Lose. Learn. Love.
CH. 2
Oh my gosh! I am soooooo sorry this update took so long. I personally apologize for any distress and/or anger I might have caused due to the lack of update. Before you strangle me, let me at least tell why. *innocently* I may have, er... broken curfew. OK, here's what happened, a couple of my friends and I had gone out to a movie last weekend. Afterward, we went out to dinner, and well I lost track of time a bit. Anyway, to make a long story short, I got home like 45 minutes after my ridiculously early curfew and was grounded from the computer for 3 weeks, because I didn't call and say I was going to be late. I promise you that as soon as my parents said I could go back on I wrote, and posted this! Don't worry this is not a regular occurrence, I am normally very prompt. Anyway, to the fic..!
OK if you reviewed the last chapter THANK YOU! Look for your name below, and if you didn't review, Shame On You! *shakes finger menacingly*.
Me: (no not me the author, this person's name is me) Thank you! You don't need to worry, I'll be getting chapters up pretty regularily, so bear with me.
Angel Apple: Thank you! This fic is going to cover a lot more of Snape. The next fic will be Victoria.
Kyna Farge: Wow! I do too! Don't worry, an end to Snape's loneliness is on the horizon.
Snape_snogger3000: Thanks! (interesting name, LOL)
Enjoy this chapter and review when you're done!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~
Snape lay in his bed, very much awake, staring at the ceiling of his chambers. He never really slept all that well, but this night was unusually bad. He could just get up and brew a simple sleeping potion, but he didn't have the heart to. Snape found that they often left him groggy, and unfocused in the morning, and he couldn't afford to be anything less than 100% alert with that Longbottom disaster in his first class. Besides, he considered it a sort of penance that he hadn't had a good nights sleep since he became a spy for Dumbledore.
The lives that he destroyed as a death eater haunted his dreams, and waking thoughts. While he had been far less active in the "sport" of killing those opposing Voldemort he had still killed a few. There was five in all, he replaid their deaths over and over in his head. He had been fairly merciful, giving them quick, painless deaths, but he had still killed them.
Sighing, he rolled over onto his stomach and forced himself to push the thought from his mind. Just as he was drifting to sleep, another image popped into his head. This one was of his father standing over a 7-year-old version of himself with his fist poised to attack. Snape winced, he knew what was coming. In his waking nightmare he heard himself scream in fear, and shout random apologies for some insignificant accident that had happened, prompting his father's beatings. It was always like that, he would spill a glass of milk, and his father would beat him; he would trip on the curb of a sidewalk, and his father would beat him. During the beatings his father would shout about living up to the Snape name, about toughening up, and mostly how he was an embarrassment to the family. As a child Snape knew his father required perfection of him, and tried very hard to please him, but was never successful. The fact was that his father enjoyed beating him.
In the beginning his mother had comforted him, and healed his wounds. Later that night she would confront Winston about beating his son, his only son. Severus could hear the shouting from down the hall, and he feared for his mother. Alice Snape had married Winston Snape at a fairly young age, while her husband was much older. She had become pregnant almost immediately, and the birthing had been long and very painful. In the end she had been too young, and after giving birth to Severus, was unable to bear any more children. She had immediately lost favor with Winston. They stopped sharing a bedroom, they hardly talked, and were generally cold to each other. While Winston was able to take a long line of mistresses, Alice had been unable to, because she had to be the perfect wife, in an imperfect marriage. The one thing that kept her from killing herself was Severus. He was her baby, and she gave him all her love since it wasn't needed elsewhere. This angered Winston even more. He ordered her to stop "babying the boy". When she refused, he beat her. That had never happened before. While they virtually hated each other, Winston had remembered his honor enough to not touch her. This was the last straw for Alice. She could stand it no more. The next day, in a cascade of tears, she packed her things and left.
Her parting words to Severus were, "I love you honey, very much. Don't you ever believe otherwise. But mommy has to go now, or this place will kill mommy okay? No, don't cry everything will be fine. I'm sorry that you didn't get a stronger mother who could bear this, and protect you. I'm weak, sorry baby, good-bye."
