ACT TWO
FADE IN:
SHORT MONTAGE TO "IN THE JUNGLE" BY LEBO M:
EXT. ZOO – CHIMPANZEE CAGE – DAY
Hank the orangutan opens the chimpanzee cage, allowing them to run free.
EXT. ZOO – ZEBRA ENCLOSURE - DAY
Hank sets loose the zebras, who file out.
EXT. ZOO – ELEPHANT PEN – DAY
Sam, Jo and Matt are looking at an exhibit, which is off camera. Behind them Hank is freeing the occupants of yet another cage. This time it's baby elephants. They scamper off without anyone the wiser.
EXT. ZOO – LION HOUSE – DAY
Hank opens the cage door, allowing the King of the Jungle to stalk majestically out.
End of Montage
CUT TO:
EXT. ZOO – REFRESHMENT AREA – DAY
The McGuire's are sitting at a table having some lunch.
JO
(to Matt)
Are you having fun honey?
MATT
You bet. The zoo's great.
SAM
(to Jo)
See, I knew coming here was a good idea. It's the perfect day for it.
At this point they are unaware that Hank has snuck beside them. With no one looking, he snatches Sam's basket of French fries and scampers off. Sam doesn't notice they're gone until he turns to get a fry.
SAM
(puzzled)
Hey, where'd my fries go?
JO
You must of eaten them.
SAM
(scratches head)
I could have sworn I had a whole basket left.
It is here that a monkey, using its tail to hold onto a branch, lowers itself to the table unobserved. It grabs a cup full of soda near Jo. Having the cup in its possession, the monkey pulls itself back into the tree to enjoy its ill gotten gain. Jo grabs for her cup only to realize that it is not there.
JO
Where's my cup?
SAM
Probably with my fries. Something's going on around here.
As they look around, none of them see a hawk swoop in and take off with Matt's hotdog.
MATT
(turned back around)
Now my hotdog's gone!
SAM
Come on, let's go see the manager.
They get up and leave.
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY
Tudgeman, Lizzie and Gordo are standing near the lockers. Tudgeman has just finished telling them about his conversation with Mr. Dig.
GORDO
(to Tudgeman)
Mr. Dig's right. You are permitted to date more than one girl at a time.
(off Lizzie's look)
Unless of course you're going steady. That's a whole other thing.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
You better believe it buddy boy!
TUDGEMAN
Lizzie, you're a girl, what do you think?
LIZZIE
I don't know Larry. I mean, I don't want to see Veruca get hurt, but Miranda is my best friend. I'm probably not the best person to ask.
TUDGEMAN
Well, as a girl, how would you feel about Gordo dating other girls?
GORDO
(quickly)
Totally different situation with us. We're in an exclusive relationship.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Good boy!
LIZZIE
Larry, I can't really tell you what to do. You'll just have to go with your heart.
GORDO
Yeah. All you can do is throw the dice and see what comes up.
TUDGEMAN
Thanks…
Tudgeman walks off.
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – QUAD – DAY
Gordo and Lizzie are sitting at a table when Miranda comes up and sits down.
MIRANDA
I can't find Tudgeman anywhere. It's like he's there, then when I turn around he isn't.
LIZZIE
(hesitantly)
Yeah… So, um, I guess you, ah, really like Larry?
MIRANDA
(searching)
I can't really explain it. He's still Tudgeman, but somehow he's more, you know?
LIZZIE
(not really understanding)
Uh, huh…
MIRANDA
Ever since he came to my party it's like I've realized that there's more to him than I thought.
(beat)
I mean, I know his interests are kind of dorky, but he's attached to them with such a passion that it actually makes them kind of cool. There's more to Tudgeman than a science fiction nerd. There's a sensitive, soulful person inside.
GORDO
So you're saying Tudgeman's still different, only not in a bad way anymore.
MIRANDA
I guess.
LIZZIE
So… If Larry were to, say, ask you out on a date, what would you say…?
MIRANDA
(thinks intently)
I'd say yes.
GORDO
Even knowing the social humiliation that would follow?
MIRANDA
(quietly/secret smile)
Yeah.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
It's official. Miranda's in love with Larry Tudgeman.
GORDO
Are you sure Larry feels the same way about you?
Lizzie gapes at him in horror.
MIRANDA
Don't be ridiculous Gordo. I danced with him, remember?
