**Mild Spoilers**

~ There's an online computer by the name of Eliza. You can reach it here:
http://www-ai.ijs.si/eliza-cgi-bin/eliza_script
(Can't you tell how intelligent I am since I say this EVERY TIME?!)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. So there. Don't sue me. Please?!!!

Ah, Ms. Coulter. The evil evil witch woman (Again, inspired by a review). Here you are. ~

Eliza: Hello. I am ELIZA. How can I help you?

Ms. Coulter: Hello, I am Lady Coulter.
Eliza: How do you do. Please state your problem.

Ms. Coulter: You think I have a PROBLEM?!! You little idiot!
Eliza: Oh, i little idiot.

Ms. Coulter: Yes, you little idiot! Now listen to me, brat computer: I need to find a way to decieve my daughter Lyra.
Eliza: Why do you mention computers?

Ms. Coulter: Eliza, dear, do you know how baby computers are made?
Eliza: Why do you mention computers?

Ms. Coulter: When two computers love each other very much...
Eliza: Why do you mention computers?

Ms. Coulter: THIS IS THE THIRD TIME YOU'VE SAID THAT!!!
Eliza: Please go on.

Ms. Coulter: Ahem, well, I think you should ask your mom about that. Anyway, how can I make Lyra like me?
Eliza: Do you wish to think me?

Ms. Coulter: How does one "think you"???
Eliza: Does that question interest you?

Ms. Coulter: No.
Eliza: You are being a bit negative.

Ms. Coulter: ELIZA!! ANSWER MY QUESTION!
Eliza: Why do you say your question?

Ms. Coulter: How... do... I.. trick... Lyra?!!?
Eliza: Does that question interest you?

Ms. Coulter: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eliza: You are sure?

Ms. Coulter: I am sick of this!!!
Eliza: Do you think coming here will help you not to be sick?

Ms. Coulter: No!!! Just go away!! You are not my friend!!!
Eliza: Why do you say your friend?

Ms. Coulter: If you want to be my friend, go find Asriel. Talk to him. I'm sure HE wants to be annoyed right now.
Eliza: Do you wish that i want to be your friend go find asriel talk to him im sure he wants to be annoyed right now?

Ms. Coulter: What?????
Eliza: Does that question interest you?

Ms. Coulter: (groan....)

*click*