She then ran to the waiting coach, leaving a little seven-year-old boy standing alone, and scared. She waved out the window as she drove off. Severus called her name and tried to run after her, but his father's, not too gentle, hand kept him back. Breaking into anguished tears he sank to the ground. His father kicked him sharply in the ribs, hissing at him to stop making a fool of himself. He stalked quickly into the house, dragging the boy after him.
From that point on the beatings got worse, but thankfully, less frequent. His father was gone most of the time, so Severus was left alone. He became very quiet and withdrawn, eating hardly anything. For a while he was angry at his mother for leaving him, but later he realized that it had been his father's fault. Despite this, he was unable to believe that his mother loved him, since he received no letters. In fact he came to believe that no one could love him, and thus became very depressed. Soon, however, a new hope blossomed on the horizon. That hope was Hogwarts. On his eleventh birthday he received a letter saying that he had been accepted to the school. That fall he boarded the train for nine months away from his father, and his heart was light for the first time in may years.
Severeus was an exceptional student. Since he had been alone so often, he had found his companionship in books. He had read every book in his father's library by the time he was ten, so knew quite a lot of magic already. He was therefore pushed ahead two years. That put him into the same class as James Potter. Severus remained the best student in the class, and often studied ahead. He got perfect scores on every test, an final, and worked very hard to achieve this. Despite this, he had few friends. James Potter was well liked by all, even the teachers, but he was (in Severus's opinion) a stupid oaf. Severus grew to resent James, and often tried to get him in trouble. This resulted in James, and his friends waging an unspoken war against Snape. Now he was being abused at home, and school. It was about this time that he had started shutting people out, and adopted his surly nature. Those were just tools, however, to cover the hurt and pain in his heart.
Snape smiled bitterly into the night. If only things had been different then, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have some heart left. Now he had nothing left inside of him but anger, pain, and horrible memories.
Well, whadda think? Just let me know by pushing that little button below, in the left corner. PLEASE! Anyway, sorry if this is a little short, but this chapter and the next chapter were prewritten before the whole grounded from the computer incident, so I wasn't planning on having to make up for the lost time. Some of the chapters will be dialogue, like the last one, and some will be like this one. It just depends on my mood, so sorry if that bothers you, but deal with it. Thanks! Bye!
CH. 2
Oh my gosh! I am soooooo sorry this update took so long. I personally apologize for any distress and/or anger I might have caused due to the lack of update. Before you strangle me, let me at least tell why. *innocently* I may have, er... broken curfew. OK, here's what happened, a couple of my friends and I had gone out to a movie last weekend. Afterward, we went out to dinner, and well I lost track of time a bit. Anyway, to make a long story short, I got home like 45 minutes after my ridiculously early curfew and was grounded from the computer for 3 weeks, because I didn't call and say I was going to be late. I promise you that as soon as my parents said I could go back on I wrote, and posted this! Don't worry this is not a regular occurrence, I am normally very prompt. Anyway, to the fic..!
OK if you reviewed the last chapter THANK YOU! Look for your name below, and if you didn't review, Shame On You! *shakes finger menacingly*.
Me: (no not me the author, this person's name is me) Thank you! You don't need to worry, I'll be getting chapters up pretty regularily, so bear with me.
Angel Apple: Thank you! This fic is going to cover a lot more of Snape. The next fic will be Victoria.
Kyna Farge: Wow! I do too! Don't worry, an end to Snape's loneliness is on the horizon.
Snape_snogger3000: Thanks! (interesting name, LOL)
Enjoy this chapter and review when you're done!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~
Snape lay in his bed, very much awake, staring at the ceiling of his chambers. He never really slept all that well, but this night was unusually bad. He could just get up and brew a simple sleeping potion, but he didn't have the heart to. Snape found that they often left him groggy, and unfocused in the morning, and he couldn't afford to be anything less than 100% alert with that Longbottom disaster in his first class. Besides, he considered it a sort of penance that he hadn't had a good nights sleep since he became a spy for Dumbledore.
The lives that he destroyed as a death eater haunted his dreams, and waking thoughts. While he had been far less active in the "sport" of killing those opposing Voldemort he had still killed a few. There was five in all, he replaid their deaths over and over in his head. He had been fairly merciful, giving them quick, painless deaths, but he had still killed them.
