" Sorry 'bout that folks. Now what 'll you all have done-ears, noses, eyebrows, navels or somewhere unmentionable?" Axl asked.

"Like Trent said earlier. We're seeking the Charm," Jane insisted.

"Right-o! Maori Pipecleaner Bloke, Frida Two, Miss Mystic Vision, a blighter in a blanket and a strawberry bird wanna come up. Can ya buzz 'em in, Charm?" Axl asked as he pushed a button on the intercom behind the counter.

"Send 'em up and make it snappy, Ringo! I've got my tourney tonight!" the voice squawked at the other end of the intercom.

"You heard the lady! Here's a stretcher- mandatory equipment for this business!" Axl insisted as he pulled one from behind the counter and unfolded it while the others unrolled Jake from the carpet and placed him on it. Jane and Daria carried Jake on the stretcher while Quinn followed Trent who went to the back of the store to a buzzing door which he opened. Up a wooden stairwell, the four of them climbed until they heard the The Champs song 'Tequila' coming from the door at the top of the narrow, wooden stairwell. Trent knocked and the door flew open. Inside was a shag-carpetted apartment straight out of the early 1960's with stick-legged furniture.

"Aunt Charm," Trent rasped- as the red pompadoured older lady (with the blue eyes, triangular chin and jawline as the younger Lanes and about Daria's height-not counting the towering pompadour) stepped into view while twisting to 'Tequila'.

"Good to see you again!" Daria declared.

"You'll have to excuse me! I do this to limber up for bowling!"Mrs. Sarkisian explained.

"Mrs. Sarkisian from Cashman's?" Quinn gulped- as the older lady (dressed in a 1960's blue bowling blouse embossed with 'Charm', Capri slacks and bowling shoes) embraced Trent and Jane.

"Yeah, you thought I lived in the stockroom, Miss Moneypit?" Mrs. Sarkisian snapped- as she motioned Jane and Daria to carry Jake to the couch with plastic slipcovers in front of the 1960's orange TV console.

"Why here?." Quinn asked while Daria and Jane propped up Jake's feet on the ottoman and sat him up on the sofa.

"My twins, the dentists, ask me the same thing all the time but it's been my home since Mr. Sarkisian and I eloped back in '59 , the rent's fixed and Ringo downstairs makes a primo doorman. Never have to worry about peddlars or tract-pitchers with him around!" Mrs. Sarkisian laughed.

" Yeah, that's how Axl knew me, Quinn!" Daria insisted while everyone else in the room gave a conspiratorial nod that Quinn didn't quite buy.

"And shouldn't it be pronounced SH-armaine?" Quinn asked.

" Long-short is my Papa Ernesto Aranda had come to the USA thanks to Franco only two years before I was born and he insisted Mama name me for his flame-haired mother Carmen back in Burgos,Spain. Anyway, Mama thought Charmaine was a version of Carmen and Papa preferred pronouncing it with a hard 'ch' so it's been Charmaine and Charm ever since!" Mrs. Sarkisian laughed.

"And all this started in St. Paul, Minnesota!" Jane laughed.

"Trent, your big moment is about to happen!"Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"Aww, Aunt Charm, do I have to?" Trent groaned.

"Go ahead, Trent! It's priceless!" Jane laughed as the 'Tequila' song came to the right point and Trent gritted his teeth.

"Tequila!"Trent groaned.

"Atta boy! He's been doing it perfectly since he was four!" Mrs. Sarkisian laughed while stopping her twisting.

"That's good but we need to use your place for. ." Daria started to explain.

"Daria, is this your father that prompted your firebreathing mom to threaten to level us?" Mrs. Sarkisian asked as she studied Jake's prone, catatonic form while Daria and Jane settled Jake down on the couch.

"Yes, Mrs. Sarkisian- and thanks again for sharing his locale so we could rescue him," Daria answered.

"No problemo! How's my baby sister, Mandy doing? Still baking mud pies?" Mrs. Sarkisian laughed as the princess phone rang and she answered it.

"Hah-hah. Mom's got an order for a crafts show, I think," Jane replied.

"What? You can't make it either, Theresa? It's okay. We're just gonna have to postpone it till next week!Bye!" Mrs. Sarkisian groaned.

"Something wrong?"Quinn asked.

" I guess this is worth missing the tourney. I was running late anyway thanks to traffic being gridlocked on account of those two buttheads on the Ringstrasse," Mrs. Sarkisian groaned as she set down her monogrammed vinyl bowling ball bag and took off the head scarf over her pompadour.

" Only one of them was a Butt-head," Daria sighed.

" You three don't look as though you've been eating enough to keep Twiggy alive! Turn on the set," Mrs. Sarkisian insisted as she went into the small kitchen- after pointing to Quinn, Jane and Trent.

"Say, Jane. Why didn't you and Trent stay here when your older sibs overran your house?" Quinn whispered as the three of them were sitting down on the smaller chairs surrounding the coffee table in front of the television set.

"First off, this is a black and white set with no remote so you have to walk all the way to the front of the set to change the channel- and no cable or VCR," Trent groaned as he walked over to turn the set on.

"Then there's this rule she has about no one staying in her place when she's not around," Jane whispered.

"What so bad. .?" Quinn whispered.

"She's been working for Cashman's six days a week for 35 years," Jane started to explain.

"And she leaves her pad no later than 6:30AM , doesn't get back for twelve hours then she insists no one stays up past midnight," Trent groaned louder than he should have.

"Hey, morning's the key!" Mrs. Sarkisian called out from the kitchen.

"No, Aunt Charm the. ." Trent started to argue.

"Let it go, Trent. Then, there's her habit of. .."Jane started to whisper.

"Say, Jane, Trent? Did I tell you what your cousin Georgia did?" Mrs. Sarkisian shouted from the kitchen.

"Her 17-year-old uber-achieving eldest granddaughter," Jane whispered.

"She's. ..!" Mrs. Sarkisian started to brag.

"Aunt Charm, I love you and Georgia to death but I've had a rotten day and the last thing I need to hear about Georgia's ballet, horseback riding, prize-winning essays, computer prowess, yadda,yadda, yadda!" Jane boiled.

"Janey. ." Trent said in shock.

" No, Trent! I know you don't mean to, Aunt Charm, but hearing about SuperCuz reminds me how little I've done so can you just skip talking about her this once?" Jane fumed.

Mrs. Sarkisian made a beeline back into the main living/dining room.

" If it weren't for your brother's and the Morgendorrfers' gratitude along with the vital importance of keeping Jake Morgendorffer free of LaStraw, I'd throw you out of my pad for this, Missy. But, if you don't want to hear about Georgia, far be it from me to make you feel insecure! Just remember sometimes what we don't want to hear, we need to!" Mrs. Sarkisian boiled as she ran back into the kitchen and was heard to clang pots and pans.

"Now you've done it, Janey!" Trent groaned.

"What's she going to do?" Quinn asked.

" Whenever Mrs. Sarkisian gets really pissed, she cooks! Otherwise, we'd be eating foil TV dinners tonight," Daria explained.

"Say, what are you doing in these parts?" Nathan Grubb asked a uniformed driver with white spiked hair driving a convertible Alfa Romeo as they were passing each other on the gridlocked Ringstrasse.

"I'm seeking out a Quinn Morgendorffer and Jane Lane for Ms. Li of Lawndale High. She said I needed to find and apprehend them tonight if I wanted to return to work tomorrow- and she's given me an electric stun gun for the job," the driver replied.

"I'm seeking Jane Lane in connection with the abduction of Mr. Jake Morgendorffer from LaStraw. Hmm, Noah, I think we could catch them together and reap the bounty," Nathan insisted- as he read Jake's real name the director only shared with him after he started looking for him.

"Yeah! Say, cool threads! Reminds me of a NAZI Stormtrooper Uniform," Noah Barkman insisted.

"Aren't these the cat's pyjamas? Unlike your crossing guard gear! Sorry to hear about your business bellying-up after the dot coms bottoming out!" Nathan replied gloating about his uniform.

"Yeah, can hardly wait to get our hands on Jake Morgendorffer for that! I'll make him and the whole family pay for it!" Noah boiled.

"And if we work together, there'll be no need for cops!" Nathan beamed.

"Don't want them sharing the credit, eh?" Noah nudged.

"You got it! Ditch the car and climb aboard the van!" Nathan exclaimed- but neither thought the other's reasoning was entirely candid.

At that moment, Helen finally was able to pull her SUV into the Morgendorffer driveway- a mere two hours after she'd set out from the airport.

"Damn it! I can't believe how empty this place is," Helen groaned as she kicked off her red pumps and dropped her briefcase upon arriving to the otherwise unoccupied house.

A moment later, the doorbell rang.

"That better be Quinn having forgotten her key. I could tear her apart for what she's put me through these past four days," Helen boiled as she answered the door.

"I hope I'm not intruding, Helen," Amanda Lane began as she was holding up a bookbag.

"That's Daria's!" Helen gasped.

"Yes, Helen. I was working in the basement kiln when that awful explosion sent the backpack tumbling down the stairs- and, as soon as I was sure my glaze was safely set an hour later, I picked it up. I'm here to return it," Amanda explained.

"Come inside. I can make us some mint tea," Helen insisted.

"I don't want to trouble you," Amanda sputtered.

