Chapter 10
Part I
"Why isn't he awake?"
"The Professor says I should leave Remy out until Dana is ready to wake up. Something about the bonds between their minds."
Ororo nodded. "Can I touch her?"
"That's the thing. Charles said she's built some sort of shield that keeps her powers under control, even when she's unconscious. It's what they've been working on for the last week. But all of a sudden she has one. When we took the collar off it was in place."
Ororo took Dice's hand in hers. "This poor girl," she said softly.
Soon Dice passed from coma to deep sleep and Hank allowed Remy to rise from the fog of anesthesia. He was a trifle unsteady at first, but managed to get himself showered, dressed, and fed. When they would let him, he returned to the infirmary.
Dice blinked awake. "Remy?"
"Right here, cherie."
She sighed through her nose. "Could you help me up?" Remy got her sitting upright. "I'll bet I look a wreck," she said.
He pushed her hair behind her ear. "You look absolument beautiful, cherie." She rolled her eyes. "Hey, we could be Christmas decorations," he said with a grin, touching her temple. Dice's face tightened.
"I could have killed you," she whispered.
"You didn't." She turned away. "Hey, hey. Don't beat yourself up about it."
"I'm dangerous, Remy. I can't control myself." He felt her shutting down the link between them and he grimaced.
"Don't. Please stay with me. It...it hurts worse when you're gone, Dice." She conceded, releasing her shield.
"I never want to hurt you again, Remy."
He smiled sadly. "We always hurt de ones we love, dey say."
"And I do love you, Remy." She touched his cheek lightly. He put his arms around her and pulled her close; she stiffened.
//Pain shame despair confusion shock//
Remy let go. "I'm sorry," he said, cheeks flushing red. He looked away from her. "Dat monster," he breathed, his voice laced with anger.
Dice shuddered. "He's dead."
Defiantly, Remy met her eyes once more. "I killed him, cherie, and it felt really good. His neck snapped in my hands, you know? Dat's the kind of person I am. Maybe I a monster too. You ever consider dat?"
"The thought had crossed my mind...but it was your own, not mine."
He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "How much do you see when you look at me?" he asked softly.
"Everything."
Pain furrowed his brow. "Everyting, neh? Den I got no secrets anymore."
"Secrets eat away at you, Gambit." The two young mutants looked up as Professor Xavier came in. "Most people find someone who can listen to their secrets. You have a confidante, whether you wanted one or not. We can help you to build a wall in your mind against Dana's intrusion, if you like. In fact I'd recommend such an action; the more closely linked your minds are, the less distinct your personalities will become until you are truly the same person living in two bodies."
Remy shivered slightly. "Why do Dice know so much about me, when all I get from her is feeling? I only hear her in my head when she wants."
"Dana is far more powerful psychically than you will ever be, I'm afraid," Charles said. "And she absorbed more than just your power when she touched you the other night." Dice shivered and drew her knees to her chest. "You know, Logan said he needs a fifth for no-powers basketball, if you're feeling up for it. I'll keep Dice company." Remy took the hint and left them alone.
"Wouldn't it be best for us to part?"
Charles shook his head. "No, my dear. I don't think Remy will ever be able to have a romantic relationship again if you reject him. Part of him will still be bound up in you."
"Oh." She hung her head. "I just don't want to keep hurting him, Professor."
"A noble sentiment. Why do you think he'll come to harm if he stays with you? You helped him with the pain of his loss, though he's certainly got some issues to work through. You shielded him from the trauma of being inside your mind when you were raped. I think you've protected him more than you've hurt him."
"But I can't control myself! I could've killed him the other night...and then I ran off and left him alone. What's to stop it from happening again? And this time maybe I won't wake up in time."
Charles patted the back of her hand. "You haven't been awake very long, Dana. But isn't it odd to you that Hank was able to treat you even though you were unconscious?"
She was puzzled. "I thought he'd leave the collar on."
"No. You've done it, Dana. You've created some sort of shield that locks into place when you're not consciously controlling your powers. I don't know how you did it, but it's there."
"Oh."
Charles waited a moment. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about, Dana? You've been through so much in the last two weeks; your life has been turned upside down."
"For the better, mostly. I have a home now, and something like a family." Then she shuddered. "When Remy put his arms around me, all I could feel was that thug on top of me. I could smell him; I could taste his breath. But none of it was real. It was just Remy. He thought he had done something wrong. And when he realized what it was, his head filled with all sorts of guilt and anger at himself. I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, but I just couldn't. I was suddenly very afraid."
"Of Remy?"
"Not really _of_ him, no. More like...for him? Or, maybe for _us_." She looked at him plaintively. "Do you understand?"