(beat)
You know, I think this could be the start of something big. Well, I'll see you guys later. I'm off in search of the elusive 'Tudgeman'.
Miranda leaves.
LIZZIE
What are we going to do Gordo? Miranda obviously likes Tudgeman, and we can't let her get hurt.
GORDO
There's nothing we can do Lizzie. The ball's in Tudgeman's court. It's up to him to decide what to do. Besides, he's already said that he likes Miranda back.
LIZZIE
But he also said he likes Veruca the same way. I just don't want to see Miranda crushed, that's all.
GORDO
Well neither do I. She's my friend too. Anyway, who says she has to be hurt? Like Mr. Dig said, it's not a crime to date two girls at once. Heck, it's not even dishonest. That's what the dating game is all about.
LIZZIE
Do you really think either or both of them will go for that?
GORDO
I don't know. You're the girl, you tell me.
LIZZIE
(thinking)
It would depend on how much I liked the guy. I wouldn't like it…
GORDO
But you'd ultimately go along with it?
LIZZIE
It would depend.
GORDO
Well, either way there's not much we can do besides sit back and watch.
Lizzie looks on worryingly.
CUT TO:
EXT. ZOO
Sam and Jo, with Matt, are heading for the Zoo Manager's office when people run past them yelling hysterically.
PERSON
Run for your lives! The animals are loose!
SAM
What?
At this point the zoo's public address system comes on over the mounted speakers.
P.A.
Attention please. We are experiencing a minor problem, please do not be alarmed. Our trained staff is already working on it. There is nothing to be frightened of.
JO
They call the animals escaping a 'minor problem'?
SAM
You heard him Jo, there's nothing to worry about. They've got things under control.
Right then one of the 'trained zoo staff' goes running by in terror.
ZOO ATTENDANT
Lion on the loose! Lion on the loose!
JO
I'm getting us out of here!
As she grabs Sam and Matt the zoo's P.A. System starts up again.
P.A.
In the interest of safety, we have locked down the zoo until the situation is well in hand. Again, do not be alarmed. This is merely a cautionary procedure.
JO
They're locking down the zoo?
SAM
In the interests of safety.
JO
Ours or the animals! Matt, I want you to stay close to us—
Jo turns to find Matt petting a large brown bear.
JO
(quietly)
Matt. Honey. I want you to S-L-O-W-L-Y make your way over to your father and me.
MATT
It's alright mom. He's friendly, see?
Matt pets the bear. The bear seems to like it.
SAM
Matt, do what your mother says.
MATT
(reluctantly)
Alright… I never get to do cool stuff.
Matt makes his way over to Jo and Sam.
JO
Petting a wild animal is not 'cool'. It's dangerous!
MATT
What 'wild animal'? He lives in a zoo. Isn't that right dad?
SAM
He does have a point Jo.
(off look)
I mean, your mother's right Matt.
JO
Let's see if we can't find someplace safer.
As they go off—
ANGLE ON: Bear, as it sits up on its haunches and waves goodbye to the McGuire's.
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – CLASSROOM – DAY
Lizzie, Gordo and Veruca are seated at a table together. They are conducting a science experiment, thus they are all wearing white coats, gloves, and safety goggles.
LIZZIE
(to Veruca)
So, uh, did you ever find Larry?
VERUCA
Interesting you should mention that. I haven't seen him all day. He didn't even show up for the Star Trek meeting at lunch.
LIZZIE
(haltingly)
Uh, huh. So, um, are you two like an item now?
VERUCA
How do you mean?
GORDO
She means are you going out with Tudgeman?
LIZZIE
(shoving Gordo in the ribs)
Gordo!
VERUCA
Why do you ask?
LIZZIE
Well, I was just, ah, curious since, you know, you and Tudgeman hit it off at the murder mystery party.
VERUCA
(smiling)
Yeah, that was fun. It will always be our 'moment'.
LIZZIE
(uncomfortably)
Uh, huh…
GORDO
So, are you?
VERUCA
What?
GORDO
Going out with Tudgeman.
VERUCA
Yeah, I guess you could say that.
LIZZIE
So are you like, um, his girlfriend?
VERUCA
We haven't really discussed it, but I would hope so.
LIZZIE
Oh…
GORDO
What would you think about Tudgeman dating other girls?
