Chapter Seven - Seizures

"""I can't describe how I felt when I was finally flying away from the hellhole they called the lunar base, free and permitted to go anywhere I wanted. At least technically. In reality it's a lot more harsh. With the colonies hating our guts and more than willing to betray us and everything we stand for, we sure had limited places to go to. And with a gigantic Gundam to hide, even less. Thank lord I met up with Hilde.

She had paid dearly for abandoning the OZ directives, but she finally had begun to see beyond the propaganda her officers and leaders fed her. When I met her, she had been kicked out of the army with only the cloths on her body and a ticket to a shuttle to L2, her home colony. Apparently, she was the daughter of a semi rich owner to a salvation company. But even though she is part of the society that created the world I lived in for the first years after my escape, I can't resent her. She is honestly trying to make up for what she did wrong, and with the things I myself has done in the past, who am I to condemn her?

We exchanged the ticket for money, and got us onto a transport shuttle headed towards L2. Deathscythe was hidden away in the cargo with me, and Hilde held up the impression of legality by staying in the cabin we received. And yes, it was a single ticket. I was technically a stowaway. But what is new with that? The answer: nothing.

Settling down at the scrap yard belonging to her family, I started to finish up the last preparations on Deathscythe. The scientists wasn't quite finished with him when I stole him, so I had to finish him myself. Thank lord I probably know more about Deathscythe's design than G himself. Now I just had to install  my extras...

I thought about the others a lot during the time I fixed Deathscythe up. On Wufei, who almost died with me in that cell when Tsubarov cut off our oxygen supply. On Trowa, who had infiltrated OZ so deeply he was lady Une's favorite. On Quatre who had disappeared after the failed attack and now had showed up again, apparently crazy and shooting on everything moving. And on Heero, who had turned so much from his usual self during the stay in the cell. Had I finally broken through his shields? Had I finally prevented him from becoming what I had become? I didn't know, but I certainly hoped so. For I had a bad feeling about the future..."""

January 9, AC197

///Heero nods, I am willing to bet that he's already planning how to hack the place and get the information we need.

But then the thing that couldn't happen happened.///

"Beyond that," I continue, "there have been several sightings of known members of Assassin Circles around the Hel Inc's main office complex, and a source of mine has told me that there are people tagging us already. This aggressor is serious. He has several other plans if one should go wrong, and so far, we haven't been able to find any proof of whom it can be. The leader of…"

My sentence is broken off as a seizure rips through my body, making me have to fight not to reveal the sudden pain I'm in. Damn! This is not good. I have to get out of here soon! If I don't, the seizures will soon be visible; I can't hold them off for very long before they overpower me. I need to get out of here before they realize something is wrong.

Taking a risk, I loosen my muscles enough to move and is nearly taken over by the urge to give in to the malady. But with only thirty seconds or so before I will be a shaking mess, there's no time to steel myself. That first seizure is usually the only warning I ever get after the first day of tremors.

Forcing a smile to my face to hide the grimace that is fighting its way to my face, I look at my friends as if nothing special happened. They are staring at me, no doubt wondering what is going on. You usually don't stop in the middle of a sentence while doing a briefing if something isn't seriously wrong

"Sorry," I say, flicking my braid over my shoulder and trying not to sound like I'm clenching my teeth as tiny seizures start to build up again. "I just remembered something that could be of use for us in this. Wait here, I'll go and get it."

With that, I hop to my feet and stride out of the room as fast as I can without seeming hurried. As soon as I am out of sight though, I run into the elevator leading to the other floors of the five-floor building, hit a random button and then push the red button.

By now, the seizures have started in earnest, and I know it's too late to slide into the petrified state I usually am in while riding out the malady. Picking up the plastic biting thing G got me for these incidents from my pocket, I let myself slide along the wall to huddle in a corner. This isn't going to be pretty. No doubt my whole body will be bruised tomorrow from hitting the walls repeatedly. But oh well, that's what I get for failing to remember to take my medication.

Retreating into the back of my head to ride out the pain and seizures, I absently notice that the elevator starts moving. It doesn't alarm me though; I'm too far-gone to care about such a thing. For while I can remain conscious while riding out the malady, it's almost impossible to think.

The doors slide open and I immediately place the taller form of Heero Yuy as the person causing it. He has a rather peculiar look on his face, I notice. It's all crunched up and worried. Could it really be all about me? I know we're friends and all that, but I didn't think I had managed to get him that far on the way to normal, human behavior.

Evidently I have though, because he's running to my side, sinking to his knees next to me and hovering anxiously over me. I think he's trying to ask me something, and he seems rather frantic, but I don't hear a thing.

Trying to focus, I look emptily into his beautiful blue eyes. The very same eyes that are actually panicking over me, as I don't answer the questions he asks me. I don't think he knows I cannot. Then he seems to calm as he gently gathers my convulsing body into his arms, holding me tightly against his warm body. I almost wish I were more awake so I could appreciate the moment. Almost. I think he's actually caressing my face as he helps me through my attack.

I don't know how long it is before the malady finally looses its grip on me and my pained muscles relax. All I know is that I'm thankful it did. I'm so recharging the damn implant as soon as I possibly can. This is not something I want to go through at a regular basis again.