"No trouble. I could use the company. So Jane isn't at your house," Helen surmised.

"No. Otherwise, I 'd have had her bring it," Amanda explained as she put the bookbag down while she and Helen walked to the kitchen.

"Of course. Daria left a message that she'd gotten ill and left school early then went to Jane's to study. Did Jane mention where they might have gone?" Helen asked.

"No. Now that you mention it, I don't know where Jane or Trent are," Amanda gulped.

" I wonder if somehow Quinn could be with them. It's dark out and. ." Helen worriedly sighed.

"Now, Helen. If you hold a butterfly tightly in your hand, it will die but if you let it go. … you're left with nothing but empty air! Helen, what have I done using that stupid bug analogy all these years?" Amanda sputtered as she burst into tears.

" Then David said he wanted to be an archeologist and Ricky a scuba diver but I told them that the queen bee's busted her stinger keeping a hive overhead solo since they were six so they'd better be busy worker bees and go to dental school if they wanted honey for college! Hey, people are willing to give their eyeteeth for perfect ivories and dentists don't make housecalls!" Mrs. Sarkisian exclaimed as she pointed at her teeth while the five were seated at the circular kitchen table.

"Why does your mother's family use insect metaphors so much?" Daria asked Jane.

"Grandpa Aranda sold ant farms for a time,"Jane shrugged.

"Primo, Aunt Charm! What is it?" Trent asked as he scooped out the contents of the dish.

"Chicken and spinach enchilada suisa casserole," Mrs. Sarkisian exclaimed.

"That along with the carrot raisin salad and the raspberry cobbler should take care of us," Daria related.

"And you sure have a lot of Apricot JelloÒ !" Jane exclaimed- as Mrs. Sarkisian put a spoonful in the catatonic Jake's mouth while he was sprawled on the couch.

" I don't trust those LaStraw folks- not even with handsome stiffs like Mr. Morgendorffer," Mrs. Sarkisian scoffed- as she patted his shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Daria asked –between bites of casserole.

"It's a state-run institution and the state budget's been drastically cut back these past five years . Yet; ever since LaStraw got a new director two years back, the administrators and staff have been paying off their Cashman's credit and buying more expensive loot than before," Mrs. Sarkisian noted while sitting back down to eat her carrot-raisin salad side dish.

"So they have suspect capital but. ." Jane pondered.

"Yeah, and I found out from reading Mom's briefs that a large number of their patients have had adverse reactions to the pharmaceutical therapeutic drugs- including irreversable brain damage! That's why they've hired Mom," Daria gasped.

"So you think they could be planning on doing something to Dad if they get him back?!"Quinn gasped.

"That's what Ethan said!" Trent added.

"Ethan? Hmm. .interesting name," Mrs. Sarkisian noted while she nodded her eyes met Trent's-which Daria caught sight of but neither Quinn nor Jane seemed to notice.

"Anyway, that's why we have to hide him out here until we can get to the rendevous point,"Quinn insisted.

"It's nearly nine now and the Arcade's next door to the bowling alley and I could still catch a few frames. We need to finish our supper!" Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"It really has been a great meal! Thanks, Aunt Charm!" Jane beamed while the others nodded.

"Glad to be of help, niece!" Mrs. Sarkisian replied.

"Please no, Daddy! Mommy?!" Jake sputtered- exactly 37 minutes after the last time.

"He'll be a sore thumb if he's spotted in those glorified PJ's . Jane, Daria could you carry Mr. Morgendorffer to my bedroom? I've got something better in mind for him," Mrs. Sarkisian beamed as she noted Jake's LaStraw scrubs.

"So, do you know where they could be Helen?" Amanda asked while sipping mint tea in the Morgendorffer kitchen.

"I was hoping you'd know," Helen sighed while she slurped her cup a bit.

" Sometimes Jane and Trent go over to my big sister Charm's place. She's always meant well but she's not quite with it,"Amanda noted.

"Really?" Helen asked.

"Yes, like when Trent spent six months in the back yard in that tent, against my wishes, Charm gave him a blanket,"Amanda shuddered.

"What's so. .? " Helen asked.

"An electric blanket! Trent didn't have the heart to tell her the yard had no outlet," Amanda sighed.

"Do you think Quinn's new defiance could be her way of pushing my buttons? Lately, we've been at war with each other. Scary thing is, I've been finding myself relishing the battles and punishments- just like my mother did!" Helen gulped.

"We all hold onto grudges with our parents. I never understood how parents could saddle me with a redundant sounding name?" Amanda groaned.

"Redundant?" Helen asked.

"You know before I married, it was Amanda Aranda [ah-RON-dah] but few in St. Paul pronounced the Spanish surname correctly so it was Amanda Aranda [a-RAN-da] and some meaner kids took my nickname of Mandy and tagged me Randy Mandy!"Amanda recalled.

"Yes, it's odd that parents would call their children redundant names," Helen nodded- realizing that Amanda was oblivious to her having done so with Jane.

"Come, Helen! Let's go find our children," Amanda insisted as she set down her tea cup.

"That's Uncle George's dress uniform!" Trent gasped.

"You've saved that 35 years ever since-," Jane added- as the group saw the sight of Jake dressed up in Corporal George Sarkisian's Army Uniform- after Mrs. Sarkisian opened her bedroom door.

" I know the shoes are a little big but the rest of it fits him fine. I can see in Jake's eyes that he's never had any dignity in his life. Well, tonight, this uniform will give that to him. Besides, what better armor to battle his old soldier dad who returned than the uniform of a young soldier who couldn't? "Mrs. Sarkisian gulped.

The others swallowed a lump- Trent most notably.

"Come on, kids! We've got a mission to finish!" Mrs. Sarkisian rallied as she shook her right fist in the air while handing her bowling ball bag with her left hand to Trent to carry. He used to hate that when she'd do to him that but tonight he swallowed his pride and skipped the argument.

With Jane and Mrs. Sarkisian carrying Jake, the six of them made their way out of Mrs. Sarkisian's upstairs apartment, through Axl's Piercing and Tattooing Parlour onto Dega Street with Axl walking out with them.

"Aunt Charm,look at all these cars! We'll never get your DeSoto out of its space!" Jane gasped- as they came upon a very congested street with honking cars barely moving.

"Looks as though they've been rerouted from the Ringstrasse gridlock!" Daria surmised.

"And it only took the city just under four hours to come up with this idea!" Jane scoffed.

"They worked extra fast!" Daria smirked.

"Gee, KaWinn! You let me get punished while you got to hang with all these losers!" Sandi sniffed as her convertible was inching by.

"I know you!" Trent sneered.

"I remember you,too. Loser. You played in that band at Brittany's party. The band whose soundboard shattered Brittany's crystal megaphone after Ka-Winn sat on it!" Sandi smirked.

"Hey, I spotted him the cash for that soundboard and don't you be calling my nephew a loser!" Mrs. Sarkisian boiled.

"It's okay, Aunt Charm! It's Daria's sister's acquaintance!"Trent scoffed.

"Hmmph, I have a name," Sandi boiled.

"Yeah- Daria's sister's acquaintance!"Trent restated.

"Ka_Winn, you're going to let him make me a nonentity- and link me to that cousin/sister/whatever?!" Sandi seethed.

"Look, we don't want any trouble," Jane started to say.

" Too late! I'm going to speed dial Ms. Li and have her punish you right here and now!" Sandi smirked.

"Wait. .!" Quinn gulped.

"Meow!" Fluffy exclaimed as he jumped from the floor to the front seat- then into Trent's arms.

"Fluffy, what are you doing? You've never done that for anyone besides me- ever!" Sandi gasped.

" Sandi, why are you riding with your cat?" Quinn asked- while Trent stroked Fluffy's back.

"Oh, Mother found out she was allergic on Monday and she threatened to. . so I haven't dared leave him in the house," Sandi explained as she burst into tears.

"You've had him in your car all this time?" Quinn asked as Sandi nodded.

" Sorry to hear about that but we can't. .." Daria started to say.

"I've got an idea! Say, Aunt Charm, you think you could have Axl watch Fluffy while we put Mr. Morgendorffer in Sandi's car? She could drive us to the Arcade!"Jane exclaimed.

"Hey, I don't want any felines to. ." Axl sputtered.

"Don't sweat it! " Mrs. Sarkisian scoffed.

"But the landlord. .." Axl tried to add.

" He lets you stay here, Ringo!" Mrs. Sarkisian snapped.

"But I pay rent. ..when I can," Axl gulped after Mrs. Sarkisian glared.

"Please, Axl. We don't want him run over in the bowling alley," Jane insisted.

"Got it. Alright, here ya go kitty! Stay away from the needles!" Axl insisted as Trent handed him Fluffy.

"So, you take us down there and help us out then we'll help you out!" Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"And what can you do?" Sandi scoffed.

"I can see to it that Fluffy lives to a ripe old age under your mother's roof. I've got Linda Griffin's number!"Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"Well, some things are more important than gift certificates! Very well. Be brave, Fluffy. Mommy will come back for you soon!" Sandi said with a deep intake of breath.

"Besides, this gift certificate expired last year! I told Theresa to shred those instead of just tossing them in the trash, " Mrs. Sarkisian scoffed as looked at the Cashman's gift certificate half Sandi handed her.

