Chapter 11
Summary- Lyrics are 'Through these Eyes' by Social Distortion another great punk rock band. I'm gonna try to have a good punk song that pertains kind of to the chapter for every chapter from now on. There is still quite a lot of this story left to go. I like long stories. Anyway I hope you like it. May be a bit depressing but hey what can I say I love some good teenage angst.
Disclaimer- Song is by 'Social Distortion', BTVS & Angel are owned by Joss and Mutant Enemy
Rating- I'm not sure this chapter may be bordering near R because THERE IS TALK OF AND THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE IN THIS CHAPTER. Don't worry eventually the story will be happy again. ANGST warning for this chapter,
Through these eyes I've seen love and I've seen hate
I've seen the violence and the tears
Through these eyes
I got my schooling on the streets
I've seen the things in life
You don't wanna see
Through these eyes I've seen the shape of things to come
And I've watched them all fall apart
Through these eyes
I've seen the broken homes, they cry
I've seen the poor man's face
As he stands in line
And though my heart has made me weary
On a road less traveled on
Through the heart it hurts so dearly
And the pain it lingers on
Through these eyes, I've looked the devil in the face
And I've seen God's holy grace
Through these eyes
I've tried to walk the straighter line
I found myself again
But nearly lost my mind
And though my heart has made me weary
On a road less traveled on
Through the heart it hurts so dearly
And the pain it lingers on, yeah
And though my heart has made me weary
On a road less traveled on
Through the heart it hurts so dearly
And the pain it lingers on
And though my heart has made me weary
On a road less traveled on
Through the heart it hurts so dearly
And the pain it lingers on, yeah
'Through These Eyes' Social Distortion
He'd taken Drusilla from the school parking lot. He and William both had keys. After not being able to get anything from Doyle he started driving around town not sure where he was going. Anywhere would do. He just wanted to be alone. Away from people who would ask him if he was okay and tell him he looked bad. He'd had enough. Gripping the steering wheel tightly he pulled into the empty parking lot of the movie theater. No one came here during the day. Silence finally. As he leaned his head against the seat suddenly Buffy's face flashed in his mind. He'd been so cold to her. He did love her. It seemed like nowadays she was the only thing that kept him from really hitting rock bottom. A cold chill ran through him and he wrapped his arms around his body. His eyes drifted several times to the glove compartment. He knew what was in there. He and William kept in case of emergencies...they didn't exactly hang out or live in the best neighborhoods. His hand reached for the plastic handle but he pulled it back and felt a sick feeling come over him and jumped out of the car just in time as he began to vomit.
"He took the car!" William exclaimed angrily seeing that Drusilla was gone and as Angel was missing as well it only made sense. They both had keys to the car but William primarily drove it. Angel had failed his drivers test twice before actually passing.
"Where could he have gone?" Buffy asked with worry in her voice. William scratched his neck and scanned the parking lot, as it would somehow tell him where his friend had gone
"I don't know but where ever we go to look for him it looks like were walking there" as he said it William's mind suddenly clicked as he remembered what was in the car. No Angel wouldn't. He took a deep breath and a sick feeling washed over him as he wondered how depressed Angel really was.
"Look lets both just go home and call him then wait and see if he calls us back" Buffy said trying to keep cool. William didn't share his revelation with Buffy afraid he was overreacting.
"Okay. I'm sure he's fine. He probably just wanted some time alone" the bleached blonde hoping to God he was overreacting.
"Hey mom. Has Angel called at all?" was the first thing Buffy asked as she entered the kitchen. Her mother who was sitting at the table going over some paper work shook he head.
"No. Didn't he go to school today?" Joyce asked without looking up from her work
"No I think he's sick" Buffy said simply and started her way towards her bedroom to call Angel's house. She bit her fingernails nervously. Something in Angel's eyes had unnerved her this morning. He had just looked so lost. Whenever he was angry or upset his eyes got darker. This morning they had seemed black. She loved Angel more then anything in the world. She needed him but it was very obvious that at the moment he needed her much more.
