A/N- If you know me, you know I think Ryan/Jane/Neil is the niftiest thing since Saran Wrap (and Saran Wrap's pretty nifty). While I support J/N 'til my dying day, there's R/J and some little mentionings of R/N. *Grin* But that's good, no?
No flames on, "Oh, GOD, Jess, how could you write Ryan/Jane?! ... Think about it people. Ryan/Jane, Ryan/Neil, AND/OR Ryan/Jane/Neil ... *Smile* Very cute, non?
---
December 17, 2069
04:10
Neil,
Dammit if I'm not having those stupid dreams again. Actually, I had it an hour ago, after I fell asleep talking to Ryan about you in his room. It's always the same image, over and over, but it seems to take longer each time. That stupid, mocking orange color is everywhere, the look of disbelief on your face...
And what did I do? Nothing. I stood there, like a blubbering idiot, watching you as you were taken from us. So I went to do what I do every time I have that dream: Roll over, curl up on my side, and cry into my pillow. Of course, that's hard to do when you're already on your side, snuggled safely under the arm of your teddybearish Sergeant. Ryan can comfort me through anything, I'll be the first to tell you that. Anything.
He doesn't have the same knack for it when he's sleeping, however. I managed to creep out from under his arms and land myself in the corner, sitting with my back against one wall, my right side against another, and my knees pulled up to my chin. I stared at the leg of Ryan's nightstand for a short time, maybe ten to fifteen minutes, before Ryan got up, shuffled over, and lifted me right off of the ground into his arms. And I sobbed into his chest so much you'd think you had just died ten seconds ago, right before my eyes. Again.
"Shh... It's okay, Janie, it's okay..." He sat down on the bed, still holding me close to him and stroking my hair as I calmed myself.
"Why do I keep having that dream?" I mumbled pathetically, my face still pressed against his cotton shirt, wet with my tears.
"Because you won't forgive yourself, baby..." Something hit my bare arm, and I looked up to see he was crying as well. I lifted my hand to wipe a tear away, and we just watched each other.
"Do you ever miss him?"
"All the time." He said honestly. There were no secrets. There never were, between the three of us. No... that's not true... there were two. Ryan and I had both agreed we messed up, by keeping them from you. One of the secrets was my own, and one was Ryan's, but it was a shared secret.
We loved you. And I sobbed harder, my hands on Ryan's neck as he held me, rubbing my back, attempting to soothe me. While we loved each other deeply and dearly, there was still that empty space. On the transport, on the bed, in our hearts... I closed my eyes, finally getting control of myself. I laid in his arms, my eyes closed, until he moved to lay me down. I felt like chronicling this whole thing, though, and my eyes opened as soon as he'd covered me. I looked up at him.
"Thought you were asleep." He said to me. I smiled weakly.
"Nah, just thinking." His hand touched the side of my face and I closed my eyes for a second, feeling him wipe away my tears. I opened my eyes again and he kissed me, softly, sweetly, tenderly. I returned the kiss, then moved to grab my "journal". Not even Ryan knows I write to you, just because I'm afraid a certain someone will find out and shove me back into that stupid hospital. So Ryan crawled back into bed, playing with my hair and tracing the threads in your old shirt (that I use for bed a lot), laying right behind me, but not prying. Never prying at anything. He knew if it was important, I'd tell him. If it was something I SHOULD tell him, he knew I would. Sometimes I randomly muse about past experiences, ordeals, family goings on as I think about them.
"Oh, speaking of which, Samma's coming up in a week... I think she's coming with Cris." I glanced up at that. Samma's Ryan's sister, Samantha, and your own sister, Cristina, had been friends since they'd met at one of the parties you guys had thrown for me. Last I heard, Crista moved to South California after y... the incident, because she was only up here to be close so you didn't have to be alone on Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays, etc. Sammy resides in South California, and has a big place down there, and Crist moved in with her. I smiled.
"Really?" He returned the smile, nodding.
"Yeah, they can't wait to see you..." He smirked. "Real juicy gossip and all that." I grinned a little. While I'd never been one for girl talk, leave it to a Whittaker and a Fleming to get me to do anything. Samantha had her brother's charm, and Crista... 'Ris is a lot like myself. The girl's only 22, and for some reason she's the one the family blames for everything, the one they pick on. So I guess after you ... passed, even though I had been close to her, I got closer. She told me tales of your childhood, and in return I told her tales of anything I could remember, from the HMA to the moment you hit the ground.
You'd be proud of her - I haven't seen her in a year, but she's a successful, beautiful girl. She's always happy, always ready to cheer someone up, even if she looks scared out of her wits.
Reminds me of you.
... God, time flies when I bother writing down little things like this.
Jane
---
Love to Terra! Whether they hate R/J/N, or whether they love it, we made it! *Cheers*
Who thought 48 hours in a bedroom could really bring out the love?