In minutes, Jake was settled in the front seat between Quinn and Sandi while Daria, Jane, Mrs. Sarkisian and Trent were in the back.

"Are you sure you don't want to join us, Mrs. Sarkisian?" Quinn asked as they arrived at the Arcade.

"Nah, video games are for kids- and besides I've gotta work on my pitch before the Alley closes. This is your game!" Mrs. Sarkisian exclaimed as she extended her bowling ball bag as she left Sandi's car.

"Thanks for the ride, Sandi. I hope you won't get in too much trouble at home," Jane conceded.

"I think I'll stay around. I guess I owe Mr. Morgendorffer that-and I don't want to have to deal with Mother tonight," Sandi sighed as the group carried Jake inside the Arcade.

"Your friends say to join them in the stockroom to set up a few things before we're ready," the Arcade attendant with long black hair proclaimed.

"Thanks, Vlad! Cool of you to close everything an hour early tonight for us,"Trent exclaimed.

"I wish I could give more time but it's gonna be hard enough to excuse the one hour to corporate HQ as it is," Vlad groaned as they went to the stockroom.

"He was born in Kiev and his parents were circus performers who defected here when he was a child just before the Wall fell,"Trent explained as Quinn opened her mouth to start asking about the Arcade attendant.

"Don't worry, Quinn. I was wondering the same thing," Daria shrugged.

"Oaky Doky, you've brought some help!" Ted DeWitt-Clinton exclaimed as he saw Sandi with the Lanes and Morgendorffers coming into the room.

"This is who's supposed to help Mr. Morgendorffer?! That geek who tried to keep the Fashion Club picture from the yearbook then left last year after acing his GED and. .a sole man?!" Sandi sneered- at the sight of Ted and Ethan huddled over a very complex and somewhat tangled mass of wires connecting a PC, two video screens,a VCR, Trent's mixing board and Jane's digital camera.

"Look, you don't have to be here. You can go home!" Ethan exclaimed to Sandi.

" Shove it, hippy whelp! I'm here for Fluffy, Mr. Morgendorffer and Ka-Winn!" Sandi sneered.

"You are? I hope you and Ethan learn to like each other soon because. ." Quinn beamed.

"Daria, I need your help on the project. Could you come with me for a few minutes?" Ethan insisted.

"Hey, it's my camera and I've got the artistic bent that could make the difference," Jane snapped.

" I can help!" Quinn exclaimed.

"What can you do?" Jane sneered.

"Provide inspiration!" Quinn proclaimed.

"Sorry,no time for fights. I need Daria's assistance- and she needs to bring Mr. Morgendorffer! Ted can explain everyone else's roles," Ethan insisted as he lifted Jake once again onto his shoulder and the three went to the small storage closet.

"That's some uniform he has on, Mom and Dad would freak! Could you hand me the ECG tabs?" Ethan laughed- as he took off the uniform cap and put the probes in spots atop Jake's head.

"Do you think you can reach Dad this way?" Daria asked.

" Ever since I could remember, my parents would start the day with chanting and I used to scoff but then I realized they were using sound to both shut out what they didn't want to hear and focus on what they felt they needed to. Ted and I have been working on this for some time and we think that with the latest computer technology and electronics, we could take meditation to a higher plane and free even more lost souls like your dad!" Ethan explained as he put more probes on Jake's head.

"Interesting hypothesis- and I have to admit that I'm excited about the possibility of seeing history made but is that the only reason you called me back here instead of the others?" Daria asked.

"You're more brainy than the others and. " Ethan started to say.

"And you want my advice about how to deal with Jane and Quinn. Until very recently, I would have urged you to go out with Jane just to hurt Quinn and have revelled in her writhing on the bottom of the feeding chain but now I'm not so sure, " Daria sighed.

"Nah, if there was anyone in Lawndale I'd have hooked up with, it'd be you," Ethan shrugged.

"No way!" Daria gulped.

"Way! I knew it the moment I saw you. I'd had that blowout with Gia back in Taos so Mom and Dad brought me to your house to see if I could hook up with you," Ethan recalled.

"Eep!" Daria squealed.

"Didn't mean to startle you," Ethan chuckled- as he tightened more wires.

"Your Mom did say I had the eyes of a very old soul," Daria noted.

"She's right! It's not that I don't think Jane or Quinn aren't attractive but they pale compared with you- and not just on the inside,"Ethan exclaimed.

"So. .. why didn't you follow me after I ditched you and your folks at first sight? Oh, God! I'm sounding like Quinn," Daria groaned.

"I was majorly bummed out over Gia but I knew pestering you wouldn't win you over," Ethan explained as he handed Daria some sautering wire.

"So you don't hold it against me that I . .. snubbed you and your folks?" Daria asked.

"Believe me, there've been times I've done the same with them but I've learned they're good people who just need help coping with this world- and I'm hoping what I'm doing here will help them and others like them do that less destructively," Ethan exclaimed.

"I can't say I'm not flattered but I've got a boyfriend who's due back tomorrow from Switzerland," Daria insisted.

"That's great! I'm happy for you! If you hadn't snubbed me, I wouldn't have returned to Gia . . .and I wouldn't be having the great life we have so Gia and I have a lot to thank you for!"Ethan beamed- at that moment a tiny cellphone rang.

"A cellphone? You've been holding out on me, Yeager!"Daria exclaimed.

" Gia! Great! She's right here! Let me put you on the line!" Ethan exclaimed as he kissed the phone.

"Yes, this is Daria Morgendorffer. . . so it wasn't a dream? You wanted him to kiss me on your behalf? But he didn't. .."Daria exclaimed in shock- recalling the 'dream' she'd had about Tom entering her room to kiss her.

"I wanted to but even with Gia asking me to, when the time came I couldn't kiss another girl," Ethan sighed.

" Oh, that's quite amazing! No, I won't say anything to the others until everything's ready," Daria exclaimed in shock as she handed the phone back to Ethan.

Meanwhile, Ted was explaining what was happening to Jane, Quinn and Sandi.

". ..and that's how we think this'll help! Any questions?" Ted asked.

"Yes, do you think Ethan's asking Daria how to let Jane down?" Quinn piped up.

"Let me down?! I may not be 'Waif' material but I'm no mud fence. No doubt Ethan prefers someone stunning and creative!" Jane snapped as she waved her fist at Quinn.

"Er.. ladies, " Ted tried to reply.

"Nah, let it go! At least til they help out!" Trent insisted as he stroked his goatee.

"You know something big! Spill it, Morgendorffer!" Jane insisted- as Daria re-entered the room.

"Not until we finish with Dad," Daria insisted as Ethan brought Jake back into the stockroom.

"What are you doing to my Dad?" Quinn gulped, as Ethan hooked up the probes to the wires attached to the computer monitor and a TV set.

"Trent, can you focus on the frequency?" Ted asked.

"Sound's my game! I think I've got it!" Trent insisted as he adjusted his headphones and amplified what sounded like a dull humming sound.

"Where's that lame sound coming from?" Sandi asked as she covered her ears.

"Inside Mr. Morgendorffer's head," Ethan shrugged.

"What?" Sandi gasped.

"We discovered that intellectual thought uses electric impulses inside the neurons and impulses make sound so we're amplifying it a few million times then putting that through our computer program to translate to. ." Ted excitedly explained.

"It looks like . .. a television show!" Quinn gulped- as an image suddenly appeared on the TV set.

"Jake TV!" Daria gulped- in spite of intellectually knowing the entire process that Ted and Ethan had explained to her.

"It's showing what Mr. Morgendorffer's been stuck on these past four days," Ethan started to explain.

"This looks just like that time he kept replaying three seconds of him falling off the tricycle for days!" Daria recalled.

"Ew… who's that weird girl?"Sandi sneered as an eleven-year-old girl with red hair in sausage curls- and large glasses appeared onscreen.

"Dad's bullying older sister. Aunt Morgana Morgendorffer Phelps," Daria groaned.

"Let's see the whole thing he's experiencing," Ethan proclaimed while the others sat down and watched.

"Jakey, Morgana! Your father's car is around the corner! Don't forget your presents!" the brunette 30-ish Ruth Morgendorrfer in a June Cleaver pleated dress is seen to exclaim as she took off her apron and put down the egg beater.

"But I wanna lick the bowl," 6-year-old Jake whined.

"Jakey, you'll give Daddy your cooties!" 11-year-old Morgana sneered.

"Maybe he'll like those!" Jake replied- as Morgana flicked his ear.

"OW!Mommy!" Jake cried.

"If you'd get along better with Morgana, she wouldn't pick on you. Quit your bellyaching!" Ruth groaned.

"Daddy will love my present!" Morgana sneered.

" Daddy always loves your presents but never mine," Jake groaned.

At that moment, the Edsel was seen to stop in the suburban driveway and Jake gulped as the entire car seemed to suddenly spring upwards as the car's driver emerged.

"He's enormous!" Jane gulped.

"He's gargantuan!" Quinn proclaimed.

"Are you like sure he isn't dead and married?" Sandi purred while the others looked at her askance.

" I guess a heart attack would KO someone that big," Jane pondered.

"No, it didn't. He died after he uprooted a redwood tree,the trunk slipped and it fell," Daria recalled

"Oh, " Jane gulped.

"Not right away. He got a hernia so Grandma Ruth took him to the nearest hospital where they were ready to do exploratory surgery but he took one look at the razor they were going to shave with and fatally went into shock," Daria related.