She opened her door and stopped dead in her tracks. He was sitting on the bed with his back to her.
"Angel?" she whispered. She saw the muscles in his back tense but he made no other sign to acknowledge that he knew she was there. Softly she approached him and she was shocked at what she saw in his hands when she came to stand in front of him.
"Angel give me that," she demanded in a shaky voice. He ran his fingers over the cold steel before finally listening to her command
"I wasn't going to do anything," he swore quietly putting the 40- caliber pistol down beside him on the bed. Buffy snatched it from his reach and placed it behind her on the dresser.
"Why did you have it?" she asked trying to keep her emotions in check
"I...I thought about it. I was in the parking lot of the movie theater and I almost..." he choked on his words and wrapped his arms around himself. He reminded her of a little boy. He was a little boy. Just 16 years old. Too young to know such pain
"Almost what?" she asked even though she knew. She had to hear him say it.
"I almost killed myself," he whispered as a single tear fell down his cheek "And then I started throwing up" he looked up and saw her tears running freely down her face
"Why...You were just going to leave me. Do you know what you mean to me Angel?" she asked angrily yet softly at the same time. She needed to get it through to him that she loved him.
"I'm sorry Buffy. I love you too. Sometimes you're the only thing I love in this world. I'm tired Buffy. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being this big joke to everyone," he sobbed, his body shaking. She dropped to her knees in front of him
"You aren't a joke to me. I love you with everything I have Angel. If something were to happen to you I would die" she said in a strong steady voice. He looked into her eyes and she saw him break even more then he already had
"I need help" he finally gritted out after a moment of silence and collapsed into Buffy's comforting arms. Outside it began to pour but the sound of the rain was drowned out by Angel's sobs.
This chapter was short but it took me a while to write. I know it's angsty but in the end things will be happy and the other characters will be back eventually. Stay tuned for more.
Summary- Lyrics are 'Through these Eyes' by Social Distortion another great punk rock band. I'm gonna try to have a good punk song that pertains kind of to the chapter for every chapter from now on. There is still quite a lot of this story left to go. I like long stories. Anyway I hope you like it. May be a bit depressing but hey what can I say I love some good teenage angst.
Disclaimer- Song is by 'Social Distortion', BTVS & Angel are owned by Joss and Mutant Enemy
Rating- I'm not sure this chapter may be bordering near R because THERE IS TALK OF AND THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE IN THIS CHAPTER. Don't worry eventually the story will be happy again. ANGST warning for this chapter,
Through these eyes I've seen love and I've seen hate
I've seen the violence and the tears
Through these eyes
I got my schooling on the streets
I've seen the things in life
You don't wanna see
Through these eyes I've seen the shape of things to come
And I've watched them all fall apart
Through these eyes
I've seen the broken homes, they cry
I've seen the poor man's face
As he stands in line
And though my heart has made me weary
On a road less traveled on
Through the heart it hurts so dearly
And the pain it lingers on
Through these eyes, I've looked the devil in the face
And I've seen God's holy grace
Through these eyes
I've tried to walk the straighter line
I found myself again
But nearly lost my mind
And though my heart has made me weary
On a road less traveled on
Through the heart it hurts so dearly
And the pain it lingers on, yeah
And though my heart has made me weary
On a road less traveled on
Through the heart it hurts so dearly
And the pain it lingers on
And though my heart has made me weary
On a road less traveled on
Through the heart it hurts so dearly
And the pain it lingers on, yeah
'Through These Eyes' Social Distortion
He'd taken Drusilla from the school parking lot. He and William both had keys. After not being able to get anything from Doyle he started driving around town not sure where he was going. Anywhere would do. He just wanted to be alone. Away from people who would ask him if he was okay and tell him he looked bad. He'd had enough. Gripping the steering wheel tightly he pulled into the empty parking lot of the movie theater. No one came here during the day. Silence finally. As he leaned his head against the seat suddenly Buffy's face flashed in his mind. He'd been so cold to her. He did love her. It seemed like nowadays she was the only thing that kept him from really hitting rock bottom. A cold chill ran through him and he wrapped his arms around his body. His eyes drifted several times to the glove compartment. He knew what was in there. He and William kept in case of emergencies...they didn't exactly hang out or live in the best neighborhoods. His hand reached for the plastic handle but he pulled it back and felt a sick feeling come over him and jumped out of the car just in time as he began to vomit.