"More than you do, I'm afraid. You've had a very traumatic experience, Dana. You're remarkably sound for it. Remy is confused right now, you see. He's heartsick and wants someone to comfort him--as you have--but he sees you as vulnerable. He wants to protect you from yourself and from the rest of the world. When he couldn't do it, well, you've felt the state his mind is in. I don't know how to help Remy at this point, I'm sorry to say. The only person who truly understands him is you."
"So I guess you were right about us helping each other," she said softly.
"I don't think anyone else can, Dana." Xavier leaned his chin on his hand and looked at her fondly. "You are a remarkable girl. I think you'll be just fine. If you can recover, Remy will get better as well. He's not as young and resilient as you are, and he's had a lot of grief in his life."
Dice blushed a little. "Professor...just how old _is_ Remy? I mean, some of the X-Men are a lot older than they look."
Xavier chuckled. "Remy is in fact younger than he looks. We're not precisely sure, but somewhere between twenty-eight and thirty-one."
"Oh, good." She chewed her lip slightly. "I was a little worried that he was old enough to be my dad or something. That's just weird."
Part II
Dice made her way upstairs, a trifle unsteady but otherwise fine. She took a hot bath and put on some real clothes. Hank tried to convince her she should eat something, but she politely refused.
The basketball game had gotten a late start, and Dice settled down in the grassy, wooded area adjacent to the court to watch. It was fascinating to watch the group dynamic. "No-powers" of course could not be done; some of the mutants possessed speed and agility that was superhuman but totally beyond their control. To make up for this, the teams were each given an equal number of super-fast, super-agile mutants. Logan's team ended up with too many, so Remy got traded to the other side with Nightcrawler as his captain.
Dice was never very interested in so-called 'normal' sports, but she really enjoyed the game. She carefully hid her presence from Remy--who didn't need the distraction. He was playing poorly, though his team still won. Nightcrawler slapped him on the back and told him he understood, since Remy was fresh out of the infirmary, and then everyone went inside to get cleaned up. Remy stayed behind with the ball, distracting himself with the mindlessness of physical activity. Dice noted happily that he didn't light a cigarette. She'd seen in his mind that he was trying to quit, but stress made him grope for the lighter more than anything. And he'd been very stressed recently.
She faded her presence in, and Remy straightened. His ears perked as though he'd heard something. "Allo?" He looked around. "Dice?"
"I'm here," she said softly, coming over to stand by the hoop. He balanced the ball on his hip with one hand and walked over.
"How long have you been dere?"
"Since about six minutes in. Good game...you seem a little rusty." She smiled, and he returned it almost shyly.
"I play better most of de time," he said.
"I know."
He nodded slightly. "Listen, Dice. I's sorry for, you know, in de infirmary."
She shook her head. "Don't be." She took the ball from him and dribbled it a few times. "I can't help but know what you're thinking, Remy. Maybe soon the Professor can change that, but right now it's like a radio blaring in my ear. I promise you, Remy, that there is a world of difference between a man like you and the animals we've encountered."
"I don' see it," he murmured.
Dice set the ball down and looked him squarely in the eye. "When you put your arms around me, I had a flashback and you saw it. What was your reaction?"
"I let go."
"Exactly." He blinked, confused. "You thought you were hurting me somehow, emotionally. And you backed away. You _cared_ about what I felt, Remy." Dice laid a hand on his shoulder. "I know you can't see everything that goes on in my head."
Remy shook his head. "I get dese vague impressions, when you're not broadcasting. I guess I got to do it de hard way. De ol-fashioned way." He smiled slightly.
Dice nodded. "Tu m'aimes, Remy?" she asked quietly, eyes sparkling. //Do you love me?//
His moment of surprise faded; of course she could speak French, if she had unlimited access to his mind and memories. "C'est possible," //It's possible,// he said teasingly, laughing.
She blushed pink. "Ne ris pas, Remy. Je suis serieuse." //Don't laugh. I'm serious.//
He nodded. "As truly and as deeply as I know how," he said.
Dice smiled. "Quelle chance! I love you too." He hesitated a moment, uncertain. "Go ahead, Remy," she encouraged quietly. Remy bent his head to kiss her, his arms sliding around her body. Dice still felt the surge of panic when the powerful, muscular arms entrapped her, but she clamped it down. She could feel his innocent gratitude. When her heart stopped fluttering in fear, she returned the kiss, her fingers finding a hold on his shoulders.
"Thank you," she said when he released her.
"For what?"
"You think I have a beautiful body."
It was his turn to blush. "C'est vrai. You do." Dice laughed, leaning her forehead against his temple.
"Want to hear a secret?" she asked, brushing a quick kiss to his cheek.
"Oui."
"You're incredible." She slipped out of his grasp and headed back toward the mansion. Remy jogged to catch up.