Madoc 'Mad Dog' Morgendorffer emerged- all 6' 5" of his heavy set, muscular physique- with thick red hair and red beard and Jake's steamshovel jaw completing the picture. Mad Dog carried his suit jacket, hat and tie inside while entering the abode.

" Ruth, I see you got everything ready for VJ Day!" Mad Dog exclaimed in a very deep booming voice.

"Maddy, Darling. You know I did the best I could- even though it meant I couldn't buy a girdle this month," Ruth groaned.

"If you just did military calesthentics and isometrics like I do, you wouldn't need one," Mad Dog patronized while hugging her.

" Daddy, wait til you hear my latest piano composition!" Morgana beamed.

"My little princess will surely find a worthy prince by charming those ivories," Mad Dog beamed while bending down to kiss Morgana's awaiting forehead.

"Daddy, I've got something," Jake gulped.

" What is it, Jakey, " Mad Dog groaned in a disapproving tone.

"Something real spendiferous!" Jake exclaimed as he brought in the gallon-sized bottle of Paul Bunyan's Blue Ox Aftershave on his Radio Flyer wagon.

"Aftershave?! I haven't used fancy men's perfume since those rotten Japs tortured me with razors before I escaped and avenged!" Mad Dog boiled as he stroked his thick red beard.

"Just try it, Daddy! Please?! You'll be like all the other daddies on the block!" Jake proclaimed.

" You think I want to be like all those clean-shaven softies who couldn't survive two minutes without their pipes, sweaters and slippers inside their centrally heated houses? Let me tell you something, Jakey! I had to fight to get where I am and everyone else admires me for achieving my success but you want me to be like all those drones in this stupid suburb! " Mad Dog fumed.

"But, Daddy, if you just shaved. ."Jake exclaimed.

"Eric the Red didn't shave why should I? General MacArthur himself gave me dispensation for this beard after my valor! You think you know better than me or General MacArthur?" Mad Dog sneered.

"Just. .." Jake pleaded.

"Here, you think this gunk is good? You wear it!" Mad Dog exclaimed- as he picked up the entire bottle with one hand, then squirted a large amount and rubbed it on Jake's head

"GAH!" Jake gagged at the stench.

"Since you think you know what's best for me, you can wear this to school every day until the bottle's empty!" Mad Dog boiled.

"Please no, Daddy! Mommy?!" Jake gasped as he saw his parents walk out of the living room into the kitchen while Morgana stuck her tongue out at him on her way to her room- and at that moment the adult Jake was seen and heard to say exactly the same thing.

"Now, Maddy. .. . " Ruth was heard to say, while Jake stared at the blank television screen.

"John Jakey Morgendorffer Schmidt

His name is my name,too

Whenever we go out.

The people always shout

There goes John Jakey Morgendorffer Schmidt

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dah!

Jake was heard to sing at the top of his lungs several times before the memory was seen to revert back to the beginning.

"It's a good thing that I only inheritted Grandpa Morgendorffer's red hair. I'd be too tall for the Fashion Club," Quinn gulped.

"An inch taller of you's more than enough for me," Daria declared.

"Now, why would Jake have given his father aftershave if the man wore a beard?" Jane asked.

"You heard Grandpa Mad Dog. Jake wanted him to be like other fathers in the neighborhood," Daria pondered.

"I can't entirely blame him. Facial hair was most unfashionable back then," Sandi sniffed.

"He was annoying when he sang that childish song while his parents were talking," Jane groaned.

"Maybe they were talking about something he didn't want to hear. Remember what Aunt Charm said," Trent pondered.

"Yeah, but whatever it was is lost forever," Daria groaned.

"No, that's where Trent's going to help us! With that mixing board, he can amplify the parents' dialogue and tune down the song," Ted beamed.

"And that could be the key to everything!" Quinn beamed- as Trent started adjusting the controls.

"I just sent the last customers home. It's all yours now," Vlad proclaimed as he popped his head into the storeroom.

On the side of the Ringstrasse, Nathan and Noah were ransacking the Tank.

"No clue to where they could be? We've ransacked this van for nothing?!" Noah boiled.

"Wait here's something!"Nathan exclaimed as he saw an address book.

"In case of Emergency call Mrs. Charmaine Sarkisian at 555-4623, 596 #B Dega Street. We'll make her sing!" Noah insisted.

"Sorry no more two-for-one specials- even for engaged couples," Axl sneered as Noah and Nathan entered the Piercing Parlour a little later.

"Axl Buckingham,we have witnesses that say fugitives were traced here! Lead us to them or we'll sic the INS on you!" Nathan sneered.

"Me Grandad didn't let the whole NAZI army intimidate 'im an' I ain't lettin' a coupla Storm Troopers get the better o' me!" Axl proclaimed.

"We've got the law on our side so don't try anything foolish" Nathan sneered.

"You didn't hear my friend!" Noah sniffed.

"And we're through being polite," Nathan added- as he put Axl in a headlock while Noah grabbed his nosering and eyebrow rings.

"Ya ne'er started!" Axl snarled while Noah pulled on the rings.

" We could turn you into more of a circus freak," Nathan snarled as he slammed Axl's head on the counter while Noah held onto the rings.

"Ya blokes don't get it! Pain don't break me!" Axl defied.

"But it would on the old broad Mrs. Sarkisian upstairs! Give us her key or we'll make things worse for her!"Nathan boiled.

" You leave 'er alone! She's been more of a Mum than me own! Kill or torture me all ya like but I'll never rat 'er out!" Axl boiled.

"We'll see about. .. " Nathan sneered as Noah was ripping Axl's nose ring out but then. .

"MEOW!!" the enraged Persian cat Fluffy yowled as he jumped from behind the counter and onto Nathan's head- ripping the uniform cap off.

"My hair! He's messing up my hair!" Nathan wailed.

"Get him off!" Noah pleaded- as he started to sneeze.

Axl broke free of Nathan's headlock and grabbed a baseball bat he'd kept behind the counter and started to chase them out the store when suddenly the football player Robert came by.

"Say, Axl! I heard that Quinn stopped in here on the way to the Arcade, you think she'd mind if I tagged along?" Robert Spacey asked.

"Oh, we were going to join her friends,too! We can give you a ride!" Nathan unctuously exclaimed –as he and Noah left with Robert.

"Stupid jock!" Axl spat- while Fluffy jumped into his arms.

"Good show, cat! If Mrs. Griffin won't 'ave ya back, ya'd make a good watch cat. I've gotta warn Charm an' the others!"Axl gulped as he picked up the telephone behind the counter.

"Meow, " Fluffy meowed concernedly and rubbed against Axl's arm while Axl stroked him.

"I know, me 'snout n brow's are bleedin' but we've got more pressin' things! Damn, the line's busy!" Axl sighed.

"As amazing a show it was for us to see Mr. Morgendorffer's theatre of the mind, how will that help him?" Sandi whined.

" You saw the television in the corner!" Ted insisted.

"Sure but. .."Sandi replied recalling the image of the Morgendorffer parental living room just shown.

"We're going to do our own therapy using 'Kukla, Fran and Ollie'! " Ted exclaimed.

"Hunh?" Sandi asked.

"Kids started worshipping and listening to TV back then the saw way our ancestors worshipped idols in their homes,"Ethan insisted.

"Trent, Ethan and I have our ear pieces and mouth jacks, Daria, Quinn and Jane have their headgear while Mr. Morgendorffer has his full body suit," Ted added while they started to move into the now-vacated game room towards. .

"You mean, we're going to do virtual reality for real?" Sandi gulped.

"Yep! I've shown them Mr. Morgendorffer's tape and I think these three should do their parts well,"Ethan beamed.

"What parts?" Sandi asked.

"She sure is a quick study," Daria groaned.

"Tell me about it," Quinn sighed before throwing her hands over her mouth and evading Sandi's menacing glare.

"We're all going to go back to Jake Morgendorffer's childhood again but since none of us have been born yet, we'd be virtual space aliens to him but 'Kukla, Fran and Ollie' might get him to open up!" Ethan insisted.

"We're each going to stand in front of a booth- and through the imaging, sound filtering, we'll each be playing a part on Dad's TV. Isn't it cool, I get to be Fran! She's at least thirty but she's pretty,"Quinn gloated.

"Just what I always wanted to be- a bald man, puppet clown," Daria groaned seeing herself projected as Kukla.

"Hey, at least you're still human and have arms! But I gotta admit I kinda like being a puppet dragon," Jane beamed as she saw herself projected as Ollie.

"Even more than the lady and the tiger?" Daria asked.

"Drop it," Jane snapped.

"I've mixed up the sound so we can tune into the conversation loud and clear!" Trent insisted.

"You can't go in there. It's closed!" Vlad insisted to Nathan, Noah and Robert as they arrived in the LaStraw 'Birthday Buckaroos' van.

"Out of the way, Commierad!"Nathan sneered.

"Don't make me go Chernobyl!" Vlad retorted.

"But Quinn said she'd play games with me next time she was down here and I see her in that booth," Robert whined.

"Not to worry. We'll crash this party and hook you up!" Noah insisted while Vlad kept trying to keep the others out.

