InuYasha Discovers Herbal Essences
by Matt Garner
Chapter 5
Another One Bites the Dust
"NO! NOOOO! STAY AWAY, FOOLS!" InuYasha bellowed, all the while sending blasts of evil sensual hair product at his own friends.
"Careful, Shippo!" warned Kagome as the little kitsune dodged a large dollop of certain gelatinous doom.
Halting to pose proudly, Shippo happily announced "Don't worry, Kagome! Nothing scares Shippo, the Great Fox Youkai!" Just then, InuYasha squirted a heavy dose of Herbal Essences at Shippo.
"EEEEEEEEEEEK! HELP ME, KAGOME! HELP! HELP! MOMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY!" the little fox screamed heroically.
"Have no fear, little one!" called Sango as Kilala caught up and both of them leaped in the way of Shippo's impending horror.
"S-sango... Kilala..." Shippo whimpered as the young woman and cat... thingy... collapsed amid violent muscle spasms. "You sacrificed yourselves for me!"
"All is well, friend Shippo..." gasped Sango, noticing the tears in the little boy's eyes. "We shall pull through... For now, save yourself!"
And now you can guess what occurred next. Shippo nodded and scampered off for InuYasha as fast as his little paws could carry him as Kilala and Sango made various noises.
"Wow... Miroku's right," Sango gasped, "That DOES feel good!"
Chapter 6
It Just Goes Down-Hill From Here
"InuYasha... why are you doing this?"
"Because, Kagome, I am soon going to be King of the World! And I want you to be my Queen!"
"Aww! That's so sweet of you, InuYasha!"
"I know."
"But that still doesn't explain why or HOW you're suddenly enormous and carrying me in one hand while climbing the Empire State Building in Feudal Japan..."
King InuYashaKong thought about this for a moment and shrugged.
"Seemed like the right thing to do," he admitted.
And so, King InuYashaKong reached the top of the Empire State Building (In Feudal Japan... Go figure...) and laughed wildly with his treasured queen and bottle o' shampoo until...
"Hold it right there, InuYasha!"
In flew Shippo in a tiny little biplane, wearing aviator's goggles and chewing on a pretzel rod. (My god, that's the cutest image that's ever popped into my head!)
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning!" Shippo declared as the Ride of the Valkyries played somewhere in the distance.
"What's 'napalm'?" King InuYashaKong asked.
"I don't know!"
Kagome stared curiously at the author and stated "I really don't get this part. Can you rewrite it please?"
Oh alright, fine.
"Get back, Shippo!" Normal-Sized InuYasha demanded, brandishing the shampoo bottle at the little fox-boy while still carrying Kagome on his shoulder... But not while standing on the Empire State Building.
Holding up his hands defensively, Shippo urged InuYasha to "Calm down... We can settle this reasonably, InuYasha. I know you don't want to hurt anyone..."
"Please listen to him, InuYasha!" Kagome begged, "No shampoo is worth this much pain!"
"NO!" InuYasha screamed, "I said 'GET BACK,' Shippo! Lest you endure a form of mind-altering pleasure not meant for one so young and innocent as yourself!"
Quivering in fear, Shippo glanced back at his fallen companions, then to InuYasha, and then to Kagome. After careful consideration, he steeled his nerves and took a step forward.
"Do your worst, InuYasha..." he said.
InuYasha narrowed his eyes "So be it..."
And so Shippo fell over, writhing in agony over having being covered in shampoo. Kagome cried uncontrollably for the innocent little fox kit; however, his reaction was not as expected...
"Y-you FIEND!" Shippo squealed with rage, "How DARE you cover a child in soap? Have you no comprehension of how much children hate being CLEAN?" Then he collapsed. I mean... Yeah, sure he didn't enjoy what happened, but it still put him out of commission.
A wicked smirk curled across InuYasha's lips. Now no one would stand in his way of world domination! Soon, he and Kagome would rule all and...
"NO, INUYASHA!"
Shocked into sobriety, InuYasha staggered backward and looked up to see, floating before him, the luminous face of...
"King Kai!" InuYasha choked, "My old sensei! Wh-what are you doing here?"
"Stopping you from making a GRAVE ERROR, bleah!" spat the chubby little blue roach. "InuYasha," he continued with patronly compassion in his voice, "Look at yourself, bleah... You're acting ridiculous... Even hurting your own closest friends, bleah, all in the name of what? A frickin' shampoo!"
"B-but King Kai!" the half-demon stammered, "It's not JUST a shampoo! It's Herbal Essences! The greatest shampoo known to man!"
"Ah, yes," Kai sighed sagely, "I, too, know the allure of Herbal Essences, bleah... That's why I chopped off the top of my head and had this antennaed yarmulka grafted on!"
InuYasha nodded. "So what should I do, King Kai?" he asked.
"The only thing you CAN do, bleah! Give up this wild life of hair-care products and never touch the stuff again! ... Bleah!"
"You're RIGHT, King Kai! As God is my witness, I shall never wash my hair again!"
"Bleah, my son! Bleah!"
As King Kai faded from existence, InuYasha took a deep breath and set Kagome back down on her feet. Hugging her tightly, he said "It's all over, Kagome! I'll never endanger you and our friends again!"
"Oh, InuYasha..." Kagome cooed, eyes watery, "Do you mean it?"
The now-sober hanyou smiled gently. "I mean it..."
Kagome smiled, then pointed at InuYasha. "GETTIM!" She hollered as everyone tackled him.