Part I
"Why isn't he awake?"
"The Professor says I should leave Remy out until Dana is ready to wake up. Something about the bonds between their minds."
Ororo nodded. "Can I touch her?"
"That's the thing. Charles said she's built some sort of shield that keeps her powers under control, even when she's unconscious. It's what they've been working on for the last week. But all of a sudden she has one. When we took the collar off it was in place."
Ororo took Dice's hand in hers. "This poor girl," she said softly.
Soon Dice passed from coma to deep sleep and Hank allowed Remy to rise from the fog of anesthesia. He was a trifle unsteady at first, but managed to get himself showered, dressed, and fed. When they would let him, he returned to the infirmary.
Dice blinked awake. "Remy?"
"Right here, cherie."
She sighed through her nose. "Could you help me up?" Remy got her sitting upright. "I'll bet I look a wreck," she said.
He pushed her hair behind her ear. "You look absolument beautiful, cherie." She rolled her eyes. "Hey, we could be Christmas decorations," he said with a grin, touching her temple. Dice's face tightened.
"I could have killed you," she whispered.
"You didn't." She turned away. "Hey, hey. Don't beat yourself up about it."
"I'm dangerous, Remy. I can't control myself." He felt her shutting down the link between them and he grimaced.
"Don't. Please stay with me. It...it hurts worse when you're gone, Dice." She conceded, releasing her shield.
"I never want to hurt you again, Remy."
He smiled sadly. "We always hurt de ones we love, dey say."
"And I do love you, Remy." She touched his cheek lightly. He put his arms around her and pulled her close; she stiffened.
//Pain shame despair confusion shock//
Remy let go. "I'm sorry," he said, cheeks flushing red. He looked away from her. "Dat monster," he breathed, his voice laced with anger.
Dice shuddered. "He's dead."
Defiantly, Remy met her eyes once more. "I killed him, cherie, and it felt really good. His neck snapped in my hands, you know? Dat's the kind of person I am. Maybe I a monster too. You ever consider dat?"
"The thought had crossed my mind...but it was your own, not mine."
He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "How much do you see when you look at me?" he asked softly.
"Everything."
Pain furrowed his brow. "Everyting, neh? Den I got no secrets anymore."
"Secrets eat away at you, Gambit." The two young mutants looked up as Professor Xavier came in. "Most people find someone who can listen to their secrets. You have a confidante, whether you wanted one or not. We can help you to build a wall in your mind against Dana's intrusion, if you like. In fact I'd recommend such an action; the more closely linked your minds are, the less distinct your personalities will become until you are truly the same person living in two bodies."
Remy shivered slightly. "Why do Dice know so much about me, when all I get from her is feeling? I only hear her in my head when she wants."
"Dana is far more powerful psychically than you will ever be, I'm afraid," Charles said. "And she absorbed more than just your power when she touched you the other night." Dice shivered and drew her knees to her chest. "You know, Logan said he needs a fifth for no-powers basketball, if you're feeling up for it. I'll keep Dice company." Remy took the hint and left them alone.
"Wouldn't it be best for us to part?"
Charles shook his head. "No, my dear. I don't think Remy will ever be able to have a romantic relationship again if you reject him. Part of him will still be bound up in you."
"Oh." She hung her head. "I just don't want to keep hurting him, Professor."
"A noble sentiment. Why do you think he'll come to harm if he stays with you? You helped him with the pain of his loss, though he's certainly got some issues to work through. You shielded him from the trauma of being inside your mind when you were raped. I think you've protected him more than you've hurt him."
"But I can't control myself! I could've killed him the other night...and then I ran off and left him alone. What's to stop it from happening again? And this time maybe I won't wake up in time."
Charles patted the back of her hand. "You haven't been awake very long, Dana. But isn't it odd to you that Hank was able to treat you even though you were unconscious?"
She was puzzled. "I thought he'd leave the collar on."
"No. You've done it, Dana. You've created some sort of shield that locks into place when you're not consciously controlling your powers. I don't know how you did it, but it's there."
"Oh."
Charles waited a moment. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about, Dana? You've been through so much in the last two weeks; your life has been turned upside down."
"For the better, mostly. I have a home now, and something like a family." Then she shuddered. "When Remy put his arms around me, all I could feel was that thug on top of me. I could smell him; I could taste his breath. But none of it was real. It was just Remy. He thought he had done something wrong. And when he realized what it was, his head filled with all sorts of guilt and anger at himself. I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, but I just couldn't. I was suddenly very afraid."
"Of Remy?"
"Not really _of_ him, no. More like...for him? Or, maybe for _us_." She looked at him plaintively. "Do you understand?"