(off look)
Hypothetically of course.
VERUCA
(puzzled)
Why? Where is this going?
Before anyone can answer, the teacher calls the class back to attention.
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – HALLWAY – LATER
Lizzie and Gordo are filing out of class.
LIZZIE
This is all just too stressful.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
And I'm not even the one with the problem!
GORDO
It's hard on you? I still can't get over the idea of Tudgeman having two women chasing after him. Not just one, but two! Talk about going from dud to stud overnight!
LIZZIE
I'm just worried over how Miranda is going to take it. Regardless of what Larry decides.
GORDO
Well, she's tough. Anyway, that's what she has us for. We've always got her back.
Miranda walks up, having only heard the last part.
MIRANDA
Got my back for what?
GORDO
(startled)
Uh, nothing. Just whenever. You know.
(beat)
So, did you find Larry?
MIRANDA
No.
(brightening)
But I'm sure to see him in Math. It's his favorite class.
GORDO
Good thinking.
Miranda goes on ahead. As Lizzie and Gordo walk on who should walk up but Veruca.
GORDO
Let me guess, you're going to corner Tudgeman in Math class.
VERUCA
How'd you know?
GORDO
Wild guess.
Veruca departs smiling.
GORDO
Math is definitely going to be an eventful class for Tudgeman today.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
I just hope it turns out to be positive and not negative!
All sorts of positive and negative numbers float around Animated Lizzie.
CUT TO:
SHORT MONTAGE TO: "HEEBY-JEEBIES" BY LITTLE RICHARD:
EXT. ZOO – DAY
Jo, Sam and Matt come upon an elephant seal. Jo and Sam spirit away with a reluctant Matt.
EXT. ZOO – DAY
The McGuire's come upon a large python hanging from a tree limb. Jo and Sam trundle Matt off once more.
EXT. ZOO – DAY
The McGuire's come upon a hippopotamus. Once more, Jo and Sam flee with Matt.
EXT. ZOO – DAY
The McGuire's come face to face with a lion. As could be guessed, they skidattle with Matt.
End of Montage
CUT TO:
EXT. ZOO – VISITOR'S CENTER – DAY
Jo and Sam, with Matt in tow, find the ZOO MANAGER, who is in a high degree of stress.
SAM
(to Manager)
What kind of a place are you running here? Everything's on the loose!
ZOO MANAGER
(harried)
Someone let the animals out of their exhibits.
JO
Who would go and do such a thing?
ZOO MANAGER
We don't know. But I assure you folks; we are doing everything we can. Things are well under control.
JO
(incredulous)
You call having to dodge lions and tigers and bears 'under control'?
As Jo is giving the Zoo Manager a piece of her mind, Hank the orangutan walks up with his pinwheel, observed only by Matt, who bends down to converse with him.
MATT
Hey there little fella. Whatcha got there?
Hank hands back Matt's pinwheel with a thankful expression on his face.
MATT
My pinwheel! Thanks! I hope you had fun with it.
ANGLE ON: Hank
We see Hank smile and nod his head in the affirmative.
CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – MATH CLASS – DAY
Math Class is almost over. Lizzie and Gordo's desks are right next to each other. Lizzie leans in to whisper to Gordo.
LIZZIE
I'm worried. What's Larry going to do?
GORDO
I don't know. But whatever it is he'll have to do it soon, class is almost over. And he's trapped like a rat.
ANGLE ON: Tudgeman with a concerned/conflicted look on his face. A little behind him, and on either side, are Miranda and Veruca who glance up smiling at the Tudge.
The school bell rings, letting class out and signaling the moment of truth.
The class files out as Lizzie and Gordo stay behind. Both Veruca and Miranda make their move on Tudgeman, each oblivious of the intentions of the other.
VERUCA/MIRANDA
(brightly)
Hi Larry!
TUDGEMAN
(less enthusiastically)
Uh, hi girls.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
This isn't going to be pretty. I can't watch!
Animated Lizzie covers her face, but parts a finger aside to peek out.
MIRANDA
(self consciously)
So, uh, the Back to School dance is coming up—
VERUCA
(interrupting)
Funny, I was just going to bring that up.
MIRANDA
(uninterested)
Fascinating.
(beat)
(to Larry)
So, I was wondering…
DOUBLE SCREEN
VERUCA/MIRANDA
(to Tudgeman)
Would you like to go to it with me?