(I'm dating my first R/J fic... Saturday, April 26, 2003... completed at 3:37 AM. ;D)
No flames on, "Oh, GOD, Jess, how could you write Ryan/Jane?! ... Think about it people. Ryan/Jane, Ryan/Neil, AND/OR Ryan/Jane/Neil ... *Smile* Very cute, non?
---
December 17, 2069
04:10
Neil,
Dammit if I'm not having those stupid dreams again. Actually, I had it an hour ago, after I fell asleep talking to Ryan about you in his room. It's always the same image, over and over, but it seems to take longer each time. That stupid, mocking orange color is everywhere, the look of disbelief on your face...
And what did I do? Nothing. I stood there, like a blubbering idiot, watching you as you were taken from us. So I went to do what I do every time I have that dream: Roll over, curl up on my side, and cry into my pillow. Of course, that's hard to do when you're already on your side, snuggled safely under the arm of your teddybearish Sergeant. Ryan can comfort me through anything, I'll be the first to tell you that. Anything.
He doesn't have the same knack for it when he's sleeping, however. I managed to creep out from under his arms and land myself in the corner, sitting with my back against one wall, my right side against another, and my knees pulled up to my chin. I stared at the leg of Ryan's nightstand for a short time, maybe ten to fifteen minutes, before Ryan got up, shuffled over, and lifted me right off of the ground into his arms. And I sobbed into his chest so much you'd think you had just died ten seconds ago, right before my eyes. Again.
"Shh... It's okay, Janie, it's okay..." He sat down on the bed, still holding me close to him and stroking my hair as I calmed myself.
"Why do I keep having that dream?" I mumbled pathetically, my face still pressed against his cotton shirt, wet with my tears.
"Because you won't forgive yourself, baby..." Something hit my bare arm, and I looked up to see he was crying as well. I lifted my hand to wipe a tear away, and we just watched each other.
"Do you ever miss him?"
"All the time." He said honestly. There were no secrets. There never were, between the three of us. No... that's not true... there were two. Ryan and I had both agreed we messed up, by keeping them from you. One of the secrets was my own, and one was Ryan's, but it was a shared secret.
We loved you. And I sobbed harder, my hands on Ryan's neck as he held me, rubbing my back, attempting to soothe me. While we loved each other deeply and dearly, there was still that empty space. On the transport, on the bed, in our hearts... I closed my eyes, finally getting control of myself. I laid in his arms, my eyes closed, until he moved to lay me down. I felt like chronicling this whole thing, though, and my eyes opened as soon as he'd covered me. I looked up at him.
"Thought you were asleep." He said to me. I smiled weakly.
"Nah, just thinking." His hand touched the side of my face and I closed my eyes for a second, feeling him wipe away my tears. I opened my eyes again and he kissed me, softly, sweetly, tenderly. I returned the kiss, then moved to grab my "journal". Not even Ryan knows I write to you, just because I'm afraid a certain someone will find out and shove me back into that stupid hospital. So Ryan crawled back into bed, playing with my hair and tracing the threads in your old shirt (that I use for bed a lot), laying right behind me, but not prying. Never prying at anything. He knew if it was important, I'd tell him. If it was something I SHOULD tell him, he knew I would. Sometimes I randomly muse about past experiences, ordeals, family goings on as I think about them.
"Oh, speaking of which, Samma's coming up in a week... I think she's coming with Cris." I glanced up at that. Samma's Ryan's sister, Samantha, and your own sister, Cristina, had been friends since they'd met at one of the parties you guys had thrown for me. Last I heard, Crista moved to South California after y... the incident, because she was only up here to be close so you didn't have to be alone on Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays, etc. Sammy resides in South California, and has a big place down there, and Crist moved in with her. I smiled.
"Really?" He returned the smile, nodding.
"Yeah, they can't wait to see you..." He smirked. "Real juicy gossip and all that." I grinned a little. While I'd never been one for girl talk, leave it to a Whittaker and a Fleming to get me to do anything. Samantha had her brother's charm, and Crista... 'Ris is a lot like myself. The girl's only 22, and for some reason she's the one the family blames for everything, the one they pick on. So I guess after you ... passed, even though I had been close to her, I got closer. She told me tales of your childhood, and in return I told her tales of anything I could remember, from the HMA to the moment you hit the ground.
You'd be proud of her - I haven't seen her in a year, but she's a successful, beautiful girl. She's always happy, always ready to cheer someone up, even if she looks scared out of her wits.
Reminds me of you.
... God, time flies when I bother writing down little things like this.
Jane
---
Love to Terra! Whether they hate R/J/N, or whether they love it, we made it! *Cheers*
Who thought 48 hours in a bedroom could really bring out the love?
(I'm dating my first R/J fic... Saturday, April 26, 2003... completed at 3:37 AM. ;D)