"More than you do, I'm afraid. You've had a very traumatic experience, Dana. You're remarkably sound for it. Remy is confused right now, you see. He's heartsick and wants someone to comfort him--as you have--but he sees you as vulnerable. He wants to protect you from yourself and from the rest of the world. When he couldn't do it, well, you've felt the state his mind is in. I don't know how to help Remy at this point, I'm sorry to say. The only person who truly understands him is you."
"So I guess you were right about us helping each other," she said softly.
"I don't think anyone else can, Dana." Xavier leaned his chin on his hand and looked at her fondly. "You are a remarkable girl. I think you'll be just fine. If you can recover, Remy will get better as well. He's not as young and resilient as you are, and he's had a lot of grief in his life."
Dice blushed a little. "Professor...just how old _is_ Remy? I mean, some of the X-Men are a lot older than they look."
Xavier chuckled. "Remy is in fact younger than he looks. We're not precisely sure, but somewhere between twenty-eight and thirty-one."
"Oh, good." She chewed her lip slightly. "I was a little worried that he was old enough to be my dad or something. That's just weird."
Part II
Dice made her way upstairs, a trifle unsteady but otherwise fine. She took a hot bath and put on some real clothes. Hank tried to convince her she should eat something, but she politely refused.
The basketball game had gotten a late start, and Dice settled down in the grassy, wooded area adjacent to the court to watch. It was fascinating to watch the group dynamic. "No-powers" of course could not be done; some of the mutants possessed speed and agility that was superhuman but totally beyond their control. To make up for this, the teams were each given an equal number of super-fast, super-agile mutants. Logan's team ended up with too many, so Remy got traded to the other side with Nightcrawler as his captain.
Dice was never very interested in so-called 'normal' sports, but she really enjoyed the game. She carefully hid her presence from Remy--who didn't need the distraction. He was playing poorly, though his team still won. Nightcrawler slapped him on the back and told him he understood, since Remy was fresh out of the infirmary, and then everyone went inside to get cleaned up. Remy stayed behind with the ball, distracting himself with the mindlessness of physical activity. Dice noted happily that he didn't light a cigarette. She'd seen in his mind that he was trying to quit, but stress made him grope for the lighter more than anything. And he'd been very stressed recently.
She faded her presence in, and Remy straightened. His ears perked as though he'd heard something. "Allo?" He looked around. "Dice?"
"I'm here," she said softly, coming over to stand by the hoop. He balanced the ball on his hip with one hand and walked over.
"How long have you been dere?"
"Since about six minutes in. Good game...you seem a little rusty." She smiled, and he returned it almost shyly.
"I play better most of de time," he said.
"I know."
He nodded slightly. "Listen, Dice. I's sorry for, you know, in de infirmary."
She shook her head. "Don't be." She took the ball from him and dribbled it a few times. "I can't help but know what you're thinking, Remy. Maybe soon the Professor can change that, but right now it's like a radio blaring in my ear. I promise you, Remy, that there is a world of difference between a man like you and the animals we've encountered."
"I don' see it," he murmured.
Dice set the ball down and looked him squarely in the eye. "When you put your arms around me, I had a flashback and you saw it. What was your reaction?"
"I let go."
"Exactly." He blinked, confused. "You thought you were hurting me somehow, emotionally. And you backed away. You _cared_ about what I felt, Remy." Dice laid a hand on his shoulder. "I know you can't see everything that goes on in my head."
Remy shook his head. "I get dese vague impressions, when you're not broadcasting. I guess I got to do it de hard way. De ol-fashioned way." He smiled slightly.
Dice nodded. "Tu m'aimes, Remy?" she asked quietly, eyes sparkling. //Do you love me?//
His moment of surprise faded; of course she could speak French, if she had unlimited access to his mind and memories. "C'est possible," //It's possible,// he said teasingly, laughing.
She blushed pink. "Ne ris pas, Remy. Je suis serieuse." //Don't laugh. I'm serious.//
He nodded. "As truly and as deeply as I know how," he said.
Dice smiled. "Quelle chance! I love you too." He hesitated a moment, uncertain. "Go ahead, Remy," she encouraged quietly. Remy bent his head to kiss her, his arms sliding around her body. Dice still felt the surge of panic when the powerful, muscular arms entrapped her, but she clamped it down. She could feel his innocent gratitude. When her heart stopped fluttering in fear, she returned the kiss, her fingers finding a hold on his shoulders.
"Thank you," she said when he released her.
"For what?"
"You think I have a beautiful body."
It was his turn to blush. "C'est vrai. You do." Dice laughed, leaning her forehead against his temple.
"Want to hear a secret?" she asked, brushing a quick kiss to his cheek.
"Oui."
"You're incredible." She slipped out of his grasp and headed back toward the mansion. Remy jogged to catch up.