VERUCA/MIRANDA
(to each other)
What? You?
VERUCA
You're asking him to the dance?
MIRANDA
(defensive)
Well… Yeah.
VERUCA
You can't ask him to the dance.
MIRANDA
And why not?
VERUCA
Because I am!
MIRANDA
You? Why would you ask him out?
VERUCA
Because I like him.
MIRANDA
(making an admission)
Well… I like him to.
(lamely)
So there.
VERUCA
(dissentious)
Please. I hung around with him when he was nothing more than another 'nerd' to you.
MIRANDA
Yeah? Well, I've got dibs on him first.
VERUCA
In your dreams sister.
MIRANDA
Oh yeah?
The two blow up into a heated argument while Tudgeman stands there hapless.
LIZZIE
Larry needs help.
GORDO
You're telling me…
LIZZIE
Gordo! This is serious!
GORDO
I know.
But before they can do anything, Tudgeman takes control of the situation.
TUDGEMAN
Ladies! Ladies!
He attracts their attention over their bickering. They calm down, but continue to glare at one another.
TUDGEMAN
(from the heart)
To say I'm flattered is an extreme understatement. Any guy would be more than lucky to have any one of you like him. And to have both of you like me… Whoa. The words aren't made that can express how that makes me feel.
Veruca and Miranda soften somewhat.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Awwww.
TUDGEMAN
I mean, you're both great. And I really like you a lot. And that's the problem. I like you both.
Veruca and Miranda both stand there unsure as to the context of the situation.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Tudgeman's drowning, and he doesn't have a life preserver.
At this point Gordo pops forward unexpectedly to help Tudgeman out.
GORDO
The solution to all this is simple.
VERUCA/MIRANDA
It is?
GORDO
(to Veruca)
You want to date him, right?
VERUCA
Well, yeah.
GORDO
(to Miranda)
And you want to date him, correct?
MIRANDA
Yeah…
GORDO
The answer is obvious. You both date him.
MIRANDA
What?
VERUCA
That's craziness.
GORDO
No, it's isn't. Look, by not going steady with him you each get to see if he's really the catch you think he is. Since he's dating both of you that gives each of you license to date other boys as well. It's all about comparison-shopping. If you find someone you like better than Tudgeman, great. If not, it gives Larry here time to decide which one of you he likes more. It's a can't lose proposition.
Veruca and Miranda mull over the idea.
VERUCA
I guess that makes sense…
GORDO
You bet it does. So, Tudgeman first takes out one of you then the other, then so on. Agreed?
MIRANDA
Agreed.
VERUCA
Agreed.
MIRANDA
Oh, but who gets him for the dance?
GORDO
Flip a coin.
TUDGEMAN
(de sotto voice to Gordo)
Thanks.
GORDO
Don't mention it.
As Tudgeman and the girls work out the details, Lizzie comes up beside Gordo.
LIZZIE
(admiringly)
Not bad.
GORDO
(cocky)
It was simple really. All I had to do was make it seem like the idea benefited them more than Tudgeman. It's all about looking out for numero uno. Basic human nature.
ANIMATED LIZZIE
Gordo's sneakier than I give him credit for.
Lizzie links her arm through Gordo's.
LIZZIE
Looks like everyone leaves happy.
GORDO
(smiling)
Of course.
CUT TO:
INT. MCGUIRE HOME – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Jo, Sam and Matt have come through the front door, finally getting back from the zoo.
JO
(fuming)
I can't believe it took them four hours to round up all the animals! We are not going to the zoo again!
MATT
Aw, come on mom. It wasn't that bad. Besides, we got some cool pictures!
Matt holds up a camera.
DIGITAL STILLS:
Sam running from a moose.
Jo yelling at the zoo manager.
Sam and Jo hugging each other in fright over a tiger.
SAM
Um, yeah.
(beat)
Anyway Jo, look on the bright side. Matt learned about animals, didn't you son?
MATT
Oh yeah. Very educational.
Sam's smile fades off of Jo's look.
JO
Let's just make us something to eat.
The doorbell rings.
SAM
I'll get it.
Sam answers the door as Jo and Matt head for the kitchen. Who should be standing at the threshold but Hank the orangutan.
SAM (CON'T.)
Uh, Jo…
FADE OUT:
END OF SHOW