For the readers who remember seeing 'Kukla, Fran and Ollie', I urge you to think of Daria, Quinn and Jane using those voices and having those appearances but everyone else just imagine two puppets on a tiny stage with a lady in front talking to them appearing on Jake's television. Or you can imagine Daria , Quinn and Jane with the virtual reality and arm gear- each standing on a pad while Jake's covered in an even more elaborate armor that Ethan and Ted have created that covers him while wires from it go back to the computer terminal that's hooked up to the virtual reality board.

" John Jakey. .. Eep! What are you doing here?" 6-year-old Jake asked as he saw them materialize and stopped the zillionth verse of his altered song.

"We're only in your imagination, Jakey," Quinn/Fran insisted.

"But we've been watching out for you and all the other kiddies since Day One," Jane/Ollie added.

"Daddy sure is mean!" Jake whined as he started to cry.

"Don't worry. You'll be okay!" Quinn/Fran consoled.

"But why did you give your Daddy aftershave when he has a beard?" Daria/Kukla asked while Jane/Ollie and Quinn/Fran nodded.

"Promise you won't laugh?" Jake begged.

"Sure!"all three on screen insisted.

"Because all the other Daddies don't have beards and they like their boys!" Jake cried.

"And you don't think your Daddy likes you?" Jane/Ollie asked.

"No, I don't! He hates everything about me just like Morgana does but one day Mommy will make him see the light," Jake sobbed.

"Maybe you should listen to what he's saying instead of always trying to drown it out," Quinn/Fran insisted.

"What good will that do?" Jake sobbed.

"Can you feel any worse?" Daria/Kukla asked.

"Okay, you guys won't leave me, will you?" Jake gulped.

"No! We're here for you!" they exclaimed in unison.

"Ruthie, I tell you the kid's going to drive me into an early grave!" Mad Dog was heard to fume from the kitchen.

"Maddy, it's not so bad!" Ruth pleaded

" I've never seen anyone so highstrung. It's like coming home to Daffy Duck!" Mad Dog groaned.

"But what does it matter?" Ruth asked.

" My Papa was an Old World scholar who thought everything was inside books. I never learned anything about being an American, sports or teamwork from him. I had to send off for Charles Atlas to start my transformation," Mad Dog recalled.

"And it's a wonderful one, Maddy!" Ruth exclaimed as she hugged him.

"Then the War came and I got stuck behind enemy lines in the Phillipines. I had to become a virtual animal to survive that! All I thought about is that someday, I'd come home to you and have a family," Mad Dog beamed.

"And you did!" Ruth exclaimed.

"The docs said you couldn't have anymore after Morgana but then we had a son and named him for your father Jacob Perlman. . . and every time I try to teach him to survive , he gets all chickenshit," Mad Dog groaned.

"Do you think he actually does love me?" Jake gulped.

" It could be. Why have you not wanted to hear it?" Quinn/Fran asked.

"Because I hate how mean he is and I wanna hate him back. . but I can't if he loves me. .at least he can keep me safe from everything else in the world," Jake gulped.

"What's the boy going to do when I'm gone, Ruthie?" Mad Dog asked.

"I'm sure he'll be alright," Ruth replied.

" I just hope he finds a woman who won't steamroller him,"Mad Dog groaned.

At that, everyone in the room shuddered and thought of Helen.

"You're concerned about him, Maddy. Does this mean. .?" Ruth asked.

"Yeah, I DO love him! You know, maybe I'll back off the aftershave punishment," Mad Dog pondered.

"Oh, don't do that! He'll think you're weak-willed. Besides, when you get angry at other people, it brings out the tiger in you and you know how much I like that!" Ruth chortled.

"Mommy. ..wants me to be punished?" Jake gulped.

Everyone in the room shuddered at what they'd just heard Ruth say.

"Oh, God! Grandma's just gone whichever way the wind's blown all this time," Daria shuddered on her private channel to Ethan.

"Everyone's 'ally' and the trap's bait. Not good. You think you can get Mr. Morgendorffer through this one?" Ethan asked on the closed-circuit.

" I'll give it my best shot," Daria gulped.

"Jakey, grownups often have their own hangups they haven't sorted out before they have kids but that doesn't mean that you can't go on with your own life- and it doesn't mean that they're all evil!" Daria/ Kukla insisted..

"Sometimes, even folks with problems can surprise you by being good!" Quinn/Fran insisted while glaring at Sandi.

"Say, Jakey! Look what I've found. Poppies!" Mad Dog insisted as he ran back to the living room with bubble wrap from the cologne's outer wrapping and he and Jake wrestled with the cluster .

"Whaddya know! The poppies did good!" Jane pondered to herself before the two finished their poppy wrestling match and Mad Dog left the room.

"Now tell him to think about what's happened for the next five minutes then, when it's time, he can wake up and not have to be a kid anymore," Ethan insisted on the closed-headset.

Fran/Quinn did so.

"So, are you leaving me?"Jake asked.

"We'll always live in your imagination- but you'll be able to find the strength in yourself to carry on!"Jane/Ollie insisted.

"Bye! Bye!" 6-year-old Jake waved to the set while the three appeared to wave back before Ethan and Ted turned off the screen.

"Now what?" Sandi asked- a bit stunned by all these happenings.

"We need to give him time to absorb all this- and if we remove the devices too soon, we could lose him forever," Ethan gulped.

"Good, that's just what we wanted to hear!" Nathan sneered as he and Noah finally smashed the window panes-having stunned Vlad.

"What are you doing?" Jane gasped.

" I was going to ask you why you're hanging out with this throwback!" Nathan sneered while Noah ran towards Jake.

"Oh, no you don't! Hah!" Ted charged forward from the platform and kicked Noah down.

Jane, Daria and Quinn struggled to take off their headgear.

"You think you can take us down? You're wrong! We've got you outarmed,"Noah insisted as he and Nathan pulled out the stunguns.

"Hey, I thought we were going to crash Quinn's party not hurt 'em," Robert whined.

"Shut up! We don't need you anymore!" Nathan boiled and suckerpunched him.

"You're a thug, Nathan! " Jane boiled.

"At least I'm not a hippy throwback like this riff-raff here," Nathan sneered as he charged towards Ethan.

"Ethan's far more of a prince than you could ever wish to be!" Jane snapped.

At that moment, Ethan jumped off the platform, over Nathan and Noah's heads as they ducked, landed on his feet,then slugged Nathan in the jaw, knocking him down. Ethan lifted Nathan off the ground, put him on his right shoulder then started spinning around before lifting Nathan off his shoulder, extending his arms like a centrifuge then using Nathan to knock Noah off his feet.

"You're not so tough as you'd like people to think, Nathan,"Jane sneered.

"But why, Jane? Aren't I better looking than this throwback? "Nathan wailed.

"Get over yourself already!" Jane boiled as she rushed towards his fallen form waving fists.

"Wait, you went out with him?Eww!!" Quinn shuddered.

"Sandi, don't you have anything to add?" Jane asked- seeing Sandi's blushing.

" I loved you, Nathan!" Sandi gulped as she choked on a tear.

" What?! Eww!" Quinn cringed.

"Shut up, Quinn/KaWinn!" Sandi and Jane snapped.

"We can ditch these dregs! Come join us in our new world order. I can give you another chance, Sandi!" Nathan insisted- as he stood up and started to take her hand.

"Don't listen to him!" Daria,Quinn and Jane pleaded.

"You have to admit. He goes well with most my wardrobe!" Sandi pondered.

"Drop it! You two! You're both under arrest!" a police officer ordered as a squadron showed up.

"What?! We're the law! We're trying to apprehend this violent mental patient and these truants!" Noah insisted.

" Stand back everyone, or I'll inject this serum and make Daria a zombie forever!" Nathan boiled..

"What?!" Quinn and Daria gasped- as she felt a pin prick in the back of her neck..

"It's true. Nathan's gotten hold of some bad stuff that can permanently damage the neurons," Ethan gulped.

Unseen by everyone else, Jake started taking the wiring and virtual reality geer off his head and arms and snuck into position.

"That's what you get for putting me down to Jane," Nathan sneered- as he grabbed Daria's right arm and pulled her closer to him.

Daria's brain was racing a million miles a second but she couldn't think of a way to break free.

"We have some demands! Call the DA and have them drop any and all charges against us," Noah insisted.

Sandi walked up to Nathan then gave Quinn a knowing look.

"I have a demand!" Quinn insisted as she ran up towards Noah

"Oh, God," Daria groaned.

"What?" Noah asked.

"Don't blink!" Sandi insisted as she and Quinn each squirted Nathan and Noah with their jellyfish foundation crème- and at that moment, Jake did a karate chop to the back of Nathan's head then grabbing and throwing the syringe to in front of the cops' feet before Nathan had the chance to use it on Daria.

"ARGH!! My head! My eyes! " Nathan sputtered.

"This stings worse than pepperspray!" Noah groaned as he clutched his face.

"It's jellyfish! What did you expect?" Quinn laughed.

"We fashionistas are used to stinging pain for glowing skin," Sandi sneered.

"Take them away," Daria groaned.

"Say, Kiddo! What are we doing here?" Jake asked in an adult voice- much calmer than anyone had heard in ages.

"Dad!" Daria and Quinn exclaimed as they hugged Jake.

"You're a hero!" Daria beamed- more than anyone had thought possible.