Taking a shuddering breath, I begin to gather myself together again, readying myself to face Heero. I'm not sure as to what I should say to him. The smartest thing would probably be to just answer his questions and not agitate him further. And I'm a smart guy. Even though there are people that would try to contradict me.

I can still feel Heero's fingers stroking my sweaty, flushed face tenderly, tracing my hairline only to caress my cheekbone and slide along my jaw. I know he knows I'm awake, but I don't protest to the intimacy. It feels too nice for me to want it to make it stop. I'm always rather shaky the first few moments after an attack, and it feels good to have someone help me get down again.

"Heero?" I uncertainly say when I finally have gathered myself together enough to speak again; sighing slightly as his fingers slips away when I don't need their touch anymore.

"Is it over now?" His voice is rough, and he hasn't loosened his gentle grip around me the least. I understand him though. It has to have shaken him up badly to find me like that…

Wiggling around, I face him, searching his slightly pale face for a clue as to what he is thinking. It's closed to me.

"Yes," I admit, not knowing what to expect but sighing once again as his hand comes up to push my dishevelled hair from my face caringly before gripping my chin and making sure I'm looking into his stormy blue eyes. He is upset.

"What is wrong with you?" he intensively ask, tightening his grip on me as his eyes fill with something rather close to desperation. "That isn't anything that can be explained as normal. It isn't a malady I'm aware of, and judging through your knowledge about how to ride it out, you have had this malady for years. Why haven't you said anything?"

I'm not stupid enough to try to make it seem as something less than what it is. If you think Heero is upset now, you don't want to see what he would do if I did that. So, I settle to speak the truth as much as possible.

"It hasn't been an issue before," I admit. "And G recommended I would tone it down for security reasons. You see, I have an implant that prevents this from happening. The bad thing is that it has to be recharged every other month. And with everything that has happened lately, I never had the time too. That's why I had this attack. If I don't recharge the implant within the next two days, I will have another attack in three days."

When I finish, Heero's eyes are suspiciously blank – he's shielding against me again. But when they change from stormy midnight to swirling coral sea, I know that he is still angry, but more upset. I helplessly look into his eyes, trapped in them, and wait for his reaction to reach the surface. But as it comes, I'm taken completely by surprise.

He goes into mission mode. Or at least that is the closest description I can think of. I don't think Heero would like being described as a 'possessive, demanding mother hen'.

"What do you need to recharge the implant?" he brusquely asks, releasing me to rise and start pace around the elevator. "How do you do it? Do you need medical help or…"

He doesn't get any further as I slide to my feet and step into his way, putting a determined hand on his chest to stop him.

"Heero, stop," I seriously said. "Don't worry. I have everything needed for the procedure, and…"

The only warning I get before Heero explodes is a low growl coming from the back of his throat. Curiously enough, the only thing I can think in that moment is how remarkably much he sounds like me when I'm in cattish angry mode. Then he grabs my shoulders so hard that he most likely will leave hand shaped bruises and shakes me as if I were a rag doll.

"Not worry?" he growls, his eyes blazing at me. "I'm not supposed to worry? Damn it, Duo! I find you lying on the floor of a fucking elevator convulsing like you are in extreme pain or dying, only to be told you become like this two times a fucking week if you don't recharge a bloody implant, which you've already forgotten once! And you tell me not to worry!? You are the first person to ever earn my love, respect and trust, and now you expect me not to worry about you like you was worried about me during the war. Who do you think you are?!"

I'm ashamed. I'm more than ashamed, I'm mortified. But for some reason, I, the never silent Shinigami, can't tell that to the person in front of me who desperately needs to hear how wrong I was to say what I did. Instead, I can just stare in bewilderment and utter amazement at the man in front of me. This is the first time he has out right admitted that I mean something to him, and it is because of me making fun of those feelings.

My hand has flown up to cover my mouth, and I'm staring at Heero. I know it. And he is looking at me with his beautiful blue eyes filled with betrayal and hurt. I don't know what to do. My training never prepared me for this, this isn't a situation I've been in before. Rationally, I know that I should apologize, but my mouth refuses to talk. It is as if has been glued shut.

Then Heero gets a defeated look in his eyes and turns to leave. He thinks I don't care. I can't let him think that! And once again without thinking, I'm moving towards him, throwing myself at him. Once again, Heero shows off his remarkable reflexes and catches me in his arms before I run into his back. I cry.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I frantically say into his shirt, clutching it desperately. "I didn't mean to…"""

Heero sighs, effectively ending my rambling, and gives me a short hug before pushing me away gently to look into my eyes.

"We certainly is messed up people," he murmurs, a slight smirk playing on his lips. "I'm sorry Duo. I shouldn't have accused you like that. I know you meant well. It's just that…"

I smirk slightly back at him, pushing another strand of my errant hair out of my face, absently noticing that I didn't get out quite all of the red hair dye from Trowa's.

"I know," I say. "And it's nothing. Neither of us is exactly used to be as close to other people as we are."

Shaking his head, Heero smile. Then he shrugs and relaxes, looking in the direction of the others.

"Are you ready to go back?" he asks, concern evident in his eyes.

I nod.

"Yeah," I say. "Besides, we need to get this over with and move out. As long as we are cleared up?"

"We are," Heero assures me. "Shall we go then, my lord?"

I laugh and grasp his jokingly outstretched hand.

"Certainly, master."

TBC