"He took the car!" William exclaimed angrily seeing that Drusilla was gone and as Angel was missing as well it only made sense. They both had keys to the car but William primarily drove it. Angel had failed his drivers test twice before actually passing.
"Where could he have gone?" Buffy asked with worry in her voice. William scratched his neck and scanned the parking lot, as it would somehow tell him where his friend had gone
"I don't know but where ever we go to look for him it looks like were walking there" as he said it William's mind suddenly clicked as he remembered what was in the car. No Angel wouldn't. He took a deep breath and a sick feeling washed over him as he wondered how depressed Angel really was.
"Look lets both just go home and call him then wait and see if he calls us back" Buffy said trying to keep cool. William didn't share his revelation with Buffy afraid he was overreacting.
"Okay. I'm sure he's fine. He probably just wanted some time alone" the bleached blonde hoping to God he was overreacting.
"Hey mom. Has Angel called at all?" was the first thing Buffy asked as she entered the kitchen. Her mother who was sitting at the table going over some paper work shook he head.
"No. Didn't he go to school today?" Joyce asked without looking up from her work
"No I think he's sick" Buffy said simply and started her way towards her bedroom to call Angel's house. She bit her fingernails nervously. Something in Angel's eyes had unnerved her this morning. He had just looked so lost. Whenever he was angry or upset his eyes got darker. This morning they had seemed black. She loved Angel more then anything in the world. She needed him but it was very obvious that at the moment he needed her much more.
She opened her door and stopped dead in her tracks. He was sitting on the bed with his back to her.
"Angel?" she whispered. She saw the muscles in his back tense but he made no other sign to acknowledge that he knew she was there. Softly she approached him and she was shocked at what she saw in his hands when she came to stand in front of him.
"Angel give me that," she demanded in a shaky voice. He ran his fingers over the cold steel before finally listening to her command
"I wasn't going to do anything," he swore quietly putting the 40- caliber pistol down beside him on the bed. Buffy snatched it from his reach and placed it behind her on the dresser.
"Why did you have it?" she asked trying to keep her emotions in check
"I...I thought about it. I was in the parking lot of the movie theater and I almost..." he choked on his words and wrapped his arms around himself. He reminded her of a little boy. He was a little boy. Just 16 years old. Too young to know such pain
"Almost what?" she asked even though she knew. She had to hear him say it.
"I almost killed myself," he whispered as a single tear fell down his cheek "And then I started throwing up" he looked up and saw her tears running freely down her face
"Why...You were just going to leave me. Do you know what you mean to me Angel?" she asked angrily yet softly at the same time. She needed to get it through to him that she loved him.
"I'm sorry Buffy. I love you too. Sometimes you're the only thing I love in this world. I'm tired Buffy. I'm tired of being hurt. I'm tired of being this big joke to everyone," he sobbed, his body shaking. She dropped to her knees in front of him
"You aren't a joke to me. I love you with everything I have Angel. If something were to happen to you I would die" she said in a strong steady voice. He looked into her eyes and she saw him break even more then he already had
"I need help" he finally gritted out after a moment of silence and collapsed into Buffy's comforting arms. Outside it began to pour but the sound of the rain was drowned out by Angel's sobs.
This chapter was short but it took me a while to write. I know it's angsty but in the end things will be happy and the other characters will be back eventually. Stay tuned for more.