"Some sharp threads here. Ya know, I wish my Dad were here to see me in this uniform! I don't know why but. . after that long dream, I'm remembering all kinds of good things he did for me that I've been blocking out for years!" Jake beamed.

"Dad, Quinn, Sandi, I gotta thank you for saving me from. .." Daria gulped.

"I did what I had to, Kiddo! One of the things I remembered was how my Dad taught me how to defend myself so I used that skill to keep you safe!" Jake insisted.

"Jake!" Helen beamed while she and Amanda rushed to hug their children as they entered the Arcade.

"Somehow, I have the feeling, I have you to blame for this!"Jane sighed to Daria.

"Mom, Mrs. Lane, how did you find us here?" Daria asked.

" Maternal instinct- and my police frequency scanner!" Helen gloated as she took out the small devise from her purse.

"Pardon the interruption, Mr. And Mrs. Morgendorffer but I must read these suspects their rights," African-American Police Detective Odessa Winter proceeded.

"Suspects?" Helen asked while Detective Winter did so.

"Say, I saw you at the Homecoming Parade. You cuffed Upchuck! Congrats on making detective," Jane exclaimed.

"You're welcome, Miss Lane. Mrs. Morgendorffer,thanks to the detective work of Miss Lane, the elder Miss Morgendorffer and Mr. Ethan Yeager, we were able to smash an illicit organ-selling ring operated from LaStraw. We suspected they'd been giving patients some form of nerve toxin that destroyed their neurons but we hadn't been sure of what the toxin was or its pipeline but Mr. Yeager gave us the break,"40- something Detective Winter exclaimed.

"I stopped by here on Sunday to talk to Vlad Kerensky about using the virtual reality for our project when outside, I was approached by Nathan Grubb here," Ethan recalled.

"Detective,I'd told you he'd been hanging around outside this building up harming my customers," Vlad groaned.

"We're sorry you didn't believe you," Detective Winter admitted.

"Jane, Sandi! You can't believe those freaks! I never tried to sell you anything like that!" Nathan gulped.

"I hate to admit it but he's right," Jane groaned.

"How do you think he was able to afford his fancy cars and custom suits?" Ethan asked.

" But he never approached me!" Sandi insisted.

"A perfect scam. He'd sell people he considered inferior the poison to get rid of them and live off the spoils but was too vain to not have some people around to admire his looks!" Ethan insisted.

"Daria, you can tell them that I never approached you. ." Nathan gulped.

" True but you knew that Jane would believe me if I said anything and you couldn't take that chance!" Daria insisted.

"Well, if he was going to sell to anyone, he'd have tried Trent and surely Trent. ."Jane scoffed.

"You don't have any reason to believe him!" Nathan sneered.

"That's just what he said when I told him I'd narc him out but I also told him that if he ever approached Janey or her friends with this stuff, I'd. .. see to it he never was able to sell again!"Trent groaned.

"Trent?! I would have believed you!" Jane insisted.

"Yeah, well, lately you've been hating me!" Trent groaned.

"Mea culpa, hermano! You know, as far back as I can remember you'd protect me from the big bad world. For you to do that for me even though no one did that for you, makes you even more wonderful. Can you forgive me for taking out my frustrations and being a bitch to you?" Jane beamed and kissed him on the cheek.

"It's okay! Just glad we're friends again! " Trent beamed as he hugged her shoulders and kissed her on the forehead.

"I found out that the world would be a much worse place if you weren't mine- and you are a hero, hermano!" Jane insisted as she and Daria kissed a blushing Trent on the cheek.

"Sandi! We can work this out! You never loved me!" Nathan gulped as he was being cuffed.

" That's not true! I did love you! A handsome man who appreciated fine fashion and courting me. How could I not love you?" Sandi seethed.

"But, Sandi, his style's a few decades off," Quinn noted.

"I could have changed him," Sandi sniffed.

"I can go modern,Sandi! Quinn, tell your mother to pull all her strings to right this injustice!" Nathan pleaded.

"Oh, it's not just Mr. Yeager's testimony! We've got you on videotape detailing your connections and how you were going to help snuff out Mr. Morgendorffer then haggling with the LaStraw director about your cut of the spoils from the black market organ and hormone sales- We've raided and closed LaStraw and seized their files-the real ones! 45 patients owe their lives and brains to young Mr. Yeager's work,"Detective Winter exclaimed holding the microcassette aloft.

"Mrs. Morgendorffer, it's all been a misunderstand. .."Nathan gulped.

At that, Helen kicked him in his nether regions.

"I hereby recuse myself from representing you or LaStraw! If Eric doesn't drop your murder mill as a client, I'll resign from the firm!" Helen boiled and spat in his face.

"Mrs. Morgendorffer, my hair!" Nathan wailed- as he was led away by a uniformed officer.

"Too bad about Mr. Grubb. Now, if you officers will excuse me, I have an early shift. .." Noah shrugged.

"Not so fast. This is a two-part show! Mr.and Mrs. Morgendorffer aren't you curious as to why Mr. Barkman is working as a high-school security guard only months after running an online booming biz?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah, I thought you were booming," Jake pondered.

" Markets shift and. .." Noah gulped.

"He was running a pyramid scheme and had wanted to hire you to take the fall but you proved to be such a klutz at the 'Net that his other partners lost confidence in him and the bottom dropped out. Oh, and since they all bought their stock with cash advances from Oui-Swype-Ewe, everyone's in debt to their eyeballs!" Ethan related.

"A minor setback but I can have us back on. ." Noah insisted.

"So why was he working as a Lawndale High security guard?" Quinn asked.

"Where else could he find work that paid fast cash but didn't ask lots of questions- and who'd have looked for him there?" Ethan asked.

"Looked for him? Why?" Jane asked.

"Because his name isn't Noah Barkman. Take away the tatooed tan, white spike hairplugs and facelift and you get. .."Ethan pondered.

"Jonah Fishman! I remember you from TV-the junk bonds trial! You jumped bail and were sentenced to 40 years in abstensia for fraud but that was ten years ago!" Jake gulped.

"Officer, the lunatic rantings of a loser and some hippy spawn doesn't prove. ." Noah gulped.

"Does this look familiar?" Detective Winters asked as she opened her briefcase and revealed a used can of Ultra-Cola inside a sealed plastic bag while Noah virtually fainted.

"The FBI has the prints and DNA on file and since you manhandle cans and drool into your drinks, it wasn't hard to make a match, Mr. Fishman!" Detective Winters exclaimed.

"Anything to say, Fishman?" Jake boiled.

"Why was Mom so cruel to name me Jonah? And why couldn't I have had a full hair of head like you instead of having to get plugs? You're older than me!" Jonah Fishman AKA Noah Barkman groaned- as read his rights before he was cuffed and put in a separate squad car from Nathan.

"You sure nimbly climbed those roofs and air vents, Kid!" Detective Winters exclaimed as she patted Ethan on the back.

"Funny, how no one checks air vents," Ethan shrugged- as they all walked out of the Arcade into the parking lot.

"What a show! Mandy, I'm glad you didn't miss it!"Mrs. Sarkisian exclaimed as she ran to hug her baby sister.

"Charm! It's been a long time!" Amanda beamed.

"Too long!" Mrs. Sarkisian exclaimed.

"Nana!" Ethan exclaimed as he ran up to hug Mrs. Sarkisian.

"Nana?!" Jane and Quinn gasped.

"You mean that he's. ." Jane gulped.

"David's son-in-law and my grandson-in-law!" Mrs. Sarkisian beamed as she hugged Ethan back.

"Wait a minute! You mean. .?" Quinn started to ask.

"Your old girlfriend Gia. ."Jane added.

"Is really Mrs. Sarkisian's granddaughter Georgia?!" Quinn sputtered.

"My wife prefers Gia but she's cool with Nana lapsing,"Ethan chuckled.

"Your granddaughter Georgia got married?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah, eleven months ago! She knocked 'em out at her wedding in her ivory silk gown with a train, embroidered lace veil and satin shoes! Ethan's an emancipated minor and a prodigy! Already, his Off-Off-Override Cellphone Attachment alone has earned him eight figures this year!" Mrs. Sarkisian beamed.

"His token of affection?" Daria spat sarcastically to Quinn.

"So I had to pay $150 for it but he sent me the ad!" Quinn shrugged.

" And Gia and are I are having triplets in the next week or so," Ethan exclaimed as he and Mrs. Sarkisian hugged while Jane and Quinn nearly fainted.

"Yeah, my granddaughter's an odd one. She insisted she wanted to have a girls' vacation with her sister,mother and mother-in-law two weeks before she was due so she sent Ethan with his dad to Lawndale to visit the Morgendorffers. Something about thanking you, Daria for spurring their attachment!" Mrs. Sarkisian beamed.

"Ted, did you know about this?" Quinn asked.

"Sure, I was his Best Man!" Ted laughed.

"He sure looked goofy in overalls and Ethan in his jeans and sandals but they said they wanted to look formal-and we couldn't argue since Ethan sprang for the orchestra,ten-course banquet ,hot air balloons and Seychelles honeymoon!"Mrs. Sarkisian recalled with a laugh while pointing at Ted then Ethan..

"Trent, how long have you known about this?" Jane asked while Trent sweated.

