!" screamed Tigra as she ran over to give him a hug.  Then see noticed Harry.  "Hello Potter," she said giving Harry a hug.  Then she went back to the fire place and dragged Loup over.  "Loupa, this is your Uncle Remus and his 'New" godson, Harry Potter."

"Hi."

"Hi," said Harry.  "Hey Lupin, he looks like you."

Bang.  Tigra looked behind her to the fire place and saw her mom standing there, looking at all the people in the air, then to her.  "Tigra, honey, I know that you are mad at these people, but would you mind putting them down now.  And GENTLY!" said Saphira.

"Ok, Ok.  Sheesh!  Some people have no humor."  At this Remus burst out laughing.  Slowly all the people that had been floating near the ceiling, came down.

Saphira walked over to them.  "Well Remus, long time, no see.  So how are you and your 'charges'?" she said looking over at Harry.

"Well, Ms. Snape, I'm perfect.  The new potion worked perfectly.  No more monthly sickness.  And my 'charges', well they are fine.  I think.  You're fine, right Harry?" 

Harry only nodded because he was shocked from what Remus had called the Mrs. Ila.

Remus laughed at the look on Harry's face, and decided to explain this to him.  "Harry, Saphira's maiden name is Snape.  Yes, Snape," he said for Harry still had a look on this face, but it had now turned to disgust.  "Harry, Saphira is Sanpe's step sister.  Snape was adopted, you see.  She dislikes her brother."

"Yes, well, Severus is an asshole.  Speaking of the devil… I mean literally… Oh, hello Severus."  Saphira nodded her head towards her brother.

"Err… Hello Saphira……………………………"

A/N:  So what do you like?  Please READ AND REVIEW.  If you do Tigra and Loup will be most pleased… We will start the next Chapter soon.  Byebye.