Sighing, he rolled over onto his stomach and forced himself to push the thought from his mind. Just as he was drifting to sleep, another image popped into his head. This one was of his father standing over a 7-year-old version of himself with his fist poised to attack. Snape winced, he knew what was coming. In his waking nightmare he heard himself scream in fear, and shout random apologies for some insignificant accident that had happened, prompting his father's beatings. It was always like that, he would spill a glass of milk, and his father would beat him; he would trip on the curb of a sidewalk, and his father would beat him. During the beatings his father would shout about living up to the Snape name, about toughening up, and mostly how he was an embarrassment to the family. As a child Snape knew his father required perfection of him, and tried very hard to please him, but was never successful. The fact was that his father enjoyed beating him.
In the beginning his mother had comforted him, and healed his wounds. Later that night she would confront Winston about beating his son, his only son. Severus could hear the shouting from down the hall, and he feared for his mother. Alice Snape had married Winston Snape at a fairly young age, while her husband was much older. She had become pregnant almost immediately, and the birthing had been long and very painful. In the end she had been too young, and after giving birth to Severus, was unable to bear any more children. She had immediately lost favor with Winston. They stopped sharing a bedroom, they hardly talked, and were generally cold to each other. While Winston was able to take a long line of mistresses, Alice had been unable to, because she had to be the perfect wife, in an imperfect marriage. The one thing that kept her from killing herself was Severus. He was her baby, and she gave him all her love since it wasn't needed elsewhere. This angered Winston even more. He ordered her to stop "babying the boy". When she refused, he beat her. That had never happened before. While they virtually hated each other, Winston had remembered his honor enough to not touch her. This was the last straw for Alice. She could stand it no more. The next day, in a cascade of tears, she packed her things and left.
Her parting words to Severus were, "I love you honey, very much. Don't you ever believe otherwise. But mommy has to go now, or this place will kill mommy okay? No, don't cry everything will be fine. I'm sorry that you didn't get a stronger mother who could bear this, and protect you. I'm weak, sorry baby, good-bye."
She then ran to the waiting coach, leaving a little seven-year-old boy standing alone, and scared. She waved out the window as she drove off. Severus called her name and tried to run after her, but his father's, not too gentle, hand kept him back. Breaking into anguished tears he sank to the ground. His father kicked him sharply in the ribs, hissing at him to stop making a fool of himself. He stalked quickly into the house, dragging the boy after him.
From that point on the beatings got worse, but thankfully, less frequent. His father was gone most of the time, so Severus was left alone. He became very quiet and withdrawn, eating hardly anything. For a while he was angry at his mother for leaving him, but later he realized that it had been his father's fault. Despite this, he was unable to believe that his mother loved him, since he received no letters. In fact he came to believe that no one could love him, and thus became very depressed. Soon, however, a new hope blossomed on the horizon. That hope was Hogwarts. On his eleventh birthday he received a letter saying that he had been accepted to the school. That fall he boarded the train for nine months away from his father, and his heart was light for the first time in may years.
Severeus was an exceptional student. Since he had been alone so often, he had found his companionship in books. He had read every book in his father's library by the time he was ten, so knew quite a lot of magic already. He was therefore pushed ahead two years. That put him into the same class as James Potter. Severus remained the best student in the class, and often studied ahead. He got perfect scores on every test, an final, and worked very hard to achieve this. Despite this, he had few friends. James Potter was well liked by all, even the teachers, but he was (in Severus's opinion) a stupid oaf. Severus grew to resent James, and often tried to get him in trouble. This resulted in James, and his friends waging an unspoken war against Snape. Now he was being abused at home, and school. It was about this time that he had started shutting people out, and adopted his surly nature. Those were just tools, however, to cover the hurt and pain in his heart.
Snape smiled bitterly into the night. If only things had been different then, maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe he would have some heart left. Now he had nothing left inside of him but anger, pain, and horrible memories.
Well, whadda think? Just let me know by pushing that little button below, in the left corner. PLEASE! Anyway, sorry if this is a little short, but this chapter and the next chapter were prewritten before the whole grounded from the computer incident, so I wasn't planning on having to make up for the lost time. Some of the chapters will be dialogue, like the last one, and some will be like this one. It just depends on my mood, so sorry if that bothers you, but deal with it. Thanks! Bye!