"Ever since he dropped by the garage after Mr. Morgendorffer's Birthday Party, he and Ted were talking about his marriage, impending fatherhood and then when they mentioned Gia's maiden name. ." Trent groaned.

"Don't blame Trent! Gia has tons of aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides, I didn't realize that you were Amanda Lanes' children and Nana's niece and nephew until Trent recalled the connection," Ethan proclaimed.

"We sent you an invite!" Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"Charm, we didn't get one," Amanda insisted.

"I went over that list with my daughter-in-law Chantal and I'm sure we sent one. Here's a copy!. ." Mrs. Sarkisian insisted as she got one from her purse.

Dr. and Mrs. David (Chantal) Aranda Sarkisian, D.D.S

Cordially invite you to attend the nuptuals of their daughter

Georgia Augusta

To Ethan Allen,

Son of Mr and Mrs. Coyote Quixote (Willowmae) Yeager.

At Taos Pueblo, New Mexico at 10AM, 12th, ______ , 2000, A. D.

"Oh,Man! We did get one but. .. one night at three AM I was inspired to write a song and couldn't find any other paper so I used the back of it," Trent groaned as he suddenly recalled.

"I could kill you, Trent!" Jane sighed.

"Take a number," Mrs. Sarkisian added.

"Whoa! Janey,we had our lights cut off once because you drew on our electric bill," Trent sputtered.

" I was three!" Jane sighed.

"Yeah, but this time we didn't lose our lights," Trent shrugged which caused Jane to laugh.

At that, Ethan's cellphone rang.

"What?!How far apart? Don't worry, I'll be there! Look it's been great getting to know everyone here but I've gotta get back to Taos. My work here's done," Ethan insisted as he called another number.

"You mean?" Mrs. Sarkisian, Jane, Quinn,Helen and Amanda all said at once.

"Yep, Gia's water broke-and I'm going back to coach her! Triplets on the way!" Ethan shouted with glee as he leaped about four feet off the ground and did a backwards flip.

"But you'll never make it," Daria groaned.

"Georgia's resourceful and so's her man! He'll make it!" Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"What's that?" Sandi asked.

"I didn't hear anything," Daria insisted.

"Good! Normally I'd just walk but this can't wait," Ethan exclaimed as a ladder dropped out of the sky from a. . Stealth plane which he immediately started climbing.

"So long!" Ethan yelled as he waved while climbing into the Stealth's cockpit while it hovered silently overhead then instantly zoomed away without a sound.

Wordlessly, Trent held a lit a Zippo lighter aloft while the others waved.

"He invented something for them once and they had that baby waiting for him at the airport so he could make it in time for his babies!" Ted shrugged.

"Are you alright?" Daria asked as she noticed the other three teen girls sitting down on the parking lot.

" I fell for a married father!" Quinn shuddered.

" I fell for a relative!" Jane gulped.

" I snubbed a self-made millionaire!" Sandi groaned.

"Oh, Jake, you look so rugged in that uniform!" Helen cooed as she hugged Jake passionately.

"Thanks, before we fool around, I need to tell Daria something," Jake insisted.

"Okay, Honey!" Helen sighed.

"Yes, Dad?" Daria asked.

" Those whole four days, I felt I was in some weird nightmare reliving one of my worst times in childhood over and over but there was a moment when I heard you tell me I was the family's heart. Thanks, kiddo, for everything you and everyone did for me! "Jake insisted.

"Daria, let me ask you something. While I appreciate you girls going the extra mile for your father, why didn't you and Quinn just tell me your Dad was in danger?" Helen asked.

"Mom, you weren't listening to anything we were saying anymore," Quinn sighed.

" I guess I wasn't. Everything was piling up on me so fast the only thing I had left to control was my rage towards you, Quinn!" Helen confessed.

"Besides, even if you did, what would you have done?"Daria asked.

" I'd have recused myself from LaStraw, and had them send your father back at the first chance," Helen insisted.

"Exactly- and LaStraw would have immediately covered their tracks so those dozens of other patients at LaStraw would have still been in danger and all their victims before who'd suffered would have never had justice! " Daria explained.

" Charm, old girl am I glad to see ya in one piece!" Axl exclaimed as he hugged her with Fluffy climbing onto her arms.

"Ringo! Your nose and brow!" Mrs. Sarkisian gulped-seeing the torn skin.

"They've seen worse. Besides, this feline got 'em two blighters outta me shop! Vlad tol' me they're bein' arrested. I'm gonna give 'em extra charges," Axl insisted.

"Look, Axl, Quinn, everyone I'm sorry for having told those two about. ." Robert groaned while Axl and Quinn turned their backs on him.

"For ratting us to those awful hoods, I'm having you banned from the Popular Table. ." Quinn fumed.

"No! No!" Robert gasped while shaking his hands in front of his face.

"For one. .." Quinn started to say.

"Whew!" Robert sighed in relief.

"Month!" Quinn thundered- while Robert crumbled.

"Don't worry! It was an honest mistake! We're still friends," Ted insisted.

"Sandi! Why didn't you answer my pages?" Linda Griffin seethed as she stormed into the Arcade parking lot.

" Mother, I. .." Sandi gulped.

"So, you've sold these losers about that sob story about that sneeze-trigger being your only friend," Linda fumed-catching sight of Fluffy.

"If you don't let him stay with us, I'll move out! It turns out I've got other friends!" Sandi beamed.

"What makes you think I won't call your bluff, ingrate?" Linda boiled.

"Because, you're running for Lawndale Business Women's Presidency. .and you wouldn't want it known about your time on. . The Cashman's List!" Mrs. Sarkisian interrupted.

"Mother, you were on The List?" Sandi gulped.

"What makes you think that that youthful indescretion would make any. .?" Linda sneered.

"It wasn't that youthful and you really want it known it was for shoplifting. .. a Pet Rock?" Mrs. Sarkisian gloated.

"Oh! Check and mate. Sandi, you and Fluffy are welcome back into our house with open arms," Linda groaned while sniffling as Sandi hugged her with Fluffy in arms..

"Mommy missed you! Did you behave?" Sandi asked as she hugged Fluffy who jumped out of Mrs. Sarkisian's arms into Sandi's.

"Your cat saved me neck! Wait'll I tell ya what that battle cat did to those two thugs," Axl exclaimed with glee.

" I know! He's been good at keeping my room Sam-and-Chris-proof all these years!" Sandi insisted.

"Helen, these kids have freed me of so much! I don't know how to thank all of you. You were terrific!" Jake beamed while Helen eagerly nodded.

"Trent, I want to thank you for helping Ted and Ethan and all of us with Dad these past four days," Quinn beamed.

"You did good,too. Quinn!"Trent laughed.

" Ahem!" Sandi sniffed.

"You,too, Quinn's friend," Trent chuckled.

" It's a promotion," Sandi shrugged.

The next afternoon, Mrs. Sarkisian was back at work at her Customer Service Counter at Cashman's.

"OK, Theresa, I'll get Mrs. Johannsen off your back. Put her through.. .. Yes, Celeste. .Theresa's right, they don't make them your size. None of the designers we carry do!. ..There are some things that aren't meant. .. We have a wide selection of muumuus and caftans here. Maybe Rodeo Clowns 'R' Us might have something but. .. you're welcome to try there[click]. Just don't ever wear those in public," Mrs. Sarkisian groaned after Mrs. Johannsen hung up on her.

"Problems?" a woman at the counter asked.

"Minute compared to Celeste's! The only relative who didn't treat her like dirt growing up was an aunt who owned a confectionery ," Mrs. Sarkisian groaned while shaking her head without looking up.

"Oh, my! Er. .I'd like to return this frying pan. It didn't cook my tofu blocks all that well," the woman insisted.

"Mandy? What are you doing here?" Mrs. Sarkisian asked- as she looked up.

"Returning the frying pan," Amanda Lane reiterated.

"You bought that thing when you were carrying Jane," Mrs. Sarkisian laughed.

"Well, I haven't used it since and here's the receipt," Amanda insisted- as she handed it over.

"Another tofu craving? Please tell me you're not pregnant!"Mrs. Sarkisian laughed.

"No, but I still have some of tofu blocks in the deepfreeze-only I can't remember where I put it," Amanda sighed.

"The tofu?" Mrs. Sarkisian asked.

"No, the deepfreeze," Amanda groaned.

"You don't need to come here with a complaint to see me," Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"Yes, I do! You said so after Mama gave me all her old clothes,"Amanda groaned.

"Well, I was sore when they moved to that Key Largo retirement community and did that. Listen, I'm sorry I kept all the jewelry," Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"There's a great deal of catching up we need to do- the oldest and youngest of five. You think Summer and Jane will ever get close like we were growing up?" Amanda asked.

"Hard to say. Mandy, what a day! With your five kids and four grandkids, your nine used to outnumber progeny but my twins, five grandkids and my triplet greats give me a perfect ten!" Mrs. Sarkisian laughed.

"Charm, we're not having a contest," Amanda laughed.

"Mandy, next month, I've got the entire month off so we can drive out to Taos to see Georgia, Ethan and my great-grandtriplets. We'd better get there before their paternal grandparents try to teach them to roll hemp for things besides rope!"Mrs. Sarkisian wryly chuckled.

"I'm not sure," Amanda pondered.

"Come on, Mandy! We need to go for more drives," Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"Charm,the last time you said that, you promised to take me to Disneyland," Amanda recalled.

