Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I used to, but then someone named J. K. Rowling stole him from me.

* * * * * IN THE SLYTHERINCOMMON ROOM

DRACO That was great Harry. I knew I could always count on you.

HARRY Any time, Draco.

DRACO Harry?

HARRY Yeah?

DRACO Would you mind if I tutored Crabbe and Goyle for a while? They're so dumb.

HARRY (not understanding Draco's true meaning) Sure, Draco.

Draco goes of to "tutor" Crabbe and Goyle so they can start a threesome.

HARRY Well, as long as Draco's away tutoring someone, why don't I find someone else to have fun with.

HAGRID'S CABIN

HAGRID Ah, 'Arry, I thought you'd never ask.

HARRY Well, you know, the thought just occurred to me. I mean, I've known you since the beginning, and it's not like you've had much luck with girls, so I thought maybe I could help.

HAGRID (completely won over by Harry's lack of wit) 'Arry, ya shouldn't 'ave.

Harry and Hagrid start to violently snog. Meanwhile, Lavender Brown pops up out of nowhere.

LAVENDER (not seeming to realize that Harry is with Hagrid now) Harry, I've finally found you! Harry, I want you to know that I still love you and will always stay true to you.

Lavender starts to go on and on using many similies to describe her love. She finally gets Harry's attention.

HARRY Sorry Hagrid, but I've got to shut her up.

HAGRID I understand 'Arry.

Harry starts to snog Lavender, who is enraptured.

Just then, Snape walks in.
* * * * *

I felt as if I had to put in more H/L because that is the whole point of this story. Sorry if H/H is too much for you.