I don't
know why I let my feelings take over like I just did. I mentally slapped myself
as I walked away from her.
"I called her koibito," I muttered to myself, pointing out the
obvious obviousness of the situation. I blushed when I realized that I had
called her that.
I groan out loud as I plop down onto the foot of a tree. I feel the heat rising
in my face until it is almost unbearable, but I will not allow her to see me
like this. I jump into the tree.
I stare off into space for what seems like hours-hours of wondering why I could
do such a thing and not be sat for it.
I stare at my clawed hands. Claws. That's what they are-claws-weapons of
destruction-my ears twitch. My ears-that of a dog's.
I am a monster.
In fact, when I first met her, I threatened to kill her-I wouldn't of course-I
wasn't that cold hearted, I just wanted to scare her. But even then I
understood what I had. I had Kagome.
I stare off into the distance again. I can't have Kagome. She's from a
different time and she deserves so much better. Not a hanyou.
She deserves someone who won't disgust her. Won't disgust others.
I sighed, my ears drooping sadly. I love Kagome so much-but in order to protect
her, I cant tell her, I can't allow history to repeat itself-Naraku had been
aware of my relationship with Kikyo and look how that turned out.
No, I will not allow Kagome to be put in danger, never.
She will leave me eventually though. Deep down within my very soul I know she
doesn't belong in this world-she has a life on the other side of the well, and
I can't tear her away from that. She would return to her time when the shards
were all collected, but now...now I will have to enjoy being with Kagome.
I can't have her. It wasn't meant to be if a thing so big as time would keep us
apart.
We can't be together-it's for the best.
Kagome.
Such a beautiful name. I shake my head, don't think such things-you have to get
these thoughts out of your head; in the end you can never have her!
Then why do I still dream about her? Still dream of holding her forever,
kissing her, even, dare I say it…raising a family with her? I feel my insides
melt at the idea. To have a family. I've never had a real family
before-Sesshoumaru didn't count and both my parents died when I was little so-
I smile softly at the thought of having children running around. On second
thought, I should hold of on the family idea, one me is bad enough.
I kick myself mentally…there wasn't going to be a family! Kagome will never
be mine!
"And how come?" I jump and fall out of my tree, great, I was talking
out loud to myself and someone heard. I looked up and saw Miroku, flashing one
of his hentai grins.
I groan, great. Just perfect. Peachy keen even...
I stared at Miroku, who seemed unfazed. "How come?" he repeated.
"How come what?"
"Don't play dumb, Inu-yasha, why can't Kagome-Sama ever be yours?"
I crossed his arms and looked away, "Feh."
"Don't you dare 'feh' me, tell me why, Inu-yasha."
The monk was annoying the shit out of me, but I fought the urge to kill him,
"She deserves someone better. Like Kouga or that homo guy." I felt
like slapping myself when I said that. I'd hate to see her with Kouga…
Miroku sighed, "Yes I'm sure Kagome would be happy with a youkai who runs
away at the signs of danger-instead of fighting to protect her. Or maybe she'd
be happier with someone who bored her to sleep, instead of a peaceful sleep
that allows her to sleep without fear?"
I cringed.
"Inu-yasha. That had better not be the only reason."
I sighed, "she'd disgusted by me."
"Really now Inu-yasha, you really are blind."
I'm not blind. I can tell that Kagome trusts me-I just don't want to believe
it…it will only lead to heartache.
"She's...she's too perfect for someone like me."
"Like you? Inu-yasha, you protect her with your life," Miroku sighed
and shook his head as if I was the biggest disgrace of the century.
Running out of ideas I blurted out the only thing I could think of, "what
if history repeats itself?"
Miroku sighed and shook his head for the umpteenth time, "Inu-yasha, you
and Kagome-Sama have a deeper trust than Kikyo-Sama and yourself did, I do not
believe that history shall repeat itself."
I sighed. He was right.
"She's from a different time," I whispered.
Miroku stood up, "Really Inu-yasha, if time is going to stop you from
being with Kagome-Sama than you really don't deserve her. Stop being an
idiot!"
I watched him walk away, and I did something even I wasn't expecting, I grabbed
his legs, "Her hair's too perfect!"
Miroku raised an eyebrow and tried to shake me off, I wonder briefly why I'm
making a complete ass out of myself, "you're making excuses now."
"Her eyes are too beautiful to even keep eye contract with without getting
lost in there endless pools," I whisper and release him, standing up and
staring at the ground.
Miroku fought an urge to laugh, "Inu-yasha I was not aware you were a
poet."
"Her ski's' too creamy. She's too nice, she's too beautiful!" I cried
to the sky as I felt a whole new emotion take over. I didn't care who knew, I
just wanted Kagome to love me back!
Miroku whapped me on the head, "You're giving me a headache, instead of
telling me, why not tell her?"
I slap myself mentally, I forgot the damn monk was around. I had to stop doing
that…
I growl at him and he shrugs and walks away.
I sigh and flop down, before I hear rustling in the bushes behind me and Kagome
appears. A confused look in her blue orbs, I gulp.
Prepare for the thousand nights of sitting.
She walked to me cautiously and sat down. Had she heard my little outburst?
"Inu-yasha?"
"Hm."
She picked at a blade of grass and leans her head onto my shoulder, "Thank
you."
"For what?"
"Being you."
"Kagome..." I whisper. Being me? Me? What did she mean? As in being
the hanyou me? My heart leapt in my chest.
"Inu-yasha..." she smiled at me and stood up, walking away.
I knew the decision I had to make, she'd asked the unspoken question.
"Yes."
She paused in her footsteps and turned to look at me, her eyes filled with joy.
I smiled again. "Yes."
"Yes," she whispered back as she ran back to me and flung herself
into my arms.
Yes, it was an unspoken question-but I had my decision. I did love her, I would
love her, and I always will love her.
So in reality-it was a suspenseful moment between us. But we both knew the
answers.
Maybe my dreams were a reality? Could be a reality?
"Koibito," I hear myself whisper.
Maybe it wasn't an
Undecided decision.