"And I did," Mrs. Sarkisian nodded.

"But you stranded me on the Teacup Ride so you could elope with George!"Amanda groaned.

" How many other eight year olds in St. Paul got to have that happen?" Mrs. Sarkisian laughed.

" I guess not many," Amanda pondered.

"Anyway, you always liked George. I like to think he started your taste in suave, swarthy Mediterranean men like Vinnie," Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"Er. Vincent's family's English," Amanda noted.

"Only on his mother's side! Did I ever tell you what Mrs. Lorelei Lane told me while she drank the entire bottle of Armenian blackberry wine the Sarkisians meant for your wedding present back in '69? " Mrs. Sarkisian asked.

"No, I just remember she was very angry with me at the reception for marrying Vincent when I was four months pregnant with Summer," Amanda groaned.

" I thought she was wearing black because Mr.Lucius Lane had died the year before and having lost George a few years before, I took pity on her but she didn't have one nice thing to say about her late husband- or anyone else!"Mrs. Sarkisian sniffed.

"She was upset that Vincent would marry me instead of just telling me I reaped what I sowed," Amanda recalled.

" That old hypocrite! While polishing off that wine, she told me was getting tired of being alone in that Midwestern crackerbox with those five older brat sibs of Vinnie's while her husband travelled so when their Greek milkman offered to give her more than extra butter, she accepted," Mrs. Sarkisian laughed.

"What?! How did she fool Mr. Lane that Vincent was his?" Amanda asked.

"She didn't but since she'd helped to pass of his bummy son Max as theirs instead of by an Eau Claire pie-wagon waitress, he had no choice but to go along!" Mrs. Sarkisian recalled.

"That would explain his mother's and older siblings' hostility towards Vincent and our children. Do you think Mrs. Lane's ever told Vincent?" Amanda sputtered.

"I'm not sure but he spends a great deal of time photographing Greece. I think there may be some homing mechanism involved," Mrs. Sarkisian insisted.

"I think I will take you up on that ride. I'd forgotten how you've always kept a sharp eye on things," Amanda pondered.

On Thursday, Daria and Jane were walking to school.

"Hey, Daria, Jane! Thanks again for all your help!" Ted eagerly exclaimed as he stopped while balancing on his unicycle while riding along with Karen on her way to school.

"Sure. So what plans do you two have?" Jane asked.

"We're spending every moment we can catching up! Didn't my big hero come through as I said, Daria?" Karen asked while stopping her Harley.

"No doubt about it. I can't thank him and his collegues enough!" Daria agreed.

"Well, Ted's staying around Lawndale until I graduate, then we're joining the others in Taos. That'll be a summer I'll never forget!" Karen beamed.

"Aw, Pookums! " Ted laughed as he and Karen each leaned from their respective tranports and kissed each other before resuming her drive to school.

"Go figure," Daria shrugged as the two zoomed away

" So it looks as though Nathan will be a smash in his orange jumpsuit in Maximum Security the rest of his life- and the School Board's paying for Axl's reconstructive stitches. I saw in the paper that Helen's firm has gotten her to lead the city's suit against those trucking companies for hiring those bozos who caused that Ringstrasse accident causing the gridlock," Jane pondered- as they resumed their walk to school.

" And if those two ever come back within forty miles of Lawndale County, they'll be arrested," Daria grinned in that Mona Lisa way.

"You wouldn't have had a hand in that by any chance?" Jane asked while Daria quietly grinned.

" Oh, that Stealth got Ethan back to Taos in two hours and just eight hours later, the triplets were born. They each weigh between six and seven pounds and all five of the younger Yeagers are healthy! Wanna see this photograph Ethan scanned and e-mailed from Taos of him and Georgia in bed holding their newborn triplets Xerxes, Esther and. . Darius? " Daria asked.

"Glad to see everyone's healthy and those boys sure do favor Ethan while Esther has Georgia's red hair but why those Classical Royal Persian names?" Jane asked- as she looked at Daria's color photo that included her cousin Georgia with red hair, triangular chin- and John Lennon glasses.

" I guess since Ethan's German,Irish and English and Georgia's Armenian, Spanish, Swedish and French-Canadian in ancestry, they wanted the triplets to be different. Still, I have to admit, it's kinda cool to have someone named after me," Daria blushed.

" Yeah, and Georgia sent me another e-mail telling me to thank you for snubbing Ethan so they were able to have another chance! This is too weird," Jane groaned.

"Hey, would have liked it had we clicked and he stayed in Lawndale with you and Quinn frustrated he'd chosen me over you two?" Daria pondered.

"Nah, but are you sure you aren't bummed that you're not the one married to the teen genius supporting his flaky parents?" Jane asked.

"Me a teen bride mother with Yeager in-laws? Please! Besides, I'd have missed some fun times here with you and Tom!" Daria recalled.

"Yeah, Georgia's got triple diaper duty! She may wind up envying me after a few 4AM triple feedings!" Jane shrugged.

"So you'll be okay with unrequited love?" Daria asked.

"It's something we artists have put to good use for centuries! My Ethan Period could go down in history!" Jane exclaimed while raising her right index finger.

"So you got your muse after all!" Daria pondered.

"Yeah- and this time I've kept my best friend,too!" Jane beamed- as she patted Daria on the shoulder.

After a pause.

"So how's Princess Grace taking this?" Jane asked.

"Quinn's volunteering at Cedars of Lawndale so she can speed the 3 J's recovery!" Daria related.

"Who'd have thought? Quinn and I falling for the unavailable prince in bum's clothing while Sandi and I were courted by the creep in prince's threads! Kinda moronic that I'd share tastes with those two," Jane laughed.

"Mom took Quinn's share of the reward and has paid off the 2nd mortgage and most of Quinn's debts," Daria related.

"Positive," Jane replied.

"But our college fund is still empty so I'll have to make my own way in the Ivy League," Daria groaned.

"Big negative. Helen held Ms. Li's hiring of Jonah Fishman AKA Noah Barkman without checking references over her head so Ms. Li's erased my, Quinn's and Sandi's suspensions from the permanent record," Jane related.

"Positive, and Ms. Li persuaded Ms. Barch not to flunk you for being a day late with the term paper," Daria insisted.

"But Ms. Barch is taking off a whole letter grade from the paper off the top for it. Thanks, a lot, Morgendorffer," Jane snapped.

"Your welcome. Negative," Daria groaned.

"And since Georgia's married Ethan and born his triplets, I'm going to have to deal with Ethan being part of my family forever," Jane groaned.

"Hmm." Daria considered.

"Okay, that's not really a negative but what about the Yeagers senior being in our lives thanks to his link?" Jane asked.

"Good point. Negative, "Daria groaned.

"So did Helen hear anything from Eric about LaStraw?" Jane asked.

"Yes, she did get Eric and the firm to drop them but she's having to pay back her share of the commision. At least the state's closed it down permanently and they're going after that whole organ and hormone selling black market ring. Too bad it makes legit, voluntary organ donation look bad," Daria groaned.

"Negative and speaking of negative, the four of us having to stay til 8PM yesterday to make up for missing Tuesday's classes," Jane groaned.

"But it gave Mom and Dad more time to catch up and I'm glad to see that Dad's starting to let go of his flawed parents," Daria insisted.

"Big positive- as is Trent getting the Tank back in one piece after all that happened," Jane insisted.

"And even more positive is that he proved to himself and everyone else he can do things besides be a musician," Daria exclaimed.

" He crashed the whole day yesterday from that experience but it's good to see him with a little extra confidence than before! Tell me, why did you keep his work a secret from me?" Jane asked.

" I guess because even when our friendship was in jeopardy, he stayed a friend to both of us to ride it out- and I guess I wanted him to know that I'd stay a true friend to him,too- especially since the work was for Dad's sake!" Daria explained.

"I'm glad you're in Trent's corner and in mine, even if you don't become my sister-in-law! So is Tom back from Switzerland yet?" Jane asked.

"Yeah, but he got into an impromptu yodelling contest at the Zurich Customs right after their plane landed so he couldn't join the debates due to the resulting laryngitis and his debate team captain restricted him to his hotel room the whole week there," Daria groaned.

"Whoa! Big negative. Still, neither of us had to be around for his yodelling or its aftermath, amiga." Jane pondered.

"Positive and I can hardly wait to tell him about what happened while he was gone. He won't be able to get a word in edgewise!" Daria beamed with her Mona Lisa.

"You could turn all this into a great short story- and I'd be happy to illustrate it for you!" Jane insisted.

"That's a good idea and I think I've got a title for it. .. " Daria smiled.

FIN

Ending Disclaimers: 'Kukla, Fran and Ollie' ran on NBC,PBS and CBS in various forms from 1948-c.1978 and I hereby salute the late Burr Tillstrom and Fran Allison for bringing magic to children getting their first taste of the world through television. If any of their survivors happen upon this fanfic, know that their talent will always be appreciated.

A Special Salute for Karen Disher who appears to have been a Jill-of-All-Trades for 'Daria'- and was rewarded through a silent background character with her name and appearance being created by her grateful coworkers. My depiction of the character of her name in no way infers that that the actual Karen Disher would do the actions or share the tastes of her fictional counterpart.

Again, thanks to Glenn Eichler and Abby Terkuhle for making it all possible.